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Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 7:07:39 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

Post #: 1

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 7:10:57 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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All of it.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 2

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 7:27:13 AM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

my vanilla side is me....

my submissive side is only in romantic relationships...and only with certain men. For me the D/s stuff comes secondary to who i am with family and friends. Being a submissive doesn't mean i view every aspect of my life from a D/s perspective. i can be a submissive partner to my Sir, but also i am a mother, daughter, sister, professional, friend, and member of society.

D/s will only compliment who i am in vanilla life. But D/s cannot define me.

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 3

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 7:55:51 AM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

Well - due the possiblitiy of being arrested for assault , I don't go around bitch slapping men , or ordering them to their knees ... ( much as I'd like to sometimes ... )

Seriously though - I agree with "Ironitulstahp" , my D/s aspect is merely a part of who I am , and out in the rest of the world other's view it as me being an assertive person . I'm the one who usually says what I think - popular or not . But I always use sensitivity and good timing !

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 4

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 8:00:17 AM

bound4more

Posts: 128
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it?

Which element gets hidden? Basically any protocol or rule that would make the form of our relationship obvious to those who do not understand it. If i can continue a protocol, without attracting attention, i do. If not it is temporarily set aside.

_____________________________

You can tell who someone really is by how they act

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 5

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 8:12:11 AM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

Well, I believe most of my D/s side of me is intertwined into my vanilla side. I am very nurturing, and do many things for people. I am helpful to a fault sometimes, I always try to help. It's my nature to be submissive. I am also easy to get along with, and my job requires me to give direction, and I do that in a nudging sort of way, as opposed to demanding sort of way. So sexual side apart, my personality is very much intertwined into D/s, and many think I am quite dominant. Which I suppose I can be given all those roles I have. BUT the reality is I prefer to be lead by good strong leaders who know what they are doing.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to bound4more)

Post #: 6

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 8:20:17 AM

LumusandtheLady

Posts: 1926
Joined: 11/1/2008
Status: offline

The way My personality is, they would never know "the difference" and very little would shock anyone.

Example: a coffee run was done today by some work mates. They asked what I wanted.

"A couple of body shots from a midget" didn't faze either one. Both were women, if that's significant.

~ Lumus aka The Mad Hatter

_____________________________

"Ok, can we return to reality now, please?"

~Rain - newest member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair-a's~

You are a fluke of the universe...

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 7

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 8:21:35 AM

T1981

Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline

For my hubby and I, since our D/s relationship is still fairly in the bedroom, it is mostly all hidden. We do make jokes, such as in the grocery store when I'm nagging at him to hurry up (I HATE grocery shopping. With a passion. If ever wanted to be cruel, he'd make ME do the grocery shopping for a week!) he'll laugh and say "You're heading for a spanking," and I'll respond cheekily "Yeah, yeah, promises promises...." But that's about the extension of it in public, and we NEVER make those jokes in front of his or my family. (They would be most uncomfertable at any glimpse into our sex life)

He did recently mention, however, that as we've gotten older, I have gotten more submissive in some rather normal aspects of our relationships, such as descisions about what to eat for dinner and where he wants to go if we're out for a day of shopping. I hadn't even realized it until he pointed it out, but I do defer to him quite regurarly when it comes to those things.

< Message edited by T1981 -- 12/27/2008 8:24:33 AM >

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 8

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 8:55:31 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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I'm not "dual" - just a complex human with many facets. I don't hide parts of myself, but I do employ discretion when it comes to what I retain as personal business and what I share. Pretty much everyone who knows me knows I am submissive in relationships, and those who are close enough to know more, know more, whether they're in D/s dynamics or not. Just as there are aspects to my former non-D/s marriage that were personal and I didn't share, there are aspects to my D/s relationships that I keep personal.

Then again, I'm not involved in any local scenes at this point. If I were, I wouldn't share that with people who might find play parties and such upsetting. Pretty much anyone who knows me knows I frequent this website and hang out with some "lifestyle" people. If I told them about play parties, they would have to process that and I'm not sure how much I want to lay on someone who might be better off not knowing.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 9

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 9:03:19 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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It isn't about hiding. It is about maintaining appropriate behavior for the situation that I/we are in. He is always boss no matter where we are. My personality does not change but my behaviors do.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 10

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 9:37:04 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I am who I am and don't hide that. I might not tell people all I do for a varity of different reasons... hell, I don't even tell exactly how I might create one of my crafts, while I do show the craft. I go on a need to know basis, but my personality is the same. I might say I like to be in charge in a relationship, but don't always tell how I am in charge or what things I am in charge of or how I function say in the bedroom... if they see my bedroom they might have a few more clues... but typcially it is pretty mild... like mirrors and such. The real goodies are hidden from view! lol It isn't always my comfort level in sharing something, but their own I am concerned with. It is like a religious belief... I won't push mine and don't want their's pushed on me, but we all might know we have one.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 9:54:04 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it?

My personality doesn't change at all. We don't hide anything per se but there are things we wouldn't do because of public reaction. For example he wouldn't slap me round the face in public, i wouldn't kneel at his feet and eat my dinner out of my doggie bowl in a restaurant.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 12

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 10:11:23 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I am who I am, all the time. I don't compartmentalize my life or my personality. This is me and though I've changed and grown over the years, I have always been dominant in my relationships and the fundamentals of my personality have been constant. There is no duality in my personality. I choose to behave appropriately within a given situation.

I don't go to my grandmother's house with a naked sub on a leash calling me Mistress, but the dynamic remains in tact.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 13

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 10:37:17 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

I don't compartmentalize myself or my life, I'm just me.

Sometimes it freaks the narrow-minded people out but I feel that is good. A good shock every now and again keeps them interested in life and what's going on around them.

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 14

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 10:48:15 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

This is a question asked over and over. There is no conscious hiding but we don't flaunt it either. We just live life.
I cannot comprehend why people cannot just live and stop seperating everything instead of being. If you are a woman and a mother and a sister and a computer technician and an artist and you can sing and you are submissive and you are a WoW player and a sadist and a gardener and a jogger and play guitar... all these things are just part of your life - which ones do you flaunt or hide or just do?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 15

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 10:55:28 AM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

This is a question asked over and over. There is no conscious hiding but we don't flaunt it either. We just live life.
I cannot comprehend why people cannot just live and stop seperating everything instead of being. If you are a woman and a mother and a sister and a computer technician and an artist and you can sing and you are submissive and you are a WoW player and a sadist and a gardener and a jogger and play guitar... all these things are just part of your life - which ones do you flaunt or hide or just do?

the.dark.

Hey babe :)

With me, I had to compartmentalize until I felt comfortable enough in my own skin about who I am. For many years I conducted myself based on what society would think, and on what I had been taught all my life to believe as the right and wrong ways of conducting myself - boy was I misinformed!! But until I could come to personal terms with parts of who I am, I could not share those parts with others. It was a process for me, and one I am glad I went through. I figure we all process things in our own ways, and we all reach that comfort level when it is right for us to do so.

I mean seriously, I used to cringe at the thought of my late grandmother staring down at me from above, in shock over what I was doing!! Now I think she'd wink and nod and say "Good for you, honey!"

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 16

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 11:08:04 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Hey babe :)

With me, I had to compartmentalize until I felt comfortable enough in my own skin about who I am. For many years I conducted myself based on what society would think, and on what I had been taught all my life to believe as the right and wrong ways of conducting myself - boy was I misinformed!! But until I could come to personal terms with parts of who I am, I could not share those parts with others. It was a process for me, and one I am glad I went through. I figure we all process things in our own ways, and we all reach that comfort level when it is right for us to do so.

I mean seriously, I used to cringe at the thought of my late grandmother staring down at me from above, in shock over what I was doing!! Now I think she'd wink and nod and say "Good for you, honey!"

Hello beautiful I hope your holidays are going well. The whole 'understanding yourself' I get. I guess what I don't understand is the question in the OP which we see on the board all the time. And that is as thought just because you participate in BDSM that makes it some sort of hide or flaunt thing.

I don't go into my job and tell people I am an only child. I don't feel the need to tell them I am seperated. Or how many aunts I have or that I enjoy rock band. Just as I wouldn't jump to tell anyone I am in a MS relationship. During conversations, someone might mention something that indicates a common theme and that might mean you end up in a conversation about the latest RB downloads or whether you have irish ancestory, or that you tried out that new club out of town.

I just don't get why people have to ask the question.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 17

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 11:12:00 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

When you are with vanilla friends/family/work, which element of your D/s life/personality gets hidden the most? Or does it?

My personality is who I am; with Sir, with family or with friends or with co-workers.
Elements of my sexuality may come out in a casual conversation ~ ie: I believe I have said something like ~ "a little discipline spank might help with that habit."

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 18

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 11:12:55 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We never hide our natural personalities from friends and family. We do not force them to non consentually be a part of or have to observe our dynamic. This means the I don't kneel at his feet while we chat with friends. He doesn't reach over and fondle me whenever he feels the urge. It is not a matter of hiding what we do. It is more a matter of common courtesy toward others.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 19

RE: Dual Personalities - 12/27/2008 11:21:48 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

It isn't about hiding. It is about maintaining appropriate behavior for the situation that I/we are in. He is always boss no matter where we are. My personality does not change but my behaviors do.

Knight's Kyra

It's all about context! and having the appropriate behaviors for the context. The girls don't walk around naked with the young ones in the house.. and I wouldn't say that I am hiding their bodies because of that either. They are who they are... what they do is what I consider appropriate to the context/environment that we are in.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 20

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