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RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 5:52:29 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

I will tell you that when a "Dom" approaches Me, I take My time in replying and often they get a very terse note as there are Doms who will write and say " I would submit for you" or " You are what I have been looking for" meaning either 1. " I am a submissive and to afraid to admit it or 2. "Let me get you under My whip and I will beat you into submission to Me"---oh Puhleez

My recommendation is try to determine what you are, if you do not know, find a mentor or mentors to help you--anyone you approach is looking for a relationship of some kind whether real or cyber and is reluctant to start down the road with someone who is uncertain---being new is one thing, "posing" is another--I suggest you review your profile as it does indicate you will take whatever comes along--then evaluate what about Her profile caught your eye--

and above all remember, people have lives outside this site, there should be a certain amount of patience with responses--but no response in a reasonable time means rude social skills and probably no interest, so move on.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 21

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 6:26:54 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Personally I will ignore any email I receive from someone who lists themselves as dominant but in their letter they tell me about a secret wish to explore submission. That goes for anyone who says I am afraid of admitting to it or any other variation. I have even heard from men that they are afraid to list themselves as sub because of all the gay mail they may receive...

GET OVER IT!

If you are not confident about your desires or feelings about submission... figure it out before dragging someone else into the mix. If you get unwanted mail from individuals... delete it just as the women on the site have to do on a daily basis.

As to replying to emails & implying that women who do not have the decency to do so are horrible people... that is rather judgmental. Have you ever opened your email to find dozens of unread mail & only 5 or 10 minutes of time online to actually open or reply?? Also, have you ever been in the situation where you form a reply with something as simple as "not interested" & have the person email you back repeatedly? I have listed specifics in my profile that I have asked be mentioned in a first email as well as admit that I will not answer vague emails with one or two lines. Should I have to write back to every person on here that cannot follow up with simple requests I have made?

All of this has been discussed & debated numerous times on other threads.

No one has an answer as to why a woman or man for that matter may or may not answer an email. Most times no answer implies that there is no interest, but sometimes it may just mean that the person you wrote lost your email because they were either very busy with life or they had a lot of mail.

I know I have lost emails from people I had every intention of speaking further with in the mail system here. There is no way to flag a message to follow up with or place emails in a separate folder to follow up with at a later date. Features such as this would benefit all users.

As to the OP...

It has been a busy holiday season. Maybe you should wait until the middle of the month & make one more attempt to mail her. Let her know that you are interested & understand that the holidays were busy. Close the letter by saying that you will understand that if you receive no answer from this note that you will take it as a not interested & wish her well.

As others have suggested & as I did as well early on in my post... work on figuring out your path in this because sending out mixed signals (maybe dominant maybe submissive... it's really depends on the person I meet attitude) may be frowned upon by many people who live this way of life seriously. Yet another reason I have the quote I have in my profile. It speaks volumes.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 22

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 8:00:11 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

If you are not confident about your desires or feelings about submission... figure it out before dragging someone else into the mix.

I was all ready to post that I thought the above statement was "excellent advice" until I thought a bit on it. If someone does have a hint of desire, and decides to "explore" that side to themselves, how will they do so, without bringing someone else "into the mix?"

I think learning about oneself is necessary, but sometimes it takes the input and interaction of others to really see things more clearly. A Message Forum, and chatting with others, can only offer so much info.

I still agree with the statement, when it comes to "having the confidence" to even explore though. (I deal with the silent, closeted Doms, frequently. )

K

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 23

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 9:01:20 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think that instead of asking to be her submissive it is better to write to someone as a person first.

"Hello, I saw your post/profile/whatever, and I'd like to introduce myself. I'm new here to Collarme.com and I'm trying to get to know some things about myself and about others in the scene. If you have the time, would you be wiling to talk to me in emails on here?"

I would repsond to the above.

In fact, I'm talking to a few folks in mail just about, well, stuff.

Honestly, you can't know someone well enough to know you want to be her submissive just from a profile or some postings. Claiming that you can, to my eyes, is a good way to get a negative reply.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 24

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 9:44:57 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

Would you please be so kind to offer your opinion/advise on how long a potential sub should wait after sending a request to be considered by a Domme?

---

I saw that she read my messages early on the 30th. I have of course been fighting myself all day to not send another.

My question is: Should I patiently wait? Should I at some point let her know that I am longing to hear from her and am quite sincere? If so When? Should I do nothing if she does not reply?

If she read your messages and didn't reply, she's probably not interested.

Sending her another email won't get you anywhere. In fact, it's likely to annoy her.

My opinion is that if you sincerely are seeking the Domme of your dreams, you should take the advice given to you here in this thread when you contact the next Domme.

One thing you could try, wait a few weeks and then email her as if it's the first time-if she gets a lot of email, she won't remember that you contacted her before.

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 25

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 10:30:39 AM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Man, While I appreciate al of the kind responses (truly) you are one tough crowd.

Please ... please ... can you hear me? I sent my messages to her in repy to an ad that she posted. So they were not entirely unsolicited.

quote:

To me, the man that offers to serve/submit blindly... is a man that will serve ANYONE. He's not looking to serve "me," or be my partner, as much as he's looking to satisfy his own desires. He doesn't know me, so how can he be ready to give of himself, by just reading my profile? Any woman will do then, as I see it. Hardly attractive, in my eyes

I cannot possibly know her, as we have not met. I did make it perfectly clear that my desire to be considered was only there if we both decided to persue that after taking the time to get to know one another. I also clearyl stated to her that I would not be interested in any such relationship if it were not entirely pleasing to her (because in that event I would not enjoy it at all). Of course I am looking to satisfy my own desires, to please her, to serve.

quote:

I also feel it shows a bit of a lack of self confidence in the man, to be prepared to offer himself to a complete stranger. Almost creepy to me

Ummm, I am a "stranger" to everyone on here. I just joined. Filled out my profile as accurately as possible, posted an "introduce yourself" post (which has not had a single response in 6 days). I then sent 1 and only 1 reply seeking a further interaction with a Domme, in reply to her ad. Please tell me in the context of these facts what else i should do, or in what way I could do it more properly?

I will tell you this. I cannot serve "anyone." I am entirely too picky and my standards extremly high. I have suffered (and been rewarded) by them all of my life. I did not confess my undying devotion and endless love for her. I did plead my case for a very strong desire to be considered by her and a keen interest in wanting us to get to know one another, to see if there was a possible fit. I also stated that my desire was based on her posted photograph (yes, she "moved" me) and what she said in her brief profile.

If that is not appropriate then I suppose my deeper issue is that I do not understand one of the large pusposes of this site and these boards.

OK, give a brother (or sister) a slight break will you? I am brand new. I stated that. I answerd an ad posted by a Domme seeking a submissive. I stated in my response to that ad and on my profile the (my) truth - that my EXPERIENCES to date have only been as a Dom but that I have had longsuffering feelings of a sub nature. (Also important to note is that I sent my very first reply to any ad on this site to a Domme looking for a Sub)

It seems to me that it would be far more dishonest to omit the facts about my past experiences.

I am so sorry that so many of you have had such problems with Doms who tried to switch you. I am not them. I have not done that to you or to anyone else. I will appreciate it if those of you who seem intent to put that onto me would cease, please. (transferance?). I am right here, I can see what you are writing. No one has asked me if that is what I am doing. It the trust level here that low, that it would be poinless to even ask me? (although I must confess I do secretly enjoy it when you talk about me righ in front of me like that, kind Dommes

)

I am sincere, in my profile, my response to the Domme advertising, and in my postings here on the discussion boards. I am in fact an honest man.

I assumed that if the kind (and very beautiful) Domme were to reply to me ... her and I might take the time to discuss my Dom/sub issues and experiences within the context of each of us deciding if we are a fit for one another. I would of course tell her my entire truth.

Please don't take this reply in the wrong light. I am still most appreciative of each and every one of you who have taken the time to post an answer to my initial query. Which was:

quote:

My question is: Should I patiently wait? Should I at some point let her know that I am longing to hear from her and am quite sincere? If so When? Should I do nothing if she does not reply?

I was and still am seeking the wise and abundant counsel of the Domme's here and am still very appreciative of that input. I also ask that if anyone is in any way offended by my response here, that you will please consider forgiving me that.

Thank you very kindly

michael

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

Post #: 26

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 10:49:57 AM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Thank You MysticalPhoenix!

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 27

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 10:56:22 AM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

And Thank You thetammyjo

quote:

I think that instead of asking to be her submissive it is better to write to someone as a person first.

"Hello, I saw your post/profile/whatever, and I'd like to introduce myself. I'm new here to Collarme.com and I'm trying to get to know some things about myself and about others in the scene. If you have the time, would you be wiling to talk to me in emails on here?"

I would repsond to the above.

In fact, I'm talking to a few folks in mail just about, well, stuff.

Honestly, you can't know someone well enough to know you want to be her submissive just from a profile or some postings. Claiming that you can, to my eyes, is a good way to get a negative reply.

You are right I am sure. It was my initial excitement upon finding her ad, I am afraid.

She did seem (based only on her photo and profile) to be the type of woman that I could happily be involved with. Of course, I do understand that those two things alone mean nothing ... and then there is the entire possability that I am in no way a match for what she is looking for, at all.

I will definitely follow your wise advice on any and all future correspondence.
michael

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 28

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 11:39:25 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

dear seaturtle, do not be flustered, this is the place to ask questions, just at times have the flame retardant latex ready--smiles, you have many, many good responses here to your question----most of those that use these boards, I respect greatly--there is much wisdom in what they say, albeit at times delivered with salt, sugar, honey, chains, ropes, fire, wax, and enemas---but you will always walk away with a lesson--

the net is, from My sister Dominas--when a Dom approaches us to extend leanings as a submissive, it is very very hard to take--My recommendation is this ( hide behind My flame retardant gear, it could get hot in here)--do 2 profiles, one from a submissive side, one dominant--as you grow, one of these will naturally disappear and you will emerge as what you need to be--long term. But be honest as I know you will be when you communicate--

Best of luck---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 29

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 11:58:14 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

michael.

On the topic of reality...may I suggest you take a moment and breathe <smile>. Coming to terms with the fact that you have a switchy side can take a few moments. Interacting with someone who is new to the idea and a virgin of the experience can be a bit daunting as well as time consuming for the person you wish to take the journey with.

I prefer your idea of asking if she would like to correspond, and stating that a further pattern of non reply will result in your ending your attempts to contact. I would highly recommend that you analyze what about this person caught your interest and imagination, and seek those qualities out in the future.

I know you are not trying to sound desperate, and are quite probably simply used to more instant gratification..especially now that you have decided to take the leap. Read the boards, get involved, and if you do not hear from her - use the time to understand what it is you need as well as what you offer.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 30

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 1:09:32 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Thank you very much MH00314, and Cloudz. You kindness feels wonderful.

I also agree with both of you and will do as you suggest.

I am currently doing some soul searching and am almost at the point where I will most probably abandon any Dom feelings, desires that I may have. (I cannot abandon my experiences to date however). I suppose that ideally I was hoping to and wanted to be lead to do so by "her" in the event that she saw that as correct and proper.

I am patient actually. I am not in a rush. My "inner voice" is telling me that I have some preperation to do, to be most ready and worthy of her attention (whom ever she may turn out to be). And for me to be in a position to add the most value and quality to her life, when ultimately I meet her and we are of a like mind.

I do so appreciate hearing your words.

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 31

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 4:06:56 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

In response to a post that had my own words quoted:

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

I am so sorry that so many of you have had such problems with Doms who tried to switch you. I am not them. I have not done that to you or to anyone else. I will appreciate it if those of you who seem intent to put that onto me would cease, please. (transferance?). I am right here, I can see what you are writing. No one has asked me if that is what I am doing. It the trust level here that low, that it would be poinless to even ask me? (although I must confess I do secretly enjoy it when you talk about me righ in front of me like that, kind Dommes )

Your defense of your original statements, based on members' comments thereafter, is understandable, but where did the above notion come from? I went through the posts and saw not a mention, or accusation of Doms trying to get Dommes to switch?

Me thinks he doth protest too much!

Perhaps you should follow your own advice, and lighten up a bit, and take in what is said.

If you ask a question, without full disclosure of ALL information (which is nearly impossible, as we all know

), then you have to expect people to read into what you write. I just don't know where this idea of forced switching, and converting Dommes came into it.

A caution to you....your pontential partners will read your posts too, and see your reactions. Sometimes that's a good thing...and sometimes....

K

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 32

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 4:37:29 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I will tell you that when a "Dom" approaches Me, I take My time in replying and often they get a very terse note as there are Doms who will write and say " I would submit for you" or " You are what I have been looking for" meaning either 1. " I am a submissive and to afraid to admit it or 2. "Let me get you under My whip and I will beat you into submission to Me"---oh Puhleez

quote:

If a "Dominant" man sends an initial introductory e-mail to me, and blindly (without even meeting me, or even knowing my name) "offers" to be my "sub"...I'm probably not going to consider further correspondence with him, let alone meeting him.

quote:

Personally I will ignore any email I receive from someone who lists themselves as dominant but in their letter they tell me about a secret wish to explore submission

.

FTopinMichigan,

Above are the quotes that i was attempting to address in my response. One of them is from you I believe. I don't think I said "Doms trying to get Dommes to switch, but rather "Doms pretending to be subs in order to Dom from the bottom"

I do agree completly with your advice that I should "lighten up a bit" - although that was never said by me here (is not my "own advice"). I would not speak here in that manner.

I would be very happy and pleased to have any potential Domme read all of my remarks here and can also privide two other online links where they may read posts that I have written, This would, I think, serve as a good indication of my true nature, sensabilities, passions, and overall mindset.

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply again.

michael

< Message edited by seaturtle50 -- 1/3/2006 4:39:06 PM >

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 33

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 6:40:51 PM

DarkDove

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Tennessee
Status: offline

I never respond to those listed as Dominates. In fact is confuses me as to why they even write to me when my profile clearly states my interests which do not include Doms or switches. It suggests to me that they did not even bother to read my profile in which case why would I bother with a response to them?

Dark Goddess

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 34

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/3/2006 7:36:58 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Yes, Dark Goddess.

Thank you!

m

(in reply to DarkDove)

Post #: 35

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/4/2006 6:42:33 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

quote:

I will tell you that when a "Dom" approaches Me, I take My time in replying and often they get a very terse note as there are Doms who will write and say " I would submit for you" or " You are what I have been looking for" meaning either 1. " I am a submissive and to afraid to admit it or 2. "Let me get you under My whip and I will beat you into submission to Me"---oh Puhleez

quote:

If a "Dominant" man sends an initial introductory e-mail to me, and blindly (without even meeting me, or even knowing my name) "offers" to be my "sub"...I'm probably not going to consider further correspondence with him, let alone meeting him.

quote:

Personally I will ignore any email I receive from someone who lists themselves as dominant but in their letter they tell me about a secret wish to explore submission
.

FTopinMichigan,

Above are the quotes that i was attempting to address in my response. One of them is from you I believe. I don't think I said "Doms trying to get Dommes to switch, but rather "Doms pretending to be subs in order to Dom from the bottom"

Hi, Michael. I guess we all intrepet things differently. You wrote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

I am so sorry that so many of you have had such problems with Doms who tried to switch you. I am not them. I have not done that to you or to anyone else.

"so many of you"...I only see the one post, referencing the possibility of a "Dom" trying to "switch" or Top the Domme. My own comment was that I wouldn't consider the "Dom" that blindly offered himself as a "sub"...heck, I wouldn't consider a "sub" that blindly offered himself either.

I believe you might've read too much into the comment.

What I think you might not realize is that "my" own preferred partner is the Dom that bottoms. I tend to enjoy the personality in Doms over that of the submissive men I've met. In dealing with mostly Doms, in personal relationships, I've learned much into their needs/wants, and how difficult it can be for some of them to enjoy that side of themselves. Many are not comfortable in identifying as "switches" and knowing how many react toward men that bottom, or switch, I can feel for them. I think perhaps it's more difficult on them, than on men that identify as submissive. (And many of us know how poorly the male submissive is treated within some communities/groups.)

I have no issue with a Dom bottoming, but I would have to question his desire to BE a "submissive." Most of my relationships are with Doms...and they are bottoming to me. If a man wants to "be" a submissive...I see him "as" a submissive. If he wants to play one....for a scene, or private session....that's fun.

It's a long hard journey sometimes, finding what we want, and where we feel we fit. Enjoy that journey.

K

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 36

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/4/2006 1:32:01 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

thank you FTopinMichigan,

I do see your point. It seems I did infer that the second two quotes were saying the same thing as the first. I see where it is likely that I am in error there.

I thank you for your clarification on this matter.

I am continuing my soul-searching and must admit that so far everything (my inner "truths") seem to be clearly telling me that I am in fact a man who desires to be a submissive to a woman.

I now realize that I am so new, that I really need to just "be around" for a while, and read and learn, and continue to be open to my true feelings, regardless of what they are.

On one hand, I do so love those experiences where a woman allowed herself to sub to me - and am not cretain that I would want to live without them (forever), on the other hand, I seem to know that that in itself will not be enough to leave me satisfied, and feeling truly content.

If the delicous (but scary) feelings that I get inside when you say:

quote:

and knowing how many react toward men that bottom, or switch, I can feel for
them

and

quote:

And many of us know how poorly the male submissive is treated within some communities/groups.

are any indication (and I KNOW it is indicative of something) then it is just one more example of how my "inner voice" is calling to me to surrender. For some reason, it pleases me (very much) to think of enduring these types of things out of my love, adoration, and desire to please her. (My devotion to her). To endure them For her, as just another sign of my committment.

I also realize that I need to spend sufficient time seperating the fantasy "DreamDomme" from the reality "Day to Day Real Live Domme Woman" in my own mind. I will say however, to the extent that I have done so already, I by far prefer what I suppose the real-life (life partner) Domme relationship to be like.

Thank you so very much FTopinMichigan, for your patient and continued effort to assist me in discovering my own truth.

michael

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 37

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/4/2006 4:04:01 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Greetings to All,

My extreme and kind thanks to all of you who have taken the time to offer assistance and advice to me.

I just wanted to let you all know that i have made my decision. i have just finished correction my profile to be most accurate with my true feelings, as i understand them to be at this time in my life.

All of the Dom, experience stuff is gone, and i have listed myself as a submissive seeking One Domme for a RL LT relationship.

Thanks to your help, i also now understand that this will be a process, not at all unlike the process of meeting that one special person that one comes to love in RL. i am excited, eager, and looking forward to it.

Again, my sincere thanks to all of you.

michael

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 38

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/4/2006 7:20:16 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

michael,

I am too weary at the moment to do a "critical review" of your new profile, but rest assured others will find the time <grin> such is the nature of the boards. I only want to say that this profile appears to more closely reflect what appears to be in your heart. Continue in the search both of your soul and to find your Lady.

Best of luck to you,

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to seaturtle50)

Post #: 39

RE: Mistress ... Please Tell - 1/4/2006 7:38:06 PM

seaturtle50

Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline

Yes, i will. Thank you for the encouragement Cloudz.

m

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 40

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