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Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:03:46 AM   
DeviantDestiny25


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		There has been a lot of discussion about whether or not you should threaten to dismiss a submissive permenantly and tell them that nobody else will ever accept them as they are as a means of encouragement. I am not so sure whether this is a good idea...it has been suggested to me but I just dont know...as submissives how would you feel if a mistress was to threaten you with that?                                                                                                   

< Message edited by DeviantDestiny25 -- 12/13/2008 10:04:27 AM >
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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:06:53 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I call that bullying and emotional manipulation....... not encouragement.   And I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who did that.

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:07:53 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd call you an abusive loser and walk. Just because someone isn't compatible with you doesn't mean they won't be a perfect partner for someone else.

If you can't figure out to communicate your desires well enough to determine compatibility before getting into the relationship, that's your fault as well as the sub's. If the only way you know to motivate someone is threaten them, then don't be surprised if they give up trying.

Would you enjoy working for someone who couldn't teach you the job and threatened to fire you every day? Then why should anyone else be motivated by this? Except of course be motivated to get out of the situation and fast.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:09:06 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I see that as nothing more than abuse, tearing someone down and trying to break them.  I could not respect that.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:09:59 AM   
DeviantDestiny25


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		Not saying I have actually DONE that it has been SUGGESTED to me as a means of control...thought I would ask the opinion of those in the know...

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:11:04 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'd find another to suggest things to me.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:12:12 AM   
DeviantDestiny25


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		sorry for breathing...thought this was a discussion forum

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:14:43 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		You asked a question, and you got a range of answers. You don't have to like them, but as you noted yourself, this is a public forum after all.  

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:17:39 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDestiny25

sorry for breathing...thought this was a discussion forum


I meant no offense to you.  I am not sure how you could see that I did or that I was saying in any way that you shouldn't breath or post.  You asked a question and a valid one and I answered it as I see things.  You can take what I say for what it is worth to you... as it seems... not much.

But anyone suggesting I emotionally beat up my submissive is not one I would listen to or give much credit to.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:26:14 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		Can only agree, that I would not put up with it either. Accepting a Dom has also to do with being able to trust and building up trust. I was once, well twice, involved with a guy on here who came with a similar approach to me. He had messed up moving on and tried to put the blame on me and then tried to tell me I would have to loose so-and-so much weight within 6 months and then he will consider to give me another chance...despite the fact that he had messed it up and not me I then dumped him for good, as i couldnt take him seriously. How stupid did he think I would be to go for something like that...or with other words, how important does he thinks he is. He continued to pop up at times, but this guy is toasted...I am looking for a Master and not for psychopath or an abuser...there is a fine difference. I would never ever put up with a dom who thinks it is a great way to put people down, as that is just way out of order. Now I seem to have found my Master on here and with him I lost 25lbs since summer and not with being abusive or putting me down, but with encouragement and praise instead...as he knows I can slack off at times when I am stuck for a while...nevertheless, I do appreciate his supportive side a lot, and that might lead now to accepting his collar on 31st December...because even when he is a dom, and quite a sadistic one too, I still need a Master who is able to show his human side as well at times...and therefore thats the key for me.

< Message edited by Phoenixpower -- 12/13/2008 11:07:58 AM >

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:34:16 AM   
DeviantDestiny25


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/12/2008
Status: offline 		Have you any suggestions of what does work?

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:42:07 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Inspire rather than require.  It isn't in what you order, but in how you live that inspires someone to pay attention.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 10:58:56 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		There's control from security (dominance) and control from insecurity (domineering and abusive).

Which do you want?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 11:26:46 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDestiny25

There has been a lot of discussion about whether or not you should threaten to dismiss a submissive permenantly and tell them that nobody else will ever accept them as they are as a means of encouragement. I am not so sure whether this is a good idea...it has been suggested to me but I just dont know...as submissives how would you feel if a mistress was to threaten you with that?                                                                                                   


That would ignite the bitch in me and I would laugh at them, and walk off. Manipulating me that way only makes me mean.

oceanwynds

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 12:21:09 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDestiny25

Have you any suggestions of what does work?


Perhaps you could give us an idea of what it is that you're trying to get to work?   Then we could offer up some more specific suggestions.

(in reply to DeviantDestiny25)
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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 1:48:40 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		For sub who is into humiliation, verbal abuse and torment, Im sure it would thrill them-otherwise, personally--I find it abusive and childish.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 2:03:09 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDestiny25

There has been a lot of discussion about whether or not you should threaten to dismiss a submissive permenantly and tell them that nobody else will ever accept them as they are as a means of encouragement. I am not so sure whether this is a good idea...it has been suggested to me but I just dont know...as submissives how would you feel if a mistress was to threaten you with that?                                                                                                   


I would think my owner wasn't being encouraging but emotional abusive. That isn't something I value in an owner and it isn't something that inspires me to submit to them. It inspires the direct opposite in fact.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 2:08:50 PM   
crystalslv680247


Posts: 5
Joined: 11/28/2008
Status: offline 		Why would any one say that to someone?  How can you encourage someone with such a negative statement? 

(in reply to DeviantDestiny25)
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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 2:58:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantDestiny25
Have you any suggestions of what does work?


There are dozens of books out there that tell you how to be a good manager. Read them.

Don't demand things if the sub can't do it. Do be able to teach what you want done. Do expect that unless something is done every single day for a month straight, it will not become a habit. So if you see someone once a week, expect them not to get it right for six months minimum, since everyday they do it differently and do it your way only once a week.

If you can't teach the skill, find and pay for a professional to teach it. You want him to become a Master Gardener? Then you need to find the classes and make sure he can fit it into his life.

And give him a learning curve.

Beyond that, be someone worth doing things for. That means you keep your word every single time and you don't make his life needlessly difficult just to indulge your own whim. You don't endanger his job. You don't keep him up all night and expect him to drive safely the next day. You don't play games with someone's health, happiness, family or finances.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Threatening or encouraging? - 12/13/2008 3:44:49 PM   
natasha66


Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline 		I would call that emotional blackmail/abuse.  Nothing remotely encouraging at all in that.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.



(in reply to DeviantDestiny25)
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