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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 11:03:45 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
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quote:

Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?"

Six weeks?

Hell, when I got to boot camp it was more like six seconds.

(Oh, wait, you said Navy.....never mind!)



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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/3/2009 11:37:59 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

Six weeks later we were all thinking to ourselves, "W.T.F. did I do now?"

Six weeks?

Hell, when I got to boot camp it was more like six seconds.

(Oh, wait, you said Navy.....never mind!)




Oh yeah CL, that started right away!
Half hung over and up all night and the next day with no sleep and CPO's screaming at us.

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 1:44:41 AM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		I agonize now about putting the little one in line, but know it's a must. I can only imagine how horribly difficult this is for you. You did the right thing, because I've seen what the opposite type of mom does to a son/uhm, but feel some of your pain just the same, because you obviously love him so much. Wish you and him well. M

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 1:48:53 AM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		No ,I have not had to do this but it is good that you stood your ground in this situation.

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 1:58:13 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Hang tight, you did the right thing.  This scenario has happened several times with extended family and friends.   Some cleaned up and got their lives together fairly quickly, others went to rehab and a few have gone on to jail and then prison.

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 4:20:43 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		stay the course.


the type is highly manipulative.   change the locks. let a neighbor know  that he is not to be there when you are not home.

...anytime I had a room mate, there was a rule... I did not want the paraphernalia in the apartment.  in the event of a bust, the police do the ENTIRE unit.  not just one room.   anyone that has ever had a police search on their home knows what I mean.

gather any junk he left behind and box it up.  change around the furniture. 

you have turned the page.   :-)  good for you.



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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 4:24:46 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i always thought the term "tough love" is a bit of a misconception in that it is tougher on the parent than on the child. Stick to your decision, OP...and good for you!!

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:09:29 AM   
TNstepsout


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Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you, all of you, for the encouragement. I need it to stick to my decision. This is hard!

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:19:02 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Thank you, all of you, for the encouragement. I need it to stick to my decision. This is hard!



you must.   this type of player will sink everyone they can, for their own means.  You could simply verbalize "you are kicked out for 6 mos"" at that point, I "might" re-examine the issue.    that buys you the 6 month.  time enough for him to prove one way or the other.  you probaly will get  calls from him saying how he is in a bad way.  have the info for a homeless shelter to tell him.  

here is a line that hits home-

"Its not my problem"



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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:20:14 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Hard? Oh my gawd it is pure hell! I've been there with both of mine. It is harder on the parent. I am sure of it.

Yet, now I look at both of my kids and not only am I proud of them, I actually LIKE them. They are people I would want to know and spend time with even if they were not my kids.

I know quite a few twenty-somethings that would be much better off if their parents would put a boot in their ass. If their parents only knew what a tragic disservice they are doing their kids.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:22:29 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

here is a line that hits home-

"Its not my problem"


good in theory perhaps, but not in reality


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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:48:49 AM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline 		While I have never kicked out a legal adult kidling, due to a bad situation got evicted forcing the kids to jump out on their own.

But what really chaps our family (okay us 3 sisters) is that my good for nothing brother moved in with my mom in his 20's he is 50 now.  Never worked, claims severe back pain tho no dr has ever found a reason why, yet can sit at his computer all day playing games and surfing, yet tho he got qualified as a computer tech, he quit because the chair hurt his back and hasnt worked a lick since.
My poor mother lives on SSI only no other resourses, if we even bring up my good for nothing brother she does the I dont want to talk about it.   For a long time even tho I myself live on ssdi used to send her money when she needed it. That stopped when I found out she was gettting perks for asshole brother.

Now my son also lives there but he works and helps with the bills. Its a touchy subject because he resents the mouching uncle.
Not only does he not work, he does NOTHING to help my mom claiming pain. In my opinion he is and has alwayas been a waste of space.



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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:52:12 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

here is a line that hits home-

"Its not my problem"


good in theory perhaps, but not in reality



verbalizing this to the kid can cut the bull.   some kids seek to exploit the parents weakness.

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 5:54:47 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SavageFaerie

While I have never kicked out a legal adult kidling, due to a bad situation got evicted forcing the kids to jump out on their own.

But what really chaps our family (okay us 3 sisters) is that my good for nothing brother moved in with my mom in his 20's he is 50 now.  Never worked, claims severe back pain tho no dr has ever found a reason why, yet can sit at his computer all day playing games and surfing, yet tho he got qualified as a computer tech, he quit because the chair hurt his back and hasnt worked a lick since.
My poor mother lives on SSI only no other resourses, if we even bring up my good for nothing brother she does the I dont want to talk about it.   For a long time even tho I myself live on ssdi used to send her money when she needed it. That stopped when I found out she was gettting perks for asshole brother.

Now my son also lives there but he works and helps with the bills. Its a touchy subject because he resents the mouching uncle.
Not only does he not work, he does NOTHING to help my mom claiming pain. In my opinion he is and has alwayas been a waste of space.




I know a dude 37 years old.  earns 12$ an hour FT, no child support, live with mommy for free.  throws here $40 in a months time, and thinks he has helped out.     


gag me

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 6:00:45 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

here is a line that hits home-

"Its not my problem"


good in theory perhaps, but not in reality



verbalizing this to the kid can cut the bull.   some kids seek to exploit the parents weakness.


it can also slam an iron curtain between the parent and the child. Yes, you have to draw the line and give them a boot in the butt, but severing communication is not what most parents want.

Their problems do belong to them and are theirs to deal with as adults, but most certainly i would not want them to feel they could not share their issues or ask for input.

Saying "it is not my problem" is on the same line as saying "I do not want to hear about what is going on in your world".



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MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 6:08:38 AM   
SavageFaerie


Posts: 4377
Joined: 12/3/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

I know a dude 37 years old.  earns 12$ an hour FT, no child support, live with mommy for free.  throws here $40 in a months time, and thinks he has helped out.     


gag me



Hey hunky dunky!!! I still think my brother beats that. He contributes nothing. zero. nadda and to add to it he got custody of her daughter now grown did he involve himself in raising her....hell no he left it to mom.

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 7:11:01 AM   
bluesgun


Posts: 33
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		No, I've never had to do this my self but have been in his shoes.
My old man tossed me out on my ass for much the same.
I cant even remember how I ended up in the Marine Corps recruiting office,
but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Now I see that Pop was doing me the biggest favor of my life.
Hope it works out for him and you.
best wishes
Blues

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 10:42:42 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I tried so hard not to have to do it, but I had to.  I did so knowing he didn't know anyone in town and had no where to go.  I was haunted.  I stalked the parks and anywhere the homeless might be just to try and see him to see how he was and nearly drove my other um crazy worried about him.  I didn't know it, but two days into it he found housing that turning into a decent situation for him.  He learned some lessons.

At some point all my children (adult) had to go away and do their thing and learn their way.  I often blamed myself for being so strong and in charge, at the time thinking it the best thing, but always wondering later... if it was the right thing.  It was the right thing for that moment and situaiton.

I think we tend to do the best thing we can at the time.  For two of mine it worked out wonderful and all is well.  For the other... not so well and I got him back... forever... but there was mental illness involved.  Consider all things, decide what to do and trust that.  If you find you have made a mistake, remember, they are adults and have some choices to and often will have forced your hand.  Just think posititve if you believe in what you did... don't torment yourself with pictures of the bad, remember bad news travels fast and if you haven't heard... don't worry and you did it in love, wisdom and they must live and learn their way even if it drives us nuts because we know the right way! lol

They never said parenting was easy and I happen to think that birthing them was the easy part and the powers that be made them really cute in the beginning so we could tolerate them later on when they weren't so cute.  At times it becomes a love hate thing... but you always love them... even when they hate you.  They tend to come back wiser and more loving.  Look foward to that time!

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 10:52:00 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Well, I don't think I'd kick someone out because I found marijuana.  I don't partake of it myself, and I haven't in years.  But I wouldn't care if a guest smoked it on occassion, just as long as they didn't do it in the house.  But that's me.  It is your home, and you make the rules. 

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RE: Kicking out the Kid (grown) - 1/4/2009 11:03:24 AM   
Lorr47


Posts: 862
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

After I gave her the building , every parasite has descended on her. Then, I have to bail the building out.

We all do what we must, but why do you "have" to bail the building out?





I suppose that I could just let it go but I had owned the building for about thirty years.  The building is free and clear.  It is assessed at $276,000.  To let the building go for taxes or burn down without insurance just because I gave it to her just rubs me the wrong way.  Before the parasites decended the building  netted  about $2,000 per month and now it loses money and I pay the taxes etc.  However, she is starting to get the idea that I gave it to her so that she would have her own income in her 60s.  I should have placed it in a trust administered by her daughter.  But then again the daughter would have let the parasites die in a snow drift and it would still have been my fault. The moral of the story is to never give your x property when  you do not have to.  Have a vicious divorce where you end up  hating  your x and never see the x again.


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