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aravain -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/8/2009 1:10:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: samboct
Seems to me most of this debate is revolving around a misunderstanding of the OP's intentions. The OP didn't say she wouldn't tell someone that she was TG- merely asked for the best time to do so.
Which is what I answered... I, as a person, want to know things like that BEFORE we're romantically involved. I, as a person, will tell someone about things that are common deal breakers (such as being gay, mental illness, and other issues) BEFORE we're romantically involved in any sense of the word. tsatske proved why I hold her in such high respect again with her post... which is essentially my opinion and feelings on the matter.
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Clearly a bunch of folks think that the correct time to do so is instantly. Well, Hitler had the same idea- Jews got to wear a yellow star and gays got to wear a pink triangle. Therefore there was no question about anybody before they asked you out on a date.
That is, at best, a straw-man argument. No one (at least, that I saw) suggested that she tell anyone and everyone. I said that she should tell anyone that she wants to become romantically involved with BEFORE attempting to do so... and stand by that answer. That's very different than 'wearing a sign' that tells the world she's transexual.
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My response to the OP has been consistent- you don't have to announce that your TG to the world- which in essence is what you'd be doing if you'd identify yourself as such before grabbing a cup of coffee- but if you're going on a date with expressed romantic interest and the evening might logically proceed to something more than a handshake- than yeah- letting the guy know that ahead of that point would be a good idea.
We're saying, essentially, the same thing.
I'll not focus on the topic of homophobia since it is a seperate issue entirely, and not necessarily entirely relevant to the issue of this thread.
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On the contrary. Acknowledging that fear and prejudice exist is no excuse to run and hide and bury oneself in the sand. TG folks are not exactly a new phenomenon, but I suspect the numbers are increasing and the hormones and plastic surgery to make the transition more meaningful are now widely available. Catering to fear and prejudice provides justification for it- and again, you're making the assumption that fear and prejudice is the majority, when I suspect that it may already be a minority. But you can't be a little bit pregnant- and a healthy society can't have freedom for some.
We're acknowledging that fear and prejudice exist... but I don't know where the rest of this is relevant. I'm not giving justification for someone having that fear and prejudice, however they shouldn't have to be suspicious that any girl they meet might be keeping the secret that they're transexual from them. It shouldn't (and wouldn't) be an issue if there was disclosure from the start.
I don't see why anyone should have any expectation that the person they're dating hasn't always been the person that they are, or present themselves as. If they haven't, then that requires disclosure. I don't go around presenting my illness to everyone in the world. I could (as tsatske suggested) go years without telling someone or being suspected of it... but it's still a part of me that IS different from what I may otherwise seem. With medication I can be almost normal (similar to how a transexual person can be almost normal with hormones and surgery), even so it's a (very important) part of me.
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