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RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 2:54:24 PM   
hopeful68


Posts: 77
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline 		I hope to have a better outcome too.  Im sorry things turned out so badly for you in your experience.  Thank you for your concern..

(in reply to Phoenixpower)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 2:59:26 PM   
hopeful68


Posts: 77
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline 		I want to thank everyone for their concern.. and advice and information.. I have a lot to learn still and can only do that by experiencing this lifestyle first hand.  You cannot read about it and expect to know.. anything.  You can only live it for the moment.  If this is not ment to be, then it isnt.  I am strong and capable and will move on.  Many have varying opinions about this.  Some have shared privately those opinions.  I think that it is easy to be harsh, when you are not in the situation yourself and it is easier to judge someone elses actions then your own.  It is only human nature.  I will find the path.. I have all the faith in the world.  Thanks again.

(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:00:42 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

does everything a Dominant does makes sense to you all of the time.. lol.. I have known serveral.. in relationships and just as friends.. sometimes.. I go.. HUH.. this just could be one of those times..


That could very well be. I am still new to all this 2 and years isn't long imo. So i ask a lot of questions to discover.

best of luck
oceanwynds

(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:08:02 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Our opinions were sought here.  If we sound harsh... because we feel you are harshly dealt with and maybe are being played by the words you chose to use and what you said, then so be it.  We were not the one's who sent what we considered a wayward submissive to grovel in public.  You are defending your dominant... all well and good... but whether he tells you to post as a task or you are posting on your own, you need to expect to get responses. 

I mean really... most of us correct our submissive's on our own, with our own creativity or knowledge of the submissive and relationship and don't need to publically humiliate them or ask other's to get into our relationships.  He told you to... you did... we responded.  Now you have defended him... he ought to be very pleased.

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(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:23:04 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

 I think that it is easy to be harsh, when you are not in the situation yourself and it is easier to judge someone elses actions then your own.  It is only human nature.  I will find the path.. I have all the faith in the world.  Thanks again.


I also think that it is easy to be objective when you are not in the situation. The thing is a lot of comments from this thread will have come from experiance, it is true that you will find your own path. Its like this, when you see someone doing something that may well lead to pain people try to help, use their own past as guides for others. It doesnt work like that, you have to make your own mistakes and you will. I am sure that you are strong and I hope that when things go wrong you dont loose faith in everyone you meet in future, it happens.

If you want advice about a suitable punishment re your original post. I will say what I always say, the Dominant should be able to come up with his own, fitting the 'mistake' in a way that is his own, if he cant do that hes not really worth his salt. Also if he is new to it all (which im guessing if he cant work out his own punishment he must be) then he should at least have the time to research it himself. To me doing this doesnt inspire respect, it seems lazy and who can respect that. Mind you seems to me he doesnt want to give you much time so it isnt shocking.

I hope that things work out for you hun, im not 'hopeful' about it (get it :P) but i hope at the very least that you dont get too upset.

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(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:32:32 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		It never ceases to amaze me that so many people have it all worked out, the dynamic, protoccol, who is going to be dominant and who is going to be submissive, and they haven't even got so much as a friendship between them. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people fall for this, time after time after time after time after time after time after time.

If I were to say on this thread, on which the OP is asking for punishment, something like jump off a cliff, cut off one's hand, give $10,000 away to some charity, would the OP do it?

And yet we have here an adult woman who has believed an adult man who has asked her to start a thread on a message board read by other adults asking them what punishment she should suffer for disgracing her 'dom'.

But you know, people talk about 'the lifestyle' and take this thing totally seriously, and I'm sorry, but from my perspective I can only bear witness to all this and piss myself laughing, because it is funny, hilariously funny, and it's the same comedic device as Monty Python use in their sketches, it's called deadpan, and no matter how ridiculous the situation seems, you must always take it so seriously.

Therefore my only suggestion would be to place the tip of your index finger on your left hand to your left temple and say loudly 'der', and do this frequently when you are alone, and do it every time you meet someone.

That is, until common sense returns.

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(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:36:07 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		If you're both into this (the thread asking for punishment ideas, etc) then I support you 100%.  If this is what you think will help your relationship, teach you something, help you grow, then it's definitely worthwhile.  Too bad about all the people trying to tell you how to run your life and not giving you a useful answer.

That said, I have no useful answer, but I'll think on it.  :p


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:43:36 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		How can we give a good answer in punishment when most of us seem to think there isn't anything to punish?  Be afraid of maybe... but punish... no.

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:49:12 PM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have a problem with the whole "under consideration" thing.  Either you have reached a point where the two of you are committed to one another, or you haven't. 

From what you said, it doesn't sound like you are getting full disclosure from him.  If there are things you are doubting now, I don't get why you would be punished for feeling the way you do, especially, since you are only considering each other. 

What exactly does "under consideration" mean?   Does his profile list his picture, as yours does?  For everyone to see.  Does his profile list that he has you, "under consideration" for everyone to see?  After all, other submissives need to know that he is seriously looking at you, when they peruse his profile, don't they? 

Does "under consideration" mean that you aren't allowed to entertain other dominants, talk to them, feel them out, but your consideration dominant can? 

If you are really his, & belong to him, I could maybe find my way to understand his desire to punish you, but is he not experienced enough to come up with his own creative ways to do the punishing?  I will tell you this, I do not punish my submissives.  If they are in a place with me, that they are always neglecting or rebelling against my authority, I tend to view that as a problem with the relationship that needs serious attention.  I do, on the other hand, use punishment (what most people refer to punishment as), as a reward for good service and obedience to me. 

Honestly, I hope you take the time to really consider whether this is the kind of d/s relationship you really want. 

(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 3:57:09 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Okay, I'll play along with this....

You're looking for punishment? Okay, I'll just tell you what a lot of dominants tell their submissives in such a situation.

THERE IS NO PUNISHMENT.

Happy now?

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(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/18/2008 4:17:28 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		wow, this is ridiculously silly 

(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 12:52:01 PM   
TEMPERANCE


Posts: 126
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopeful68

SO, question is.. what is a befitting punishment for me, for disgracing myself and hurting him, which he said I did.. I asked him straight out...

Thank you for your time, thank you for reading this, and thank you for any replies you see fit to give.

Respectfully,
c


I personally think it would be harsh for you to be punished for what has happened, have you not been punished enough thinking that this man had deserted you?

Maybe your Master should think about the communication he has with his submissive, to enable her to feel confident and secure within their relationship so that she doesnt feel the need to mistrust him? 


(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 2:51:53 PM   
Vanessacherry


Posts: 18
Joined: 12/13/2008
Status: offline 		I think that these things take a long time.  Ownership is a huge thing on both ends.
I don't get why he is miffed.  I don't see where you were given instructions to not do what you did.
It just sounds like you are going way too fast on this one.
Yes, you are a very pretty girl and articulate also...why not just give this some time?

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 3:27:31 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		punishment -  potential dom wants potential sub to obtain punishment ideas - how about a potential punishment?   To be deferred until potential sub makes a decision re. potential collar.

Heck, if other posters are completely off base about potential dom's marriage state, and potential sub is miffed about their suppositions, then that could be punishment enough.

Good luck with your potential relationship.

(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 4:14:20 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b
It never ceases to amaze me that so many people have it all worked out, the dynamic, protoccol, who is going to be dominant and who is going to be submissive, and they haven't even got so much as a friendship between them. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people fall for this, time after time after time after time after time after time after time.


Friendship takes far too long when people are in a rush to fulfill their fantasies. I mean, actually getting to know someone? Hogwash!

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 4:58:59 PM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		ok, my take on this is that I have an issue with the first paragraph in your post. You have hurt him? No. He has allowed himself to be hurt by one of your actions that he could have prevented by easing your doubts. He also has had a part to play in this as do you. I have no idea if you discussed your doubts with him, and if you didn't than perhaps that is a communication issue for you to deal with in the future.

A big part of this lifestyle is about trust. Do you trust him? If you do why are you second guessing things by changing your profile etc? If you do not trust him than you need to addres this. Trust comes from you, not his actions. It is your choice.  

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/19/2008 7:04:58 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

punishment -  potential dom wants potential sub to obtain punishment ideas - how about a potential punishment?   To be deferred until potential sub makes a decision re. potential collar.

Heck, if other posters are completely off base about potential dom's marriage state, and potential sub is miffed about their suppositions, then that could be punishment enough.

Good luck with your potential relationship.


dang, i spit my Dr. Pepper out on that..chuckles

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/20/2008 1:23:24 AM   
MisterP61


Posts: 1345
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Wooooooot?  you wasted good Dr. Pepper.  It is the nectar of the gods.  (Hows that for a hijack?)  

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(in reply to oceanwynds)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/20/2008 2:46:39 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I'm really dismayed you've almost completely dismissed what several folks have said.. clearly the guy is either married or otherwise occupied.. he's projecting his guilt and other crap on you...

you deserve better.. please take care of yourself and move on.. he's not worth your time.. you live in an area where you could meet people face to face.. that's a much better start.. at least you have a better chance of figuring out if someone is married...

you deserve better... please go for it...

this guy is, at the least, jerking you around, at the most, married.. and for my money, more likely.. the minute you seriously challenge him.. his trustworthiness (which you should) he'll walk...

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 12/20/2008 2:51:10 PM >

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(in reply to hopeful68)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Need your help/under consideration - 12/20/2008 3:27:37 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		This just seems to be one of those situations where things go wrong because two people rush into the D/s before each knows anything substantial about the other. Getting to know one another in real life first seems like it would have saved you a lot of wasted time and energy here, and perhaps kept you from getting so far off track in terms of building a healthy connection with this dominant guy.

First thing's first... I'm assuming you want more than to just be a servant to this dominant guy. In terms of power-exchange-based relationships, I think we have to be able to walk before we can run. Perhaps the thing to do here is to just back up a step and put the slave/master stuff on pause. Get to know one another, make a solid connection, and take the time to build some real trust, rather than relying so much on wishful thinking and blind hope. Maybe by doing that you will find that the health of the relationship improves, or if the dominant guy is hiding his real life from you, he will get bored or trip up, and you'll see his true colors before you invest any more of your time and energy.

These are just my opinions. Believe me, I do not claim to be any sort of relationship expert... Far from it... But this is basically common sense stuff from an outside, objective source. Good luck!


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(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 60
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