RE: If it isn't your thing--so what?

RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (Full Version)

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oceanwynds -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 5:47:17 PM)
I had to come to grips with a lot of negative criticism when I was young. It seemed to be piped into my mind 24/7. Now this is not related to anyone posting on cm, but it is about me. One thing that helped me was to realize i was an attention whore, and getting any type of attention was better then none. Knowing that has helped me when I feeling put down, slighted, ignored, etc. Many things in my life, OP have not been other peoples thing, and most people were great in letting me know something just wasnt right about me. When fed constant negativety, you tend to gravitate towards it. I was fortunate to become surrounded by people who actually thought there was a lot of good in me. Being nutured with love, respect and wanting to know what I had to say became a postive experience for me. Later, I learned that those who still wanted to talk to me in a negative way, were exclaiming their own opinion. In many cases sometimes their opinions were just, sometimes they were opinions buried in their own fears and mirror them to me. I think to many people understand negativity. I think when the walls feel like they are crumbling down on me, it is hard to make sense of many things. It is then I step out of the 'war zone' as long as it takes me. I know personally when I feel like I am being attacked or ignored, it is coming from within me. Something is off balance, and i need to go within and work it out. One sign that this is happening to me, is when I point fingers outwards and blame. Sorry for the rambling, am tired from lifting boxes and moving Mom all day. Just some thoughts though to go with the OP's question, using me as an example oceanwynds

susie -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 5:50:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae If there are those that only wish to provoke an emotional response by expressing their intolerance of what others have decided to share for the sole purpose of removing their boredom. What does that say about them? Do you honestly believe that people express intolerance due to boredom? Really that is a pretty strange idea. There is a poster here who continually posts his views on poly relationships and his view is that the only way to be happy is to be monogamous. I will always disagree with his views and am happy to post my opinion. Do you see that as intolerance on my part or his? Really if I got emotional because someone posted a response here that I did not like then it is surely time for me to step away from the cyber land and get back to the real world.

Aszhrae -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 6:32:16 PM)
I can always trust you susie to having a reply contrary to everyone else. In some cases your posts invoke thought. In other cases I have found its best I just skim over. If we all agreed with each other over everything discussed here what a boring place this would be and how little each of us would gain from the experience of coming here. You did suggest that people post to alleviate their boredom by provoking others. If they didn't, they would continue being bored.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 6:33:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae If there are those that only wish to provoke an emotional response by expressing their intolerance of what others have decided to share for the sole purpose of removing their boredom. What does that say about them? It doesnt matter. I am not going to give them a second thought. You give them way too much power over you by stressing out over what they say.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 6:40:10 PM)
Just need to add.... Others dont "provoke" an emotional response. You are the owner of your emotional response, not them. I can bet you dollars to donuts that they can say the same things to me and get an entirely different response from me than they get from you.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 6:52:59 PM)
Here is one thing I believe is important to being a submissive/slave. You may have a power exchange but you do not give up your personal power. I believe Dom/me's want a sub/slave with character and strength and yes, inner power. They dont seek one that is going to be crushed from one harsh word. They want one who will learn and rise above. If a harsh word is spoken as a submissive i need to express that I was hurt and forgive graciously, but in some ways I need to take it on the chin and rise above it showing stubborn determination to become better because of it. I don't think a Mistress or Master is looking for a weak willed flower that is easily crushed. Be submissive but never loose self determination and strength and the ability to "take it". If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard.

Aszhrae -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:09:59 PM)
Maybe I should not be replying at all to threads that touch a nerve. Much of how I react is based on experience with others and not just here in CM. Its becoming quite obvious that there is perhaps very little tolerance towards other individual motivations, beliefs, kinks and fetishes. As everyone seems to invite intolerance upon themselves. As susie stated, 'it would be a very boring forum if they didn't'. Not very helpful, but it is insightful, revealing who not to have anything to do with because they never really have anything good to say about anyone. Unless of course it is about themselves and to praise their dominant. I would disagree with you lusciouslips19, about others not wanting to provoke an emotional response. There are some that do. It has to do with their choice of words within a given reply. Words do hurt, they do demean, degrade and make people feel really tiny. Which is certainly a very good reason why I would make a lousy dominant. Then again, I am not as well adjusted as some here seem to be. I have never really stood alone in the world unless I was running to a destination to get away from something or someone. My heart speaks first. My head follows after as I attempt to pick up the pieces left by others. So many here speak by reason and logic, emotionless and expect others to do the same. Unfortunately, that is not how I am wired. Someone bites me, unless it is desired, I bite back. That is why I'm a submissive. I react with emotion and passion.. People here can be dismissive because they react with reason and logic.

Aszhrae -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:15:59 PM)
quote: If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard. Having been since childhood, really difficult to stop since no one has really taken the time to teach me how not to be dependent upon others. A beta will sometimes hunt alone, but they will always return to their alpha.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:21:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae Maybe I should not be replying at all to threads that touch a nerve. Much of how I react is based on experience with others and not just here in CM. Its becoming quite obvious that there is perhaps very little tolerance towards other individual motivations, beliefs, kinks and fetishes. As everyone seems to invite intolerance upon themselves. As susie stated, 'it would be a very boring forum if they didn't'. Not very helpful, but it is insightful, revealing who not to have anything to do with because they never really have anything good to say about anyone. Unless of course it is about themselves and to praise their dominant. I would disagree with you lusciouslips19, about others not wanting to provoke an emotional response. There are some that do. It has to do with their choice of words within a given reply. Words do hurt, they do demean, degrade and make people feel really tiny. Which is certainly a very good reason why I would make a lousy dominant. Then again, I am not as well adjusted as some here seem to be. I have never really stood alone in the world unless I was running to a destination to get away from something or someone. My heart speaks first. My head follows after as I attempt to pick up the pieces left by others. So many here speak by reason and logic, emotionless and expect others to do the same. Unfortunately, that is not how I am wired. Someone bites me, unless it is desired, I bite back. That is why I'm a submissive. I react with emotion and passion.. People here can be dismissive because they react with reason and logic. I speak to you knowing that you are easily hurt. Perhaps you haven't had the boundaries to stand up for yourself in a positive way. But all of us in this world have baggage. Mine are quite large. But we have to learn to deal with this world in a positive way because its healthy for ourselves. Also, I know that you seek to belong to someone again and these traits of being to easily hurt and lashing out because of what you percieved ,can likely leave you out in the cold. I am sure you have hurt others in the past and likely not even intending to hurt the other person. It was because of how they took it. I am sure you can understand that happens all the time because our responses are based on our past. But its never personal its always a projection of the person. Everyone percieves the world according to their experiences and response the same way. Its never about you and even when it is. The so called "hurtfully said things" are a projection of the persons own weaknesses and its really not about you at all. So knowing that most people in this world have their own baggage can you learn to be a little understanding of human weakness and have compassion for your antagonisers?

BlueEyedSubinDE -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:21:32 PM)
"If we all agreed with each other over everything discussed here what a boring place this would be and how little each of us would gain from the experience of coming here. You did suggest that people post to alleviate their boredom by provoking others. If they didn't, they would continue being bored. " Aszhrae, From the above quote, I don't interpret it as her saying people should intentionally provoke others, I interpret it as postings here in general would be pretty boring if everyone agreed with everyone else 100%. If everyone always agreed, there would be no discussion, no exchange of ideas, nothing to learn or share. It would be one person posting something and then however many answers of "yes, I agree". And that, in my opinion would be pretty boring.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:27:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae quote: If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard. Having been since childhood, really difficult to stop since no one has really taken the time to teach me how not to be dependent upon others. A beta will sometimes hunt alone, but they will always return to their alpha. Being a dependent is not the same thing as being a submissive.

oceanwynds -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:28:35 PM)
I been sitting here thinking how the holidays seems to bring the blues out for people, but that is another thread. I think she was given great advice, caring and sharing tonight. That is a good thing in these times of trouble waters for most of us. blessings oceanwynds

Aszhrae -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:30:47 PM)
quote: Being a dependent is not the same thing as being a submissive. You are entitled to your opinion.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:33:41 PM)
As beth pointed out waaaay back on page one of this thread......... "here there be sadists!" I think some folks tend to forget that when they get into these back and forth yah yah fests, or when someone seems to deliberately jerk your chain, or criticize your kink, or hurt your feelings, or (fill in the blank). I figure some of them have an actual kink of getting a rise outta other people on the boards, or stirring up a hornets nest. So maybe there should be some sort of warning up yonder at the top of the page? [sm=danger.gif] "Be ye forewarned, for here there be sadists!" [sm=evil.gif] [;)][;)][;)]

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:35:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae quote: Being a dependent is not the same thing as being a submissive. You are entitled to your opinion. If you look in the dictionary you will see that they have different meanings. matter of fact, There are many Dominants who are also dependents.

kdmfl -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:36:53 PM)
I think as long as its legal, you should be free to express your interests. I try to remain open minded and am willing to discover more possibilities that way

Viridana -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:52:24 PM)
I honestly believe dependancy and submissiveness are two different things. Can they coexist? Most definately.

suhlut -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 7:59:23 PM)
come on Aszhrae... take a deep breath hun.. and let it out veryyyyyy slowly. you can't honestly think that any good is going to come outta all this drama..do you? stop alienating yourself.. from some of the greatest people that are on this site. People here dislike seeing victim mentality.. and a "woe is me" attitude.. they HOWEVER are so willing to be helpful and kind and gentle.. with great advice.. and often gifts of beautiful friendships. Just be yourself.. and people will welcome you.

Viridana -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 8:01:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aszhrae So many here speak by reason and logic, emotionless and expect others to do the same. Unfortunately, that is not how I am wired. Someone bites me, unless it is desired, I bite back. That is why I'm a submissive. I react with emotion and passion.. People here can be dismissive because they react with reason and logic. I can assure you that even though certain people, my self included, react rather with reason and logic, we are not emotionless nor passionless. I believe we all have emotions and passions boiling under our skin. It's a matter of preference or behavior to have logic and reason mold and guide the stream that is our emotions and passion rather than having the stream flood over, possibly eroding everything that gets in it's path. I'm not saying either way is better, as stated before, it is a matter of preference, upbringing and in some parts genes. But I find that the logical way much more easier on the mind, causes less anxiety and in certain areas less heartache. ..... but to each their own of course.

IronBear -> RE: If it isn't your thing--so what? (12/30/2008 8:03:01 PM)
Look at it this way and take submission and dependency into the wider world. I know a large number of people including myself who are dependent on another/others for a number of things and none of us are submissive. We are old farts who are also disabled so there are some things we just are no longer able to do on our own. Believe me when I say, disabled folk of all ages and inclinations have enough shit to deal with, without being labled submissive or dominant for that matter. Plenty of disabled sub/slaves about too. [sm=chug.gif][sm=chug.gif][sm=chug.gif] (34 degrees celcius - 93.20 F, humidity 87% typical summers day here in sunny Queensland where it is sunny one day and perfect the next).

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