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Mental illness - 12/22/2008 11:10:31 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Ok, so I have had a friend for 6.5 years.   We were friends for  a good bit of time until one day we decided we weren't just friends anymore, but something more than friends.  Shortly before Thanksgiving he got back with his old girlfriend.  I didn't hear from him and finally tracked him down in jail.  Apparently he was stopped due to out of date license plates, a routine check was run on him and 2 old warrants were discovered, 1 a felony criminal mischief complaint for leaving a rental house in bad condition, the other for a bad check written to a funeral parlor.

So I went to see him today, and he tells me he is being committed to the state mental hospital because they do not feel he is competent to stand trial.

He doesn't understand why he is being sent there and not having talked to his doctor neither am I.  I see him 20 minutes twice a week and he is lucid but I am not there other times.

At any rate once he gets out I have told him he can stay here if he follows rules (get a job, keep house semi clean - don't throw food trash in floor).   He will have nowhere else to go.  I guess I'm not sure how to get to somewhere  from where he was in charge to where I am, of necessity, in charge.





< Message edited by moonvine -- 12/23/2008 12:05:27 AM >
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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 12:01:12 AM   
Lindamae508


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		you must really care alot for this person to give him a place to live and a chance when he gets out of jail, especially since you've decided not to be friends anymore.

(in reply to moonvine)
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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 12:03:33 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		Well I will probably always be his friend, we just won't be bumping naughty bits, at least not unless and until his mental illness is under control and I more fully understand the nature of it.

Sorry, I was unclear up top, I'll edit it, but when I said we weren't friends anymore I meant because we were something more.


< Message edited by moonvine -- 12/23/2008 12:04:47 AM >

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 12:08:17 AM   
Lindamae508


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Status: offline 		good luck to you both

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:38:31 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Forgive me for asking however are you sure his story checks out....the reasons why he is in the jail, the part about how he is about to be hospitalised as he isn't competent to stand trial and about his not understanding why/how this is happening?

Has he generally been honest with you in the past?

To make a huge understatement it sounds like he has a number of difficulties.  Do you feel able to provide the support and friendship he will most likely need? 

If you both do agree to have him stay with you I would suggest setting up some clear time frames in regards to him getting a job, helping around the house, paying some board etc.  This is important not only to protect yourself but also to help him have goals to work towards and clear boundaries.

It sounds like he isn't the person that you were in a 'more than friends' relationship with anymore so it will be important to keep this in mind when he is staying with you.

Sorry I don't have any more concrete suggestions, you sound like an extremely caring friend to be willing to do this.




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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 4:42:28 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have a friend with mental illness.  Despite it, she functions extremely well and is about to be promoted to assistant director where she works. Even so, she requires extra attention.  She has a clean criminal record.

Your friend sounds like bad news.  He breaks the law repeatedly.  If he doesn't know why he's being sent to the psych hospital, he's either completely out of it or a liar.

I understand a lot about landlord-tenant law, and "a felony criminal mischief complaint for leaving a rental house in bad condition" makes no sense.  If he was renting, then if he left a rental in bad condition, that would simply result in him being charged the amount to fix it.  If he didn't pay, then there would be a judgment entered against him.  Either way, it is NOT a felony.  I suspect that he's got a felony for another reason.

Drug use can create  mental symptoms.  And a criminal past.  And a habit of lying.  I suspect drugs here.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 12/23/2008 5:38:39 AM >

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 10:12:10 AM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I have a friend with mental illness.  Despite it, she functions extremely well and is about to be promoted to assistant director where she works. Even so, she requires extra attention.  She has a clean criminal record.

Your friend sounds like bad news.  He breaks the law repeatedly.  If he doesn't know why he's being sent to the psych hospital, he's either completely out of it or a liar.

I understand a lot about landlord-tenant law, and "a felony criminal mischief complaint for leaving a rental house in bad condition" makes no sense.  If he was renting, then if he left a rental in bad condition, that would simply result in him being charged the amount to fix it.  If he didn't pay, then there would be a judgment entered against him.  Either way, it is NOT a felony.  I suspect that he's got a felony for another reason.

Drug use can create  mental symptoms.  And a criminal past.  And a habit of lying.  I suspect drugs here.


I  have actually spoken with my attorney - his hasn't bothered to return my calls - and gotten my attorney to  verify what I can of the story.  Clearly, my attorney can't verify if he does or doesn't understand why he's being committed. 

I agree that the charge makes no sense.  We have all been saying that from the beginning.  Nevertheless, the landlord went and filed a police report and the police issued a warrant.  My attorney has seen the paperwork.  It would make much more sense to do it the way you say.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 10:13:51 AM   
moonvine


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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Forgive me for asking however are you sure his story checks out....the reasons why he is in the jail, the part about how he is about to be hospitalised as he isn't competent to stand trial and about his not understanding why/how this is happening?




I am positive most of it checks out.   In fact the commitment process has already started and so at this point he can't be bailed out.  I can't verify if he does or doesn't understand why, but he sure doesn't seem to.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 11:37:03 AM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
Sounds kind of off to me. He must have trashed his apartment...wonder what he did there .

I would suggest not living with him if he has verifiable mental problems. No! Stay away from that stuff, and don't let us talk you into you thinking its ok (if a b and c are met).

There are plenty of other decent men out there to live with. Less baggage, not more!

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 1:27:41 PM   
CalifChick


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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Psychotic breaks are not always evident during a 20-minute visit, even several times per week.


Cali


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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 1:29:40 PM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Psychotic breaks are not always evident during a 20-minute visit, even several times per week.


Cali



Absolutely.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 1:43:08 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		It isn't a matter of "I'm just dying to live with someone" - it's a matter of "this person is my friend and will be out on the streets if I don't help."  I hate living with people.  Ick.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 1:45:21 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		He's given me written permission now to talk to his doctor, lawyer and access his apartment (lease is expiring and given this we don't think he will have the option to renew) and storage unit.  So I will talk to the doctor and find out what is going on with regard to the commitment.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:07:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Talk to his lawyer, talk to his psychiatrist. Make sure you understand exactly what you're getting into. Are you going to monitor him taking his medication? What if he can't get a job due to his criminal history? What happens if you decide he's too difficult for you to live with?

How do you propose to make sure he isn't doing drugs and alcohol?

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:15:05 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		At this point my attorney told me his attorney is going for probation once he gets out of the mental hospital, so they will test for drugs and alcohol.   He can and will get some sort of job even if it is day labor - the bad thing about that is that he's a freaking unix engineer with the potential to make a lot of money.   And yes, I guess I will have to monitor him taking his medication.  Ick.

If I decide it becomes too much for me I guess I will have to talk to his doctor about getting him into a group home.

< Message edited by moonvine -- 12/23/2008 2:16:00 PM >

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:43:37 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		There are all sorts of professional people whose job it is to help people transition from bieng institutionalized/hospitalized/in jail to being out and about, including 1/2 and 3/4 way houses and other supervised living arrangements.  Perhaps assisting him to find placement in such a venue or accessing the professionals who can best assist so that you do not have to be the sole one responsible for his living space and upkeep would be an option? 
  Davan

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:47:08 PM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know about the laws in Texas, but where I'm at (WA), a person can be set up in a halfway house when they get out of a mental hospital & they won't have to live on the street or be homeless until they do find another place to live.....and they'll monitor the the person's meds too.   Maybe your friend could do that, if you are having second thoughts.......

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RE: Mental illness - 12/23/2008 2:54:59 PM   
moonvine


Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

There are all sorts of professional people whose job it is to help people transition from bieng institutionalized/hospitalized/in jail to being out and about, including 1/2 and 3/4 way houses and other supervised living arrangements.  Perhaps assisting him to find placement in such a venue or accessing the professionals who can best assist so that you do not have to be the sole one responsible for his living space and upkeep would be an option? 
Davan


I'll talk to his doctor and attorney about it. After the New Year, unfortunately, most likely.  He just gave me written permission to access all this information today.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/24/2008 8:26:34 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Just a couple of thoughts from my perspective - subbies tend to be helping people, even when it isn't convenient or good for them. I can see me taking someone in to stop them from being on the street, and end up being responsible for them for the rest of their lives. If you can see this in you, you need to check out alternate living arrangements, and just be a friend - which he would need at that stage.

For heavens sake , don't get into a situation where you are a caretaker, and end up hating him and yourself for the way you feel about the situation. It would be way healthier for him to be living in a dispassionate environment, where he is encouraged to take up the reins of living again.

good luck with the decisions.

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RE: Mental illness - 12/24/2008 8:54:25 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		easy enuff to check out court records are public record.

BadOne

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