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RE: Family - 12/26/2008 7:49:09 PM   
bluepanda


Posts: 328
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I wanted a Wes Welker jersey this year for Christmas. It's the only thing I really wanted. The sibling who claimed that gift to give me, gave me something else instead. A hideously ugly ceramic gnome. Things got tight finacially for them and my siblings wife went to some ceramic store, bought this ugly little Gnome and painted it in Patriots colors, put the Patriots logo on the Gnomes cap and made a garden decoration out of it. I happen to hate gnomes, puppets, hobbits and all those little mythical creatues, they give me the creeps. You know what ? I am more grateful for that gnome than I would have been with the jersey I wanted. The thought that went into coming up with something affordable that had the theme of what I wanted means more to me than anything else. And to see my SIL face, anxious and nervous, then turning into a huge smile, as I opened this gift was a gift in itself. I cooed and fawned over this ugly thing and told her it was perfect and couldn't believe she made it herself. And you want to know another thing ? That creepy little guy will be in my garden come spring. It touched my heart.


I can hardly express what a beautiful story this is. Thank you for sharing it. The only shame is that a story that touching had to appear in a thread like this.


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Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Family - 12/26/2008 8:16:42 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP,
i'm really the wrong one to get into a 'pissing match' with over who's been screwed over more by their families. Hell, to this day (34 of them so far) my mom still does not remember my birthday!! She still insists it was my fault she had to remarry my abusive, rapist father... But, guess what? There comes a point when you make the decision to grow the fuck up. At least i know i did. i realized that part of my responsibility as an adult is i must teach people how to treat me. If people are having inappropriate conversations around me i either ask them to stop or remove myself from the conversation. As much of a bastard as my father was, the last two Christmas's without him have been somewhat anti-climactic. There came a point (for me anyway) when it no longer was all about me, and instead was about what kind of an impact i wanted to leave on the other person's life. Although, that is probably why most people believe i treated my father with more grace and dignity during his death than he did to me during my entire life.....Because i dropped the score card...i put it away.....burned it......it's gone. 
This Christmas i spent with Him and we could not go see my family. My two nephews and neice all called me at seperate times crying telling me how much they loved me and missed me..THAT, is a blessing no one can put a price tag on.
Sometimes, it's just about doing the next right thing.
Kali


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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Family - 12/26/2008 8:20:03 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		dear OP

i'm sitting here waiting for my back to stop hurting so i can finish clearing the guest bed for my longed-for company tomorrow.  and i'm remembering my darling james, who passed away 3 years ago dec 18.

he had wealthy parents, too.  they sent him away to military school when he was 15, gave him cash every now and again, and he was *allowed* to call once a week.  ALLOWED.  more than that, and the next week they didnt answer the phone.

at christmas, he was allowed to come over for one hour on christmas day, between 9 am and 10 am, so that he would be gone before lunch guests arrived.  he was never allowed to stay for food, not after he was about 25 years old.  he was 41 when he passed away, at my home, in my arms, a week before christmas.

i had to call his folks.  his family were kind enough to me, but i could tell they were relieved, in a way, to not deal with him any longer.

your family invited you to dinner.  you didnt get the gifts you wanted, but you know what?  james would have given every penny back to them, every gift back, just to KNOW that he was loved. 

fallcon passed away 2 years ago dec 25th.  the winter before he moved down to live with us?  he was living under a bridge in downtown cincinnati, about 4 miles from where his mother lives.  she wouldnt let him in when he went to see her at thanksgiving that year, so he didnt bother on christmas.  none of the normal food kitchens were open the evening of dec 25th, so he got a turkey sandwhich for lunch, and nothing for dinner.  the next christmas was good...the christmas after that, he died.  i cried then laughed cause i knew it would be a huge bother to his mother to have to deal with his passing.  not a grief, a bother.  his mother's response?  she thanked me and hung up.  a month later she called me wondering if she had to do anything as far as an inheritance went for tax purposes.  that was all he was to her.

all he ever wanted was his parent's love, too.

but what do i know?  i'm just a kitten, and my back isnt hurting as bad, and i gotta finish getting that room clean.

kitten, wandering off and wondering what some people think christmas is all about, anyway....

(in reply to avinyl)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Family - 12/26/2008 8:22:08 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		i have a hard time believing that the OP will get much out of the words of wisdom here, there seems to be a major maturity issue here that will have to be resolved before she can actually make sense of the postings here.  you know how some people have to learn the hard way?  i believe our OP is one of those people.  there will come a day when something will happen in her life and she'll suddenly "get it".
we can hope for her sake it's sooner rather than later, but for many folks it takes a lifetime.
PM

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 2:35:24 AM   
BbwCanaDomme


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline 		I just have to say, being 22 is not an excuse for throwing hissy fits about Christmas presents. I'm 21, and had what most people would consider to not be a great Christmas, but it was absolutely the best one I can remember. Why? It was the first time my entire family had been toegther for Christmas since I was 3. We drastically cut back on presents (we tend to go crazy at Christmas, but there's only so much you can fit in suitcases), our car got stuck in the snow on the way to my aunt's for dinner, the only things I could eat at christmas dinner were mashed potatoes and carrots (my uncle doesn't really understand the vegetarian thing), and my cousin's friend ( and the friend's girlfriend. I had never met either of them, neither had my sister, or my parents) came for dinner because neither had family to spend the day with, and it was still a really fucking awesome day. My sister took close to 400 pictures, everyone had at least a small present to open, and we watched the fireplace channel (seriously!!! it was like those fake fireplace dvds only it was on for 48 hours on one of the stations here, and we thought it was hilarious. Every so often an arm would reach into frame and re-adjust the logs)

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Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 3:08:28 AM   
Lizbetbathory


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		If it hadnt been for the fact ive been with my subbie longer than 3 months id say this was aboutme Op sounds liek his sister in a lot of ways... but i realize his sister has major issues... now im not putting her down for that but telling me I am a whore cause im"dating" her brother makes ya know she has em... LIFE GOES ON.... x mases coem and go so do boy toys hubby's girl toys and wives... families stay... wheather you want em to or not. I hate most of mine and would prefer to not ever see them... so i only see them on holidays... this year i should up wearing jeans t shirt that said silence is golden duct tape is silver.. it was formal...  my family just glared at me and the younger generation adn the oldest just laughed... I realize that im stuck with em and can kill em so i deal and that is what it is all about life the holidays and family its all about delaing with unpleasentness ... then ya have a few drinks a good fuck and ya go to bed!

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 4:23:36 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i can recall the Thanksgiving where i was making all the side dishes and desserts. Our home is too small to host so my best bud had the honor but her schedule was so busy i took all the responsibility off of her, with the exception of the turkey.
This story is a bit of a standing joke with a few of us Random Stupidity regulars: I had everything either warming in the oven or on top of the stove. The oven shorted out and ignited. It was not long (seconds, actually) until the stove was blazing, as well as everything around it. We grabbed the phone for a 911 call and ran out of the house. By the time the fire dept arrived the kitchen, and everything i had spent all day cooking, was ruined.
I called my best bud (it took everything i had to convince her not to come running over) and told her dinner was toast.
Here is where the story takes a sweet turn. Everyone left her place and went home. Freezers were opened amd food of any sort was packed up and carted to her place. We had a Thanksgiving of turkey, hot dogs, defrosted chicken soup, veggies of every make and model, pizza, bagels, etc.

Did it matter that this was the most unique holiday dinner of all time? Not in the least. We were together. We were safe. We loved each other and took the time to join hands and thank God for what we had. We were a family.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 12/27/2008 5:16:48 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 5:28:25 AM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		We all have choices to make in our lives. At times, being part of a family is not much fun. BUT...only you can make your choice about your behavior and attitude. At 22, you still have alot of growing up to do it seems to me. As much as parents try to be fair, they sometimes do have favorites. Sometimes, I would prefer to spend Christmas alone. However, I have 80 yr old parents and drove them to their oldest daughter home and back just so they could see the 2 yr old great grandbaby. A total of six hours of driving time and 5 hours visiting. AND..I worked all week. The 2 yr old was the shining star. While they enjoyed seeing her, they felt they were snubbed because my sister and her grown children didn't acknowledge that my parents had 'cleaned' up for the day. Sooooooooo...while you can throw your fit about the gf being included all families have stuff and you should be grateful for the opportunity to spend the time with your family. As my younger sister says - thank goodness she lives on the opposite coast so she doesn't have to deal with family get togethers anymore. She just has to be available for me to vent about the caretaking I do for the parents and my bitching about the lack of help from the older sisters who at times to me have felt like they are the favorites. The oldest still is dad's favorite. Lots of people don't have families to spend the holidays with. Next year, make other plans in advance instead of driving yourself insane about what is or isn't fair. Life...as you will find as you grow up...is not fair. There are many people who don't have family and Christmas is an extremely difficult time for them. Spend your energy helping those in need instead of whining about what you can't change. 

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 7:12:08 AM   
LeMis


Posts: 9255
Joined: 9/24/2005
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

I'm just sitting here wondering how this OP is being perceived by those among us who don't have families or even good contact with their families and who are spending the holidays alone. This includes those who don't have someone who is close to them.

How many mothers and fathers out there have been waiting for a call from their offspring which never comes? How many out there don't have families they can spend a day with, let alone time like this?

How many Christmas Days have been ruined by a trivial argument?

Some perspective perhaps?


Last Christmas was ruined by a trivial argument between brother's "significant other" & myself, she told me that if I didn't like it I could leave (I believe her words were, "Get the hell out of my house") to which I replied that it was MY brother's home (Yes that was a mean thing to say).  I left Christmas morning and haven't been back to his house since, nor have we spoken.  My brother had also told our mom that if she didn't like things she could leave, not just once but twice.  He said this to her in a slightly lower than normal volume and in a calm way.  I was shocked!  Our dad didn't hear this from my brother because  1. he was in another room at the time and  2. dad has an extreme hearing problem.  After that is when my brother's s/o and I had our discussion and I left.
My other brother left about an hour later after we had left, not sure of the circumstances surrounding that "episode".
I ended up having a bologna and potato chip sandwich for Christmas dinner.

This past Christmas we were told that the boys were going out of state to spend Christmas w/ s/o's families and if we wanted to we could spend it with his family on the other side of state, we invited my parents so they wouldn't be alone (I couldn't stand that thought).  Apparently the boys plans changed and they spent the holiday here instead of out of state, the brother whose house Christams was at last year didn't invite mom & dad and refused to have a "get together" prior to Christmas but did go over mom & dad's last Sunday.  When we were asked about getting "together" I was fine with that and was totally willing to be friendly, hospitable, etc... just name the date & time and we'd be there.  My brother wasn't fine with it I guess, we went over last Saturday.  The other brother was out of town but wanted to be here but my parents explained to him that he had told them he'd be gone so they made other plans.  My parents had to have 3 separate get togethers and it was the worst Christmas for them.

Looking back.. would I have left again?  I don't know. 
I do know that I wished things hadn't happened like last year but there are too many other variables that I have no control of to change and doubt seriously if they would have changed anyways.  It might have been wise to just have kept Christmas at mom & dad's.

As for the the original poster's message... 
If it were me, I'd try to make the best of the situation with family if at all possible but I'd opt to make it a short visit unless things went better than planned.

After the holidays are over I'd have a discussion w/ parents about everything though and see if we couldn't come to some sort of amicable solution for the next family gathering.

< Message edited by LeMis -- 12/27/2008 7:15:08 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 7:49:23 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		So, holly, your story is that was a ONETIME occurrence?

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Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 8:10:52 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bluepanda

I can hardly express what a beautiful story this is. Thank you for sharing it. The only shame is that a story that touching had to appear in a thread like this.



Your welcome, bluepanda. I am not an angel, that gift gives me the creeps when I look at it and I do not like it. But it * means * something to me.

quote:

KatyLied:
WR, (why did I think he was a tight end?) bedroom eyes, makes snow angels...



Because he is built like a TE, not a WR. I have the same problem.
I met him this year, ya know. His eyes are more dreamy than you can imagine.
< Swoon >

                              mbmbn


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When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 8:35:24 AM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Holidays are such fun no matter what you do.  My x had 16 brothers and sisters so you can extrapolate on how many would come if  invitations were sent.  Since a Christmas event always ended up in a fist fight (not if ,but when) you had to be very courageous to even send out invitations.  Nevertheless we have sent invitations.  To avoid hurting anyone's feelings, we would send invitations labeled "everyone's invited, pass the news."  Still in the next year we would spend time chasing down all those who claimed that we did not invite them or would not speak to us since a specific invitation did not include their current lover's  name.  What does "everyone is invited, pass the news" mean?  You will never entirely win and whether you offended someone is often seen only by the eyes of the offended. If you want to go, then go.  If you want your friend to accompany you, try it.  If someone showed up with a new partner at our house, I would not even have noticed, or cared.  If you have to be extra careful, I have received several calls from her family members asking if they can bring a certain other person.  I always say, "of course", but the response in your case may tell you how far they are willing to go.The politest people I have encountered are gay folks asking whether they can bring their significant other. Of course they can, they never get into the fist fights.


< Message edited by Lorr47 -- 12/27/2008 8:47:46 AM >

(in reply to LittleMissModern)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 9:17:28 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

So, holly, your story is that was a ONETIME occurrence?

Lord i hope so....


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RE: Family - 12/27/2008 10:22:52 AM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Steven....You know better....this is holly we are talking about....If she ever volunteers to deep fry a turkey...I'D RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 2:31:18 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Oh oh - like the ad about the man who didn't get the call about thawing a turkey before deep frying it - and it exploded!  Too funny!   And holly doesn't have a beard!!!!!!

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Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Family - 12/27/2008 3:18:13 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverMark

Steven....You know better....this is holly we are talking about....If she ever volunteers to deep fry a turkey...I'D RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




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RE: Family - 12/27/2008 3:19:16 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Oh oh - like the ad about the man who didn't get the call about thawing a turkey before deep frying it - and it exploded!  Too funny!   And holly doesn't have a beard!!!!!!

er...you have to defrost 'em first?

who'da thunk it?


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Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Family - 12/30/2008 3:54:15 AM   
LittleMissModern


Posts: 72
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i just picked up on this. Your cousin got a 200.00 purse at the home of your aunt.
Can you actually be whining that your aunt gave her daughter an expensive purse, and not you?



it's not her daughter... it's her niece... and i am her niece as well... my mom has multiple siblings.

< Message edited by LittleMissModern -- 12/30/2008 4:03:20 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Family - 12/30/2008 4:16:15 AM   
LittleMissModern


Posts: 72
Joined: 12/7/2008
Status: offline 		and regarding my contribution to christmas, i made 5 different kinds of cookies... i baked for days... and am always responsible for doing dishes after the meal...

i've been so selfless for so long (might be hard to believe after reading my posts, but whatever) and i got nothing but walked on.  now, i take a stance and decide to want something for myself, and really care about an issue... and it gets me this response. 

i'm kinda not sure what i need to do...

i'm anything but a snotty brat when it comes to real life.  what's in my head (and in this post) stays there...

had i decided not to go, i would have never heard the end of it, so i felt forced to go, because i knew i couldn't win either way... it was what everyone wanted, so i went. 

did anyone at Christmas hear about the burnt ham? no... or the empty salad bowl? no...  or even the purse... nope not a word.  the only thing that got discussed, and in a strictly joking manner, was the fact that my cousin forgot the cheese for her pizza breads...

i acted grateful for that ugly hat, and didn't mention my brother's nasty comments, or even remotely suggest that i was unhappy that my brother's girlfriend was in attendance--

i put those feelings here, so that it wouldn't impact my family's christmas...



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Profile   Post #: 119
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