RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman

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MistresseLotus -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 7:54:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Alixandria quote: ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus I was watching a program that stated the ONE way a transexual can be identified: a woman's index finger is longer than her ring finger- a male's is not. (just thought I'd share that) You are now returned to your regular channel. Well my index finger is shorter than my ring finger. As far as I know I am a genetic female (no ums but a lifetime of periods and a tubal ligation where the surgeon noticed nothing special). So I'm not sure that that is a rule I'd rely on to determine whether or not someone is a transexual. Alix Turn your palm towards your face and look... then get back to me. :)

MistresseLotus -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 8:04:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VampiresLair quote: ORIGINAL: MistresseLotus I was watching a program that stated the ONE way a transsexual can be identified: a woman's index finger is longer than her ring finger- a male's is not. (just thought I'd share that) You are now returned to your regular channel. I am 100% genetic female, and my index finger is quite a bit shorter than my ring finger. So, I guess that debunks that idea right off eh? Then there is also the test of having to take two foot lengths back from the wall, place a chair in front of you, bend from the waist and place the top of your head against the wall, pick up the chair then stand erect. Supposedly men are not physically structured to accomplish this easily. This question can be viewed from another angle. Would a TG female, looking for a genetic male be disappointed in finding that her interest was a TG male? I vote for the disclosure upfront- you won't be wasting either your time nor the other person's time.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 8:58:59 AM)
I think everyone here is downing this woman for no good reason!!! the whole time im reading this im just.... ugh it's disgusting!!!! People saying she must disclose her genital makeup immediatlly seem to think that the only reason people meet each other and talk and get to know each other is so they can have sex together..... people date for months and years without having sex....plus who is to say a man she goes out on a date with would even be worth her time and emotional drain to tell them about that? I mean why tell them on the first contact or date or second date if she is going to break up with him on the third or fourth? or he may break up with her.. or she may get the feeling that he is not going to take the news well which im sure is not something you find out on the first date. and then break up with him... I mean telling someone your TS without a real emotional atachment can still be dangerous. This man obviouslly had an attraction toward her so who's to say he doesn't allready feel tricked? so by yall's logic she should just carry a sign or tell everyman who looks at her lady lumps she is tg... come on people have a lil respect for transsexual people this is the 21st century she shouldn't have to wear your scarlet letter!!!

GreedyTop -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 9:27:34 AM)
Lindsey, nobody is saying wear a scarlet letter, ffs.\ What people are advising is that she diclose sooner rather than later, to avoid potentially dangerous situations. I dont know how the rednecks in Biloxi operate, but through most of the rest of the world, she would be risking being (at the least) verbally battered..and in the worst case she would risk being killed because some BUbba got freaked out.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 9:37:40 AM)
don't you think she should get to know the person first though? That way she doesn't have to disclose possiblly damning information to someone who might otherwise use the information to hurt her or acctually physically hurt her or tell someone who will physically hurt her?.... wouldn't it be easy to just find out what kind of person he is..... then , either tell him or dump him as seems most apropriate? sorry but I think looking out for #1 is the best option in this case as she has way more to lose than he will...... or do you think his pride and supposed heterosexuality is more important than her life and well bieng? or has she not already gone though enough? i guess she should have just killed herself instead of causing folks so much confusion (extreme sarcasm) P.S. atacking my home town that has lost so much and still has the tenacity to stand up and rebuild after hurricane Katrina swallowed us whole and took everything I and most people own shows you have a whole lot of class. perhaps you would come put signs up along the beach saying "a bunch of redneck's died here" really that was quite low of you I hope you have the gumption to admit when your wrong !!!

GreedyTop -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 9:53:23 AM)
I think she would risk more AFTER time, emotion and interest has been invested than disclosing sooner. Meh, I could be wrong. Not everyone would react violently. But if you read the whole thread you'll see that most people agree with that. Looking out for number 1, to me, would mean minimizing risk. Call me odd. As far as Biloxi goes, I have personal experience with the local rednecks there. Granted, that was in the mid-90s, so maybe the attitudes have progresseed a lot. Although, personally, I dont see that attitudes about people who are different have fuck all to do with hurricanes.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:12:01 AM)
See the flaw in your logic is that your telling her to make an un informed decision by telling people she knows very lil about potentially hurtful information. So all i'm saying is maybe getting to know the person before handing them a loaded weapon seems like a much smarter way to go through life. as for such an overwhelming majority giving her horrible advice. if the majority were allowed to rule we would still have slavery, women wouldn't be able to vote, blacks wouldn't be able to vote, and gays wouldn't be able to marry(oops i guess that one slipped in there :) So because the people you knew ( which is going to be a very small percentage of the people who live here) were aparantlly redneck's (which i hate to say you look like you would fit right in with) you condemn everyone who live's here? please, rednecks live everywhere!!!

RCdc -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:21:27 AM)
So. If a man purposefully did not tell you he was married and seperated but not divorced and you had grown to know and started to feel seriously about him. Or negated to tell you he had children. Or that he had some sort of STD. Or that he was unable to have children (if you want them yourself) or the reverse( that he wants children but doesn;t confirm this until your feelings have developed and this would be an issue for you) these all would not be an issue for you? These are all 'what ifs'. Just as the OPs would be. The point is that they are hiding something that is integral to a relationship. If they are at a point in their life where they do not have the confidence to be open about something that may be integral to a longer term relationship then that person should sort out themselves first and then get into a relationship, NOT the other way around. If a man lied to you or automatically assumed a pessimistic POV of you before they got to know you - how would you feel? If you are happy being second guessed even before the relationship gets off the ground and are happy for that pessimism to exist in your relationships, cool for you. But conspiracy and second guessing in relationships are never healthy and will always cause distress somewhere. Nobody is suggesting that someone blatently go up to a possible date and say - 'I am a tg woman'. What they are suggesting is that truth is far less stressful and a much safer option in the longer term. Quite honestly, if the woman wants a one night stand, it's not going to be an issue. But if shes dating with the expectation of it going longer term, then it would be an issue - not one of gender but of honesty. Frankly, if shes that unsure about someones reactions to dating a tg, that is either a paranoia issue or a self esteem one(which should be dealt with before dating) or she is having a red flag and shouldn't date the person in the first place. the.dark.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:41:13 AM)
I acctually think they shouldn't have to tell me anything until they are comfortable (except an std before sex, not able to have kids when the subject comes up and obviouslly if they are sperated but not divorced why would that really matter until we go to get married?) she shouldn't disclose unless she feels it is safe for her to do so, that is the bottom line fuck his feelings, her safety is first! he is attracted to her looks and personallity not her penis or vagina that has no bearing on anything at that point in a would be relationship. I don't think it makes a man gay to be attracted to a tg unless they are attracted to there penis.

aravain -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:42:30 AM)
You're missing everyone's points (and unfairly taking it out on GreedyTop). She asked how we would tell someone... we answered. Beyond that here's what my opinion is (perhaps better stated than before): I'm not saying wear a sign. I'm not saying to anyone she meets 'Hi my name is X and I'm a transexual' or similar. I'm saying that if you're going to attempt to build something romantic with someone (no matter what stage you're at before hand) they have a BASIC RIGHT TO KNOW things like this about someone that they're looking into turning into their lifetime partner. If it's a deal breaker, then you're wasting your and their time by keeping it a 'secret' any longer than that point. Not only that, you're more likely to cause them harm (emotional harm IS as viable as physical, in my opinion, since it has a tendency to last longer and scar deeper). Even without taking into count her wellbeing and the likelihood of violence, it is distasteful, disgusting, and flat out wrong by any stretch of ideals to try to drag your partner into the well before you tell them about the crocodiles that live there (for a strange metaphor). This isn't just about transgender/sexual issues, this is about all issues that might affect them. I will freely disclose to anyone who I'm interested in who shows interest back, before we take a step forward and try to forge a romantic relationship, about my various issues that could affect them and their life if we become life partners. On a different issue Trying to victimize any transgendered person for taking steps to modify their body to be what they are is similarly disgusting. Telling them (or encouraging the thought) that they should 'hide' it or not disclose is telling them to take a step backward, in my opinion. If you've gotten strong enough that you're willing to take those steps, then you truly are STRONG and should be reminded of that at every chance. You've decided that it WAS worth the pain, sorrow, and 'sad times' that you would fall into to get out of the pain, sorrow, and 'sad times' and frustration that you were feeling before (in a very simplistic explanation). You've taken your life into your own hands (something most people don't do... ever) and have decided to live it like you want to live it. By the same token, however, that adversity entitles you to nothing more than any other person. It demeans and lessons your strength to 'hide' what you've done. Just because you've gone through something doesn't mean that you're entitled to keep those who it may have an affect on out of the loop. Similarly, just because I've been to the hospital (both willingly and unwillingly) and am now taking medication doesn't mean that I'm entitled to hide my mental illness from anyone who I want to be romantic with (or who wants to be romantic with me). EDIT: Not to mention it's quite childish to expect that you've 'earned something' more than other people just for going through your past.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:44:20 AM)
also you assume that because she is TS she is hiding something or bieng sneeky that's crazy!!! that goes back to what I was saying about people wanting her to wear a scarlet letter!!!

sirsholly -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:48:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetlindsey84 also you assume that because she is TS she is hiding something or bieng sneeky that's crazy!!! she is most certainly hiding something..if she was not, this thread would not exist [8\|]

aravain -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:51:13 AM)
You're missing my point. ACTIVELY HIDING AND DECEIVING SOMEONE WHO YOU'RE INTENDING TO HAVE A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH is 'hiding something or being sneaky' whether what your hiding is the fact that you were born a man, or a woman, or that you're married and they're the 'other person' or that you've got mental issues that will affect them if they get close to you. I'm saying that by hiding ANYTHING you're... well, hiding things. Which is not something that you should ever do when you're attempting to make a relationship with someone

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:53:20 AM)
listen ok im not saying never tell anyone at all im saying learn about the person, make a decision that they are worth/safe enough to tell, Then tell them asap. DO NOT tell them until you know them ,and if they are not going to be a good person to tell then bail on them walk away dump the bum!!!! in regards to greedy top she just pissed me off when she insulted my home town and family acctually im taking it out on all of you for giving horrible advice!! advice without any regard for the people involved

RCdc -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:55:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetlindsey84 I acctually think they shouldn't have to tell me anything until they are comfortable (except an std before sex, not able to have kids when the subject comes up and obviouslly if they are sperated but not divorced why would that really matter until we go to get married?) she shouldn't disclose unless she feels it is safe for her to do so, that is the bottom line fuck his feelings, her safety is first! he is attracted to her looks and personallity not her penis or vagina that has no bearing on anything at that point in a would be relationship. I don't think it makes a man gay to be attracted to a tg unless they are attracted to there penis. For some people, married people are an issue. It was simply an example I used. No, not fuck anyones feelings because THAT is self defeating. Consider everyones because those reactions and feelings impact your own. What you are suggesting is a huge step back for anyone who happens to be tg. Do you have personal experience being tg? Do you have experience working with tgs? Or know anyone on an intense and personal level who is tg? You are absolutely right - if a person is attracted to her - gender should - in an ideal world - be a non issue. So what if it is? Then where does that place her? As someone who intentionally with held information that will impact a relationship. In other words, it marks her as a liar. And that is far more an issue than whether a person is tg or not. What if, she is dating someone and this just makes her more attracted to them? What happens when this man falls for her? What happens when she tells him shes tg and he finds out she isn't the person she led him to believe her to be? No one is suggesting that she just walk around with a red letter, but be upfront when dating someone absolutely IF you are looking for or expecting a long term relationship. It is a hard decision to make, but if I was second guessed, as I said before, I wouldn't be with them after that. The lie would be an issue, although I would quite happily discuss the reasons behind it of course. However, the major concern would be their mental state of mind to view people with such paranoia. the.dark.

sirsholly -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 10:57:12 AM)
quote: advice without any regard for the people involved imo, hiding sonething as vital as this topic has no regard for the people involved. And as to Greedy...i looked and at no time did she insult your hometown or family. I am blessed to consider her a personal friend and have no problem telling you she is above such behavior.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 11:02:00 AM)
big diffrence is you don't run the risk of losing your job, your home, your friends and your life from entering in to a relationship while married or with an std or anyhting else!!!!! basically your all running on the belief that she is still a man!!! im sorry but you don't tell your date you have a terrible yeast infection or you have abnormal bleeding or you have a fungus that's more along the same lines of bieng TS.. It's not like she wants to pork the guy in the booty she just won't be having sex with him soon and the fact that if they do find out it can be dangerous for her

colouredin -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 11:07:54 AM)
Hmm you run the risk of loosing your job and home and family by telling people you are submissive. I tell anyone I have a romantic interest in. Im sorry your logic is failing, hiding your sex is a massivly huge thing to hide. If you do hide it then you are running a far greater risk than saying something. People are proud. There is no shame in being TG and your saying she should hide it and comparing it to a yeast infection is implying its something that you should need to hide. I think thats far worse than advocating honesty.

RCdc -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 11:10:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetlindsey84 big diffrence is you don't run the risk of losing your job, your home, your friends and your life from entering in to a relationship while married or with an std or anyhting else!!!!! basically your all running on the belief that she is still a man!!! im sorry but you don't tell your date you have a terrible yeast infection or you have abnormal bleeding or you have a fungus that's more along the same lines of bieng TS.. It's not like she wants to pork the guy in the booty she just won't be having sex with him soon and the fact that if they do find out it can be dangerous for her And there you go second guessing 'everyone'. Actually you DO run the risk of all of the above if you have an std, pregnancy and mental issues. So that whole assumption is bullshit. Doesn;t matter if she is TG. What matters is her mental health if she gets attacked, or dumped when she is eventually truthful. And the fact remains that the many of the people who have advocated that she be truthful - whether you have looked or not are tg or ts themselves, bar one. Are you? Or have you worked in the area or experience? the.dark.

sweetlindsey84 -> RE: Telling a date you're a TG woman (1/7/2009 11:13:41 AM)
unfortunatlly for the most part there is a lot of shame in bieng TG no one is born TG they are born women or men TG is just become another box society forces people in to im sorry but if your a woman and you have to tell people you have a penis that is VERY SHAMEFUL AND TRAUMATIZING!!! but who cares as long as the cisgendered people aren't harmed right?

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