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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 10:54:57 AM

CookieSlave

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Sometimes shit just happens, and you never know why.

Once I was engaged to be married, and while I was busy planning the wedding and coordinating with his mother, his sister(she made my dress) and my mother, he left for a business trip and just... disappeared. To make a long, complicated story short, he had moved to Vegas with some other "fiance". And yes, I'm quite serious. Imagine MY surprise(and that of his parents, his sister, all of his friends.... ).

Sure, sometimes people have a good reason for "disapppearing" - accident/illness, sudden personal/family issue, "cold feet" ... but sometimes people are just fucked up. I'm just saying...

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 1:17:23 PM

trealeon

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I want to thank everyone who answered for 1) helping me put things into perspective... 2) letting me blow off steam which is what most of the post was about... and 3) Not bashing me while still giving me a much needed kick in the pants.

I pretty much have planned out a substitute vacation week starting with hanging out with a friend today so that I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it and I returned her Christmas gift and will focus on just having a good vacation and moving past this.

Also in a weird way, I'm glad to know that this isn't that uncommon a situation. I'd never had it happen before so that's why I felt so disorriented. Honestly I thought this was the sort of thing that only really happened with online relationships, so in a way it's good to know that it's not just me.

Thanks again to all the comments and feedback both public and private.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 1:20:49 PM

KatyLied

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People can be equally flaky, on-line and real time.
It takes a long time to get to know someone. I'd say a period of years, and even that doesn't always tell you everything you need to know.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 9:00:36 PM

Maya2001

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it could be simply cold feet syndrome...it is easy to role play online.quite another story to take real time face to face...how she handled showed lack of maturity..she ran and hid rather that to admit she was unable to go thru with

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 9:45:52 PM

Lordandmaster

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I don't "have a problem" with your perspective (though I find the cynicism somewhat shallow); I've just noticed post after post in which you say derogatory things about universities, and it has started to strike me as bizarre.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I disagree that universities are divorced from "reality." Who do you think designed the first nuclear bombs? Mostly physicists at universities. And where would the pharmaceutical industry be without the complicity (yes, complicity) of medical schools? I can't think of too much that reflects "reality" more than nuclear bombs and drug companies.

And now back to the thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

It's a wonderful learning experience. You can see absolute power corrupting absolutely. You learn to manipulate by writing papers, not based upon your belief, but the beliefs of the pseudo-intellectuals. It helps when you have to work for someone and know that if you do exactly what you are being told it won't work for anything other than a paycheck. In college that paycheck is a grade, but it applies just as well to business reality. It is one of the few things about college that reflects reality.

Hell, I taught at the college level and appreciate the value of the education provided; especially about what not to do.

Why do you have a problem with that perspective enough to attempt to hijack this thread?

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 9:55:29 PM

QueenIsis

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As usual, I'm hours behind, but I do want to point out one thing - if I read the OP right, her disappearing act started BEFORE she actually left for home, so I'm leaning away from the family thing and leaning towards reality gave her a knock in the head. Not saying family didn't play a role, but if she wasn't even home yet, they couldn't have very well been overbearing and keeping her from using the phone, for instance. Perhaps a conversation with her parents before she left factored in, but I would think that would give her time enough to explain it to him.

Any way you slice it, though, it was just rude. Aside from BDSM, it's just good manners to tell the other person when you have a change of heart. Sheesh!

Good luck, trealeon; may you find someone truly worthy of you, once you start looking again.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/29/2008 10:17:51 PM

DavanKael

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In-as-much as I am only reading one portion of a story, trealeon, I am very sorry that this happened. I can empathize with the distress over someone with whom one has built a relationship essentially choosing to 'drop off of the face of the planet' (Different circumstances but "poof" none-the-less, and regardless of one's side of the kneel, I think there is a sense of loss, distress, etc. as you have expressed). I read some of the other posts (Not all) and while age may be a factor in some instances, the person I had it happen with was twice that age plus a decade and at 18, I was married and taking care of a husband and household, so that doesn't hold a lot of water with me: I think it shows poor form and a chosendefect in character to behavein such a fashion. Again, I am sorry that this happened and I wish you greater success, communication, and longevity in future relationships.
Davan

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/30/2008 4:32:23 AM

ExSteelAgain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I'm not making light of this, but I'll guess it was an online only relationship so far. Sure it sucks, but it is common for someone to want only an online thing and to disappear when it comes time to actually meet. Happens to Doms and submissives all the time.

Did you read the OP...and all his subsequent replies? They were together in person nearly every day of the week, according to him.

Yes, I did read the OP and he said no such thing. He cleared it up a few posts ago, although he says many nights they only communicate online.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/30/2008 5:10:18 AM

ItalianSMistress

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I dont really have much to say, I think that some of the others pretty much covered what I would have said. Sorry you had to go though that, she could have at least had the respect to tell you she was not wanting to continue or met up. Luckly you had the smarts not to fly out hoping she would show.

BTW......I have an Uncle Guido too.....

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 12/30/2008 6:59:39 AM

Mercnbeth

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Thanks for providing your 'deep' perspective in light of my shallow cynicism. I speak derogatorily about universities based upon my experience as a student, teacher, parent of college grad, parent of college student, and employer of college graduates.

Your response supposes to speak of universities, but everything you sited comes from advanced degrees and hard science NOT undergraduate and definitely NOT the liberal 'arts'; where social engineering, and agenda based philosophy is being taught. Of the handful of people who designed nuclear weapons none were teaching a comparative religions of the world course, or attending them either. On the pharmacy side, at least some creative minds are at work creating diseases for the 'must have' drugs replacing cigarettes as nuisance TV ads; but again, these are at the graduate level.

Reality isn't divorced from the reality when 2+2=4 is taught. It is when 2+2 is taught to equal anything the subject believes it does because of socio economic 'disabilities' assigned to 'underprivileged' youth. When a professor announces that no male in your course can get an 'A' in an elective 'Womans Study' course because its imposable for them to relate to the struggle the woman in the class have endured in their life.

My cynicism is deep regarding the lack of merit and value assigned to a college degree. Graduates coming to me for jobs and interviewing support that cynical view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I don't "have a problem" with your perspective (though I find the cynicism somewhat shallow); I've just noticed post after post in which you say derogatory things about universities, and it has started to strike me as bizarre.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I disagree that universities are divorced from "reality." Who do you think designed the first nuclear bombs? Mostly physicists at universities. And where would the pharmaceutical industry be without the complicity (yes, complicity) of medical schools? I can't think of too much that reflects "reality" more than nuclear bombs and drug companies.

And now back to the thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

It's a wonderful learning experience. You can see absolute power corrupting absolutely. You learn to manipulate by writing papers, not based upon your belief, but the beliefs of the pseudo-intellectuals. It helps when you have to work for someone and know that if you do exactly what you are being told it won't work for anything other than a paycheck. In college that paycheck is a grade, but it applies just as well to business reality. It is one of the few things about college that reflects reality.

Hell, I taught at the college level and appreciate the value of the education provided; especially about what not to do.

Why do you have a problem with that perspective enough to attempt to hijack this thread?

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 1/1/2009 11:15:18 AM

BlueEyedSubinDE

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Trealeon,
While I'm way past 18, my son and his girlfriend are close to that age. Your (generic your) mileage may vary. But one thing I have noticed about that age group is that you sometimes are not just in a relationship with her, you to some extent are in a relationship with all of her friends. Everything you say and do is discussed and analyized to determine the ever elusive "what did he mean by that?". And that could be behind the reasoning of wanting an overt collar. "Look what he gave me". And if her friends do not approve of you, any little mistake is going to be blown completely out of proportion. "What do you mean he's mad you need to study??? Oh my God, doesn't he know how important exams are? See he doesn't care about you!!!" I'm being somewhat dramatic in my explanation, but just adding an additional possibilty. 18 is a very difficult roller coaster emotional age.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 1/1/2009 9:45:22 PM

needlesplease

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Oh dear, how frustrating for you. My sense on this is she is too young to communicate effectively that she became overwhelmed with her new commitments. The near argument may have been catalystic, but not necessarily the reason for her disappearance.

I look back to when I was 18, 28, hell, even 30 something, I was incapable of communicating my feelings when I had made commitments I realized I could not keep. It's sad, but many of us have no clue what we are doing as we are doing it. It looks good, until you get on to the other side of the thing. Hopefully she will learn something of herself through this. And you now know something of the nature of immaturity.

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 1/2/2009 3:21:47 AM

FullfigRIMAAM1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX
You got upset when communication laxed because she was studying for exams and there was an argument.

I think it perfectly fair for a master to keep rules, and ask for an explanation when they are not adhered to, especially since she is the one who asked for more of them.

quote:

I am guessing..and I loathe speculation....that she felt crowded by you and that made her rethink things.Everyone needs personal time and space

I suppose that is one possibility. My opinion is that, being on the youngish side, she was playing this fun/extreme game, and than, maybe got bored and lost interest/flaked. For the OP's sake, I hope she does explain what's going on. M

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RE: Trying to Understand What Went Wrong - 1/2/2009 6:19:46 AM

bamagirl4u

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I would say she is overwhelmed..being 18 might feel like you know what you want, but when reality sets in, sometimes it is not. If you know she okay physically, which is great, I would not try and contact her anymore. Her silence is speaking volumes. Like many have said, it happens all the time in this lifestyle--to Doms and subs. Just chalk it up for experience and before you know it, the right one will come to you. Best of luck to you. I know it easier said than done to move on, but I have been there. I am stronger for the heartache he caused and I am much more careful about my choices.

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