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LumusandtheLady -> RE: Previously... (12/27/2008 7:01:18 AM)
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As The D-Ring Turns, Episode 2: BOB's Your Uncle
Episode 2 opens in a small Mongolian diner, "The Moose Crotch", where an Australian double-agent [one KMSAngel - Kangaroo & Moose Smuggling] waits for piratecommander to appear. Together, the two are supposed to promote the BOB for Madame scifi. Splitting the immediate profits, KMS tucks the money away for the mysterious Australian Project BREW [what does BREW stand for? No one knows...yet!] headed by the members of the post-apocalyptic Aussie band known as the VampiresLair [said to include Mel Gibson]. piratecommander tells his first mate and other personality GreedyTop to sink the money into "Transgendered Narcissist"s repairs; Greedy does this literally, trying to patch the hull with soldered quarters. The result is less than seaworthy, and the ship's repairs are set back by one day [that's the real reason, folks]. As for Madame scifi, s/he takes her own profits and proceeds to visit everhope, an eccentric physicist who lives in a cage deep-throating strangers in the dark. After using a dildo on everhope, scifi pays for the creation and activation of a clone known only as 1133.
Lumus, unaware of the advancement of the BOB, accidentally calls out the nuclear defense codes of the RCMP while climaxing with beargonewild in a small, seedy Toronto bar. beargonewild quickly uses PPP [Penis Pressure Points] to give Lumus temporary amnesia, so that he forgets blurting out national defense secrets, and then ponders how to use this valuable information.
sirsholly and VirginPotty, having been paid half their fee in advance, prepare to commence the kidnapping of Ecksie. Unfortunately, the two would-be kidnappers are both highly verbally dyslexic, and grab the wrong target - an innocent girl named persephonee. To hide the bungle, sirsholly and VirginPotty [the Dyslexic Duo] leave persephonee in anunnery run by Mother Aszhrae. But is Aszhrae really a nun...and if so, why does she have a Black Hitachi Magic Wand...?
Ladyrainfire runs for Mayor to insinuate herself in the Canadian political system. She hires several political analyst experts - jazana "the Amazon" [who masterminded Sarah Palin's wardrobe shopping] and hejira [who advised Clinton in '92]. Running against her is incumbent Michael Cuffkinks, who may or not be a secret agent himself...or is it just that he has an agenda outside of the political realm...? And will he use his magnetic charm to try and turn hejira or jazana...?
As all this unfolds across the globe, an Orlando televangelist - MarksFantasyGirl, who has taken over the congregation built by MatthewsFantasyGirl and JohnsFantasyGirl - performs a baptism on television of cravesdom, a former prostitute said to have been lured into the business by persuasive moose. The baptism goes awry when the holy water turns out to be vodka, and cravesdom is given second-degree burns from poorly-positioned candles. As the ambulance attendants strap cravesdom into the stretcher, she murmurs the words, "Iceland...my uncle...Bob..."
Is this a coincidence? Does cravesdom really have an uncle named Bob, or is she referring to BOB?
Will angel learn how to box from kangaroo, or will she teach kangaroos ju-jitsu?
Can the piratecommander stay afloat, or will Greedy's literalism sink him financially and literally?
What nefarious uses can Madame scifi's clone be put to performing?
How many pressure points does Lumus' penis have?
Does beargonewild have an insane plan involving Canada's entire nuclear missile complement [all two of them]?
Who will sirsholly and VirginPotty mistakenly kidnap next?
Do nuns wear strap-ons?
Why are Canadian politics so damned sexy?
Where are the Chinese - are they hidden under the moose they hump?
When will Episode 3 happen?!?!?!
Tune in next time to find out!
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