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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/17/2008 7:31:08 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

He has tried to reassure me on several occassions that things will be drastically changing after the first of the year.

And what is happening in the new year? You may want to ask him to elaborate on that specific point.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/17/2008 7:31:53 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Let me see if I understand this all correctly.

The guy visits you from out of town but is always "busy" and tends not to contact you when he is home. He wants you to be "his" but doesn't bother talking to you in a brand new relationship for a week or more at a time. He is pissy you were sleeping with someone prior to meeting him. He is now whining that after not hearing from him you took down the silly "under consideration" thing off your profile.

Here's my guess, he is now going to get pissed when some of us call him a (moderator approved insult) and a complete (moderator approved insult) who is probably less dominant than my toaster. He is going to whine that you "disgraced" him. My suggestion is to buy him a mirror and gift wrap it for his Christmas present and perhaps that will help him figure out who actually disgraced him.

As for a fitting punishment, I think just being in the same room with the guy would be enough to get most decent women to safeword.

SimplyMichael....
All due respect to BSB...
if you were standing here in front of me right now....i would soooo...(moderator approved sexual act of adoration, or worship, if you will)

Extremely Sincerely
persephonee jones.

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/17/2008 10:49:10 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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Let me get this straight: this guy only sees you in a hotel (and in your town), won't let you call him, goes a week without contacting you at all, and then gets upset when you doubt his intentions?

Sounds like a bad situation, a bad match, and you're probably "the other woman" on top of that.

At any rate, being in this situation sounds like it's punishment enough!

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/17/2008 11:01:00 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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It's not our jobs to decide proper punishment for you. That's The dom's job, and any dom to lazy to come up with things for the one they're wanting to own, would be and should be laughed out of town for asking others how to punish and handle his potential girl.

.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

Good evening to All:

I am posting this as 'task', I believe, for disgracing myself and hurting the Dominant that has me under consideration. The question today is.. what would You consider proper punishment for me? Here it goes. Kinda long, sorry.

c

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/17/2008 11:15:58 PM

LadyOshun

Posts: 1
Joined: 9/20/2008
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If your needs are not being met, then whether this person is a dominant or not, whether this person is cheating or not, whether this person cares about you or not, he is not the person who meets your needs. D/s, M/s...these are all relationships...you need something in return for what you put into it, or sacrifice for it. Granted, often D/s relationships appear lopsided to the uneducated viewer...but they only work if both parties get what they need. So...you are not wrong to say, "I do not wish to be considered by someone who apparently does not care about my needs."

What you have just described is 1) the pattern of someone who is living a double life and 2) the pattern of an abusive "partner."

It's interesting that he has given you this task of asking others what should be done with you. Let's see if he is actually honest enough and humble enough to take to heart what pretty much everyone who has responded is saying.

And a side point...someone said that you are a beautiful woman and should not have to put up with that kind of treatment...if that is your picture, I agree you are beautiful...but that has nothing to do with it. You are a human...you have needs and you have basic rights. And you have an OBLIGATION to be sure you can TRUST the person that you are going to turn over control of your life to. We often get confused about what's OK in the D/s world...if it makes you feel bad...worthless, unloveable, confused...it is NOT GOOD. Do you understand? No matter how your relationship is actually carried out, ultimately, there should be a bond built on trust and mutual respect. You and this guy do not have that...YOU OWE HIM NOTHING.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 5:25:18 AM

DarkSteven

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What the hell. You're only forty. Two weeks out of your life isn't much. Give him till 2009, and see if things really DO change.

If they don't - he cannot keep his word.

Good luck, no matter what happens.

_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 6:06:43 AM

MadRabbit

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Asking how to be punished on Collarme.com is usually adequate punishment enough.

Your sins have been forgiven, my child! Go forth, reread what you just wrote three times, and listen to that little voice in the back of your mind.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 6:42:49 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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*snorts at MR's response*

LadyOShun... excellent post *applauds* I agree with what you've said there. Although I might have used double life OR abusive... the two dont always go hand in hand...

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 7:45:04 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
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From: London, Ontario
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under consideration (to me) would mean 'I might consider keeping you, so just hang on a lil bit longer, be faithful to me while I decide' lol.

Nothing wrong with that, unless you give out pussy/submission/time/energy/whathaveyou as you are being 'considered'. If you do, then expect that consideration to subside when this married guy tires of you.

Considering someone (IMO) is done without touching, tasting or (hands on) dominating. Once they break in the merchandise...consider yourself 'taken' off the lot and (depending on the mileage) used goods.

Your punishment? well, you kinda lied about having another guy, he kinda lies about being single. All seems equal now.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 7:59:51 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
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Let's break this down.
You've been asked to post here over doing something that felt natural for you to do. I have to ask if you feel `disgraced` more by posting or the action that brought the request?
Then we hear this is a new relationship, long distance to boot with promises of `more`.
The history you've shared tells me your human, your sensitive, caring and maybe a bit lonely. But you've found enough common ground to offer some trust to this new person.
Now this is only my opinion, but what I see is a hopeful woman with no ties who was following what worked for her. Enter `man` with limited time but hopeful in his own right. Why his time is limited isnt the issue here. His expectations are.
I think what I see is smart woman who was making life work for her but she wanted more. When something that looked like `more` appeared two things happened. She began to waver on what worked for her. Possibly because she felt that's what she was supposed to do, but the next part is what bothers me. She also wavered because of manipulative words.
I know nothing good comes easy. And that fires that burn the hottest also can be the ones that burn out the quickest. But if your gut's telling you something you have to learn to listen to it. As much as we want to believe, true long lasting belief takes time. I think he's rushing things with his expectations. You are trying to be nice, compliant, and show your willing at the expense of yourself.
Ask yourself what you want and what your willing to sacrifice to have it. Learn to ask better questions and to expect better answers.
An if you can not accept a quasi poly arrangement, move on before your emotional investment consumes you.

If you didnt feel any disgrace before, you probably do now and this post should be disgrace enough.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 8:32:11 AM

agirl

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Snipped....

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

He saw the profile today and questioned me about it. I told him that I felt neglected and confused and needy and knew I was in trouble. I immediately told him that I would change it back. He said that no, not unless I could stand by it, that he wanted to be able to trust his submissive. I said that he could trust me more then I was willing to admit, and I confessed that I was making him pay for the deeds done wrong to me by another and that I knew it was wrong. I apologized, which he accepted, and he tasked me with this. I am also going to post this under ask a submissive to hopefully get their opinions as well. I did change my profile back immediately.

SO, question is.. what is a befitting punishment for me, for disgracing myself and hurting him, which he said I did.. I asked him straight out...

Thank you for your time, thank you for reading this, and thank you for any replies you see fit to give.

Respectfully,
c

Trust works both ways.

You're not in the stage where that is a matter of *disgrace*. You know little about each other that matters and seem to be expecting the type of trust that comes MUCH later on, if you're lucky, and it goes on to actually BE a relationship.

The fact that you don't know each other very well is WHY you are both wide of the mark with each other. Instead of messing around with crazy punishment scenarios...wouldn't it be more productive to spend the energy building something actually worth having?

Trust and security don't occur with limited and sporadic contact.

agirl

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 8:40:39 AM

Phoenixpower

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

He has tried to reassure me on several occassions that things will be drastically changing after the first of the year. I will give him the time, and I thank you for your open honest opinion..

I hope for you, that you won't regret it. I have a great friend here in UK (who is not in this lifestyle but pretty dominant in some aspects of life, too) who kept telling me over almost 2 years that things would change...then I had enough and got my cats, which I avoided before due to his cat hair allergy...he is a great friend, but nevertheless he wasted my time in that respect and since then I don't put up with that anymore.

One guy on here was interested to get finally involved with each other, after he wasn't able to do so in the past, as I have been involved with others. I was open minded to give him a chance at that moment, until he told me he will deport abroad with his armee for 6 months next year....well, I won't waste my time waiting for a guy with whom I would not have time really to find out if we match or not. He decided to go abroad for 6 months, thats fine, but that doesnt mean to me that I just wait stupidly for him, living in daydreams, what a great guy he might be, and then maybe finding out after he returns, that we won't match.

I simply have a strong view about getting it sorted asap to find out if I match with someone or not to avoid wasting each others time, particular after my experience with my friend here...as nice as he is...he nevertheless wasted my time and i won't put up with that another time. But I hope you will have a better outcome then mine was

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 10:05:49 AM

hopeful68

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I guess I should have made this post much simpler and to the point. I have made a huge mistake putting this on here like this. I should have known better to go into so much detail about my past. I should have just said. I disgraced Him and please give me some ideas for suggestions for punishment. Instead I had to go on and on. It's done now I guess....

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 10:18:44 AM

Rule

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Has he claimed you? Have you begged his collar?

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 10:23:42 AM

SingleRarity

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

I guess I should have made this post much simpler and to the point. I have made a huge mistake putting this on here like this. I should have known better to go into so much detail about my past. I should have just said. I disgraced Him and please give me some ideas for suggestions for punishment. Instead I had to go on and on. It's done now I guess....

Punishment is unique to each and everyone of us. We would have no idea what type of punishment would help you learn and grow in your submission. Maybe you should examine the reason your Dom doesn't know you well enough to come up with an appropriate punishment on his own.

Please be careful in this relationship....

Daddy's Ballerina, e

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 12:29:17 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
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offering info is always risky. please take each and every word here and digest only what fits. we are all judging from our own perspectives and experiences. had you not offered info you would have been asked enough questions to bring it all into the open anyway. consider yourself brave for even asking for opinions!

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 12:54:01 PM

Lockit

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Did you say you were posting this as a task and that your dominant would be monitoring this? Oh goodie! I do need to ask how you dishonored your dominant under consideration when he failed to make contact and you naturally felt doubtful... and knowing your past... I would assume if you are under consideration too... that he should have been understanding rather than disgraced! That sounds like a power play... close to manipulation and you are feeding right into it! You are readily feeling guilt for what he says you should feel guilt for when you had every natural instinct to feel as you did. If he feels disgraced by this, he should... but not because of your actions, but his lack of actions. If you are accountable then so should he be!

Now as for that sick bit... let me tell you... I am sick... I am always sick and I can still pick up a phone and let my submissive under consideration or not, know that they are not being abandoned after some play or used or neglected. This is a time of consideration for you both and I would personally feel that you need to think less about how he tells you to think and more about how he functions as a dominant to you.

When long distance or online... I believe we should pay special attention to those area's where doubt and fear can come along and play in our minds and hearts. Maybe someone needs to see the whole picture before they ask you to ask us how you should be punished and maybe consider that we don't need to be his backbone! If he really believes you wronged him and there is no fault of his own... so be it... not my problem... but I hope we don't see you at the start of a new year.. freash from a gapping wound when you realize you didn't listen to your core being in this.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 2:11:23 PM

oceanwynds

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I finding one thing hard to understand. Why would He want you to find out different punishment ideas for you here on CM? This has totally boggled my mind.

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 2:48:00 PM

hopeful68

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no he has not claimed me.. and I am thinking that I am going to beg him his collar.. I was wrong in my doubt.. it was not his doubt.. he did not instill it in me.. he has learned about me during this process and of him.. and in a way, that has been good.. in another it has shown our weaknesses..

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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 2:50:44 PM

hopeful68

Posts: 77
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does everything a Dominant does makes sense to you all of the time.. lol.. I have known serveral.. in relationships and just as friends.. sometimes.. I go.. HUH.. this just could be one of those times..

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