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MadRabbit -> RE: Subtle Abuse (12/27/2008 4:41:38 PM)
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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Your post did come off as extremely patronizing, btw, whether or not that was your intent.
Well, thanks for mentioning something completely irrelevant given I already clarified it was not what I was trying to convey.
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I think you missed the numerous posts which outlined:
Not at all.
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(a) The plate in question was smashed to the floor with a shouted "What the fuck??" when the guy didn't like the dinner he was served. It was not in a garage; it was in front of her, as a direct result of something she was doing for him.
Which is a completely different context then the plate smashing that was brought up originally as a coping mechanism. I believe it started off with a plate being broken in the garage where no one could hear it.
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(b) Post after post of personal accounts (not the requested links which describe the psychological standards with which to describe abuse) have stated that abuse depends on context, and a history of emotional abuse tends to escalate over time.
Irrelevant to my post since I was never arguing against either. I was arguing against something very specific.
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(c) Where you're off in your comparison to S/M, pot, oral sex, etc, is that abuse - whether physical or emotional - is an act of anger, which is a heated emotion that, when not handled properly, can be damaging and out of control.
Irrelevant given the context of my analogies.
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(d) It is said, in the field of psychology as well as in anger management classes, that people with anger management issues should NOT hit pillows, punching bags, etc. Why? Because doing so perpetuates the violence they use as their outlet to handling anger, and because it is too risky that they will then, once again, turn their anger on another human being.
Okay...so you are repeating the same thing you said before. That's fine.
Allow me to give the same response I gave before.
From where I sit, given my personal experiences, I would say that the correlation between violence toward lifeless objects as a way of venting and violence toward human beings is weak and at best, case specific.
I would also bet that this advice was given to people who already had a history of violence toward people. This changes the context and the scenario. In that case, violence toward inanimate objects would be the same as sitting in a room while people drank when you have a history of alcohol abuse or watching S/M porn when you have a history of serial kidnappings and torture.
I've gone in the garage and broken cheap things or punched a punching bag when I have come home from work stressed out and furious and I have yet to ever lay a hand on a woman in rage and violence. A good coping technique? Not at all. I shouldn't allow myself to get to that point, but sometimes it happens and I need to externalize my emotions in some harmless way to exorcize myself of them.
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(e) There is so much still misunderstood about the aspects and consequences of abuse. What I find sad are that people (mostly men, it seems) want to challenge well known information as wrong (based on their personal opinions, only), rather than try to educate themselves and understand a very touchy topic. This thread (and the other one) is a perfect example of that. In response to what government agencies, psychological agencies, social service agencies, volunteers who work at shelters, and personal accountings have to say, we still have people saying "That's just not true...because I think it's not true" rather than saying "Hmm, this is a real problem out there and I'm not understanding it - why are all the experts and former victims saying one thing can lead to another? I can't personally see it, but why does this appear to be a trend?" No, instead they have used sarcasm, patronization, joke, accusations of being "heated" and "assualting", and a personal pulpit based on nothing but what is in their head. It is a pity this could not have been a cool, educational, intellectual conversation. I think we all could have gotten a lot more out of it.
Right. People are taking the information you have provided, applying it to their personal experiences, and thinking for themselves and your upset about that. I get it. Now, whether you or intend it now, your coming off like a frustrated child who's screaming "WHY WON'T PEOPLE JUST LISTEN TO ME?"
If you really wanted a cool, intellectual conversation, then you would have provided a cool, intellectual reply to my cool, intellectual post, but you didn't.
I read things, take in the information, skeptically examine it, apply my personal experiences, see if it works for me, and then either agree with it or disagree with it. I'm not nor ever will be a True Believer in anything, this topic included. Now I am sorry if you take offense to me thinking for myself and I am sorry if your attempts to "educate" me and my ignorant opinions have failed, but...tough.
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(e) As a result, this thread turned into one of defining what abuse is and what the laws are around it, which I don't believe was the intention of the OP. I asked in my first post (#39) and I'll ask again, wouldn't we be more productive if we tried to understand what we might be doing that causes another human being to feel emotionally/mentally/spiritually assaulted? Wouldn't this discussion have been more fruitful if, instead of the assertive "You're wrong" comments, the opposing view expressed their concern, outlining in detail how such statements can be misused and abused and what the consequences could be? It's a valid concern, which became lost amidst all the "I'm right, you're wrong" posturing, which added no actual information to this discussion other than to fuel argument.
I think you should leave this thread, because it's obvious you are unable to remain detached because of your own bad personal experiences, because from what I am seeing, your getting pissed because...."gasp"....people are disagreeing.
Cool, intellectual conversations don't happen when one person is on a zealous crusade.
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