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Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 4:37:09 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, I get that there are a few exceptions to this --there are a few who are open and honest with their wives and have permission to pursue this WIITWD-but that number IMHO is so slim--what, why do marrieds think that We just jump at the chance for a tryst/play, that We are so desparate or so loose that we have no scruples?
 
That because We are what We are, it shouldn't matter?

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 4:50:33 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		No, I think it's because they are what they are and see the world through those glasses.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 4:52:59 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dontcha know that all those bdsm chicks are into sex and you know buddy... elbow poke... what that means!  Yeah... I'm gunna get me some of that!  The ol lady got tired of puttin out and she just says to go do it with someone else, she don't care.  So I figure these babes will give me what I want!  Oh yeah... gunna have me a good ol time come Saturday night!

Yes they do think we are whatever it takes to do whatever it is they want.  They think just walking into a room... we ought to be ready... that is why their wive's don't care most the time.  They just don't want to lose the house and all that... and just want the ass hole to shut up!  You would think that having a long standing relationship would prepare them in how to treat a lady... but you know... they either don't know and are clueless or they don't think we are ladies... I know which I am going with.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 4:54:08 PM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know, but I just tell them that if they really want to try being submissive, to defer to their wives & do all in their power to make her happy.  Isn't that what service is all about, being submissive to someone, to the exclusion of their own pleasure? 

Funny thing is though.... that is usually the last I hear from them.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 4:59:52 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I agree that there are some exceptions, but many of the ones I've talked to turn out to be just wanting some on the side done their way and without the spouse's knowledge. For the ones who don't act that way and show honesty and interest beyond kinky sex, several of them I call friend.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to MissIsis)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 5:03:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I know from what you wrote in the post that you understand there are exceptions, Cat.  Still, I had to chime in here that they really do exist.  I've been very lucky with clip that what you describe was never the case.

I agree with you that it is rare.  In fact, it is so much the exception to the rule that I thought it was quite impossible for some time Myself.  Since I am married, I tend to find Myself a prime target for those who fall into the majority who are hoping that I'll find the sneaking/cheating/lying to be ok.  This was how I developed the standard rule for anyone who's married.  Yep, I get to meet the spouse, tell them what the activities are going to include, and gage the reaction.  You'd be amazed how many scamper off with their tail between their legs.

Yes, I realize this personal standard of Mine excludes those who have permission from the spouse as long as they don't have to hear about it.  I'm fine with that.  Other people can do what works for them.  I'll do what works for Me.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 5:04:46 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think I have met one married man from this site, in this situation that I could respect.  Wife was okay with it, for real and the rest... what I discribe above.  Jaded?  Oh yeah! lol

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 5:19:47 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		So why should it be different here than in a singles bar where most of the guys are married? There are a lot of lonely, unhappily married people in this world who can't see farther than their own unhappiness.

Now that I think of it, there are a lot of unmarried people who also fit that description.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 5:28:30 PM   
poisontears


Posts: 6
Joined: 12/13/2008
Status: offline 		I don't mean any disrepect to anyone, but perhaps you all are taking for granted what marriage is supposed to be. A marriage isn't a relationship that you are supposed to get bored of, and consequently move on from eventually to satisfy your needs. If you have made a hasty decision and cannot fulfill the covenant, than you owe it to the other person to end the relationship with a divorce. I'm not even Christian, so please don't blast me with that, but I much more so believe in something sacred between two people. It's a sick society where marriage means nothing but misery and unfulfilled dreams when these are the very things that it is supposed to remedy! If you had these burning needs that just can't be supressed, I find it hard to believe that you could PROPOSE but not let your significant other know about them. For the record, I'm only writing this because I was on the back end of being cheated on, and that is what I feel people are talking about. Like it or not, most of you are talking about lewd acts regardless if you want them to be or not. Anywho, I'm sure you all are adults and can make your own decisions, I just beg you not to break someone's heart.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 5:37:48 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't believe there is one of us on this thread that would be with a married man who's wife was not okay... really okay with it.  I am not interested in a married man even if she is.  I want more than a part time thing with someone who's first loyalty belongs to someone else.  Most of us are saying that we wouldn't do this.  If it is done, it is done with respect to all parties.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to poisontears)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 6:36:12 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 6:46:21 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Over the past week, clip and I had a long talk about this.  Neither of us would be perfect life partners for the other.  We both have others in our lives that fill those specific needs.  This doesn't detract from the good match that we are for each other in filling other needs.  It doesn't change what each of  feels for our primary partners.  We are lucky enough to recognize how both our primary and secondary situations are fulfilled.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 6:49:21 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, the married-but-do-it-quietly-without-permission-types are annoying.  If the spouse is fulling consenting and we have a conversation in person then that is a good place to start.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 7:16:41 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Lady P, In these cases of openess and honesty--wow---I remember too when Tress did the butterfly, that sub was married and they had an agreement---wife knew and she approved---maybe you have some recommendations--I just can't believe that 100% of the marrieds could not work it out, I have to think that  maybe 20% of them could make it work--( rose colored glasses?)--what are Your/clips recommendations?
 
Or is it in the words of JustDarkness, some people are just more evolved?
 
And for the others, it isn't worth it if it isn't illicit?
 
 

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 7:26:06 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I was sitting with a group of wealthy men.  Lawyer's, judges and doctor's. I was safe as I wasn't friends with their wives and was with some who were there.  I was sickened by what I heard.  At first I wasn't paying attention, but when a couple key words came out, I clued in.  They were all agreeing that they would miss the um's if there was a divorce and all of them wanted one, except one guy and all said they couldn't becasue they would lose everything.

I know for a fact that three of them did cheat and at least one was kinky.  I can't say about the other's.  I know because I saw them and they often tried to get me to go off with them... no thank you!  I learned a lot with that group... but some of it... okay a lot of it... was pure bs.  I do know how to work my way around in certain area's of law now though! lol 

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 8:13:39 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Lady P, In these cases of openess and honesty--wow---I remember too when Tress did the butterfly, that sub was married and they had an agreement---wife knew and she approved---maybe you have some recommendations--I just can't believe that 100% of the marrieds could not work it out, I have to think that  maybe 20% of them could make it work--( rose colored glasses?)--what are Your/clips recommendations?
 
Or is it in the words of JustDarkness, some people are just more evolved?
 
And for the others, it isn't worth it if it isn't illicit?
 
 

I've been asked about this before.  There are a lot of people who become shocked when I talk about the activities that I indulge in with My sub, especially those such as strap on sex.  The branding was a big one.  There were a lot of folks who were shocked that I put My mark on clip and everyone was ok with it.  Yes, it's absolutely identifiable as Mine.  Well, unless he ever happens to find another Dominant who's signature is "LP" or his wife choses to change her name.

As to what I recommend, I've been asked this a lot.  My advice..... START AT HOME.  If you're ever going to make a thing like this work, everybody has to be involved.  That includes My husband and clip's wife.  Get a good understanding between the partners of a primary relationship.  Know in advance that the starting point probably isn't going to be where you end up.  Be willing to talk about the issues that come up and deal with them honestly.  Get used to the idea that those involved are going to have questions and feelings.  Handle them when they come up head on.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 8:23:22 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I say right out in my profile that I don't play with married men without the spouse's permission.  I do know married men whose wives know about what they are doing, and are okay with it as long as their agreed-upon rules are followed, but they are very much the exception.  Most of the time I talk to men who don't bother to mention their wives at all---or at least not early in the conversation.   I was talking to a potential a few months ago and thanks to my network of (male dom) friends, I found out that he was married, and very unlikely to divorce.  He is now with another dominant who is very happy to fuck him senseless.   

To me, a person who is cheating is going against a vow.  If a person is lying at that level, what are the chances that that person will be truthful with me?  It's not territory I care to venture into. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 9:16:34 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Ok, I get that there are a few exceptions to this --there are a few who are open and honest with their wives and have permission to pursue this WIITWD-but that number IMHO is so slim--what, why do marrieds think that We just jump at the chance for a tryst/play, that We are so desparate or so loose that we have no scruples?


Submissives who married vanilla are in something of a Catch-22 situation.
You don't know if you'll ever be able to find a dominant woman to submit to, and don't want to throw away everything you've worked for just to end up alone
But dominant women don't even want to talk to you unless you're "available".
You can look at it as wanting to "have your cake and eat it too", but I think that's an oversimplification.
Or at least, a refusal to truly acknowledge what's at stake.


_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Married Male submissives - 1/5/2009 11:40:25 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 


Why, because they couldn't see through a lie? Because they let their hopes and dreams cloud their cynical judgement? Because they made decisions while they were young and naive? Just what makes you so much fucking better than us?


_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Married Male submissives - 1/6/2009 1:06:45 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I have very little respect for those guys.  They marry a woman who is all wrong for them (or who they think is all wrong for them), then they constantly cheat. 


*or* they marry someone who professes to be interested in the same things, then  once the ring is in place and the paperwork is signed, they find that the woman they married isnt even CLOSE to being who she pretended to be.

or they wont divorce for  religious reasons...and their spouse is now injured/sick/unable to take care of themselves, and they feel honor-bound to stay married.

there are all sorts of reasons that men cheat.  the same goes for women.

kitten

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 20
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