trealeon
Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
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I just woke up and read everyone's posts.
The one thing I do want to correct is the two posts that based their opinions off of this being an "online" relationship. We didn't live together, but we definitely didn't have an online relationship. It was very much real life. I saw her often, though there were some nights we could only talk or IM do to conflicting schedules. But this wasn't a case of "OMG first meeting" jitters.
I always thought the age thing my be a downfall. This was one of the reasons why I insisted on taking it slow and didn't just jump into a live in 24/7 relationship. I told her lets wait a year and see where we are. Yes she was always rather impulsive so that could be part of it too.
The one thing that I failed to mention, but someone's comment's made me think about it, was the experience thing. Though this was her first D/s relationship, she wasn't new to it, which is surprising because of her age. She confided in me how she had wanted a Dom/sub relationship for a long time but could never find the right person and that's why she gravitated toward me so quickly because she knew some of my history and that I liked submissive women.
But in addition to this, she had qualities similar to that of a nymphomaniac. Having never met someone who was diagnosed with it, I can only speculate and say "similar", but she LOVED sex and before meeting me had it often and had way more partners than me. I never judged her on this, I know I mentioned this in another thread about how when she met me she stopped doing this and had been afraid I thought she was a slut but we resolved that early on in our relationship. However I know we didn't have sex nearly as often as she enjoyed, and when she started training, this was one of the things that was being controlled, not just the frequency of sex, but the frequency of her being able to pleasure herself which she used to do multiple times a day. That was very hard for her in the beginning but she also said she liked how much the wait made her enjoy the experience all the more. But now this is just another thing I can mull around as something I never considered.
Most people are leaning toward the thought that some mixture of family influences and "reality" just caused her to finally snap. I don't think that's too far off base. I know her best friend knew every aspect of our relationship and accepted it, I've met her a few times, and that's also how I know she's at least alive. As far as her parents, I only know what she would tell me about them, I'd never met them. According to her they at least knew about me and our plans and "didn't care". She dated a 25 year old when she was 16 so apparently this was old hat. I asked her to keep the D/s element out of it, she didn't really see an issue with telling them but I did. Of course, having never met them or talked to them, I can only go on what she said. I didn't have much of a reason to believe she's lied but of course now I have a reason to question everything. So perhaps her parents weren't as accepting as her friend.
I guess the only problem I have is, if it was something like that... why not just call and tell me. Over the several months we'd been dating, she's had her moments of brattiness, backtalk, and disobedience. One time she was even bratty in public on purpose and she admitted it because she wanted me to pay attention to her instead of talking to another female coworker who was my friend (like I said... very much a daddy's girl and wants daddy's attention). So I say all this to say, after all of those incidents, we've always been fine. I never held anything against her permanently. I guess what I don't understand is why she didn't just say something to me or even just tell her best friend to tell me. Did she cut me off because she thought I would cut her off first for ruining the vacation? Did she think if she wanted to back down from being a "full slave' or wearing a collar I would want to cut it off... I was really happy with her being just a daddy's girl. I loved it. We could have gone back to that pure dynamic I asked her multiple times if she was sure, even during the process. Aside from being frustrated with not being able to say "daddy" she said she wanted to continue and this was what she truly wanted.
I know... rambling again. It doesn't matter, it's all from my point of view, it's all without her side and without her input. I guess I'm getting to the source of my own frustration. I pride myself on being a good communicator and knowing that communication is the key to a successful relationship. This whole situation seems like a classic breakdown in communication, one side (me) not knowing, realizing, or understanding what the other side wants. But I feel like I fostered open and positive communication. So it just frustrates me that something like this still happened. I feel responsible. I know I probably shouldn't, but I still do.
As I said, because I left what can only be called an "angry" message with her on Saturday after I knew that she had no intentions of getting me, I know I've severed all communication by doing that and that because of it, I'll never get an answer from her.
No one has mentioned this but in the grand scheme of things I do realize that 6 months... yeah it's not a long time. So I should put this in perspective and not get so hung up on it. I guess the reason why it hurts is because I wasn't looking for any kind of relationship, let alone a D/s one. I hadn't been looking for a long time. This one fell into my lap, I was a little resistant at first, but after spending time with her, getting to know her, and just being able to talk with her and open up to her... I really connected with her on multiple levels. It was the kind of connection I'd been hoping for in a relationship... so to lose something like that is what's beating on me.
I appreciate all the insight. I really do. I am taking everyone's words into consideration and I'm also trying to salvage my vacation by doing something fun for myself.
< Message edited by trealeon -- 12/29/2008 7:02:35 AM >
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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 
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