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RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 6:06:31 AM

mistoferin

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Well, there is no across the board standard but some of the more common limitations are no penetration, no blood, no scat, no watersports, no take down play, no primal play, no fire play. I've been to some clubs that don't allow single tails or whip cracking. Some places don't allow wax because of the mess. Almost all places have time limits for your scenes. Even in the ones that don't, it would be considered rude to occupy any particular station for an extended period of time.

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Post #: 81

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 6:16:45 AM

missturbation

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Thankyou Erin.
Here the only limitations i've come across are blood play, watersports and occasionally when a club is busy single tails. Usually there are private rooms available which of course the door can be left open to so people can see, where i think blood play and water sports are acceptable.
I've never come across time limitations on equipment here.

In answer to your earlier question about playing hard in public when there are limitations to what you can do in a club, it appears that we in the UK are not as limited as the USA. There isn't anything i do at home, actually thats a lie, there are a few things i do / have done / plan to do that i couldn't do in a club but on the whole i can play just as hard for just as long.

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Post #: 82

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 6:20:44 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Well, there is no across the board standard but some of the more common limitations are no penetration, no blood, no scat, no watersports, no take down play, no primal play, no fire play. I've been to some clubs that don't allow single tails or whip cracking. Some places don't allow wax because of the mess. Almost all places have time limits for your scenes. Even in the ones that don't, it would be considered rude to occupy any particular station for an extended period of time.

This is not true of the membership clubs of the Chicago area. Penetration, etc is allowed so long as its thouroughly cleaned after.

i think alot of rules like no penetration have to do when money is collected at the door. Private clubs are another matter.

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Post #: 83

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 6:59:22 AM

mistoferin

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Well, as I said, there is no across the board standard....those are just the more common ones. Most clubs, private or public, and most parties that I have attended have some combination of them.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 84

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 10:24:16 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

So when it comes to playing at home / in clubs, do you play to the same level in both?
If not, why not?

*Just a note that this thread is not about heavy play vs light play. It is not about what heavy play is or what light play is. It is just plain and simply do you play harder at home than you would in a club whatever your level of play may be.

I don't get this "Level" of play stuff. You state this thread is not about what is heavy play or light play. But to be able to answer your question there needs to be some understanding of what is the "levels" of play. So what are the different levels of play? Personally, I don't really know what the levels are... so maybe someone could enlighten me to something I am rather ignorant about.

I might play "differently" at a private place than I would at a public place. The differences is more about respecting the rules of said places than because of my own internal inhibitions or concerns. It is also be about the availability of toys, supplies and furniture at the given place. I can't pack my entire dungeon into my toy bag when I go to another place and most places are far less equipment to provide me what I need in order to do many different things. These things will all affect what I am going to do at different places that I play at. Then what I do is of course affected by the person I am playing with as well. I can assure you that what I do at the different places is more affected by the person I am playing than anything else.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/24/2008 10:26:43 AM >

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Post #: 85

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 10:43:39 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii

Is it that the people watching "makes" it more erotic?

I suppose that is what does it for many. But not for me. It is the energy that comes from others play as I play. It is the melding of that energy from all of us that I enjoy. The best scene I have ever done in a public venue was when I did a scene with alandra several years ago. What made it more enjoyable than most was that a skilled Top started playing close (about 10ft apart) beside us with a person that has posted on this board from time to time. Even though we where not interacting with each other.. our energy was indeed feeding each other. It was actually at that time that Alandra noticed the girl getting beaten with a chain that caused her to long for it the next couple of years before I let her enjoy that experience. When I was done, it was then I realized just how many people had been standing around watching the four of us play. I think that in their own way the watchers contributed to the energy I was feeling but I lacked any awareness of them. In fact, when I am playing in a public scene where there is no one contributing much or any energy, I feel like I am in more of a vacuum or void and sometimes when it is really bad the place is sucking the energy from me and inhibits my ability to enjoy it.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 86

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 12:43:52 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Making such general comments - like it or not - does include everyone when you make generalisations like 'BDSM is about consent' - the world isn't that black and white. What I find amazing is that the same people that advocate things like this are usually the first people to demand that there is no one true way and who are the same people who try to create a them and us (BDSM vs. vanilla) mantra.

The thing is - as I said - consent doesn't exist and I for one find it a dangerous misnomer. No one consents to posting on a message board and being derided - whether in good humour or not. And if you can so easily deride someone or light heartedly take the piss out of someone, then your not as consensual as you make yourselves out to be.
And the biggest thing about all this is, that if you really think consent makes 'us'so different it's scarey. Laws don't believe that - and that's all you should be protecting yourself from, not hiding behind a buzz word.

the.dark.

I'm not making myself out to be anything nor am I hiding behind a buzzword.

I never said that everything in life (from jokes to not finding the right pair of shoes) must be consenual. That's impossible. What I believe is one person's right to get their jollies in public doesn't trump someone else's right to not be part of a sex act without their permission. I do believe that ignoring that person's right is rude and disrespectful, similiar to how I view lighting up in a non-smoking area even though I fully support people's right to smoke.

And yeah, I do think BDSM is about consent. My consent is what makes Valyraen not a rapist. I'm fully aware that the laws don't see it that way. I also think that if those laws are ever going to change it's because the loose collection/confederation/whatever term you please of people who share this common interest showed that they are capable of being responsible and respectful.

You don't have to agree with me, I'm certain you don't and I'm pretty sure this post did nothing to change your mind just as you won't change mine.

Kiss and make up? I've got latkes...

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(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 87

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/24/2008 1:04:08 PM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
I'm curious as to what limitations are in general in the USA. Seems they are pretty relevant to whether people play heavier in public than in private.

In the USA a lot of swinger’s clubs and gay clubs/bars have a fetish/leather night. In general, the swingers are more voyeuristic and lenient. Sexual penetration is the norm so clean up protocols at the play stations automatically include body fluid safety. . . bloodsports and sex doesn’t scare them like it does in the more conservative public BDSM dungeons. Since the swinger’s community outnumbers the BDSM community by a huge factor, I think you have to take into account the real numbers of our community that play in the crossover clubs before making any seeping generalizations. I like playing in the gay clubs and private swinger’s clubs more than the BDSM clubs because I can play however I choose . . . even if it scares the tourists a little. There usually are no “dungeon morons”… er… I mean “dungeon monitors” at a swinger’s club.

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Post #: 88

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 11:18:11 AM

missturbation

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quote:

You state this thread is not about what is heavy play or light play. But to be able to answer your question there needs to be some understanding of what is the "levels" of play.

You are right, but the only understanding of levels of play you need to answer this are your own levels of play. I asked if YOU play harder at home or in clubs? Therefore its not about generally understanding what hard or soft play is, its about what is hard and soft for YOU.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 89

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 12:13:50 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

You state this thread is not about what is heavy play or light play. But to be able to answer your question there needs to be some understanding of what is the "levels" of play.

You are right, but the only understanding of levels of play you need to answer this are your own levels of play. I asked if YOU play harder at home or in clubs? Therefore its not about generally understanding what hard or soft play is, its about what is hard and soft for YOU.

BUT... this assumes that one has defined play as hard and soft in the first place... what if one has no definition of play in this regard. Secondly... even if one has a definition of soft and hard... and you are told they only do hard play in private it really doesn't tell you anything since you don't actually know what is there hard play and there soft play. In fact, their soft play might make your toes curl or their hard play might bore you to tears. Frankly.. the quesiton is rather pointless and doesn't promote any substantial learning or understanding. I think a better question to ask does a person play different in public as compared to private and how and what causes them to play differently if they do indeed do play differently between private and public. This hard and soft stuff will only get a shallow understanding of people's preferences at best.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 90

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 1:55:46 PM

IronBear

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In all of this, I can't but help coming to the conclusion that "hard" and "soft" play are just relevant terms do compare two players. After all what seems hard play to me might be normal or even soft play to someone else. I will according to some, play hard and even edgy with my fire play and yet to me it is just something I was taught by a professional fire eater who I had married and used it as the encore of a cabaret act we had decades ago. I play hard and push the envelope when working with combat martial arts which to many will appear insane and yet it is normal play training for the real thing. You like bloody great lumps of Detroit motor cars loaded with chrome and an engine which drinks petroleum like it is water whilst I like the size and style of vehicle suitable for the purpose I'm driving (1967 Corvette or a good reliable 4x4). It is silly to sit and debate hard and soft play, what is really being looked at is the level of your play you use in public compared to what you do in private. Some hold back in public for various good reasons and others make no difference. Now I could be wrong in my conclusions and as y'all know this happens but it is my conclusion and rightly or wrongly it's jolly well mine, owned by me and I'm a keeping it

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 91

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 3:43:09 PM

softness

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With regard to impact play ... I have played *much* harder in clubs than at home ... for two simple reasons - I am a noisy girl (the neighbours would certainly call the police if they heard that much noise coming from my flat) and there is nothing steady enough in my home to bind me to in a suitable position. When I find a home location where I can be secured and noisy ... a major reason why I play publically will be gone.

Generally the play I enjoy in public is "sensation" play - varying degrees of impact... wax play, needle play, knife play (short of cutting) where the focus of the play is creating a wall of pleasant/unpleasant sensations ... I do not tend to engage in psychological play in public ... I am not in the right headspace for that.

Other types of play .... I dont edge play (on my terms of edge play) in public, but I do so regularly at home. This is for two reasons firstly I dont know a single public venue (anywhere in the world) that allows those things. If there was such a play space I would not consider it a safe environment for me or my partner. Being "risk aware" in one's own home, behind a secured door, with one person you know and love and trust is a play space not easily translated to a club environment. Secondly, a lot of the edgy stuff I seek is deeply private and not necessarily pleasant - not something I want to do in open, and usually neither do the people I am doing it with.

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RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 5:57:03 PM

mbes

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We play harder in public, at least in terms of impact, mostly because there are no um's to disturb. The adults there aren't easily disturbed.

He likes playing in public. For me it adds a level of unpleasantness that is sometimes easier to ignore than others.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 93

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 6:36:37 PM

missturbation

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quote:

Frankly.. the quesiton is rather pointless and doesn't promote any substantial learning or understanding. I think a better question to ask does a person play different in public as compared to private and how and what causes them to play differently if they do indeed do play differently between private and public.

Pointless to you maybe, but not to me. I wasn't interested in different forms of play in dungeons and home. I was interested in whether you played harder or softer in clubs or at home. How hard you play was of no consequence to my question at all.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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Post #: 94

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 8:08:04 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
Pointless to you maybe, but not to me. I wasn't interested in different forms of play in dungeons and home. I was interested in whether you played harder or softer in clubs or at home. How hard you play was of no consequence to my question at all.

interesting.. I wonder what conclusions you come up with such knowledge. Maybe a poll is what is need here.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 95

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 8:16:30 PM

missturbation

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quote:

Pointless to you maybe, but not to me. I wasn't interested in different forms of play in dungeons and home. I was interested in whether you played harder or softer in clubs or at home. How hard you play was of no consequence to my question at all.

quote:

interesting.. I wonder what conclusions you come up with such knowledge. Maybe a poll is what is need here.

I have come up with a few conclusions.

The first is that i can't even remember why i asked this question in the first place. All i can remember is that it was relevant to another thread i was participating in at the time. Either old age is getting to me or this damn slave flu is affecting my brain !!

The second conclusion i come to is that the answer is probably about 50 / 50. In truth most people seem to play differently in clubs than at home, rather than softer or harder.

The third is that whenever hard or soft play is mentioned, even in passing, the convo seems to become all about what hard or soft play is rather than staying on topic.

The fourth (related to the first) is that now i can't remember why i asked this question this thread has become pointless like you said

Edited three times cos i cudn't get my quotes right ffs

< Message edited by missturbation -- 12/26/2008 8:21:10 PM >

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 96

RE: Not the time or place !! - 12/26/2008 10:28:38 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
In truth most people seem to play differently in clubs than at home, rather than softer or harder.

and this is where we can about learn others and about why people make different choices in what they do in public as compared to private. or if they even play in public or privately. We can learn about different situations that cause people to make different choices. As I listen to some of the responses of Why they play differently.. I am reinforce how important public play is to many. Many people are limited at their private locations of what they can do in their private spaces. Small apartments, Young ones, parents living at home are all significant reasons why people are making different choices. Understanding that public play spaces are important to these individuals might go along way for many in the lifestyle to support these places in some way.. Even if they don't play in public themselves. This of course is just one thing we can take away as we learn about peoples choices to play differently at public events compared to private and I do believe there are other things we can learn that would be a postive things for lifestyle communities as whole and maybe even a few negative things that we might want to try and change.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/26/2008 10:29:57 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 97

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