What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a submissive/slave

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What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in a su... - 12/30/2008 7:06:02 PM

lusciouslips19

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Joined: 9/8/2007
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I was posting on another thread. One where the OP was upset by certain posters and what was said. I posted alot about being the keeper of your own emotional response then I added this post...

"Here is one thing I believe is important to being a submissive/slave. You may have a power exchange but you do not give up your personal power. I believe Dom/me's want a sub/slave with character and strength and yes, inner power. They dont seek one that is going to be crushed from one harsh word. They want one who will learn and rise above. If a harsh word is spoken as a submissive i need to express that I was hurt and forgive graciously, but in some ways I need to take it on the chin and rise above it showing stubborn determination to become better because of it. I don't think a Mistress or Master is looking for a weak willed flower that is easily crushed. Be submissive but never loose self determination and strength and the ability to "take it".

If one cant" take it", perhaps submission is too hard. "

So this has lead me to wonder if Dominants think this is true or is there other things they look for?
What are the character traits that you seek in a submissive/slave?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

Post #: 1

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 8:43:49 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Of course it's not true as a universality. In fact most subs cultivate and adore a place as a weak flower that needs protection, mentoring, special treatment and fertilizer of all kinds.

And we're humans, we lose our self determination and strength at some point over some things. That doesn't make us incapable of having solid relationships.

As for character traits, I'm not sure why kinky people insist on pretending we're not human. The same character traits that make strong relationships do so in ALL TYPES of relationships. And everyone wants a little bit different mix of traits than anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 2

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 8:48:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I'm with you, Lushy, I don't want a shrinking violet for a sub. At the same time, if I am an asshole to my sub, I am going to apologize, and if he or she is not at 100% --or I am not--then ajustments will be made.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:02:52 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Honesty.

And big tits.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 4

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:07:55 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
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lol L&m!

I would say obedience. As I learn more about myself, I've realized how important it is to me. The ability to anticipate my needs and cravings before I make them known, the ability to listen and understand them when I say/show I want something, and the desire to carry it out to the best of her abilities. That pleases me beyond anything else.

And in L&m style, great blowjobs.

_____________________________

I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 5

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:09:40 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
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Thanks for reminding me!

Yes, great blowjobs. Add that to the list.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

And in L&m style, great blowjobs.

(in reply to NormalOutside)

Post #: 6

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:12:54 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Of course it's not true as a universality. In fact most subs cultivate and adore a place as a weak flower that needs protection, mentoring, special treatment and fertilizer of all kinds.

And we're humans, we lose our self determination and strength at some point over some things. That doesn't make us incapable of having solid relationships.

As for character traits, I'm not sure why kinky people insist on pretending we're not human. The same character traits that make strong relationships do so in ALL TYPES of relationships. And everyone wants a little bit different mix of traits than anyone else.

My thought and questions came about from the idea of a sub who is so easily hurt by what is percieved as criticism that they were so wounded. I thought perhaps it may get in the way of meeting a dominant if every negative comment from a dominant is met with the sub falling apart or getting defensive.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:15:41 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Honesty.

And big tits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Thanks for reminding me!

Yes, great blowjobs. Add that to the list.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NormalOutside

And in L&m style, great blowjobs.

quote:

Honesty.

And big tits.

Wow! I think Iam the perfect sub!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 8

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:23:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
My thought and questions came about from the idea of a sub who is so easily hurt by what is percieved as criticism that they were so wounded. I thought perhaps it may get in the way of meeting a dominant if every negative comment from a dominant is met with the sub falling apart or getting defensive.

You'd think, but no. Actually they can be the type to get extra tons of attention from the Captain Save a Ho types, specially if they are young and kinda hot (although that helps in just about any case).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 9

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 9:26:27 PM

oceanwynds

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Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Well, I'm not a Dom, but sure I can offer an opinion..grin. When I first started to explore my submissiveness, the first false concept that I had was all submissives were wilted and weak flowers. I have instead discovered many submissives and slaves who are very strong within. I believe in any walk in life there are people that want to be saved, or lean more to the fragile flower, but I do not believe anymore it is a factor in all submissives.It isn't in this one.

oceanwynds

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 10

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:06:07 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

Well, I'm not a Dom, but sure I can offer an opinion..grin. When I first started to explore my submissiveness, the first false concept that I had was all submissives were wilted and weak flowers. I have instead discovered many submissives and slaves who are very strong within. I believe in any walk in life there are people that want to be saved, or lean more to the fragile flower, but I do not believe anymore it is a factor in all submissives.It isn't in this one.

oceanwynds

Yea, me too. I thought I must be a bad submissive. I sure learned that submissive's can be really tough and strong and I am not a bad sub to have a strong personality.

I learned a lot from the feisty subs here.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 11

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:07:51 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

Fuck the honesty. Big Tits.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 12

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:13:07 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

Fuck the honesty. Big Tits.

E.

I didnt see that requirement in the Twue submissive handbook.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 13

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:14:09 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 14

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:17:07 PM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

From checking out a sampling of the profiles from my state as an example.The majority of the Dominants seek intelligence,stability and devotion.Of course attractive,non smokers and HWP are in there too but not personality characteristics per se.

(in reply to oceanwynds)

Post #: 15

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:19:47 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

First: GT: if big tits are a requirement, I'm screwed.

For you, darling, We always make an exception!

Second: Poor Pimpette...but I think this thread (honestly conceived) has been jacked.

This discussion reminds Me of the frat boys sitting around, discussing the perfect woman. First boy: She has to have HUGE tits. Second boy: Yah, and she has to LOVE giving head. Third boy: YAH! and she has to be only about 4'4" tall so you don't have to bend over, or nuthin! Fourth boy: OH YAH...and she has to have a totally flat head.

First 3: "Uh...why the flat head, dude?"

"You need some place to put your beer, man"

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 16

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:23:49 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Ok, luscious, I get slammed for this all the time, but here I go. There are many other character traits that I seek in a partner, but since you mentioned these specifically...

You are absolutely correct, as it applies to me. I look for strength and independence in a submissive. Personal strength, courage of conviction, character, healthy self esteem, and the ability to stand up for themselves.

I do not want a doormat, and just to head off those who are going to come in and tell me I'm wrong for not wanting one, here's my definition of doormat: the sub who is waiting, wanting, and hoping for ANYONE to come along and offer them a collar, professes their love within 1.2 seconds of learning your name, drops to their knees and begs to lick the boots of every D-type to enter the club, and hasn't the slightest bit of discretion in to whom they will offer their flesh.

Yeah, I don't want someone who will give themselves completely to the first taker.

Also, I don't want a sub/slave who gets their feelings hurt because I didn't answer their 23rd text of the day within 5 minutes. I have a strict no drama policy.

I have a tendency to throw myself completely into what I am doing, I want and need people around me who have the ability to entertain themselves, to keep themselves busy or occupied in my absence, to maintain their sanity without constant and direct supervision. In short, what I consider to be a responsible and capable adult.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 17

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:27:27 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

well, now that I've read the rest of the responses...

Big tits help when the sub's a girl, but nice and shapely tits will do just fine.
A big cock is a definite plus if the sub's a boy, but not always necessary. (see the next entry)
Strong oral skills a must, for boys or girls.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 18

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:31:36 PM

NormalOutside

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
I do not want..

Yeah, I don't want..

Also, I don't want..

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I don't want to say "I don't want" that much. :p Hard sometimes, though.

But yeah, to continue the off-topic side-conversation a bit, I agree that submissive's aren't necessarily weak. They can be, and I've found it to be an attractive trait in some, but many aren't. A submissive with self esteem, intelligence, and goals? Sounds healthy to me...... and healthy is good.

< Message edited by NormalOutside -- 12/30/2008 10:33:29 PM >

_____________________________

I won't see your reply, because I don't use this account anymore.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 19

RE: What are the characteristics that Dom/me's seek in ... - 12/30/2008 10:34:36 PM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

I prefer a submissive who isn't easily hurt. I need her to be able to take it when I tell her what a dirty, filthy whore she is.

Having dated several submissives/slaves who needed "saving", the story was always the same. Once I, the Knight in Leather Armor, had slain the Dragon, there was always another Dragon waiting to be slain.

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 20

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