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Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 5:15:41 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		This month has turned to crap very fast.
My boy took leave to visit me and go camping. I had all these grand plans of outdoor bondage, torture, and other very nice things. The night he got there, my roommate decided to open my door while drunk and caught us doing the deed. No big deal, but then it just spiraled out of control.
Last week we went camping for two days because I just wasn't in the mood to deal with anything. Nothing happened between us except some bad moods. I took my two dogs, the loves of my life, and they ran off. I haven't heard any word of them from animal shelters or vets in the area and the national park we were in is about five hours away. It's my fault they ran off because I wasn't watching them like a hawk (I'm a fanatic about keeping my dogs safe). I'm dealing with the guilt of being stupid and not loving them enough.
I was in a bad mood after they ran off and I wanted to go home. We got a late start out, I slipped on a rock while crossing a stream and smacked my head on another rock, hurt my knee, he had to drag me out of the forest. I was wet and cold and muddy and in a generally bad mood.
I got back to find someone had kicked my locked door in, broken the door frame, and seemed to have gone through my stuff. I was pissed, threatened to call the cops on my roommate, and then I got evicted. I'm not even sure why, except that I was pissed. My boy thinks it's because they wanted to have a party house and I was in the way. I try not to think about it. I moved in with my boy, but I'm dealing with the guilt of living with him. I feel that I need to be supporting myself, which I am capable of, but he's made it clear he sees it as his responsibility to support me in whatever way he can. I'm currently looking for a job here in SC.

So, needless to say, I am not in the mood for anything kink related. I can't even get sufficiently warmed up for sex without stalling out. I break out in tears over my dogs, I'm frustrated at my situation, and I'm alone in the house until I find a job while he's at work. I have ever confidence that I'll be okay, and I have the means to support myself. But it's just so frustrating. All of it. I see someone in the complex walking their dog, and I just about come unglued. Where are my babies? Are they okay? One is a pit bull... is she dead because of her breed? Did someone steal her and they're trying to force her to fight? I heard a gun shot about two hours after they ran off. Are they still alive?

My boy wants to go out and do things. Take a walk, go for a hike, whatever just to get me out of the house but I can't help but think "I wish I had my girls to go walking with" or "My girls would love to run around in this forest." He's been so helpful and supportive and I'm extremely grateful for him, but just as soon as I feel better, I feel bad again.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get out of such a terrible slump?
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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 5:23:49 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Get up shower and DO SOMETHING.. its the holiday season .. Share yourself.. do some volunteer work.. there are people out there in far worse circumstances than you.. stop the fucking pity party.. it is what it is.. deal..

SD

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 5:28:25 AM   
housesub4you


Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		Yea, go out for a walk, sitting in, doing nothing but thinking about it will not help your mood change.  So try someting different.

I'm not saying forget about everything, that is not possible, but just start out small, take a walk, do whatever just get out for awhile.

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 5:44:29 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		do not plan to do more than one thing at a time. This is not the time for you to multi-task...it will overwhelm you and shut you down before you start. Plan on one thing. I would suggest a walk with your boy to get you moving, change the scenery and give you a few of the feel-good endorphines that exercise can bring.

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 6:09:56 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


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From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

Get up shower and DO SOMETHING.. its the holiday season .. Share yourself.. do some volunteer work.. there are people out there in far worse circumstances than you.. stop the fucking pity party.. it is what it is.. deal..

SD

agreed

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 6:16:30 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn

Get up shower and DO SOMETHING.. its the holiday season .. Share yourself.. do some volunteer work.. there are people out there in far worse circumstances than you.. stop the fucking pity party.. it is what it is.. deal..

SD

i don't agree that the op is having a pity party. Too much has happened at once and it sounds like he is overwhelmed to the point of a shutdown.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 12/22/2008 7:12:46 AM >

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 6:23:10 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		It may help to pull your head out of your ass. Stop the self-pity party and take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. You chose to take your dogs camping in a national park unleashed. Pets are not allowed in national parks for good reason. You abandoned them because you were "in a bad mood after they ran off". You chose to live with an, apparently, untrustworthy room mate.

If you can't manage your own life, or take care of your pets, you're not fit to have a "boy".


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 7:10:27 AM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline 		I realize it's a public forum, but I was hoping for a show of humanity, not grade school antics where a kid is down and the others gang up and kick the shit out of his face.

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 7:21:19 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i don't think anyone here is intentionally kicking you when down. You asked for opinions and that is what you recieved. The general theme here is you cannot sit around feeling sorry for yourself. It is an ugly catch-22...the more you do so the more you want to do so.

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 7:21:32 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Oh My Dear Lady----huge North Carolina hugs to you--ok, now wash your face---the animals, I can feel your grief there, if tagged, they may well show up, animals are strong and will find a way if they can--
 
Do not forsake, and do not let this time of year make anything darker than it would normally be. I am in Raleigh, contact me on the other side, I will give you my number and I can be a local shoulder--and remember you are GRITS, Girls Raised In the South and that gives you balls honey.

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 7:34:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Your going through a rough time, several bad things happened all at the same time, you know your responsible for some of them (while being aware of that doesn't fix it, and neither will continuing to beat yourself up), and to top it off.......it's the holiday season which can kick alot of us in the pants and not in a good way.

I've got a friend that lives a bazillion miles away that is also going through some fresh hell. Wanting to just crawl in a cave and cry. Sure, she made some bad choices that spiraled into this hell. BUT, sitting in a cave crying, or me telling her where she went wrong, is not going to fix a damned thing.

The best advice I can give her is to set goals, goals of things she has always wanted to do. Things that will enrich her life. Whether it is a small trip somewhere, or just reading a special book she has been setting aside. Just keep doing things, setting goals for productive actions. Instead of setting deadlines to "deal and get over it" like she was doing. Make yourself be outdoors as much as possible, nature is healing. Make sure you are eating good whole healthy foods and drinking lots of water. It help cleanse the system and keep you from getting sick while you are down and so is your immune system. Treat yourself with things that will not increase your guilt or lack of self worth.
Give yourself permission to cry and feel bad, but with that, do other things that are positive. Then, at some point, the positive will outweigh the negative.

Just a few ideas, things that have worked for me in the past.


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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 8:06:25 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

It may help to pull your head out of your ass. Stop the self-pity party and take responsibility for your actions and their consequences. You chose to take your dogs camping in a national park unleashed. Pets are not allowed in national parks for good reason. You abandoned them because you were "in a bad mood after they ran off". You chose to live with an, apparently, untrustworthy room mate.




Wait.... the OP abandoned them because he was in a bad mood AFTER the fact? Not only is that a shitty thing to say, it doesn't make any sense. And how was s/he to know that the room mate would kick the door in and go through their stuff?

OP, you're stressed, your dogs ran off (Understandable, mine would and have at the drop of the hat. They chewed through two inch leather leashes at a campground once) You got evicted for some reason, and now you're forced to move in with someone. I'd be ranting and stressed too, especially since it's the holidays. Just relax, post some pictures of your dog around, and let the park rangers know, if their are any. Chances are, they are eating someone's picnic.


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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 8:28:49 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Here you go.

I'll give you a two minute head start.

Out of respect for hierarchy.

http://www.boingboing.net/2008/05/03/bike-wheel-consistin.html

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 9:11:33 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear about the series of difficult events :( I think humans have a tremendous capacity to recover from adversity and what helps is time and injection of positivity to offset the negative events. I find that time with and support from friends with whom I am most familiar helps.

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 9:15:34 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		Gosh do I understand things going to hell in a hurry! This time last year I was sure my life was over... and I mean that literally.
 
cjan... that's terrible. Reprehensible behavior. How did you manage to read all of that crap into what she said (and it is a she, I checked) Shit happens, particularly this time of year. The Gods must have warped senses of humor.
 
SC, there just aren't any words that are gonna make it all better for, I really wish there were. For now the best you can do is look at the little things you have and be happy with that much. Baby steps out of the depression, cry when you feel the need, beat the hell out of a pillow when you feel the anger and then weep into the arms of the guy that loves you and wants to be there for you. In time it will hurt less and you'll be able to push further past it. And remember, Karma will take care of that roommate in due time.
 
Jewel

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 9:15:59 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea
I find that time with and support from friends with whom I am most familiar helps.


And as Chia points out, so does humor ;-)

I think the designer should add some type of audio device that represents the thoughts of the legs (spokes) which blurts: ouch, you stepped on my foot, oww, you idiot you just crushed my toes.

However, I think this feature should be used more as a horn or a bell. I don't think having it on the entire time would be good for the sanity of the bicyclist ;-)

And if the designer comes out with a version that has fetish shoes, he just might find himself a market niche amongst those who enjoy trampling.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 12/22/2008 9:28:11 AM >

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 9:33:18 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know anyone around your age that didn't make mistakes.  We all have and yet some of us sailed through without getting caught, broken up and ditched.  Some went through the hell, caught in the storm that other's sailed through.  Right now you have to find a way to help yourself and not make things worse.  If you fall apart and stay fallen apart... things will get worse.  Yet you must grieve.  How you get through this could set the stage for how you deal with things later on.  So what I would suggest is something I learned to do because in a crisis, I always had people around me and mostly those I could not fail to provide for.

For a couple days go easy on yourself... eat well... sleep well, take care of yourself.  Allow yourself two hours of mourning, alone in a room.  Make sure you have one set goal a day and do it.  Do not fail to do it.  Then after you have rested and taken care of yourself, you can allow yourself one hour a day to mourn and you add a bit more life to your life.  You can't just up and walk away from crisis, but you have to learn to handle life and emotion at the same time and this is a life test or challenge for you.  How you handle this determines many things.

Many find comfort in beating themselves up and it can be an excuse or justification to feel bad and not carry on.  They can get stuck in guilt and sorrow and a cycle starts that some never change.  I would hate to see you do that.

You are a strong dominant woman... face the wind, grit your teeth and stand up proud.  We all make mistakes and sometimes the cost is high, but you have the power to make that cost less by how you handle the challenges and pain.  You fell down, it hurt badly... but little by little pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going!

Don't get stuck.  Keep moving, breathing and have a focused time of mourning and chin up and life goes on the rest of the day.  (Hugs)  You will make yourself proud... won't miss the needed mourning and yet will continue and will set the stage to prove yourself strong and able.  Don't miss that chance to do so.  Hang in there...

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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 9:52:45 AM   
LadyLou


Posts: 110
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I don't know anyone around your age that didn't make mistakes.  We all have and yet some of us sailed through without getting caught, broken up and ditched.  Some went through the hell, caught in the storm that other's sailed through.  Right now you have to find a way to help yourself and not make things worse.  If you fall apart and stay fallen apart... things will get worse.  Yet you must grieve.  How you get through this could set the stage for how you deal with things later on.  So what I would suggest is something I learned to do because in a crisis, I always had people around me and mostly those I could not fail to provide for.

For a couple days go easy on yourself... eat well... sleep well, take care of yourself.  Allow yourself two hours of mourning, alone in a room.  Make sure you have one set goal a day and do it.  Do not fail to do it.  Then after you have rested and taken care of yourself, you can allow yourself one hour a day to mourn and you add a bit more life to your life.  You can't just up and walk away from crisis, but you have to learn to handle life and emotion at the same time and this is a life test or challenge for you.  How you handle this determines many things.

Many find comfort in beating themselves up and it can be an excuse or justification to feel bad and not carry on.  They can get stuck in guilt and sorrow and a cycle starts that some never change.  I would hate to see you do that.

You are a strong dominant woman... face the wind, grit your teeth and stand up proud.  We all make mistakes and sometimes the cost is high, but you have the power to make that cost less by how you handle the challenges and pain.  You fell down, it hurt badly... but little by little pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going!

Don't get stuck.  Keep moving, breathing and have a focused time of mourning and chin up and life goes on the rest of the day.  (Hugs)  You will make yourself proud... won't miss the needed mourning and yet will continue and will set the stage to prove yourself strong and able.  Don't miss that chance to do so.  Hang in there...






That was truly wonderful advice Lockit.


This person has lost two beloved pets, and is grieving. She has gone through a really really shitty time, and one or two of you chose to think better of it and be harsh. Whatever you think or feel on the matter, rightly or wrongly, try putting aside your own justification for cold words and deliver it with more compassion; it's good for your soul, really. If that's just too much hassle for you, perhaps not saying anything would be a better option.


SomethingCatchy, I emailed you on the other side :)



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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 10:44:31 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Look, a couple of things in theOP set me off. First, she took her dogs camping, unleashed, in a national park. Then, rather than notify the rangers that they were loose, she abandoned them. It's ( maybe ) still not too late to notify themin the hope that they may be found and not suffer or cause suffering to other critters. It's the age-old story of "what did you THINK was gonna happen "?

Then a short litany of whining from slipping on a rock and getting a boo-boo, to a one-sided story of domestic chaos. As usual, I'm sure that there is more than one side to this story.

Finally, I happened to read the OP on a morning when I got the news that my brother , who has been suffering a long and painful death due to cancer had his lungs collapse last night and is on a respirator in intensive care. I'm leaving in the morning to gather with what's left of the family to be with him and each other when they pull the plug. So, perhaps I'm a little annoyed when someone whines about the small shit asks for "a kick in the butt" and refuses to take responsibility.

Finally,  in answer to the OP, if you really want to feel better, try what never fails instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Reach out and help someone worse off than yourself. Volunteer at the local homeless center to feed and comfort the suffering . Take a box of food to your local community pantry. Volunter at a church or community kitchen to feed the hungry and comfort the lonely this holiday season.


_____________________________

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall ,frozen , dead, from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself."- D.H. L

" When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks in to you"- Frank Nitti



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RE: Any ideas to kick my butt into gear? - 12/22/2008 11:05:37 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Something,

This does not look like a self-pity-wallowing to me, it looks like a series of bloody disasters, any given one of which would put me, at least, in Mightypissedoffland. 

I think Maslow's pyramid of values pertains.  Google if you can be bothered; but, for me, the main thing would be to prioritise what needs to be sorted out.  If your laddie sees it as his thing to help you, then accept it till you can stand on your own two feet, bread and board wise.  Don't add guilt and self-recrimination to your woes - you can't afford the weight of those things too.  Then see about your job, career and dogs. 

In short: Stiff upper lip, old girl.

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