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Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 7:40:52 AM

SouthernHell

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Joined: 12/20/2008
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*****SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY PLEASE******

What do you do when you encounter your slave being very unruley, out of line and insulting? It is much easier to control a slave when you are there. In fact, I know he would never do this in front of me.... but as of right now, we are long distance and it seems to be sucking the life out of our M/s.

When he gets mad about something, it's hell.. no matter what. He just says whatever he wants and when I call him on it, he says he is expressing his emotions while popping off and saying "As a slave am I not allowed to express how I feel". Of course I reply back with "Just do it properly" and he just doesn't get it. Seems like one big tantrum....logging offline "storming off", hanging up the phone on me, or even one incident of saying f*ck you to me. I am at a loss. He comes back and appologizes... and is the sweetest thing... *rips hair out*

I want to choke slam this kid. lol

What would you do?

Southern Hell

Post #: 1

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 7:43:30 AM

mozartsfuneral

Posts: 103
Joined: 11/2/2008
Status: offline

Sounds like he needs to grow up. Alot.

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 2

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 7:44:54 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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My feelings is that maybe one should bluntly ask if he seriously wants to be in the relationship. I'd take that behavior as a sign that there's a problem somewhere in the M/s relationship which needs to be dealt with.

_____________________________

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 3

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 7:47:11 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I consider there is a passive aggressive element to it and I don't do that stuff well. I would be breaking things off until he can work out his feelings and be respectful to the relationship and me. I don't do drama and stress in that fashion. Life give's enough of it... I am old and tired of the extra unsettle emotions and past experiences cause. Now on the other hand... if I were to have deserved it... I would then have to be talking to myself and still exit to deal with what and who I was being at the time.

If it is like this long distance... what will it be like in person? I wouldn't have the time or energy to find out. Why? When there are others out there, I don't have to do that with. My life is worth more. Hell... being alone is better than dealing with that.

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(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 4

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:11:14 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

My instinct would be to go with the choke slam, followed by a tombstone (ok I'm an Undertaker fan), but my common sence would have me ask how seriously does he take his collar. If he couldn't get his act together and continue with his drama queening, he'd be out of a collar and my life permanantly. Some puppies will never learn to work at a distance and need a tight short leash untill they grow up.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/8/2009 8:12:49 AM >

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 5

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:15:11 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

I wouldn't put up with it... it 'is' hard to keep a relationship going online, and if he sin't going to put in the effort... why bother with him?

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HBIC

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 6

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:16:38 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I've got to agree with the posters who want to know how seriously he takes his collar. I can be very blunt in expressing myself without crossing lines like that. Time for a serious discussion on the relationship, both of your expectations and needs, and finding out if you really are compatible methinks.

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Deviant Mind
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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 7

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:26:21 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SouthernHell

What would you do?

First thing I would do is stop allowing someone to waste my time.

Second, ask myself why I got myself into this situation in the first place, and then use that knowledge to make sure I never repeated the mistake.

Third... I'd say "Next"

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 8

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:29:29 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Yes and I know of I ever displayed that type of behavior, I'd be pointed to the door and be told don't let it smack me in the ass on my way out. When I first started mentoring my cub over a year ago, he tried pulling the passive-aggressive on me and I simply asked how if he was honestly serious about wanting to be my boy.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to SassySarijane)

Post #: 9

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:34:08 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline

I definitely remember that, Bear. It was quite a time for you. Maybe I'm too nice, but still I'd first try for that blunt discussion on the relationship I mentioned and see what if any response I got from the person. If the responses continued on the same vein described here rather than them opening up and getting the problems in the open to deal with, then it'd be bye bye sucker, next.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 10

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 8:35:55 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

The problem I see here is that you think it is cute when he says he is sorry. You have to see the big picture and if you are going to think... oh the little darling is so sweet... so cute... how can I not love him or forgive him... guess who is in charge. Cute and charming after a temper tantrum... and you accepting it and allowing it... will only prove he can get away with it.

This can't be blamed only on him if you are allowing it. You want to rip your hair out because it is his fault... but really... you might want to think about that. Puppies... um's... and people who act badly... poop in odd places... get into things... are naughty lil things... well... if they aren't taught you won't put up with it, you have a tyrant who rules the household. I don't care how cute they are... you poop (foul attitude and talk) you are going to be held accountable in my life. If you aren't... it's my fault I loose hair.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 11

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 9:05:50 AM

JustDarkness

Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SouthernHell

*****SERIOUS REPLIES ONLY PLEASE******

What do you do when you encounter your slave being very unruley, out of line and insulting? It is much easier to control a slave when you are there. In fact, I know he would never do this in front of me.... but as of right now, we are long distance and it seems to be sucking the life out of our M/s.

When he gets mad about something, it's hell.. no matter what. He just says whatever he wants and when I call him on it, he says he is expressing his emotions while popping off and saying "As a slave am I not allowed to express how I feel". Of course I reply back with "Just do it properly" and he just doesn't get it. Seems like one big tantrum....logging offline "storming off", hanging up the phone on me, or even one incident of saying f*ck you to me. I am at a loss. He comes back and appologizes... and is the sweetest thing... *rips hair out*

I want to choke slam this kid. lol

What would you do?

Southern Hell

The good things about games is...you can stop playing them.

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 12

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 9:09:12 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'd have to agree. You're not in charge, he is. Every time you allow him to come back and think he is so cute when he apologizes, you're excusing the behavior. Are you holding him accountable for the behavior after he comes back and puts on the cute routine?

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 9:15:14 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

FR

See its only one side to the story but if nothing from the way you treat him has changed then of course there is a massive problem. There must be a reason for his change in attitude (im assuming he hasnt always been this way though I may be wrong), is it simply that the relationship being long distance is hard.

If he has always been this way I have to ask what you actually get out of the relationship? The way you describe it you are feeling horrific due to his behaviour. I would show him this thread and have a serious conversation in which you have to discover what he actually wants from the relationship while you openly say what you want. Im guessing you dont just want to end it right away so after the talk see what happens. If there is no change I would say cut your losses.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 9:22:44 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SouthernHell
He comes back and appologizes... and is the sweetest thing...
What would you do?

When he came back and apologized I would tell him that he has 3 strikes and he is gone. I would tell him when he WASNT angry how things are to be handled when he is. It sounds as if he is only having that issue addressed when he is in mid-tantrum and since you keep accepting him back he sees no reason to change. You have not given him one.
What sort of punishment does he get for these tantrums?

You need a very serious discussion with him about what is and is not acceptable behavior for a long distance slave. Set up ways he can express his feelings AND consequences of doing it his way. Let him know you have played his games long enough and that assuming he is serious about maintaining the relationship he will start behaving long distance as he does face to face. If he cannot do that, then he isnt devoted enough to put the effort in necessary for a long distance relationship. They take a lot of work on both sides and he isnt putting in any. What you need to do is, aside from figuring out why you are allowing him to put you through this, figure out how to stop it. A very good dominant friend of mine said it best "The submissive should not be able to torture the dominant." When you stop enjoying it, you stop putting in effort and it falls apart. Where are you heading?

DV

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(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 15

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 10:05:11 AM

BondageBarbieX

Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline

I would not tolerate this behavior from anyone,I would put him on notice.

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 16

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 10:10:44 AM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

This sounds a bit like something that happened in a past relationship of mine. I apologize for it being long, but it sounded so familiar.

We weren't long-distance, but only saw one another about once a month. There were several occasions on the phone where I was being flip, mouthy, less than respectful. It started small, with me showing a bit of sass, then was punished for it next time we saw one another. Then after that time, I had subdrop pretty badly for a few days, and when we spoke it came through and I was just a bit more dismissive - in fact, remembering now, I actually hung up on him, which infuriated him - rightly so. I was punished for that one as well.

Mind you, between these calls, things were fine. I was repentent, felt bad about my behavior; he guided me accordingly and hey, everyone makes mistakes. But something niggled in the back of my mind about it - that's just not like me, that sort of reaction, and I couldn't put my finger on what was going on.

Then we were talking another time, and I started feeling the weird feeling starting up in me again, but I was clearly frustrated. What it boils down to is that we had communication issues. I felt he was not listening to me - not hearing me. He liked to pontificate and I was meant to say 'yes, Master' and agree, but eventually, a few months down the road, this became bitter to me - I wasn't able to express myself, even respectfully, and have him actually listen to me. I felt backed into a corner and a bit undervalued - we'd get into these circular discussions which just went nowhere. And of course, I wasn't doing a good job of communicating that to him either. My 'yes Master-ing' shouldn't have ever begun - I should have spoken up at the start of the relationship, not held myself back as much, so that he would have been used to my expressing myself more.

So we were both at fault, and really, couldn't grow past it and it ended.

Has this behavior always existed for your slave? If this is new behavior, perhaps the strain of LD is getting to him and he's frustrated, both physically and emotionally? Perhaps when moving into 'anger' mode you insist you get off the phone and have him express himself in an email to you rather than verbally? I know I do much better getting things down 'on paper' rather than talking about it. And then when you reply, he will know he's been heard.

Or perhaps he's just a brat.

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** Owned by E **

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 17

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 10:48:54 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My sub is new to this end of the whip and he was like this at first. I think it is that they just do not know how to communicate properly. Many people do not and it is a skill that has to be learned. What helped my boy was a learning exercise on communication that I found on the internet, I am sure you can find one with Google.

Yes you can use the "If you don't get yourself together you will lose that collar" but that is a last resort. I think he just needs to learn and to mature some.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SouthernHell)

Post #: 18

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 10:53:25 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~FR~

I have to agree with the posters before me. As someone who works with teenagers every day, I found that if I accepted an apology for every piece of bad behaviour, I would end up in an impossible situation.

The rules one very wise, very experienced gentleman gave me have served me well in handling teenage behaviour (and it sounds like the OP's slave is exhibiting similar traits, so this is relevant)
1. Accept an apology for the first infraction, but make it clear it must not happen again. If it does, there will be consequences. Make those consequences clear.
2. By all means accept apologies for future infractions, but also apply the consequences. Ensure the person misbehaving understands that the consequences grow more severe as the bad behaviour continues.
3. Stick to the rules. Do not deviate. Even if there are tears, shouting, attempts at being 'cute'...stick to the rules. Only that way will you get respect and improved behaviour.

I'd suggest that the OP discusses behaviour and consequences with the slave. Make it clear to him what constitutes bad behaviour, and get him to agree and understand the consequences. Then apply them.

If the bad behaviour continues, walk away from him. He's not able to cope with an LDR - both would be better off finding more compatible partnes.

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(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 19

RE: Unruley and insulting behavior - 1/8/2009 11:04:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

sucking the life out of our M/s

Get a new life - or continue to serve him - Your choice.

quote:

What would you do?

Update my profile as 'Single - Looking', and use it as a reference point about how impossible LDR's are to maintain; being sure to never get involved with one again.

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 20

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