quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I've raved about this film before, "Punish Me."  The scene will probably be taken off Youtube very soon, so take a look quick - and buy the movie from Amazon, it's fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coHSSjXduKY

This actor does it for me; the eyes, body language, breathing.  He has a presence in his surrender.  I could watch this for days.

Akasha

It should be taken down. The boy depicted is 16 years old.

"What she did was wrong.  It could have had tremendously negative consequences.  If it was a guy doing it to a young girl, no one thinks for a moment about how inappropriate it is; yet, if it's a woman doing it to a young boy, it's erotic fodder."

"I'm a very passionate person when it comes to child abuse and molestation."

Ironically, if the boy depiced in the film later posted his story on CM seeking help and advice in processing the experience he would be shouted down and made a pariah for inappropriately sexualizing his own abuse.

quote:

MrRodgers wrote:
Plus, there are many cultures and I think US localities where the age of consent is 16 or even younger.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

So molestation is in the eye of the beholder now that you are the beholder? Or maybe it's just sexier on film instead of someone else's first hand? 

If you haven't seen the film, I can understand why you might think that the two situations are analogous--but they really are not.

In many respects, chronological age is just a number if it does not reflect emotional and sexual maturity.  The boy in the film we are discussing has the one important thing that the boy in your story lacked--agency.  Regardless of his chronological age, (and as I recall, the boy in your story was 13, not 16), the boy in the film is a voluntary partner in the BDSM relationship with an older woman.  He pursues her and interacts with her of his own will, trying to meet his own masochistic and submissive needs.

The boy in your story, despite experiencing sexual arousal and pleasure, was very distinctly a victim.  He had a crush on the girl in question, but he did not initiate the activity or imagine submitting to her prior to being molested by her.  He did not even understand half of the sexual material to which he was being subjected in the porn she showed him.  And he did not remember that experience with pleasure or poignant nostalgia, later in life--the memory of that abuse made him weep with pain and confusion.

Grown-up, sane dominant women do not enjoy being associated with such abuse and the long-term damage it can cause.  Even if the boy in your story had been 21, the dynamic you described would have been morally wrong and reprehensible given that he had so little emotional and sexual maturity, and so little ability to give legitimate consent.  The deciding factor in whether to play with someone in ANY sexual way, but especially BDSM play, has got to be agency and the ability to consent to BDSM in a meaningful way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

What an unbelievable crock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this had been a film about a 50 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl every woman on these boards would be screaming about how a 16 year-old doesn't have the maturity to make those decisions, not to mention screaming about exploitation and decrying porn in general.  As we have seen numerous threads to attest to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

It was the scene in the kitchen when she says he was "too little" to go into a sex shop that got me. He is not a man in that scene.

What I recall is my clumsy and misguided reach for help being shouted down by those supposedly offended. I found myself shamed and appologizing for my real story to the very same person that posted this link. The words in quotes are her words to me.

I posted in anger which was stupid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

What an unbelievable crock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this had been a film about a 50 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl every woman on these boards would be screaming about how a 16 year-old doesn't have the maturity to make those decisions, not to mention screaming about exploitation and decrying porn in general.  As we have seen numerous threads to attest to.

Post links--I see no such thread.  And even if such threads exist, I have not participated in them on the side of hysteria, now or ever.    

quote:

rulemylife wrote: If this had been a film about a 50 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl every woman on these boards would be screaming about how a 16 year-old doesn't have the maturity to make those decisions, not to mention screaming about exploitation and decrying porn in general.  As we have seen numerous threads to attest to.
ShaktiSama wrote:Post links--I see no such thread.  And even if such threads exist, I have not participated in them on the side of hysteria, now or ever.
rulemylife wrote: [various quotes]

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I've raved about this film before, "Punish Me."  The scene will probably be taken off Youtube very soon, so take a look quick - and buy the movie from Amazon, it's fantastic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coHSSjXduKY

This actor does it for me; the eyes, body language, breathing.  He has a presence in his surrender.  I could watch this for days.

Akasha

It should be taken down. The boy depicted is 16 years old.

"What she did was wrong.  It could have had tremendously negative consequences.  If it was a guy doing it to a young girl, no one thinks for a moment about how inappropriate it is; yet, if it's a woman doing it to a young boy, it's erotic fodder."

"I'm a very passionate person when it comes to child abuse and molestation."

Ironically, if the boy depiced in the film later posted his story on CM seeking help and advice in processing the experience he would be shouted down and made a pariah for inappropriately sexualizing his own abuse.

Calm down. It is a studio produced feature film (I believe award winning) and the actor is of legal age.  Geez. It's make believe.  I enjoy the sensuality of the interaction between the two characters (I have commented on this film on other threads before).  Rent or buy the film before you get your panties in a wad.  The reason it gets yanked from Youtube is because the studio is on top of copyright enforcement.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

So molestation is in the eye of the beholder now that you are the beholder? Or maybe it's just sexier on film instead of someone else's first hand? 

If you haven't seen the film, I can understand why you might think that the two situations are analogous--but they really are not.

In many respects, chronological age is just a number if it does not reflect emotional and sexual maturity.  The boy in the film we are discussing has the one important thing that the boy in your story lacked--agency.  Regardless of his chronological age, (and as I recall, the boy in your story was 13, not 16), the boy in the film is a voluntary partner in the BDSM relationship with an older woman.  He pursues her and interacts with her of his own will, trying to meet his own masochistic and submissive needs.

What an unbelievable crock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If this had been a film about a 50 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl every woman on these boards would be screaming about how a 16 year-old doesn't have the maturity to make those decisions, not to mention screaming about exploitation and decrying porn in general.  As we have seen numerous threads to attest to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

It was the scene in the kitchen when she says he was "too little" to go into a sex shop that got me. He is not a man in that scene.

What I recall is my clumsy and misguided reach for help being shouted down by those supposedly offended. I found myself shamed and appologizing for my real story to the very same person that posted this link. The words in quotes are her words to me.

I posted in anger which was stupid.

I understand your feelings, and I don't disagree with you that the forum's reaction to your story was insensitive.  Regardless of the intent of the female posters who reacted violently to your story and pointed out that the dynamic represented abuse, their posts were not helpful to you in the end.  They succeeded only in shaming and further traumatizing the victim, and possibly even served to further stigmatize the more adult submissive feelings that had been awakened by the experience.

This being said, the vast majority of people on the Internet are not qualified psychotherapists.  I am sorry this was demonstrated at your expense, and I do hope that eventually you can find a sex-positive, BDSM-positive therapist who is qualified to help you work through any remaining issues.  As for "eroticizing abuse" in general--it could be argued that ALL bdsm exists to eroticize abuse of power in one form or another?  BDSM usually takes a thing that is categorically harmful in real life and turns it into an orgasmic game for consenting partners.  Perhaps it is a form of psychotherapeutic roleplay that involves the whole society at once.   

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ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

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ORIGINAL: rulemylife

"Here are selections of your posts."

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions
I do have such a therapist, thank you.

If I can convince my insurance company that BDSM is a form of "psychotherapeutic roleplay" I'll tell everyone which forms to submit :-)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rulemylife

If this had been a film about a 50 year-old man and a 16 year-old girl every woman on these boards would be screaming about how a 16 year-old doesn't have the maturity to make those decisions, not to mention screaming about exploitation and decrying porn in general.  As we have seen numerous threads to attest to.

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ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions

I am sorry that your attempt to bare yourself and share information you keep close did not go better. I continue to wish you well in your attempt to find what you seek through service in your marriage. I read with interest and appreciation the update you have posted in your profile.

Cheers,

Sea

quote:

It should be taken down. The boy depicted is 16 years old.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness
acting..to a degree..is something different then real life.

To my friend Terms, you know you have your work to do, and I'd hope you're learning this isn't the appropriate place to do it despite how supportive this community can be to it's members.  As always, feel free to write me on the other side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: beeble

quote:

MrRodgers wrote:
Plus, there are many cultures and I think US localities where the age of consent is 16 or even younger.

`Many' would be an understatement.  There are few countries/states in North America and Europe where the age of consent is more than sixteen.  In particular, the age of consent in Germany is only fourteen, though it is illegal for somebody over 21 to have sex with somebody under sixteen if the younger partner is felt to lack the maturity to make their own sexual decisions.

The following list is for heterosexual vaginal sex; homosexual and/or anal sex often has a higher age.  Obviously, this post does not constitute legal advice and is not guaranteed to be accurate.

Age of consent is 12:
Mexico+%

Age of consent is 13:
Cyprus+, Japan%, South Korea, Spain

Age of consent is 14:
AR*+, IA*+, IN*+, SC*+, Albania, Austria$, China, Croatia, Estonia, Germany$, Hungary, India+, Italy, Latvia+, Liechtenstein, Lithuania, Montenegro, Portugal$, Serbia

Age of consent is 15:
CO*+, NY*+, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland*, France, Greece, Iceland, Poland, Romania, Slovakia, Slovenia, Sweden

Age of consent is 16:
AL, AK, CT, DC, DE*+, FL*+, GA, HI, IA*+, IN*+, KS, KY, MA, MD, ME, MI, MN, MS, MT, NC*, NH, NJ, NV, OH, OK, PA, RI, SC*+, SD, UT*+, VT, WA*+, WV, WY, Australia (except SA, Tasmania), Belgium, Bosnia, Canada, India+, Latvia+, Luxembourg, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway*, Russia, South Africa, Switzerland, Ukraine, UK (England, Scotland, Wales)

Age of consent is 17:
CO*+, IL, LA*, MO, NE, NM, NY*+, TX*, Australia (SA, Tasmania), Cyprus+, Ireland, UK (Northern Ireland)

Age of consent is 18:
AZ, CA, DE*+, FL*+, ID, ND, OR, TN, UT*+, VA, WA*+, WI, Malta, Turkey

* different rules apply when both people are young and the age gap between them is small.
+ parts of jurisdiction only
$ different rules apply to coercive or exploitative situations where one partner is young
% by national law; local law usually increases this

Source: http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm