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secretmaster22 -> RE: Married Male submissives (1/16/2009 12:46:53 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lockit
Well, do remember that little tid bit about nothing in the marrital bed being a sin. So many... miss that one! lol Kind of like what goes on in Las Vegas stays there... Marriage sanctifies what happens in the bed so to speak, as long as it lines up with the whole of the bible. Love, grace, forgiveness and all that.
But it sounds like you wife views your desires as one would a deviant... but what does it say about obeying your husband unless it compromizes your belief and the order of things, god, spouse... family and good works. In that order.
Please don't mistake my saying all this as giving you ammo... I am just here to point out a couple of things that might help you sort things out. I do believe there is far more to this and I believe there is error on both sides, not according to the creed your wife lives by and what you once did it seems. She may view you as a back slider.
It may be time to clean house... and that starts not with the house so to speak, but in the hearts of each of you and where you plan to take this relationship and other's. But what good thing can come from a lie. At first it might seem that it works out well... but down the road... ouch! That realness you say you share with your secret submissive... who can never know the fulness of life with you as you already have a life with someone else, unaware... isn't realness as I see it and that might not be fair to her. It may not be fair to your um's or even um's she has. You have to see the whole picture and what could happen. One lie begets another. Pretty soon the muck is so deep, everyone is trapped in it. What about those that have no choice in the matter?
This isn't lining up with the christian faith or what most consider bdsm standards of good faith in good and solid, working relationships. One can harden themselves to the truth and living truth as they see it and being true to themselves and justification only hardends more. Being an example to the um's, showing them love as it can be... relationships as they can be... and grace... which both come in and outside of faith based anythings, is good for emotional health and preparing for life and relationships they will have. As a parent... I think we owe them a bit more than what we give them a lot of the times.
No one is perfect... according to any creed... but... those who walk the walk of parent, need to consider that they need a lot more than someone providing shelter, an intact family... good or bad and food. If they don't see love in action and see parents acting out... guess what happens? They aren't little for long and soon you find yourself trying to deal with how they live relationships... with all they saw us doing. How can you teach them not to lie if they find out or watch you lying and believe me... they sometimes see what us parents don't see or don't think they see. How many knew of a cheating parent before the other parent did? Those lil buggers are very smart and they are aware. Trust me... they can be pretty amazing in what they do see that we lie to ourselves thinking they don't. Give them a little more credit... and a break... life is hard enough as we all know... You gave up a lot of personal freedoms the day they presented themselves... and it is your job to be what they need. You may not have asked for the hardships you face in your marriage, but neither did they.
Actually we talked about the bible saying to submit to your husband and what my own thoughts on that submission are. I've learned a lot lately about what that is and what that isn't....
Wait a minute... Are we in a counseling session or a should you be with married men forum? LOL
Seriously, I know all too well what it does to children. My dad slept with everything that had breasts growing up including my sister. That all came out a few years ago. I never want to be that guy, which is why I'm leaning toward leaving my wife. Because if what we have together is not enough to keep me happy, and allow me to be honest, and keep me from straying then I don't want to wait 20 more years to have the shit hit the fan. I'd rather end it now and find someone I that allows me to be honest with her and honestly probably someone like my submissive who is polly, or at least go into a future relationship with the idea that sexual faithfulness is not something I'm equipped to be able to handle in whatever fashion that may be.
I do think, however that if someone is polly, then it makes it much easier to be what they need despite the fact that I am married.
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