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Monkeyontuesday -> RE: Has anyone had better luck with sites other than CM? (1/10/2009 7:04:07 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hermione83
Someone can know ones sexual preferences without having sex.. I don't understand why that's so hard to get.. 1. I think it makes them stronger and from within. I started reading about BDSM in junior high.. But anyway... 2. my profile talks about what I want, not who I am, my interests said what I am. 3. I expect if I find someone who describes wanting someone who is like me I would email them and tell them how I'm like that... and if someone found mine and was exactly what I wanted, I'd expect they'd be curious enough to ask who I was. I don't like talking about myself directly, and I hate complimenting myself, 4. and I prefer someone else to figure me out. 5. The fact that I didn't make an advertisement doesn't mean I don't have a personality, sigh. I am pretty certain that I'm a very good compliment for the kind of man I desire. I realize most people don't have orgasms through sex, I'm not a moron. I said in my original post here that I probably *couldn't* have them at all but I'm hoping I'll be able to through sex eventually maybe. You never know. I have had friends tell me also that they did eventually have orgasms with sex when they didn't have them alone - it's just more rare. I want to be somewhat positive sometimes. Anyway, you all didn't read what I said. I may want to work forever, I'm well educated - what I want to do is do something I want to do with a protector behind me. Like be a missionary, and not have to spend my life worried about doing something out of survival. I've always been a straight A student but I would never dream of gambling on myself with student loans.. I used to want to be a doctor, but I just would never do that. I would need the support of a Dom. 6. Oh, and if I get married, I won't be getting divorced... I don't believe in it. If he tries to leave me I'll just get out a weapon until he changes his mind (kidding). This is not a list of demands.. it's me looking for someone who is just like this, darnit. Sigh. If I'm so weird, and considering all the freaks I know, there has to be a few freaks around. I pay the bills - but I won't put on a coat when its 0 outside and I risk frostbite.. I don't care about myself.. I need a man to care about me. And I'll care for him even more than he cares for me in all likelihood.. I'm a ridiculously sweet person to everyone in my life, though there aren't a lot of 'em. 7. I torture myself - I can't help it, I'm a masochist... til a good sadist comes along and orders me not to do it myself anymore. It's my life.
1. Ah, but that's curious. You, yourself, have stated repeatedly you don't WANT to be strong...
2. And why doesn't it talk about who you are? I can think of a few reasons...
A: you know that your negativity and self-imposed helplessness will chase away any prospects that may stumble across your profile.
B: As you've stated, you don't care about yourself, so YOU don't matter, which is a terrible place to be, IME. You get yourself into all kinds of abusive, horrible situations, let people use you because of your desire for submission and intimacy, however much of a delusion it may be, etc. Not. Good. A con man doesn't have to go after money, honey. He (or she) can go after emotions, a desired reaction, whatever agenda they may have. A predator is a predator and can be oh, so charming -- you'd never see it coming.
3. But in your profile and posts it states so clearly that you're basically not willing to lift a finger. Tad confused here.
4. Yeah, that's what talk therapy is for.
5. How do you know what kind of man you desire if you haven't been with men similar to that or tried other things out? Kinda like saying, "Hamburgers aren't for me! They're gross, disgusting, I'd never, ever, ever eat one!" if you've never had one... And you can have a veggie burger, turkey burger, etc. Make sense?
6. My mother didn't believe in it, either, but my dad still left. In the end it was for the best and I wouldn't have had it any other way. And if you truly cared for him, you would want his happiness above all. You label yourself as a slave, which intimates to me you have this desire. So, if his true, burning wish is to no longer be in that situation, wouldn't you want to honor that? That's not to say it wouldn't hurt like hell -- Oh, it would. But that's how it goes sometimes.
7. What makes a better story -- everything going along just ducky or some pain, struggles, set-backs, tears, etc? The second, obviously. And it's also painfully obvious you're attempting to make your life into a fairy tale. Cool, if that's your shtick, go for it. But, as others have said, be prepared to wait a while. I am afraid you may be suffering from something more serious than merely depression and, as many others have suggested, find a kink-friendly therapist. There's nothing wrong with it and what works for one person won't work for another. Sometimes it takes a while to find a therapist you click with. Although, in your case, I would make sure it was a woman so these feelings of wanting to be saved wouldn't be transferred to a male therapist.
I am merely speculating here, but I feel you may be attempting to make your life as shit as possible to create this sense of drama and "adventure" that you seek. Let me tell you, staring into the abyss is no adventure. Feeling things no human being should EVER feel is no adventure. It's terrifying and requires therapy to get over in a healthy manner -- that or lots of "self medicating".
That all being said, I would be interested to hear your responses to everything people are saying to you. You seem to have hit the road about the time it came for you to be accountable, for lack of a better term. So, this will be the one thing I am openly and explicitly saying to you -- the rest are merely questions regarding your postings -- A relationship based on trying to "fix" someone will never, EVER work. And here's why: First case, the basis of your relationship is to fix. The basis is not love nor trust nor anything else. Therefore, if the individuals DO get fixed, there is no longer a need for the relationship.
Second case scenario: You DON'T get fixed and view the Dom as a failure, not true / who he said he was / etc. You become disenchanted with the fact that he is only human and you're not willing to make an effort. Thus, you're back in the same situation you started in. Can't fix something that doesn't wanna be fixed, darlin, and to echo everyone's comments: You need to be secure in yourself. I personally can think of nothing so distasteful as some whiny little sycophant.
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