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RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 6:57:38 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSepphora1

Okay, this is bothering me.  I have to know: how did you get her past the idea that BDSM is crazy and dirty and wierd to form a D/s relationship with her... but just regular old sex has her all shy and backward.
That really doesn't make any sense.


You dont seem to have much sensitivity from your previous comment. However I can tell you that its actually not all that shocking, if you have a negative experiance with sex (including having it being drilled into you that it is wrong) it is sex that you view as wrong, BDSM doesnt have to include sex. From personal experiance I have a very warped perception of sex and am far more balanced in terms of my submission and involvement in BDSM activities.

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I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 7:05:44 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSepphora1

Okay, this is bothering me.  I have to know: how did you get her past the idea that BDSM is crazy and dirty and wierd to form a D/s relationship with her... but just regular old sex has her all shy and backward.
That really doesn't make any sense.


The OP hasn't mentioned bdsm but a D/s relationship and his sex life.

agirl

(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 8:51:25 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		and here i thought all along that D/s was part of BDSM...   yes,  it is.  it's right there in the middle....

maybe it would be more easily noticable if i wrote it BDsM

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 8:55:49 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		The "DS" in BDSM stands for "Discipline" and "Sadism."  You know, like S&M - sadism and masochism.  The abbreviation "D/s" stands for "Dominance/submission."  There are actually quite a few threads about how the two are different... including the "Is it a rarity?" thread going on right now.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:01:03 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		wiki pulled it all together though....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM (nice read btw)

quote:

BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM)



*edit*
a double check
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/about/bdsm

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/11/2009 9:16:10 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:01:31 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Ahh Red some people think BDSM does include D/s (normally newer people, like I did because wikipedia told me so)

ed to add, lol Snap JD, mind you now when I go back and read wiki it does make me cringe a little bit seeing as when i was fresh faced it was like my bible

< Message edited by colouredin -- 1/11/2009 9:02:39 AM >

_____________________________

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I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:03:13 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		wiki uses bdsm books/websites as sources...so why wouldn't they be right also?

personally I had Red's explanation in mind also...but perhaps I was always wrong.

*While not always overtly sexual in nature*
nice to read this also on wiki


edit:
@colouredin
lol the wiki bible...
I think they updated it...I can't remember the post about BDSM was so big before.


< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/11/2009 9:07:20 AM >

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:07:13 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Be careful about Wikipedia.  The inclusion of D/s as part of BDSM is completely unsourced.  It accurately states in the etymology section that the original use of the abbreviation was as I described it.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:07:16 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Nah wiki uses people like you and i to edit and reform the page, thats why info can and often is very, very, very wrong, if you had looked at Heath ledgers page when he died someone had deleted all the info and put a very nasty comment on there, most famous people have the wrong birthday, birth town, first school etc on the page. A lot of the info on that wiki page is really rather terrible

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:09:28 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		for this post they have 100 sources mentioned...that is quit some..compared to other subjects.
(and I checked a few...it is copy and paste mostly lol)


agree....a double check is often needed with wiki...but actually with everything.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:12:07 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		If D/s is not in BDSM, then why are we constantly discussing D/s issues on the boards... why are there ask a Mistress, ask a Master, ask a submissive.  I don't see a single ask a sadist or ask a masochist thread on here anywhere.
Does anyone else see this???

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:13:51 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		And before we go there, not all Ds are sadists, and not all s are masocists.

Perhaps we're just all doing it wrong.  I don't think I have my sadist badge yet.  Where do I go and get one?

(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:20:02 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Often people who indulge in BDSM activities are also involved in D/s however pop over to the Gorean boards for example and they will tell you that BDSM doesnt have to be part of their lives.

If you go to other sites such as bondage.com you dont only find people with an interest in bondage.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:22:05 AM   
mc1234


Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSepphora1

and here i thought all along that D/s was part of BDSM...   yes,  it is.  it's right there in the middle....

maybe it would be more easily noticable if i wrote it BDsM


Then what's the 'm' stand for?  Bondage/discipline/submission/masochism?  that doesn't sound quite right to me...

bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism is the way I've always understood it.  But to each his own.

Anyway, back to the OP ...

I like what a couple of other posters mentioned - concentrate on the touch and romantic side of your relationship, in addition to the sex.  Make her want it.  Make her wait for it.  I'd make sure she has permission to ask for it when she wants it - perhaps make a little code because verbalizing it bluntly may be too hard for her at this point.  Perhaps little touches, kisses, caresses throughout the day without orgasm for the both of you.  If she can get in touch with her body's needs maybe she will come to realize they're natural.  But definitely bubble baths/showers together, just touching and making everything feel natural and right for her. 

Teasing might also work - when sitting watching tv and you're cuddling, lightly play with her nipples through her shirt, but do it absentmindedly, as if you don't have a clue what you're doing.  Scratch her crotch lightly through her jeans, just enough to arouse her and make her wiggle. 

Bind her on the bed and play sensation games - feathers, lightly scratching, light kissing - so she gets to know the errogenous zones in her body and how she reacts. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 9:22:33 AM   
MissSepphora1


Posts: 669
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Ahhh, it makes more sense to say that d/s is not part of bdsm, but it's practiced by those who are into bdsm....

yea....


quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Often people who indulge in BDSM activities are also involved in D/s however pop over to the Gorean boards for example and they will tell you that BDSM doesnt have to be part of their lives.

If you go to other sites such as bondage.com you dont only find people with an interest in bondage.

(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 10:11:11 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSepphora1

and here i thought all along that D/s was part of BDSM...   yes,  it is.  it's right there in the middle....

maybe it would be more easily noticable if i wrote it BDsM


Then what's the 'm' stand for?  Bondage/discipline/submission/masochism?  that doesn't sound quite right to me...

bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism is the way I've always understood it.  But to each his own.


BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).

(in reply to mc1234)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 10:35:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Not for me.

BDSM = bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism (aka four specific types of kink activities)

Ds = dominance submission (aka type of authority transfer relationship dynamics)

I never use the term bdsm because it is so limiting.  I say "kinky stuff" when I'm talking about activities and "ds" or "ms" when I'm talking about relationship dynamics.

However you believe BDSM to be, it is better to clarify whether you are discussing kinky play or relationship dynamics, because they are not the same at all and many relationships do not have both.

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(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 12:16:18 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
BDSM is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).

Your ethics (and nonsloppiness) as a poster would be higher in my eyes if this were not the exact first sentence, verbatim, of the Wikipedia article we were discussing.  As already mentioned, the article has over 100 footnotes, but the sentence that says D/s is included has no source.

I suppose it's not plagiarism if you wrote the article yourself.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 12:23:22 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		Might I suggest some reading material. If her religious upbringing is holding her back, this may just help her out.


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/asin/0802807437/christianitytoda/

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formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Godsofold)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Fire Within - 1/11/2009 12:52:07 PM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		lol I was looking for the origin of the word BDSM and found this

quote:

Bloody Disgusting Sexual Manners

(in reply to whiteslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 40
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