|
Aszhrae -> RE: Subtle Abuse (12/29/2008 9:34:52 AM)
|
What I dislike the most, looking back in hindsight as to my own upbringing.
An individual is the recipient of continuous abuse, that a natural response is to bully others thus becoming violent in your behavior towards others. This behavior continues until the individual is removed. There are also underlying circumstances to such retaliatory behavior. The psychology of the recipient also needs to be considered.
As the situation continues, subtle abuse becomes more a detriment to the development of the recipient to function properly.
There are also external influences that are just as responsible for abuse as the source. The abuse of authority is also factor within the medical system. Such was my upbringing.
I was abused physically growing up as a child to the point that I became violent in my reaction. I was removed from the cause and presumed the cause of the abuse. As a result of that screwed up diagnosis, I was medicated to near catatonia.
Now I have no idea why medical practitioners believed I had caused abuse to happen to me, but that was their diagnosis. My father was an alcoholic and much like current master, and even men in my past that behaved violently towards me, I really do have to ask the question why?
Abused my father, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Forget trying to learn how to fly, I just concentrated on learning how to land.
Abusive is violence towards another human being. At 11, I was thrown into a wall and cracked my head open. As a result, was removed from my family for a year. Once more, medicated to a zombied state of mind and physical lethargy.
Now this may harm my chances of finding a domme to serve but my past is what gives foundation towards being a submissive and my dislike towards men.
Schooling was spent avoiding men and of course my association with women without relationships. Most guys assumed I was gay, as a result, I was the recipient of numerous gay bashing. Attempting to fight back was met with me being confined, eventually I just stopped fighting back. I could not win. Do I perceive my self as the victim here, 'Hell No'. My life has gone from one source of abuse to another. Yes I consider prejudice and homophobia/transphobia a form of abuse because its still violence towards another individual.
We do our best to heal. Just as an individual starts making headway into the healing process. There is always someone to come along that dictates that the method being used is wrong or that they decide to set you back. Someone I thought I could trust. A friend of mine. Well at least I thought he was until I shared with him my situation. As a result, he became violent, called me a freak and successfully drowned me (2nd drowning= water fills the lungs). I survived and he was arrested. That happened on Canada Day.
Now this thread is about subtle abuses but I believe its also a thread of general abuse.
After I recovered, I was abused further by my own father for being so weak. That everything that happens to me is my fault. That I deserve everything that I receive.
The abuse continued and still continues, now as public humiliation and demeaning remarks.
As I stated in a previous thread, some people enjoy being humiliated, degraded to the point of being treated as an object, demeaned as an individual until their spirit is broken. To some they invite this upon themselves but to some others it would be considered abusive behavior. Even criticism can be considered a form of abuse if it is used to lower an individual's self-esteem, to cause another individual duress or to generally cause them to doubt their efforts.
Interestingly enough, I have read a good many threads where criticism has done nothing to help but only to hinder. Always by the same individuals.
|
|
|
|
