quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

is there a dom 101 class you'd suggest?

Hell no!

Me?  Class?  Surely you joust!

(No one has ever accused me of having class....at least not with a straight face)

In a more serious vein--there is no "dom 101 class".  You want to dom, you take charge, impose your will, and make decisions.  When you fuck up and the slave runs screaming into the night, you say "aw....hell" and resolve to tie the knots a wee bit tighter next time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
truthfully it's something I struggle with. it's about superimposing your needs or desires onto the other person. I guess in some eyes that's part of the dom's role. as always I appreciate your cynicism ;-)

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
is there a Dom 101 class you'd suggest?

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
truthfully it's something I struggle with. it's about superimposing your needs or desires onto the other person. I guess in some eyes that's part of the dom's role. as always I appreciate your cynicism ;-)

Actually, this one time, I wasn't being cynical.  It seems to me, and I could be wrong due to my fever and Nyquil-induced-high, that you ask alot of questions seeking validation, is this or that right or wrong, should/should not... as if you are looking for the RIGHT path instead of looking for your OWN path. 

Wanting to throw down and fuck is no different in BDSM than it is in non-BDSM; if you want to, then you want to.  Men I am with know about my knee-humping thing... if that's not using someone as a sexual object, I don't know what is.


Cali

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my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post?

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
then is your point that my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? is it rote?

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
then is your point that my ambivalence isn't worthy of a forum post? is it rote?

No, that wasn't my point. 

Cali

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Slut. 

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I don't think validation should be what we seek from a thread. Because if all we want is other people to say "Yes, you're absolutely right" then we won't learn anything. We learn from being told we are wrong and from being shown other viewpoints.

However the point a lot of people are making about your need for validation is that it is highly unsuccessful as a personality trait in a dominant. The one trait that comes across as most dominant is confidence. You come across as insecure, not as confident by your need for constant validation.

There's nothing wrong with a newbie dom saying "this is what I'm thinking/planning. Anyone have some cautions that might improve it?" That shows that you aren't arrogant and believe you know everything. But the way your posts are written seems as though you're floundering around looking for someone else's rule book to follow. If you do follow someone else's rulebook though, you then are more submissive appearing than dominant.

Input and safety info is one thing, approval is something else.

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
I hadn't considered that. thanks for the perspective.

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
I hadn't considered that. thanks for the perspective.

I had been chewing this over since you surmised that I thought your question was silly.  DES spelled out exactly what I was trying to say, far better than anything I was coming up with. 

Cali

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ORIGINAL: CalifChick

C'mon, give me a break here.  When I'm being sarcastic, it is VERY obvious.  I was trying to figure out how to say "you sound like rank noob with absolutely zero confidence" which conflicts with the name you have given yourself that includes the word "master"... and Des did it much nicer than I could have.


Cali

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
is it wrong to expect that the other person in one's relationship be available to be treated as a sex object?

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ORIGINAL: GoodFeathers

quote:

ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster
is it wrong to expect that the other person in one's relationship be available to be treated as a sex object?

Not in the sense of using the other person to slake your lust, provided they're okay with it.  It happens in bars, nightclubs, cheap motels, under bleachers and in the back seats of cars all over the nation.

Personally, I find that if I am the source of my man's lust and he wishes to use me to fulfill the desire, well, hell.  I'm downright wet at the mere knowledge of it.  The fact that I've created a desire and my urge to please, well, it makes a nice combo there. 

Moreover, I appreciate it, but if I'm in a relationship with the person, I want to know they appreciated too.  It's not just feeling the warm sticky kind of appreciation.  There's nothing better than hearing those glorious words uttered in soft, breathless tones, "good girl."  *swoon*

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ORIGINAL: sobayblackmaster

I know it happens all over the world. I'm not that naive. When we take that concept into the BDSM (and by association, extreme) environment though things become a bit more poignant, dramatic, IMO.