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Rayne58 -> RE: Subtle Abuse (12/27/2008 4:02:25 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stella41b
This is hardly rocket science, or is it?
Subtle abuse = harassment, putdowns, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, bullying, systematic taunts, systematic threats, unfair criticism, making someone feel bad, making someone feel guilty, ... it just doesn't get any simpler, or does it?
Or maybe this topic is a little too close to the knuckle?
Just out of curiosity...
My ex did most of this throughout much of our 23 year marriage, but up until someone pointed it out I did not realise it was abusive behaviour.[&o] I had lived with it for so long that it had become "normal" to feel unhappy and bad about myself. I did not realise how much emotional stress I was under until I became ill with a stomach ulcer and the doctor asked me if I was under stress [8|] I actually told him no I wasn't stressed!
It was a year and a few months later that I left - the weight that came off my shoulders that day felt unbelievable. But the behaviours listed above became more "out in the open" during the separation and the sorting out of financial matters. He became frustrated because he could not control me in that way any more, and he didn't know how else to handle it especially when I hung up on him a few times when he became loud and abusive on the phone.
I do not speak to him now unless I have to (our daughter lives with him for the moment). I have not seen him since my father died in early 2005. I still have nightmares about him. Those are gradually becoming fewer, but they still throw me when they happen. We live in separate countries now and there is an ocean between us but it's still not big enough......[&o]
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