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Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 6:26:58 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I just had to kick my son out of the house. When he moved back in with me about a year and a half ago one of the rules was no drugs. I found a pipe with weed in it on my patio and it was the second time, so I couldn't let it slide this time. (especially since he was so convincing when I confronted him the first time and told me it would never happen again)

He told me when he left that he understood and he'd really screwed up. He said he thought it was the best thing for him, that as long as he was here he would never get serious about getting his life on track.

It still sucks. I worry about him and I miss him.

Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 6:35:24 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		No, but good for you for putting your foot down quickly and in a consistent manner.

I feel for you, I'd imagine the hardest thing you have ever had to consider doing.  Stick to your guns so that he relies on your ability to see him as a flourishing and sober individual.

You will never stop worrying no matter what anyone tells you, but worry less in knowing he might make a change for the better because you have faith enought to believe he is better than the drugs.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 6:46:56 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.

He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school.  He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track.

It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary.  It ain't called "tough love" for nothing.


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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 6:49:43 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Yes, a similar situation.  My son thanked me one year later and told me that he understood why I did it.  Sometimes you must do tough love and it is difficult and agonizing, but kids have to learn about life and responsibilities.  I understand how this is for you and I wish you and your son the best.  

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 6:52:27 PM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I just had to kick my son out of the house. When he moved back in with me about a year and a half ago one of the rules was no drugs. I found a pipe with weed in it on my patio and it was the second time, so I couldn't let it slide this time. (especially since he was so convincing when I confronted him the first time and told me it would never happen again)

He told me when he left that he understood and he'd really screwed up. He said he thought it was the best thing for him, that as long as he was here he would never get serious about getting his life on track.

It still sucks. I worry about him and I miss him.

Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?



Oh yes.  Step son moved into an apartment my  significant other owns.  After inflicting $3,000 to $6,000 in damage, theft and lost rentals (on me)  I got him out.  He then went to his father and nearly ruined him.  The step son was on crack.  Then, she allowed him back in the building.  When I went ballistic she said that he only was on marijuana; having beat crack by substituting pounds of marijuana.  He is now into me for another $1,500. (I pay the bills for building since rent is non existent.) I transported him to work daily in December.  He is 42. (probably will not reach 43.) If he does not pay rent and utilities in January I intend to evict him again through self help no matter what  she says.  Don't get me started on my step grand daughter (17) with her two children who live up there rent free.  Her boy friend quit his job and sits up there smoking marijuana.   At times there does not seem to be any end in sight.  At least you still love him.  I do not love him and am about ready not to love "she."


< Message edited by Lorr47 -- 1/3/2009 6:58:49 PM >

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:07:34 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.


Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child???

(in reply to Lorr47)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:16:16 PM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.


Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child???



I think you are replying to CelticLord, not me, but he has it right.  If you do not stop the parasitic behavior the minute you see it, you will be taken down.  It only gets malignant with time.   My problem is that "she" stands between me and "them." After I gave her the building , every parasite has descended on her.  Then, I have to bail the building out. 

(in reply to came4U)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:45:37 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Hugs TN!

I have not had to do anything like that personally, but I can tell
if was a hard thing for you to do.
 
....sigh
 
He seems to have a good attitude about the situation, and maybe like he said,
this is the push that he needed!
 

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:53:49 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.

He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school.  He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track.

It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary.  It ain't called "tough love" for nothing.



CL, true that, "tough love" is just as hard on the parent.
When I was a young man I just happened to mention to my father that I was "thinking" about joining the Navy.
He said, "Get in the car!"
I said, "Where are we going?"
He said, "Get in the car and shut up!"
Twenty minutes later we were at the Navy Recruiter's office in Medford, Mass with other fathers and their sons who were being "kicked-out" too!
Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?"

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(in reply to celticlord2112)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:53:50 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Sometimes, a 'GTFO' is the best thing you can do for your kid. I was booted out of my house at 17, best thing that ever happened to me. Happily I haven't had to mooch off my parents... for money at least. I used to go over there for meals all the time. 

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HBIC



(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 7:57:19 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Anyone else had to do this? How did it work out?

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.

He's living back with mom for a spell, but is paying a decent bit of rent, is back working, and is back in school.  He's a good kid, but every now and again someone needs to apply a size ten to the backside to get him back on track.

It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary.  It ain't called "tough love" for nothing.



CL, true that, "tough love" is just as hard on the parent.
When I was a young man I just happened to mention to my father that I was "thinking" about joining the Navy.
He said, "Get in the car!"
I said, "Where are we going?"
He said, "Get in the car and shut up!"
Twenty minutes later we were at the Navy Recruiter's office in Medford, Mass with other fathers and their sons who were being "kicked-out" too!
Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?"


lol
Popeye, you are just wrong!
ROFL


< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/3/2009 8:08:26 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 8:09:36 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline 		My last life, my ex had a 27 year old son living with us, paying his way, but we actually wanted to be kicked out and often goaded his mother into doing so. Me personally, I have booted him years before, but as the son was not my own, I had no say.

The trouble was, we knew his mentality, he believed if he had been booted out, everything would come right for him, as it was with his brother, but his brother was menataly impaired, he was not. If things did not work out, he wanted someone to blame, and his mother could not take that, she holding much guilt over his demeanour.


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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 8:30:28 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		No, but I would if I had to--good for you, it hurts I am sure, but someday he will thank you.
 
Hugs.

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 9:00:52 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		TN, I feel your pain.  Although I have no human children of my own, my sister's son -- whom I love like he was my own -- got involved in doing and selling drugs, etc.  He lived with my mother for a while, but she eventually told him that he couldn't stay with her, because she was afraid of his druggie friends, then he went back to live with my sister (his mother), but they argued so often that he begged to come to live with me in Alabama (they live in Knoxville). 

I'm a former teacher and a hardass, so I made some pretty tough rules for him, and told him in no uncertain terms that I would lock him out (I never gave him a key to my house, and he had to be home by 10 p.m. on work nights) if there was ever any infraction. 

He made a few friends here, but I suspected that they were druggie friends, so I scheduled a drug test for him one day at 2:00.  I left work, and when I walked in the door, he was gone.  He'd packed up some (but not all) of his stuff, and left without a word.  Was I worried?  Hell yes! 

But within the week he was back in Knoxville, begging my sister to let him live with her again.  They continued to argue, and he threatened to join the Navy.  Much like Popeye's father, my sister said, "Let's go," and she drove him to the recruiting office that day.

My nephew is a completely different person.  He is clean-cut, off drugs, stopped drinking, and is one of the most polite young men you could ever meet.  I think kids lose respect for their parents when those parents let them get away with crap, and thus they have no respect for themselves. 

Remember that there is still "love" in "tough love."  Best of luck with you and your son!

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 9:09:45 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
It's not easy playing the bastard, but sometimes it's necessary.  It ain't called "tough love" for nothing.


you kind of sound like my ex...he enjoyed telling me off about my finances and still (well, or should I say "again.") does...though with him I suppose he does enjoy it...

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RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 9:12:24 PM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

A couple months back the ex had to hit me up for a spot of cash until payday.  Turned out the eldest was living with mom and not paying rent.  Told her if I had to front her some cash, the boy needed to be living elsewhere.


Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child???


I might be wrong....but in his statement he doesn't say that this is "his own" child...(but maybe you know more about him...)

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to came4U)
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 9:42:53 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

I might be wrong....but in his statement he doesn't say that this is "his own" child...(but maybe you know more about him...)


oh lol I never thought of that, k

cancel my post either way, not my biz., this has become too deep for me.

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 10:15:46 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry but you would give an ex spouse money but not for your own child???

Point of Clarification:
"Child" is now 23.  "Child" is now a man, and expected to stand for his own.



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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 10:25:29 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

After I gave her the building , every parasite has descended on her. Then, I have to bail the building out.

We all do what we must, but why do you "have" to bail the building out?


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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 10:31:35 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

I think kids lose respect for their parents when those parents let them get away with crap, and thus they have no respect for themselves.

Bingo.  The lesson I was constantly lecturing/nagging/yelling/preaching to my boys was that respect goes both ways or not at all:  if you don't respect others you can't respect yourself, and vice versa.

They grumbled a bit, complained a bit, contemplated various and sundry ways to give me the ass-kicking they were sure I deserved (as if they had any real clue!), but right around the time they got their black belts, they began to figure that maybe I was worth listening to every now and again.


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