quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

You came onto this thread talking about those who seem to enjoy the "victim mentality". You went on to say that you feel that "subtle abuse" is BS. I asked you if you were basically saying that you are of a "no blood, no foul" mentality. You pointed to me to my signature line which led me to believe that you must have no understanding of the meaning of said line. Yet you return with something at least relatively close, although I do wonder if you may think that taking responsibility for your choices entirely excludes one from the possibility of ever being victimized, which it does not.

I'm not sure at all why you would have chosen to point me to my own signature line as I just don't see the correlation between it and the question I asked....unless of course you are implying that it is impossible to be a victim in a relationship that you are an active participant of? If that is the case that would discount the victimization of every person who has ever been involved in a relationship that became abusive.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

You should have seen what they did to me that I would respond that way! lol

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

You came onto this thread talking about those who seem to enjoy the "victim mentality". You went on to say that you feel that "subtle abuse" is BS. I asked you if you were basically saying that you are of a "no blood, no foul" mentality. You pointed to me to my signature line which led me to believe that you must have no understanding of the meaning of said line. Yet you return with something at least relatively close, although I do wonder if you may think that taking responsibility for your choices entirely excludes one from the possibility of ever being victimized, which it does not.

I'm not sure at all why you would have chosen to point me to my own signature line as I just don't see the correlation between it and the question I asked....unless of course you are implying that it is impossible to be a victim in a relationship that you are an active participant of? If that is the case that would discount the victimization of every person who has ever been involved in a relationship that became abusive.

Unless it's unprovoked I wouldn't call it abusive to a degree.. Doesn't have to have blood involved or be physical in any way. The only way I would call anything else abusive would be if like i stated before..It started out and continued or was done to number of other people..

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

You came onto this thread talking about those who seem to enjoy the "victim mentality". You went on to say that you feel that "subtle abuse" is BS. I asked you if you were basically saying that you are of a "no blood, no foul" mentality. You pointed to me to my signature line which led me to believe that you must have no understanding of the meaning of said line. Yet you return with something at least relatively close, although I do wonder if you may think that taking responsibility for your choices entirely excludes one from the possibility of ever being victimized, which it does not.

I'm not sure at all why you would have chosen to point me to my own signature line as I just don't see the correlation between it and the question I asked....unless of course you are implying that it is impossible to be a victim in a relationship that you are an active participant of? If that is the case that would discount the victimization of every person who has ever been involved in a relationship that became abusive.

Unless it's unprovoked I wouldn't call it abusive to a degree.. Doesn't have to have blood involved or be physical in any way. The only way I would call anything else abusive would be if like i stated before..It started out and continued or was done to number of other people..

Well, what do you feel qualifies as "provoking" or "unprovoking" behavior? If the woman of the house doesn't have time to get to the laundry one day and the man doesn't have his favorite t-shirt to wear out with the guys....is that provoking? How about if hot dogs are what is found on the dinner table when he just really had a hankering for steak? Would it be ok if he drove her car into the lake for that? Or drug the stove out into the yard and ran over it with his truck? Would that be abusive? Or would it only be abusive if he had already run over one or more stoves already?

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
There goes that drama. Yes because that one thing has now turned into a number of things it has become "abusive".

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: Icarys
There goes that drama. Yes because that one thing has now turned into a number of things it has become "abusive".

No, please view them as entirely seperate examples. I really am attempting to determine what you feel is "provoking" and "unprovoking" behavior. And also if you believe that "provoking" behavior justifies abuse?

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

In another thread, the discussion drifted toward the discussion of what is and is not abusive.  I am quite familiar with this subject for a variety of reasons, both personal and professional.

My personal reasons is that in the past, while I never physically hurt any of my partners I did use my anger to control them.  I didn't often break things but I did at time as well as the classic pounding fists onto and into things.  At my size, when I rage, it is a sight to behold and one my lovers who are tiny in comparison to learned not to ask certain questions...thus controlling them with fear.  I was a classic "Domineering" "dom" rather than the highly evolved and near perfectly humble transcended human being I am now.

If you go out into the garage and break something out of sight and earshot of a partner, that is simply an example of poor coping skills.  You do it in front of them and you have an issue you need to work on.

I glanced around for a decent link to the DSM IV but couldn't find one but I am sure someone can post it.

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ORIGINAL: Cipherx

I've missed most of this but I can make it simple. Physical or mental abuse is that which is not consensual and unwanted. Can abuse be provoked. Of course, but it should be extreme if it happens.

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*waves hi to 12*

*and not commenting further because I've managed to not ever been spanked by 12 and would like to keep it that way*

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The only way I would call anything else abusive would be if like i stated before..It started out and continued

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s

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ORIGINAL: agirl


I simply wouldn't assume that *showing off* has anything to do with 'doing the things he needs to feels loved, either'.

I don't regard it as abusive, all the same ...I'm more likely to think * God, what an arse, the baby has more self-control*. A bloke throwing punches at the door, looks just as silly as me stamping my foot in temper or frustration.

agirl

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

ok, Icarys..
from one of your posts: 

quote:

The only way I would call anything else abusive would be if like i stated before..It started out and continued

IMO, this is the point that many have been trying to make. 
The subtle abuse starts out usually as snide remarks, belittling of the partner, and as Kiwi pointed out - the gradual isolation of the victim from friends and family. Celeste also made a good point, that the signposts to abuse are often not recognized by either the abuser or the abused.