RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 3:25:57 PM

MstrPBK

Posts: 573
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I recently found out about 2 people within the London BDSM community that have been gossiping and spreading rumors about him. He's not bothered about it but I am. I want to get hold of them both and confront them face to face, I want to bang there silly heads together and make them apologize.

I first wanted to find out what "slating" was; but then i noted the quote above. While I certainly would like to do the same; my common sense kicks in to say 'all you would be doing is making enemies'. You may want think outside of the box and find away to convey the message so that everyone gains from the experience and with great hope gain an apology in the the process. Since I do not know the whole story will leave it to you to find that creative edge to work with.

MstrPBK
St Paul, MN USA

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 41

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 3:39:22 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline

at one time cub and i hung out in the same circles and alot was said about both of us by certain people who were hell bent on doing some damage. we're still here, supported by a number of good friends on and offline. those who chose to be jerks are nowhere to be found. ignore the petty idiots, the people that matter still care and support you. my mom always said it was easy to get revenge, just let them have plenty of rope, they'll eventually hang themselves, and you can sit back and smile. karma's a bitch.
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!

(in reply to MstrPBK)

Post #: 42

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 4:43:02 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

GR:

Yes, I tend to think that most of us are defensive and protective of our partners; submissives maybe even moreso, based on my own observations.

I admit to having "defended" once or twice, but not in a very direct or adversarial manner. I tend to be a bit more subtle in those circumstances, and will creatively offer support to the person I'm concerned about, rather than tear into the offender like some out-of-control scoundrel. I do think, from my own point of view of course, that when females charge in like gang-busters in defense of their men, it tends to make the man look like a complete pussy.

(in reply to PanthersMom)

Post #: 43

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 4:46:33 PM

Aszhrae

Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline

Some times words do hurt.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
Typing text is no different than using a pen.

_____________________________

To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 44

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 7:11:04 PM

GimpinDenial

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but WORDS will never hurt me". Live by that and let the others be frustrated.

What, never got beaten with a phone book??

_____________________________

Resident Gimp
I can only hope that in death, the sins of my life will be forgiven.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 45

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 8:59:08 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

I recently found out about 2 people within the London BDSM community that have been gossiping and spreading rumors about him. He's not bothered about it but I am. I want to get hold of them both and confront them face to face, I want to bang there silly heads together and make them apologize.

It's the nature of group behaviour - people get their heads together and spread rumours (fact or fiction). You can't prevent this from happening, regardless of how many heads you bang together.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 46

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 10:57:14 PM

TheHeretic

Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

Watching my partner be put down had a very different effect on me.

          Yep. I can empathize. While not nearly the junkie I am, my SO posts in these forums as well. The first time I saw the flames come flying at her, it caused an immediate reaction in me. Something primal raised its head, and cracked its back. I laughed at myself pretty quickly.

        On the rare occasions when I see her in a heated discussion, I read the thread, and we laugh together. Maybe a few suggestions from the sidelines.



_____________________________

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.
That's why people with no sense of humor have such an inflated sense of self-importance.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 47

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/8/2009 11:40:25 PM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Perhaps I am one of the ones you no longer see a reason to listen to. However, if I still am.... It is seldom a good idea to air relationship problems on a message board, and it seems even less wise to me to allow the casual writings of strangers to have any more effect upon you than a mosquito bite.

Usually, when someone asks here for advice on a relationship, the relationship is more than halfway over. Previous posters on this thread are diplomatically asking you to be careful. The two of you might want to have an Official Discussion(tm) about boundaries, and what is and is not appropriate to present to the public.

This and the other thread were never about relationship problems and I am not sure what gave you the impression that we had a problem. This thread was about me and how I find it hard to cope with my partner taking stick from outside elements.
I never asked for advise on our relationship but lets face it 20% of the threads that go up on this site are about just that. I asked a question as to others feeling the same way as me and in return I have had some good and constructive answers.
As for my relationship being half way over, it could never be stronger. We live together and can't get enough of each other. We sleep nose to nose, we laugh together, cry together and talk about anything and everything, even about getting married which is something I have sworn never to do again!. Nobody knows us like we know ourselves but the people that do know us keep telling us how good it is to see two people so explicitly happy.

We have declared nothing in this forum post that could be misconstrued.
We have declared nothing in this post that could be used against us and we have said nothing that gives anyone a damaging personal insight into our home, our family, our work. For the ones that do know us, we have said nothing that they didn't already know.

Maria

< Message edited by SteveAndJaz -- 1/8/2009 11:43:27 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 48

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 12:05:03 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

MSTR PBK...I obviously wouldn,t tell the whole story online but just enough to give you the gist of things. Clearly on this ocassion I have not thought out of the box.
Like The Heretic said 'Something primal raised its head' I think when you love someone you feel staunchly protective, even if that person doesn't need protecting. The gossips in question caused doubt for me towards my partner and could potentially of put our relationship in jeopardy. These are people that only know one side of a very small story but they wallowed in making it into something it wasn't.
PanthersMom mums are wise people indeed! that is exactly what my mum used to say too!
Marie2.. great name btw!! I know my X would of hit the roof if I had been seen to outwardly defend him and yet he secretly enjoyed me protecting him but I know what you mean.
Aszhrae I agree. Like Dark said earlier, the written word can be read without emotion and totally misconstrued depending what mood the reader is in at the time.
NorthernGent I accept this is the case. Its part of human nature to gossip. Its when that gossip is put in place to cause deliberate harm, it needs to be halted. I have never had a problem with halting malicious gossip especially if its about a friend.

Maria

< Message edited by SteveAndJaz -- 1/9/2009 12:06:15 AM >

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 49

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 4:43:33 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

when females charge in like gang-busters in defense of their men, it tends to make the man look like a complete pussy.

Yeah, it's not a good look for a guy. Especially if he's a D-type.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 50

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 4:44:18 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Do you feel highly protective towards your partner?

Yes without a doubt I feel protective of my sub. But I realize that he is a grown man and capable of taking care of himself, he doesn't need me to be his Mistress in shining armor. Having said that, it still isn't easy to sit and watch someone have a go at him. I will let it go to a point but then I will stand up and say something. It is because I love him and I protect the people close to my heart.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 51

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 4:57:30 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

I have much more important issues in life to deal with over worrying over who said what, to whom, why or wherefor. I learned my lesson from being on IC, the other BDSM site in the UK, and being TG it just becomes part and parcel of what I have to deal with anyway. Does this make me any different from anyone else? No, not to me it doesn't.

I find making it a non-issue is the best way of dealing with it. Small things always preoccupy small minds.

stella

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 52

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 6:02:26 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz
This and the other thread were never about relationship problems and I am not sure what gave you the impression that we had a problem.

You haven't given me the impression that you had a "problem." I was talking in general, based on things I've seen, about what tend to be constructive vs. destructive use of the boards here. I felt it was worth providing a caution flag, because you posted to a group of strangers, "I hope he doesn't get mad when he reads this." It makes more sense to me to know that about your partner first, and talk to the strangers later.

Also of note: to post about the width of your vagina or the depth of your anal passage is not "personal"; it is clinical... and it might help someone who has always been wondering, "OMG am I the only person in the world whose opening is X inches long? I must be a freak!" It's the posting about your concerns of how your partner will view your online actions that led me to reply to this thread.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 53

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 8:58:50 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz
This and the other thread were never about relationship problems and I am not sure what gave you the impression that we had a problem.

You haven't given me the impression that you had a "problem." I was talking in general, based on things I've seen, about what tend to be constructive vs. destructive use of the boards here. I felt it was worth providing a caution flag, because you posted to a group of strangers, "I hope he doesn't get mad when he reads this." It makes more sense to me to know that about your partner first, and talk to the strangers later.

Also of note: to post about the width of your vagina or the depth of your anal passage is not "personal"; it is clinical... and it might help someone who has always been wondering, "OMG am I the only person in the world whose opening is X inches long? I must be a freak!" It's the posting about your concerns of how your partner will view your online actions that led me to reply to this thread.

Many people on here post about concerns. This was a concern about myself, nobody else. Like I have already said, people post about rape, abuse and confused emotions for the simple reason that they are posting it to strangers. The 'how my partner will view me online' came later in the post and was very tongue in cheek. I knew absolutely he would be cool about it!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 54

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 9:01:11 AM

SteveAndJaz

Posts: 151
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I have much more important issues in life to deal with over worrying over who said what , to whom, why or wherefor. I learned my lesson from being on IC, the other BDSM site in the UK, and being TG it just becomes part and parcel of what I have to deal with anyway. Does this make me any different from anyone else? No, not to me it doesn't.

I find making it a non-issue is the best way of dealing with it. Small things always preoccupy small minds.

stella

Thanks stella you obviously consider I have a small mind!!

I remember the posts on IC and I never took any part of that but I do remember how hurt you were at the time and how you let it be known how much it got to you.
but then here you are now calling me small minded

Maria

< Message edited by SteveAndJaz -- 1/9/2009 9:33:09 AM >

(in reply to ALAstella)

Post #: 55

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 10:27:08 AM

ALAstella

Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

I have much more important issues in life to deal with over worrying over who said what , to whom, why or wherefor. I learned my lesson from being on IC, the other BDSM site in the UK, and being TG it just becomes part and parcel of what I have to deal with anyway. Does this make me any different from anyone else? No, not to me it doesn't.

I find making it a non-issue is the best way of dealing with it. Small things always preoccupy small minds.

stella

Thanks stella you obviously consider I have a small mind!!

I remember the posts on IC and I never took any part of that but I do remember how hurt you were at the time and how you let it be known how much it got to you.
but then here you are now calling me small minded

Maria

I was stating a general opinion from my POV.

Maybe you'd like to explain where it's obvious I was referring to you specifically?

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 56

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/9/2009 11:07:37 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz
Many people on here post about concerns. This was a concern about myself, nobody else. Like I have already said, people post about rape, abuse and confused emotions for the simple reason that they are posting it to strangers. The 'how my partner will view me online' came later in the post and was very tongue in cheek. I knew absolutely he would be cool about it!

My mistake, then. I apologize. It would have been harder for me to misunderstand if you'd included an emoticon with your tongue-in-cheek post, as I can't see body language or hear vocal inflection.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 57

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/10/2009 4:55:16 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteveAndJaz

NorthernGent I accept this is the case. Its part of human nature to gossip. Its when that gossip is put in place to cause deliberate harm, it needs to be halted. I have never had a problem with halting malicious gossip especially if its about a friend.

Maria

Intention is irrelevant - you can't prevent it.

Out of interest, what are you worried about? Do you think others will believe the gossip? Well, perhaps those who take it on board without asking yourselves, aren't worth worrying about.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to SteveAndJaz)

Post #: 58

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/10/2009 5:43:34 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

Why would you stand back if you think he/she is right. PArtner means you share something..so you should speak up in my opinion. But it propably would help more if you defend the point he tries to make..not him.
And sometimes...attacks on here....are real attacks...as on any forum. Then it is your good right also. You do have a couples profile I guess..so people can expect 2 people to answer.
Just look at it from case to case.....

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 59

RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated? - 1/11/2009 2:47:31 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JustDarkness

quote:

Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

Why would you stand back if you think he/she is right.

Because you can't prevent people voicing their opinion. What are you going to do? Run 'round arguing with everyone who is less than courteous? You'd be spending your life chasing your tail, which would be a complete and utter waste of good time.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to JustDarkness)

Post #: 60

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Can you stand back and watch your partner get slated?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094