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RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 6:39:57 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

dear, sweet erin,
i've become a firm believer that we eventualty get back what we put out there in the world. you WILL get all you want and more. i know this with every fiber of my being!!! i know this because i know first hand what you have put out into this world.
Because of your help last Christmas i had my first tree in many year. Even though we called it a love tree and not a Christmas tree and Master made me keep it up all year lol. This year was the first year in 25 years that Christmas came and went with zero Christmas related depression! i am just one of the many people whose lives you have touched and helped improve.
Take your time and learn to trust yourself again. Get to KNOW them and always listen to you gut. If there is ANYTHING i can do to help just let me know and i will do whatever i am able.
lil_joy

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 21

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 11:22:18 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

Erin,

Last night I read your post. And even spent a great deal of time answering it. And then Master wanted to know what i was up to. After I told him, and he veiwed the postings. I got something, I really didn't expect. One of the most warmest, most sincere conversations I have ever experianced with him thus far.

I guess your post hit me really hard. And I was able to open more in my response to you than to Master. I know after I was done posting, I was very emotionally drained. Sitting here in tears. Master read the posts and said he now knew a lot more than he did before. And this will be able to help him more in dealing with my fears and concerns about things.

I really want to thank you for your post. You really did us a big favor and we didn't know that one was needed.... till last night.

Happy New Years to you and yours..... you have just helped make mine to be the best I'm sure. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSS

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 22

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 1:24:31 PM

afmvdp

Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline

as I always say, nothing worth having will ever come easy.

We are all searching for the fruit of our efforts but when working in any garden there is much labor involved before that fruit will ever grow.

You must be trying to grow from the right foundation, if the fruit you are trying to grow does not match the soil it is planted in the results will never be as desired.

And as always the constant trimming and weeding out of undesirable and rot.

But eventually the season will come when the fruit you had longed for and worked so hard in making preparations for, and you can sit back and enjoy and know all the hard work you put in was worth it.

_____________________________

Three are the Beasts wherewith thou must plough the Field; the Unicorn, the Horse, and the Ox. And these shalt thou yoke in a triple yoke that is governed by One Whip.
- Crowley ~ OTO Liber III

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 23

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 1:37:49 PM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

Walls around yourself protect what needs protecting, keep out what ought to be kept out but also can have entrances to them and those entrances can connect to bridges. If you are ready to travel beyond your walls, through the entrances/exits and cross a new bridge or two, you may discover new paths, and the one you seek. You can always return to the protection of the walls, as needed, until He becomes your wall, your protector, your entrance, your bridge, your path.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 24

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 1:49:40 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

Master turned me loose so i could experience some of what was out there b/c i had walls and doubts from past hurts and was fighting everything he did and said with me.

it wasn't long before i quit fighting what i had with him and begged to come home and be in my rightful place back at his feet.

if i have learned anything...it is my own prisons cause me more doubt and grief than necessary...
"wondering if this one is a jerk too ,etc... kind of thinking."

so instead of Master proving what kind of man he is to me, he had me find out what else was out there.

i have much more appreciation for home.
i have no doubts anymore.

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 25

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 2:15:14 PM

dincubus

Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline

I had been there as well for about 2 years before i found the woman i am with now. i had been actively looking at first, found a f*ck buddy, had mind games played upon myself by another person and had that same person cause some significant monetary damage. that royally jaded me to even considering looking for someone. Mind you this was all in the guise of a vanilla relationship. this was before i had ever been exposed, in a serious way, to BDSM.
I cannot fathom the pain that you have gone through mistoferin. And IrishMist, I am truly sorry for your loss. What has happened to both of you pales what has happened to myself.
All I can say is that sometimes life will throw you a loop and things will happen as they do. Sometimes looking so hard for what you desire will drive away those you seek, because they will see how hard you are working to make things happen and see something that puts them off. I know this because this is how i was described by someone at one time.
Once again, Mistoferin and IrishMist, i am sorry for the losses you have both had.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 26

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 4:14:34 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I read this thread earlier in the day, and had to think about it some.

I reached the conclusion that I have no faith left. If I find some kind of romantic companion, fine. If not, I will manage just fine. I am surrounded by my loving family, loyal friends, trusted colleagues, and a large support system of others who think well of me. I have moments of extreme loneliness, but I am never actually alone or unloved.

I have suffered some serious betrayals, and some minor ones. I haven't figured out yet what I am doing to attract that kind of thing......is it wrong to be open and trusting? It would seem so, but being excessively suspicious is so counterproductive! I have a strong sense of myself, and I am not interested in settling, compromising, or putting up with BS for the sake of a "relationship". I will not allow myself to become bitter or cynical---at least not for more than a few days!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to dincubus)

Post #: 27

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 5:13:51 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

My adult life has consisted of one 6 year relationship, and lots of varied experiences. I've lived much of my adult life single and I've had a ton of adventures I wouldn't trade for anything. As a girl I was socialized to marry early and have kids/be a mom. That didn't happen and I'd never have guessed my life would look the way it does. But if I dropped dead tomorrow I wouldn't regret a moment. I see the rest of my life in the same light: whether partnered or single, I will continue to seek out dynamic, varied, growth experiences.

Erin, I hope you find the perfect match for you in the not too distant future. With all your life experience, I'm sure you have clarity about who will work for you...and I think that's a big part of getting what you want!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 28

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 5:27:38 PM

Delvin

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

I am what I am

Nothing more and nothing less; I am not some ideal that someone has in their head, I am simply Me. I am a confident yet fallible human Male who simply enjoys the prospect of Life vs. death. I do not wish to die, inside or out.

D

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 29

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 6:40:20 PM

sultryvoice

Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline

I spent a lot of time looking for a relationship until about 2 years ago. I had been in a D/s relationship and it wasn't right and didn't work. When I looked at myself, I really didn't like what I saw. I spent the next 12-18 months digging down and changing some things that were not in my best interests. I have come out on the other side and I like the person I have become. But, with my age, I still have a time. I don't care what anyone says, being the age I am makes it much more difficult. I am in no hurry to find anyone as it will happen when it's right. I have to agree with LA on this..comes along organically! I have been single more than with someone so it's not so strange for me. I just talk to everyone at gatherings..You just never know who you will meet.

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.

www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to Delvin)

Post #: 30

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 7:31:39 PM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So.........for those of you who have been searching long....how do you keep taking that leap of faith? How do you even allow yourself to be open to the possibilities? How do you stop yourself from building the walls so high that no one will ever be able to tear them down? How do you keep opening yourself up and laying your heart on the line, risking that it may well just be crushed once again?

What stops Me is remembering what it felt like living behind those walls. I was lonely and isolated from life. I was surrounded by grey and distrusted everyone's motives. It took the help of some dear friends to help Me break through those walls. From time to time I feel them going back up and when that happens I back off and take some time to sort Myself out. No matter how disappointing or sad My life can be it is still far far happier living outside the walls. I may be safe from emotional pain inside the walls but happiness, peace, and contentment lie on the outside.

Unless I risk loving and being hurt I cannot experience being loved in return.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 31

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/29/2005 7:48:24 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

You know what....you guys are awesome!!! I've read through all of the responses here several times now, through a flood of tears. You have all given of yourselves here and I just want you to know....as some of you have said here to me....that your words do comfort, they do give hope....and they do make a difference. Thank you all so much.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 32

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/30/2005 1:30:16 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

The one constant in life is change. A person ages. Friends shift. Love burns and burns out. Childresn grow up and move away. Etc, Etc.

To keep my way, I like to devote myself to something I love which is mine --- something that demands committment, discipline, planning, and involvement. I would call this sphere my little yard of indepence, the thing I love to do. It gives me something to look forward to, and partication in it is regenerative. In sum, as trite as it sounds, an impassioned hobby is an oasis, anti depressant, source of pride, and who knows, maybe a vehicle to meeting and connecting with others.

In terms of this thread, I think my favorite words here were by LA who wrote,

"Relationships will form organically.

And life sucks sometimes and no words will help. "

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 33

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/30/2005 2:59:39 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

i'll never know. i gave up on l o v e too long ago.

i am too jaded to believe anyone...in MY background...$$=love. when that runs out...so has everyone else.

"I" have NEVER found 1 human on this planet that will stay around without their hand out and pocket open....everyone wants to take things away ...and leave me holding the bag.

love my eye........when pigs fly!

love is for those that have the time to.............and i am out of time.

take care\

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 34

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/30/2005 7:10:14 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

"I" have NEVER found 1 human on this planet that will stay around without their hand out and pocket open....everyone wants to take things away ...and leave me holding the bag.

I love you Veronica, but aint ever sent me a dime! What's up with that?

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 35

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/31/2005 7:40:57 AM

LadyJC

Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline

I may be young but I've had quite a few bad relationships. I've had the walls up, and have given up at some points in my life.
A lot of people say I'm a pessimist. It works for me though...this way I'll never get disappointed.
I've yet to meet that one too, who is real, who loves without their hands in my pockets or having requirements of sex. When I was a teenager I had so many wrong ideas because of the men I met. Then I met a man he was wonderful, sweet, caring, no expectations of me. I fell in love with him but I hurt him a lot to protect myself. We still talk and meet when we can, and managed to stay friends. I still love him for helping me see how self destructive I was. He also taught me not to take anything from anyone and helped me find myself. If it wasn't for him I'd still probably be going down the same path I was. Or be in the horrible relationship I was in. Because of him I walked out mighty quickly.
They are out there, the one we want and need it's just a matter of picking through the garbage.
Do I still have faith in finding the one? Not really but that makes it the sweeter surprise if I do find one.
LadyJC

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 36

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/31/2005 8:19:33 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

as I always say, nothing worth having will ever come easy.

We are all searching for the fruit of our efforts but when working in any garden there is much labor involved before that fruit will ever grow.

You must be trying to grow from the right foundation, if the fruit you are trying to grow does not match the soil it is planted in the results will never be as desired.

And as always the constant trimming and weeding out of undesirable and rot.

But eventually the season will come when the fruit you had longed for and worked so hard in making preparations for, and you can sit back and enjoy and know all the hard work you put in was worth it.

Hello afmvdp,
What a beautiful and romantic analogy. You really inspired and touched me with those words.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to afmvdp)

Post #: 37

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/31/2005 10:26:22 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

I love you Veronica, but aint ever sent me a dime! What's up with that? M
==========

cute...

very cute...

what am i gonna do with a Domme like You..You are so silly.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 38

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/31/2005 12:47:35 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I know exactly how the op feels.

For me, I have decided that it is time for me to just go away for a couple of weeks. (maybe shorter, maybe longer idk.)

I need time to reflect on what has been going on in one particular relationship (formed here), instead of throwing myself into meeting new people. I need to 'find myself' again, for, if I have nothing of value to offer, why put myself out there as someone who is available? Hopefully, I will come back as stronger, with a better sense of myself. (that is the plan anyway!)

It IS a coincidence it is happening on new years, but, what better time, really?

Good luck for all who are searching. I wish you well!

See ya'll soon.

Christina

(in reply to veronicaofML)

Post #: 39

RE: Keeping the faith??? - 12/31/2005 5:27:59 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

From time to time I feel them going back up and when that happens I back off and take some time to sort Myself out. No matter how disappointing or sad My life can be it is still far far happier living outside the walls. I may be safe from emotional pain inside the walls but happiness, peace, and contentment lie on the outside.

Unless I risk loving and being hurt I cannot experience being loved in return.
Gentle Lady

Thanks for writing this GentleLady, because when I get hurt (very infrequently, but it happens), I always wonder if this stance of mine to trust despite the risks is foolish...
But the idea of dealing with other human beings from a cynical perspective never allows me to feel the pleasure of connectiong well with another, which is the ultimate in relationships for me. So I remain open, and let the chips fall where they may, never forgetting to thank God for all the people in my life who love me always... M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to GentleLady)

Post #: 40

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