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RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:31:39 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
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Status: offline 		{<------ i can sit here comfortably eating this knowing that for 25 years every day of my life i was told i was a repulsive fat cow and that no man would ever want me or love me}

Kali
Who's so freaking grateful she does not feel the need to justify herself or her beliefs today.


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(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 141
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:32:45 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

I understand fully what you meant from it. It was slightly sarcastic.



Ok Einstein, I'll play....what does my signature line mean, seeing as you understand it fully and all?

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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Profile   Post #: 142
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:33:59 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

So if I called you a lil dick piglet just once it wouldn't be abuse or something insulting?

Just once no..as for insulting.I have a tougher skin than to let something like that bother me..I tend to look at the source.


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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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Profile   Post #: 143
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:36:14 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

I understand fully what you meant from it. It was slightly sarcastic.



Ok Einstein, I'll play....what does my signature line mean, seeing as you understand it fully and all?

Einstein huh..now I could cry over that but I won't lol. To me it means that you are a willing participate in what it is your doing.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
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Profile   Post #: 144
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:39:26 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		The source is what we are all looking at.  Whether it is one time... or many things one time or the same thing all the time.. there is a source and some are abusive.  Walk up to a stranger and call them something... a lot of the time they will respond.  Depending on that source.

Someone could be raped many times... and not be a victim mentality person.  Because of TOS I cannot elaborate.  To doubt someone's experience becasue of our own jadedness... is sometimes a projection of how we think and feel and someone who has been abused will pick up on that disbelief.  You wouldn't be doing them any favors if you just took that one converstation into consideration.  It's a whole picture.. not just one or two.

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Profile   Post #: 145
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:40:55 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

This is hardly rocket science, or is it?

Subtle abuse = harassment, putdowns, emotional manipulation, emotional blackmail, bullying, systematic taunts, systematic threats, unfair criticism, making someone feel bad, making someone feel guilty, ... it just doesn't get any simpler, or does it?

Or maybe this topic is a little too close to the knuckle?

Just out of curiosity...

You can't make someone feel guilty or bad..It's what they feel about what you say that makes them feel that way..The other stuff is bad behavior for sure. But abuse no unless it becomes some sort of habit. Meaning if they do it with everyone or on a continuous basis.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
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Profile   Post #: 146
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:42:59 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 147
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:45:15 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

The source is what we are all looking at.  Whether it is one time... or many things one time or the same thing all the time.. there is a source and some are abusive.  Walk up to a stranger and call them something... a lot of the time they will respond.  Depending on that source.

Someone could be raped many times... and not be a victim mentality person.  Because of TOS I cannot elaborate.  To doubt someone's experience becasue of our own jadedness... is sometimes a projection of how we think and feel and someone who has been abused will pick up on that disbelief.  You wouldn't be doing them any favors if you just took that one converstation into consideration.  It's a whole picture.. not just one or two.

I did take the whole picture into consideration and once I got to know her on a deeper level I found my beliefs to be true. She has a history of overreacting to outward issues. She is also bi-polar(which may or may not have something to do with it). I'm not saying she isn't a good person. I found her to be one of the most docile people I've ever met.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 148
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:46:23 PM   
Guest
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol




(in reply to Lockit)
  Post #: 149
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:47:25 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol

I don't make the rules or I would. That's probably why they don't kick you the very first time it happens? I'm sure the rules are in place so things don't get out of hand as well :>


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 150
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:47:46 PM   
cpK69


Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol


Why would you want that, if you believe it is abuse?
 
Kim

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Profile   Post #: 151
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:49:50 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol



Why would you want that, if you believe it is abuse?
 
Kim
That was pure sarcasm lol

< Message edited by Icarys -- 12/27/2008 1:50:16 PM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to cpK69)
Profile   Post #: 152
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:49:55 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol


Why would you want that, if you believe it is abuse?
 
Kim


I was joking...

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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Profile   Post #: 153
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:50:56 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Could you explain that to the Mod's around here so some of us won't get into trouble for just speaking our minds and calling someone something... it wasn't abuse... no I swear, I would have to do it mulitple times for it to be bad! lol


Why would you want that, if you believe it is abuse?
 
Kim


I was joking...

Sounded abusive to me!!! MOD?!!!!


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 154
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:54:42 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		ROFL


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 155
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:55:22 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

The source is what we are all looking at.  Whether it is one time... or many things one time or the same thing all the time.. there is a source and some are abusive.  Walk up to a stranger and call them something... a lot of the time they will respond.  Depending on that source.

Someone could be raped many times... and not be a victim mentality person.  Because of TOS I cannot elaborate.  To doubt someone's experience becasue of our own jadedness... is sometimes a projection of how we think and feel and someone who has been abused will pick up on that disbelief.  You wouldn't be doing them any favors if you just took that one converstation into consideration.  It's a whole picture.. not just one or two.

Are you saying you've never said anything bad to anyone out of anger or desperation?


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 156
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 1:59:01 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

The source is what we are all looking at.  Whether it is one time... or many things one time or the same thing all the time.. there is a source and some are abusive.  Walk up to a stranger and call them something... a lot of the time they will respond.  Depending on that source.

Someone could be raped many times... and not be a victim mentality person.  Because of TOS I cannot elaborate.  To doubt someone's experience becasue of our own jadedness... is sometimes a projection of how we think and feel and someone who has been abused will pick up on that disbelief.  You wouldn't be doing them any favors if you just took that one converstation into consideration.  It's a whole picture.. not just one or two.

Are you saying you've never said anything bad to anyone out of anger or desperation?



Not in a personal relationship.  To an ex... yes.  A stranger... at school or something I have. 

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 157
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 2:01:39 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

You can't make someone feel guilty or bad..It's what they feel about what you say that makes them feel that way..The other stuff is bad behavior for sure. But abuse no unless it becomes some sort of habit. Meaning if they do it with everyone or on a continuous basis.



Think back please for a minute, how was it for you when you first started school? Surely you had friends with whom you got together to play games and play with each others' balls and stuff. Ever have some taunt you because you couldn't play with them properly, or who would regularly come and take your balls away? Nobody made you feel bad in school?

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Profile   Post #: 158
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 2:02:11 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		You came onto this thread talking about those who seem to enjoy the "victim mentality". You went on to say that you feel that "subtle abuse" is BS. I asked you if you were basically saying that you are of a "no blood, no foul" mentality. You pointed to me to my signature line which led me to believe that you must have no understanding of the meaning of said line. Yet you return with something at least relatively close, although I do wonder if you may think that taking responsibility for your choices entirely excludes one from the possibility of ever being victimized, which it does not.

I'm not sure at all why you would have chosen to point me to my own signature line as I just don't see the correlation between it and the question I asked....unless of course you are implying that it is impossible to be a victim in a relationship that you are an active participant of? If that is the case that would discount the victimization of every person who has ever been involved in a relationship that became abusive.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Icarys)
Profile   Post #: 159
RE: Subtle Abuse - 12/27/2008 2:06:10 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

The source is what we are all looking at.  Whether it is one time... or many things one time or the same thing all the time.. there is a source and some are abusive.  Walk up to a stranger and call them something... a lot of the time they will respond.  Depending on that source.

Someone could be raped many times... and not be a victim mentality person.  Because of TOS I cannot elaborate.  To doubt someone's experience becasue of our own jadedness... is sometimes a projection of how we think and feel and someone who has been abused will pick up on that disbelief.  You wouldn't be doing them any favors if you just took that one converstation into consideration.  It's a whole picture.. not just one or two.

Are you saying you've never said anything bad to anyone out of anger or desperation?



Not in a personal relationship.  To an ex... yes.  A stranger... at school or something I have. 

Okay, I find that hard to believe but it is what it is. As for the stranger..under your definition..you abused that person. We have all said something that we weren't happy with. It happens with us..sometimes at our weakest..Is it abuse..not to me..is it wrong..yes.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 160
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