Married Male submissives (Full Version)

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CatdeMedici -> Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 4:37:09 PM)

Ok, I get that there are a few exceptions to this --there are a few who are open and honest with their wives and have permission to pursue this WIITWD-but that number IMHO is so slim--what, why do marrieds think that We just jump at the chance for a tryst/play, that We are so desparate or so loose that we have no scruples?
 
That because We are what We are, it shouldn't matter?



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 4:50:33 PM)

No, I think it's because they are what they are and see the world through those glasses.
 
Jewel



Lockit -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 4:52:59 PM)

Dontcha know that all those bdsm chicks are into sex and you know buddy... elbow poke... what that means!  Yeah... I'm gunna get me some of that!  The ol lady got tired of puttin out and she just says to go do it with someone else, she don't care.  So I figure these babes will give me what I want!  Oh yeah... gunna have me a good ol time come Saturday night!

Yes they do think we are whatever it takes to do whatever it is they want.  They think just walking into a room... we ought to be ready... that is why their wive's don't care most the time.  They just don't want to lose the house and all that... and just want the ass hole to shut up!  You would think that having a long standing relationship would prepare them in how to treat a lady... but you know... they either don't know and are clueless or they don't think we are ladies... I know which I am going with.



MissIsis -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 4:54:08 PM)

I don't know, but I just tell them that if they really want to try being submissive, to defer to their wives & do all in their power to make her happy.  Isn't that what service is all about, being submissive to someone, to the exclusion of their own pleasure? 

Funny thing is though.... that is usually the last I hear from them.



SassySarijane -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 4:59:52 PM)

I agree that there are some exceptions, but many of the ones I've talked to turn out to be just wanting some on the side done their way and without the spouse's knowledge. For the ones who don't act that way and show honesty and interest beyond kinky sex, several of them I call friend.



LadyPact -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 5:03:04 PM)

I know from what you wrote in the post that you understand there are exceptions, Cat.  Still, I had to chime in here that they really do exist.  I've been very lucky with clip that what you describe was never the case.

I agree with you that it is rare.  In fact, it is so much the exception to the rule that I thought it was quite impossible for some time Myself.  Since I am married, I tend to find Myself a prime target for those who fall into the majority who are hoping that I'll find the sneaking/cheating/lying to be ok.  This was how I developed the standard rule for anyone who's married.  Yep, I get to meet the spouse, tell them what the activities are going to include, and gage the reaction.  You'd be amazed how many scamper off with their tail between their legs.

Yes, I realize this personal standard of Mine excludes those who have permission from the spouse as long as they don't have to hear about it.  I'm fine with that.  Other people can do what works for them.  I'll do what works for Me.



Lockit -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 5:04:46 PM)

I think I have met one married man from this site, in this situation that I could respect.  Wife was okay with it, for real and the rest... what I discribe above.  Jaded?  Oh yeah! lol



DesFIP -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 5:19:47 PM)

So why should it be different here than in a singles bar where most of the guys are married? There are a lot of lonely, unhappily married people in this world who can't see farther than their own unhappiness.

Now that I think of it, there are a lot of unmarried people who also fit that description.



poisontears -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 5:28:30 PM)

I don't mean any disrepect to anyone, but perhaps you all are taking for granted what marriage is supposed to be. A marriage isn't a relationship that you are supposed to get bored of, and consequently move on from eventually to satisfy your needs. If you have made a hasty decision and cannot fulfill the covenant, than you owe it to the other person to end the relationship with a divorce. I'm not even Christian, so please don't blast me with that, but I much more so believe in something sacred between two people. It's a sick society where marriage means nothing but misery and unfulfilled dreams when these are the very things that it is supposed to remedy! If you had these burning needs that just can't be supressed, I find it hard to believe that you could PROPOSE but not let your significant other know about them. For the record, I'm only writing this because I was on the back end of being cheated on, and that is what I feel people are talking about. Like it or not, most of you are talking about lewd acts regardless if you want them to be or not. Anywho, I'm sure you all are adults and can make your own decisions, I just beg you not to break someone's heart.



Lockit -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 5:37:48 PM)

I don't believe there is one of us on this thread that would be with a married man who's wife was not okay... really okay with it.  I am not interested in a married man even if she is.  I want more than a part time thing with someone who's first loyalty belongs to someone else.  Most of us are saying that we wouldn't do this.  If it is done, it is done with respect to all parties.



slavekal -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 6:36:12 PM)

I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 



LadyPact -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 6:46:21 PM)

Over the past week, clip and I had a long talk about this.  Neither of us would be perfect life partners for the other.  We both have others in our lives that fill those specific needs.  This doesn't detract from the good match that we are for each other in filling other needs.  It doesn't change what each of  feels for our primary partners.  We are lucky enough to recognize how both our primary and secondary situations are fulfilled.



Vendaval -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 6:49:21 PM)

Yeah, the married-but-do-it-quietly-without-permission-types are annoying.  If the spouse is fulling consenting and we have a conversation in person then that is a good place to start.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 7:16:41 PM)

Lady P, In these cases of openess and honesty--wow---I remember too when Tress did the butterfly, that sub was married and they had an agreement---wife knew and she approved---maybe you have some recommendations--I just can't believe that 100% of the marrieds could not work it out, I have to think that  maybe 20% of them could make it work--( rose colored glasses?)--what are Your/clips recommendations?
 
Or is it in the words of JustDarkness, some people are just more evolved?
 
And for the others, it isn't worth it if it isn't illicit?
 
 



Lockit -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 7:26:06 PM)

I was sitting with a group of wealthy men.  Lawyer's, judges and doctor's. I was safe as I wasn't friends with their wives and was with some who were there.  I was sickened by what I heard.  At first I wasn't paying attention, but when a couple key words came out, I clued in.  They were all agreeing that they would miss the um's if there was a divorce and all of them wanted one, except one guy and all said they couldn't becasue they would lose everything.

I know for a fact that three of them did cheat and at least one was kinky.  I can't say about the other's.  I know because I saw them and they often tried to get me to go off with them... no thank you!  I learned a lot with that group... but some of it... okay a lot of it... was pure bs.  I do know how to work my way around in certain area's of law now though! lol 



LadyPact -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 8:13:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Lady P, In these cases of openess and honesty--wow---I remember too when Tress did the butterfly, that sub was married and they had an agreement---wife knew and she approved---maybe you have some recommendations--I just can't believe that 100% of the marrieds could not work it out, I have to think that  maybe 20% of them could make it work--( rose colored glasses?)--what are Your/clips recommendations?
 
Or is it in the words of JustDarkness, some people are just more evolved?
 
And for the others, it isn't worth it if it isn't illicit?
 
 

I've been asked about this before.  There are a lot of people who become shocked when I talk about the activities that I indulge in with My sub, especially those such as strap on sex.  The branding was a big one.  There were a lot of folks who were shocked that I put My mark on clip and everyone was ok with it.  Yes, it's absolutely identifiable as Mine.  Well, unless he ever happens to find another Dominant who's signature is "LP" or his wife choses to change her name.

As to what I recommend, I've been asked this a lot.  My advice..... START AT HOME.  If you're ever going to make a thing like this work, everybody has to be involved.  That includes My husband and clip's wife.  Get a good understanding between the partners of a primary relationship.  Know in advance that the starting point probably isn't going to be where you end up.  Be willing to talk about the issues that come up and deal with them honestly.  Get used to the idea that those involved are going to have questions and feelings.  Handle them when they come up head on.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 8:23:22 PM)

I say right out in my profile that I don't play with married men without the spouse's permission.  I do know married men whose wives know about what they are doing, and are okay with it as long as their agreed-upon rules are followed, but they are very much the exception.  Most of the time I talk to men who don't bother to mention their wives at all---or at least not early in the conversation.   I was talking to a potential a few months ago and thanks to my network of (male dom) friends, I found out that he was married, and very unlikely to divorce.  He is now with another dominant who is very happy to fuck him senseless.  [8|] 

To me, a person who is cheating is going against a vow.  If a person is lying at that level, what are the chances that that person will be truthful with me?  It's not territory I care to venture into. 



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 9:16:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Ok, I get that there are a few exceptions to this --there are a few who are open and honest with their wives and have permission to pursue this WIITWD-but that number IMHO is so slim--what, why do marrieds think that We just jump at the chance for a tryst/play, that We are so desparate or so loose that we have no scruples?


Submissives who married vanilla are in something of a Catch-22 situation.
You don't know if you'll ever be able to find a dominant woman to submit to, and don't want to throw away everything you've worked for just to end up alone
But dominant women don't even want to talk to you unless you're "available".
You can look at it as wanting to "have your cake and eat it too", but I think that's an oversimplification.
Or at least, a refusal to truly acknowledge what's at stake.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/5/2009 11:40:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 


Why, because they couldn't see through a lie? Because they let their hopes and dreams cloud their cynical judgement? Because they made decisions while they were young and naive? Just what makes you so much fucking better than us?



pixidustpet -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/6/2009 1:06:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 


*or* they marry someone who professes to be interested in the same things, then  once the ring is in place and the paperwork is signed, they find that the woman they married isnt even CLOSE to being who she pretended to be.

or they wont divorce for  religious reasons...and their spouse is now injured/sick/unable to take care of themselves, and they feel honor-bound to stay married.

there are all sorts of reasons that men cheat.  the same goes for women.

kitten



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