RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 8:56:29 AM

LaTigresse

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As I've said before, I spent too many years of my life wasted, trying desperately to fit the perfect little suburban housewife role. I was MISERABLE!

I could put on my game face and act my way through it but it was a cold, passionless, performance. Not only was I miserable but I was very good at making everyone around me miserable. I just felt like I was really fucked up for not being happy with the same life that other women I knew, saw as damned near ideal, in many ways.

Now, I know it was ideal........for someone else. It wasn't ideal for ME. Now that I am being honest with myself, I am much happier and so are those around me.

The funny thing is that I do enjoy doing things for people I love. Cooking is a perfect example of that. The difference is that it is done on MY TERMS. I cook when I want to, what I want to, where I want to and for whom I want to.

If there was some major earth change and I was forced to serve, I know that I could do a passable job of it. I would be miserable but if it meant survival, I would dig in and do what was needed. However, knowing me as well as I do, in time there would be a shift. I would get tired of playing the role, exhausted, and begin revolting. Depending upon the leadership, I would either end up dead, in charge, or out on my ample ass.

It just isn't in me to submit. It isn't a natural LeeAnn quality. Life might have been alot easier if it was. But nothing is going to change it, so I embrace what is natural for me instead of fighting to fit someone else's ideal.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 10:15:25 AM

ALAstella

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Following this logic, should lobodomslavery, who is becoming a regular poster, become a Moderator?

Is Moderator 13 free? Any opinions?

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 10:31:09 AM

StrictDomffs

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If an individual has found their role, their place in this lifestyle, I surely don't see the need for artificial constructs and rules that one 'must' do this before being 'that'. Sometimes the whole 'Old Guard'/'Old School' way is abit overdone in M/s circles which is where I prefer to travel versus the play/kink crowd.

I will suggest though that part of what inhibits the natural evolution of some people in the lifestyle is the perception that they will be judged as not 'really a Dom/me' or a 'true slave' because they started out on the opposite side of the whip and then grew into other desires.

It is possible for a Mistress to be completely dominant to all others, yet feel a dynamic special to one particular man/Master only that she considers the owner of her heart, unequal to Him only behind closed doors? A unique and special bond that works for them? The scenario isn't hypothetical, it is my reality. It was not instant, but it is an amazing journey with intense experiences I would not trade.

As always, your mileage may vary.....

~Mistress K.

< Message edited by StrictDomffs -- 1/7/2009 10:33:10 AM >

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 10:41:51 AM

leakylee

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i dont think it is neccesary, but my Sir started out that way. his levels of understanding from things from this side are incredible. i freakin love it. it really makes life and communication that much easier.

smooches
lee

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 11:46:04 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

Following this logic, should lobodomslavery, who is becoming a regular poster, become a Moderator?

Is Moderator 13 free? Any opinions?

Uhmmmmmm, probably not an opinion that I should post.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 12:08:16 PM

secretmaster22

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quote:

The funny thing is that I do enjoy doing things for people I love. Cooking is a perfect example of that. The difference is that it is done on MY TERMS. I cook when I want to, what I want to, where I want to and for whom I want to.

To me that is the only way to be. I think some people, myself included before I learned about the lifestyle see being dominate as being heartless, and just wanting to be able to do whatever they wanted with no regard for the other person involved. While I'm sure there are some dominates like that and some subs that love it, but it is not the requirement for being a dom and in many cases just a stereotype. The thing I enjoy most about being dominate is how much my submissive enjoys it. That and the trust and respect I receive, but there are times I give a command simply because I know how much she enjoys following my command. I dominate as a way to do something for someone that I love.

As for the other argument. I had my first brush with sadism the other day. I watched as a sadist beat the shit out of my submissive with floggers. It helped to see him do what he was doing probably more than it would have to have it done to me. It was beautiful to watch her slip into subspace and into a state of complete euphoria. Not sure I'll ever be able to call myself a sadist, cause I'm still not sure I would enjoy doing it for the simple pleasure of doing it as much as I would enjoy doing it to see how her body responds and to see her call out for more, and the way it pleases her. However, I did enjoy giving myself a few wacks on the arm with the different floggers just to see what each one felt like, and the different sensations I'm going to cause as I get her on the cross the next time.

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 3:23:27 PM

MistressRENA

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OP, as you can see many folk have different answers to your question.

The one to really pay attention to is the one that says words like always and never are watch words in any rule. And there isnt really a rule for this instance.

My answer has a preface ... when I was first starting out in this I was told that very same rule. I was 41; asian woman from Hawaii. My answer was something like ... I have spent the last 41 years of my life as an asian woman in american society ... dont you think that is plenty of experience being submissive?

Now it may be said that these days women put themselves higher in priority, but in my experience we often need to be reminded to put ourselved on the list period.

Id be happy to speak more on this subject, however since I hate typing I will stop here.

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RE: Should a Mistress/Master be a servant boy/girl first - 1/7/2009 6:02:33 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

ive heard it said that in order to be a good Mistress, one should be a servant first and work themselves up that way you can sympathise with the servant point of view and empathise with them. is this credible in your opinion, or does it really matter if you have served or not, is this another example of political correctness gone mad or is it only right after all should servants know that those they serve have served others before or does it really matter
kevin

I've gone the route of living in service first, in order to 'earn my crop' as we call it. However, I don't believe in 'should' -- every person's past is different. What worked in my situation with great efficacy might be completely ineffective in someone else's situation.

If one feels compelled to the idea of a 'service first' situation, then finding a suitable situation in which to 'rise up' into dominance, and getting to view the process from the other side of the kneel can be very beneficial -- but for some, it just isn't worthwhile or necessary.

If, as a servant, someone has strong feelings about whether or not hir Keeper has that kind of experience, then knowing the history of the people one is considering yielding oneself to will help that servant to make the decisions that work for hir.

I can't say enough about the value of my time in service -for me-. I learned more about myself in those 4 years than I did in the entire preceding 30 that I'd lived... even including the time I spent in a monastary, as a monastic initiate. For me, the process brought out aspects in me that made my dominance more effective, and has enabled me to avoid some pitfalls that I might have fallen right into if I hadn't spent that time in subjugation. This despite the fact that I fought my (chosen) submission and training tooth-and-nail for a better part of the first half of my time... so much so that I was cast out -twice- before I was able to finish my training.

Everyone is different. I do believe that even 'born' dominant individuals can use some education in how to make the most of their leadership tendencies, and that every submissive individual could benefit from information and education that would enable hir to find the greatest possible satisfaction from hir time in service, but I don't necessarily think that every dominant individual needs to start out in submission in order to succeed as a dominant individual. In the same way, while it may provide an outstanding perspective of the responsibilities and burdens of leadership, I don't necessarily think that every submissive person -must- spend time in a dominant position, which, to be honest, is a logical corollary to the idea that every dominant must spend time as a submissive person, but which, interestingly, is rarely, if ever, discussed... and which is, in my opinion, every bit as poorly thought out as its counterpart concept.

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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