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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 4:36:00 PM   
slaveluci


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~FR~

No.

luci

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 4:52:00 PM   
susie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

I don't think that is necessarily the case, although I could see the merit for some.  I think it might be a good idea to have a sadist beat on you for a bit if you want to be a sadist, because it would help to understand the pain that your sub is going through.  Where the good places to hit might be how to hit.  That sort of thing.  


The thing is, I didn't "want" to be either a sadist or a dominant. I simply was, before I knew what it was.



So are you a sadist with no knowledge of what you are doing?  Sounds dangerous to me.  If you have knowledge then you understand that it takes more than just being a sadist.  I'm only arguing that the knowledge that can be gained from taking a little pain yourself might be helpful in the process.  I don't think someone who has no submissive tendencies at all will necessarily gain too much knowledge from being submissive for a time. 



Thats a pretty crazy response to LaT. I understand her point totally. You do not learn to be a sadist or a dominant or a submissive it is what you are.

The only thing that can be gained from a "Dom" taking a little pain is that they know that it hurts. They pretty much know that already. Of course there have been a couple of times when I have offered to show Master how much it hurts but for some reason he has declined the offer. He thinks I scream better LOL

(in reply to secretmaster22)
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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 5:38:38 PM   
utopicus


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I don't believe this should turn into a rule - it obviously serves one skills to be in a sub's skin and learn the feelings "at first hand", however it's not a requisite. Most of Dominants are being mentored by other Dominants - "on the job training".

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:01:11 PM   
oceanwynds


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I tend to not like should's, just gets the hair on my back to rise, yep i have cat in me. I do know of someone who was a sub first and then became a Dom. This person got a lot of flack, but it was not unexpected by them. People have rigid rules and shoulds a mile long. Just a part of life, I guess.

oceanwynds

(in reply to utopicus)
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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:10:54 PM   
yourMissTress


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FR to the OP before I read the rest...
 
If I wanted to be a great chef I would not need to spend a few months or years waiting tables to learn or master that talent.  Being a good D or M has nothing to do with being an s or an s.  Like chefs and waiters, they all work in the same business, but they have distinctly different job descriptions.
 
Now, if you are talking strictly about topping where IMO this is a service oriented position, and said top wanted to know how to create specific sensations, then my answer is maybe.  As everyone reacts to and experiences sensations differently, this may still not be an effective manner of learning. 

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:17:11 PM   
MsMillgrove


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In reply to the OP:
Wouldn't say "no" to someone who wanted to experiment but surely would not say "should" either.

I tried it because I am curious. 

Didn't make me a "better domme", but I learned a few things that help me. One is how easy it is to pretend to submit, if you're already a pretty good domme you know what's expected of you in behavior, demeanor. You can deliver high quality service, but as another said--only proves you're a good actress. 

So I discovered how terrible I felt when I realized I couldn't truly submit. Not bad for myself, but guilty that I was deceiving another. The minute I realized, I got out quick with deepest apologies to my mistress. It helped me later to understand that sometimes a potential sub can be a great "actor", but have a problem with real submission.

The second thing I learned was how much patience is required of an uncollared sub, hard it is to find someone who will see your value, to take what sometimes seems to be whimsical rejections or
maybe worse--be ignored.

My fellow dommes now and then, complain quietly between themselves over the difficulties of finding the right sub, but I honestly found it harder to be on the other side, searching for the right owner. 

The most important thing the experience taught me was compassion for the uncollared, who wish for someone who is a good match to appear. As a domme I pick and choose. As a sub, I wasn't flooded with eager Mistresses applying to me. 

I know now how much courage it takes for the uncollared to stay confident, keeping trying and to patiently wait with grace.

(in reply to utopicus)
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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:25:06 PM   
yourMissTress


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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

I don't think that is necessarily the case, although I could see the merit for some.  I think it might be a good idea to have a sadist beat on you for a bit if you want to be a sadist, because it would help to understand the pain that your sub is going through.  Where the good places to hit might be how to hit.  That sort of thing.  


The thing is, I didn't "want" to be either a sadist or a dominant. I simply was, before I knew what it was.



So are you a sadist with no knowledge of what you are doing?  Sounds dangerous to me.  If you have knowledge then you understand that it takes more than just being a sadist.  I'm only arguing that the knowledge that can be gained from taking a little pain yourself might be helpful in the process. 


Yeah, LaT, the hell are you doing being something that you didn't learn how to be?  Really, dontcha know ya gotsta getcha sum learnin ta beat sum ass?
 
Seriously, secretmaster22, you don't learn to be a sadist, that's like learning to like broccoli.  You enjoy it or you don't.  You either are sadistic or you are not.  That's not to say that your likes and dislikes can't change over time, but you can't be educated into becoming sexually aroused by other peoples pain, humiliation and discomfort.
 
Learning to be a good dominant, master, or mistress is very possible.  Expanding and improving your knowledge, your relational skills, your people skills, your technical skills are all things that can increase your potential as a dominant, master, or mistress.  They don't gaurantee you will be better, but they increase your chance.
 
Being sadistic or masochistic is a personality trait, something inherent and part of what makes you who you are. 
 



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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:26:38 PM   
yourMissTress


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quote:

ORIGINAL: utopicus

I don't believe this should turn into a rule - it obviously serves one skills to be in a sub's skin and learn the feelings "at first hand", however it's not a requisite. Most of Dominants are being mentored by other Dominants - "on the job training".



A rule? Like the ones in the big rule book of BDSM? 

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Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:33:46 PM   
MZEllen


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In My own experience I was a subbie first, for 2 years, then was elevated from the floor to the pedestle and became a DOMME, its was a wonderful exhilerating experience, and now I know and understand the sub/slave better than they do becuase I have experienced sub-space as well as DOMME-space.

Not a rule but should be something a good DOMME/DOM should know and understand the submissive.

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 6:36:23 PM   
CatdeMedici


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<pouts? Cat doesn't have Her big book of BDSM yet.

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 7:16:52 PM   
yourMissTress


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From: Nashville, TN
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  You have to wait for your birthday, Cat!

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 7:22:54 PM   
DVsFox


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No, they shouldn't...unless they want to.  It's as necessary as a submissive starting off as a dominant so he/she could get a better idea of what a dominant wants so he/she could serve better in the future.

Simply put...it's nonsense.

DV's Fox

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 7:37:24 PM   
BondageBarbieX


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Personally, I do not think it matters but I prefer a Dom that has never served as a sub ,slave or switch.

(in reply to lobodomslavery)
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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 9:02:19 PM   
secretmaster22


Posts: 85
Joined: 12/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

I don't think that is necessarily the case, although I could see the merit for some.  I think it might be a good idea to have a sadist beat on you for a bit if you want to be a sadist, because it would help to understand the pain that your sub is going through.  Where the good places to hit might be how to hit.  That sort of thing.  


The thing is, I didn't "want" to be either a sadist or a dominant. I simply was, before I knew what it was.



So are you a sadist with no knowledge of what you are doing?  Sounds dangerous to me.  If you have knowledge then you understand that it takes more than just being a sadist.  I'm only arguing that the knowledge that can be gained from taking a little pain yourself might be helpful in the process. 


Yeah, LaT, the hell are you doing being something that you didn't learn how to be?  Really, dontcha know ya gotsta getcha sum learnin ta beat sum ass?
 
Seriously, secretmaster22, you don't learn to be a sadist, that's like learning to like broccoli.  You enjoy it or you don't.  You either are sadistic or you are not.  That's not to say that your likes and dislikes can't change over time, but you can't be educated into becoming sexually aroused by other peoples pain, humiliation and discomfort.
 
Learning to be a good dominant, master, or mistress is very possible.  Expanding and improving your knowledge, your relational skills, your people skills, your technical skills are all things that can increase your potential as a dominant, master, or mistress.  They don't gaurantee you will be better, but they increase your chance.
 
Being sadistic or masochistic is a personality trait, something inherent and part of what makes you who you are. 
 




ya'll are cracking me up with your responses.  I guess I should have specified.  To be a "talented" sadist it requires knowledge which I think could be helped along by feeling some of the pain involved in the process.  Of course it doesn't take a rocket scientist to smack someone's ass any more than it takes one to stick your dick in someones pussy.  But that doesn't make me a great lover.  If you don't agree with the statement than say so, don't argue the finer points of the english language.  What's the big deal anyways?  A little pain never hurt anybody.  and notice i agreed with most posters that pretending to be submissive probably wouldn't help much. 

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 9:16:49 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

ya'll are cracking me up with your responses.  I guess I should have specified.  To be a "talented" sadist it requires knowledge which I think could be helped along by feeling some of the pain involved in the process.  Of course it doesn't take a rocket scientist to smack someone's ass any more than it takes one to stick your dick in someones pussy.  But that doesn't make me a great lover.  If you don't agree with the statement than say so, don't argue the finer points of the english language.  What's the big deal anyways?  A little pain never hurt anybody.  and notice i agreed with most posters that pretending to be submissive probably wouldn't help much. 



  Arguing the finer points of the english language? No.  Not me.  Read a few of my posts, I butcher it as well as correct grammar constantly.
 
What I take issue with, unless of course you know them personally and have seen them play on more than a few occasions, is you calling someone dangerous.  Making irresponsible assumptions about people you don't know is also dangerous.  The Marquis de Sade was very knowledgable and was a talented sadist. Did that make him safe?  By your statement, it sounds as if you would assume so.
 

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 12/29/2008 9:17:47 PM >


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"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 9:21:56 PM   
Lockit


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Okay I am not a sadist... but sometimes I think some males ought to give birth.  So maybe I am working on some sadist as I get older.  Think it would make them better men?  Or would some scream like a girl?

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 9:29:12 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
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From: Nashville, TN
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OH OH OH OH!!!! Only if I can watch!!!!!!!!
 
I'm voting for scream like a girl.  Ok, I'm hoping, but you know...I love that. 

< Message edited by yourMissTress -- 12/29/2008 9:30:06 PM >


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Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/29/2008 9:32:16 PM   
Lockit


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ROFL

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/30/2008 3:57:57 AM   
secretmaster22


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quote:


(in reply to secretmaster22)
Profile [Send Private Message] Report | Post #: 35
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: secretmaster22

ya'll are cracking me up with your responses.  I guess I should have specified.  To be a "talented" sadist it requires knowledge which I think could be helped along by feeling some of the pain involved in the process.  Of course it doesn't take a rocket scientist to smack someone's ass any more than it takes one to stick your dick in someones pussy.  But that doesn't make me a great lover.  If you don't agree with the statement than say so, don't argue the finer points of the english language.  What's the big deal anyways?  A little pain never hurt anybody.  and notice i agreed with most posters that pretending to be submissive probably wouldn't help much. 



  Arguing the finer points of the english language? No.  Not me.  Read a few of my posts, I butcher it as well as correct grammar constantly.
 
What I take issue with, unless of course you know them personally and have seen them play on more than a few occasions, is you calling someone dangerous.  Making irresponsible assumptions about people you don't know is also dangerous.  The Marquis de Sade was very knowledgable and was a talented sadist. Did that make him safe?  By your statement, it sounds as if you would assume so.
 


I apologize if it came across that way.  It was not well written on my part.  One of the things I don't like about online communication is that things can be misconstrued so easily.  I'm actually quite sure he has more knowledge than I do.  I put the question mark at the end of it and it was a rhetorical question, that was not meant to be answered because I assumed he did have knowledge, and was trying to use that to make a point.   

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 12/30/2008 4:31:01 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
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Can I get a copy of that book of "shoulds" of BDSM so I can throw it at the new kid?

No, I don't happen to think the starting as a sub idea works for everybody.  For some people, it does and it's a very worthwhile experience.  For others, it wouldn't work because they aren't submissive in nature and don't feel drawn to it.  Sure, you can learn things from any experience, but it depends if the person is open to learning from it and their own interpretation.

Does it make a person a better Dominant?  I'd have to say that depends on the Dominant.

As for messing up online communication, I'd like to point out that LaT isn't a he.  She's a she, and a damn fine one at that.  Though I've never seen her play personally, I've read the things she's written on these boards at times, and I certainly wouldn't think of her as having a lack of knowledge or dangerous.  I think it might be more fitting to get to know her a bit before making those assumptions about her, even in jest.


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