JRiddle
Posts: 36
Joined: 12/4/2008
From: Brevard County, Florida, USA
Status: offline
|
This is a profound question with more correct answers than posts given here. There are 2 extremes for submission: full and not. Most people end up somewhere in between. These extremes are partially based upon rules, structure, and trust.
How much do you trust your partner? Did you just meet them in a dark bar, or have you been living and playing together for decades? This is critical information to determine acceptable submission. Of my friends, some of them I have known for years and trust a fair amount. The longest known and the shortest known are currently trusted the same amount. My other friends are trusted less. Time is not the sole determining factor. Trust is a continual process. Those faithful with a little are trusted more. When they have demonstrated complete faithfulness, no more trust may be given. If anything causes doubt, reconsider the level of trust. This process should be constantly adjusting as more information is learned. Once the trust is broken, it is extremely difficult to return to previous levels. Every relationship is built with trust. How much trust your partner and you share factors into every other relationship aspect. Structure is how you interact. Are you the slave, sub, Dom, or Master? Structure determines roles and responsibilities. Who manages the finances, food, and shelter? This is the format of your relationship. This should only change after negotiations of equals. Rules give the structure solid boundaries. How long may the sub be bound? In what manner? Is the Dom permitted to leave bruises? Is the fridge permitted to run out of MT. Dew? In my home, only I am authorized to take the last soda. Rules should be agreed upon before submission occurs. As trust and experience change, so may the rules.
Full submission is entirely possible. As others have mentioned, those with a military background tend to be willing to push the D/s relationship to the extreme with less hesitation. This is most likely due to extensive training and prior experience. Each relationship is based upon some level of rules, structure, and trust. While the levels vary between situations, they are always present. For full submission, the rules are strict, the structure is well defined, and the trust should be very high. Notice that I said trust "should be" instead of "is". Military life has extremely well defined rules and structure. The one with the most rank rules. There is no requirement to discuss or listen expected of the one in charge. When an order is given, those receiving the order simply obey. It does not matter how bad the order is as long as it does not violate any rules. Those obeying know that severe punishment awaits those who disobey lawful orders. A subordinate must first obey the LAWFUL order before being permitted to question LAWFUL orders. It is their right to voice suggestions or objections only after the order is complied with. If you have ever worked under a second lieutenant fresh from the Academy, you will know that the level of trust is not important with solid rules and structure. As the subordinate, if a stupid order is given, a sharp solute and "Yes Sir/Ma'am" is a all that may be given in response. The joy of the subordinate in this situation is knowing that when the order becomes known to the Captain or higher, the problem shall be fixed. Catching a glimpse of the correction is priceless. While military service of either the Dom or sub may help create such full submission, it is not required. Prior experience with such submission levels is beneficial. Full submission may take place without high levels of rules, structure, and trust. Personally, I would not recommend it. If one of the three are lacking, problems may occur. Complete submission without any of those 3 is foolish and dangerous. This is were reality and fantasy meet.
On the other extreme, the sub is not submissive. They do not trust their Dom to follow the rules and refuse to submit. If this is the case, both the Dom and sub should consider mutually ending the relationship. Most likely, one or both are living out their fantasy and fail to notice reality. This statement is not intended to offend anyone. If it is offensive, please carefully consider why it is before replying. I expect that very few subs fall into this category. Again, this falls back to rules, structure, and trust. Rules are hard limits to ensure safety. Structure lets both parties know what is expected. Trust cements it all together. More rules and structure allows for less trust to be required in order for the relationship to work. Higher levels of trust allow the rules and structure to be more vague. Without any trust, the rules and structure no longer matter. If someone is not trusted enough to follow the rules, a rule against something does not protect the other.
BDSM relationships follow very few hard rules: safe, sane, and consensual. We may even stretch a few of those. Hard limits vary. I wear combat boots and my submission may not match yours. I expect submission without questions before obedience. At work, I am accustomed to see orders obeyed without question. If you cannot agree to do the same, you may want to find someone else to be your Dom. "To each his own!" What else can I say?
_____________________________
This post has been brought to you by an inexperienced amateur. -Jeremiah
|
RE: Total acquiescence, can it really happen? - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread