RE: On The Road To Healing

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RE: On The Road To Healing - 1/2/2009 12:12:55 PM

oceanwynds

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In my case regarding the road to healing, my biggest help from others was when they wouldn't help me. I had to fall and then learn to crawl and eventually walk again. That though isn't saying there was no one around encouraging me to move forward, but I had to show them I was serious.

What has been the carrot dangling in front of me to move forward was/is my strong belief in the Goddess and those who have made it. If they could, then I knew I could too, providing I did the work. More times then not I would fall or be kicked down, but my focus didn't stay on them; it stayed on those who have empowered themselves. That has been the carrot dangling in front of me all through my life. I relate to the phoenix and have risen through the ashes many times in life.
oceanwynds

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RE: On The Road To Healing - 1/2/2009 12:50:57 PM

Icarys

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quote:

I relate to the phoenix and have risen through the ashes many times in life.

Excellent way of looking at it.

Beats getting caught up in self-pity. The only person you can blame for not making it through tough times is one's own self.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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RE: On The Road To Healing - 1/2/2009 8:10:17 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: T1981
...I went through this psuedo spiritual phase, saying that I saw their sickness for what it was - a disease of the soul - and could not hate them for it. I said that they were not evil, or wrong, or bad, only sick, and they needed my empathy, not anger, blah blah blah.

That turned out to be such a load of bullshit. For me, trying to rethink the roles was just another way of trying avoid the pain of "I trusted you and you betrayed me." Focusing on THEIR pain was a great way to avoid mine, and in the end, it only made me sicker....

I find it interesting that you went through that process.

I've heard people espouse forgiveness. Sometimes something seemed a little disingenuous about it to me. I wasn't sure why. I thought maybe just because I might not be enlightened enough to promptly and thoroughly forgive all things myself. But I wasn't sure. Still aren't.

~ Can one simply decide to forgive one day and mean it? Flip it on like a switch - how do you do that, exactly? Maybe you can do it simply by exercising the will, or repeating the resolution like a mantra. I don't know.

On the other hand, I think gaining understanding has helped a lot.

I had a proper rapprochement with my parents after I reached the age they were when they started having kids, I think. I began to be able to understand where they might have been coming from better. In addition, I generally just began to understand how easy it was for people to screw things up without really meaning to.

I don't know if it would be correct to say I've forgiven all, but the ardor felt over perceived injustices has cooled quite a bit over time and through gaining some understanding and perspective, even if it's imperfect.

I'm not sure if forgiveness really figures into it, really - not sure if that's the right term. That sounds too much like you are condoning the action, or saying that the behavior does not matter, or that it is nothing. To be in the position to dispense forgiveness also creates some problems.

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RE: On The Road To Healing - 1/3/2009 1:33:51 PM

cpK69

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I’ve been thinking that describing the process I went through, to get to the way I feel today, would be best served if I were to state it a little differently then I would have previously.

I believe I understand what Marie meant by “re-living”; I’ve been there, done that, and agree it wasn’t helpful. After thinking about it, I would say what I did was more like remembering, in an attempt to find misconception. There was some experiencing of old feelings, but the quest for faulty ideas made it easy to bush those feelings aside, allowing me to be more focused on figuring out why it hurt, instead of getting caught up in that pain.

I found the point made on forgiveness to be justification to reterm that, as well. I agree that not all actions need to be, nor, should be, excused. I feel it is more appropriate to say, I have come to a point of acceptance, of those who committed potentially abusive acts toward me. I f
Thank you all for the thought provoking perspectives. I am still trying to get my thoughts together on the effects of love and nurturing, or lack there of, during healing, as it relates to me, but can say I am very much a ‘do it yourselfer’, with the aid from observing others.

Aszhrae,

Interesting avatar pic, and your interpretation there of. Though, not exactly how I would interpret it. Perhaps there wasn’t a better one to depict your description?

Icarys,

quote:

I think some of those things could be considered abusive but you don't have to feel abused and I'm glad to see that you don't feel that way.

So sweet of you to say.

Perhaps we can meet half way, and say a good number of my past experiences were potentially abusive?

I really do not like the idea of rewarding failure.

Kim

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Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

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RE: On The Road To Healing - 1/3/2009 1:48:56 PM

Icarys

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quote:

Icarys,

quote:

I think some of those things could be considered abusive but you don't have to feel abused and I'm glad to see that you don't feel that way.

So sweet of you to say. Perhaps we can meet half way, and say a good number of my past experiences were potentially abusive? I really do not like the idea of rewarding failure.

Kim

A meet halfway sounds good to me.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

Alaska Bound-The Official Countdown Has Started!
http://tinyurl.com/872mcu3
http://alturl.com/mog7m

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Post #: 45