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RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 8:17:38 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		She turns off the blow torch, takes off the abestos gloves and removes the protective eyewear.. and begins to write--

DAMN! veronica get us some martinis asap---yes I'd say you were a tad direct, but these are all things that we have been trying to articulate for weeks now here on the boards--I like the fact that you call it a dynamic--and that it is negotiated between the T/two WHEN there is an agreement that there are two people involved and not before---

well written it expresses the frustration of so many of us---

Bravo! Now, everyone take heed--there are some extremely valuable statements here--

and welcome to the boards la9066! and MY compliments on your profile as well.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/6/2006 8:22:22 AM >

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(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 9:07:48 AM   
la90066


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Funny how people think the OP's words were so harsh yet wise - all it turns out to be is whining about other people's whining. KISS, just stop whining altogether!

One person's truth is another person's whine...ho hum.



Ummm... No... While I do mention "other people's whining", I also stated:

1. Subs should stop looking for one-thing (be it pain or use or whatever) because (i) they will desire more later, (ii) us Doms can certainly provide more than just ONE aspect of D/s, and (iii) the dynamic/power exchange is defined by the couple anyway, one should be looking at more than just type on a screen.

2. Doms should be prepared for ALL the responsibilities of owning another (including financial), should focus on more than sex and actually LEARN about the sub they are talking to, should not communicate with her as if she is already HIS sub, should show some common sense in ensuring the bottom can fend for herself in the event she is released, and not to be a cheating bastard.

3. An explanation of what feeds the bad/rude behavior as both Doms and subs believe they need to ACT a certain way (based on the "fantasy" in order to be considered a "twue" Dom/Master or sub/slave or whatever.

4. D/s need not be one-dimensional. Everyone, Tops and bottoms, should seek a COMPLETE dynamic, otherwise it gets boring and the two of you will be off to find another before the final swat of the crop hits her ass.

As such, if all you got out of it was "whining", I'm sorry -- much more was addressed, as I've indicated above.

Be Well.




< Message edited by la90066 -- 1/6/2006 9:13:04 AM >

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 9:20:12 AM   
samvega


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: samvega
If a sub tells me she's not interested I'm actually quite appreciative that she took the time to say so. This kind of respect and courtesy will go a long way to lighten the mood and ecourage better communication amongst the bdsm community.

No, it won't really.

Now OFFLINE, yes.



I get that you disagreed with me, but me being offline? Do you think I shouldnt be here?




(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 9:35:56 AM   
kneesofsteel


Posts: 11
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline 		BRAVO for stating what indeed needs to be said, and many reminded of as i've often posted in Yahell "Be forthcoming about your experience and desires, this will enable a more rewarding expreience to link with a Domme that can be within your desire and your Domme's"

(in reply to michaelGA)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 9:36:15 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samvega


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: samvega
If a sub tells me she's not interested I'm actually quite appreciative that she took the time to say so. This kind of respect and courtesy will go a long way to lighten the mood and ecourage better communication amongst the bdsm community.

No, it won't really.

Now OFFLINE, yes.



I get that you disagreed with me, but me being offline? Do you think I shouldnt be here?






No, you're fine right where you are. And Some will agree with this. Some won't. But life goes on for us all.

What tickles me is the responses. Someone e-mails you.. you return with, "sorry, not interested." Two things happen.... they get presistent and insist you are. Or all communication stops completely.

The presistant part I can understand the blocks behind this. But what ever happen to just simply meeting new people? People use to come on line to meet new people, interesting people, people that had the same intrest that they had. They simply talked about where they were from, weather, local events.

All because someones not sexually interested in someone....... they can't talk to each other? I've seen a few on here talk about how they have made some "friendly contacts" on here. And that's great. A few luck out and can do that. Others try and get blown off simply because they're "Not interested". Oh you're not interested in me sexual.. then buzz off. Well there went a possible great new on line, and even possible off line "friend" Not saying life long bussom buddy. Just someone who might have same interest that you have.

Oh well... I guess this really live in a fantasy world then.

Wishing you all luck on what it is you really are seeking.. or not seeking.


< Message edited by truesub4u -- 1/6/2006 9:39:43 AM >

(in reply to samvega)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 9:39:04 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samvega

The only thing I can think of to add to that, is perhaps sub might consider writing a response to doms that try to contact you.

I havent been here very long but out of approx 25 subs I have contacted only one has bothered to write a response.

Often when people describe the pro's of a bdsm lifestyle they often quip the standard of honesty, communication, and respect that is show amongst our kind. Well, a few days on collarme.com will pop that balloon faster than a barrett .50 sniper rifle.

If a sub tells me she's not interested I'm actually quite appreciative that she took the time to say so. This kind of respect and courtesy will go a long way to lighten the mood and ecourage better communication amongst the bdsm community.




Men need to stop complaining and venting about how they wish they would get a response from more women they contact here. You'll see that this issue has been addressed dozens of times. I'm beginning to think that the men on here have hours and hours of free time just sitting waiting for mail, so they imagine that if they received 15 emails in a day they would gladly respond to *all* of them, even if just to say "I'm not interested." In fact, they would feel very, very proud to do so and could know they were doing the 'right thing.' Do you have that much time on your hands?

Let me put it another way. What if you were bombarded daily with dozens of emails from gay men. Even though your profile states you are het -- you get gay men contacting you constantly asking for correspondence. When you write back and say you are not interested in gay men, half of them write back and ask why -- why have you not considered trying a gay relationship? When you are online, you get 5 more emails-- all from gay men. Would you respond to each and every one of them, taking 30 minutes on average just to get through them, if you only had 45 minutes of time before you had to log off and get things done?

Or would you be rude, and stop answering the ones that were clearly not even reading your profile?

Akasha

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(in reply to samvega)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:00:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samvega
I get that you disagreed with me, but me being offline? Do you think I shouldnt be here?

I meant "No, online it won't do that at all. Offline however, it would help."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to samvega)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:14:16 AM   
miticantenslaved


Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline 		*sees he is offline, with an evil grin*

*just decides to shut it, and giggles*

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:15:05 AM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline
quote:

1. Subs should stop looking for one-thing (be it pain or use or whatever) because (i) they will desire more later, (ii) us Doms can certainly provide more than just ONE aspect of D/s, and (iii) the dynamic/power exchange is defined by the couple anyway, one should be looking at more than just type on a screen.

2. Doms should be prepared for ALL the responsibilities of owning another (including financial), should focus on more than sex and actually LEARN about the sub they are talking to, should not communicate with her as if she is already HIS sub, should show some common sense in ensuring the bottom can fend for herself in the event she is released, and not to be a cheating bastard.

3. An explanation of what feeds the bad/rude behavior as both Doms and subs believe they need to ACT a certain way (based on the "fantasy" in order to be considered a "twue" Dom/Master or sub/slave or whatever.

4. D/s need not be one-dimensional. Everyone, Tops and bottoms, should seek a COMPLETE dynamic, otherwise it gets boring and the two of you will be off to find another before the final swat of the crop hits her ass.


Bravo! All points valid. It's too bad that most will not stop and consider the value of what they say. I do believe there is a fine line between a whine and a rant. Not many know the difference, and even more can't resist stepping over it.

feline=^..^=

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:19:14 AM   
MysticalPhoenix


Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Let me put it another way. What if you were bombarded daily with dozens of emails from gay men. Even though your profile states you are het -- you get gay men contacting you constantly asking for correspondence. When you write back and say you are not interested in gay men, half of them write back and ask why -- why have you not considered trying a gay relationship? When you are online, you get 5 more emails-- all from gay men. Would you respond to each and every one of them, taking 30 minutes on average just to get through them, if you only had 45 minutes of time before you had to log off and get things done?



Great analogy, AAkasha :)

Let us not forget the hostile emails from gay men who did read your profile and decided to flame you for not wanting a gay relationship. Or who don't like the way your profile is worded, and suggests you re-write it so you'll sound more gay.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:31:56 AM   
miticantenslaved


Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm beginning to think that the men on here have hours and hours of free time just sitting waiting for mail, so they imagine that if they received 15 emails in a day they would gladly respond to *all* of them, even if just to say "I'm not interested." In fact, they would feel very, very proud to do so and could know they were doing the 'right thing.' Do you have that much time on your hands?


AMEN to that...mitis profile states quite clearly that she seeks NOTHING. * i did purposely omit lesbian, two-headed Martian women, for obvious reasons*

yet day after day i get the old....*hello baby, maybe I am just what you are looking for* or....*you just haven't met ME yet* sheesh.

do i answer? no. i used to answer, when i was new and rather ignorant and bored.

i am no longer bored

*blinks innocently*

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:41:31 AM   
samvega


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		*smacks head*

Ok, sorry luckyalbatross. I completely missunderstood that one. Thanks for clarifying to my sleep deprived addled brain :)

As for responding to contacts, I can see the points made about the sheer volume of letters. Lucky you for being so popular :)

In the case of contacts that are clearly contrary to what you've outlined in your profile, what I meant was honest well meaning contacts that are NOT in violation of a persons profile. All the people i contacted were (or seemed to be) open to a dom like myself according to their profile yet......stony silence.

As for people that come back at ya after being politely turned down....block/squelch/ban/whateveryoucallithere. Problem solved. No more time taken up.

but all you guys prolly have thought of all this already.....i know its prolly one of those topics that come up again and again and agian and again adgnaog omg i need coffee

laterz
OFFLINE


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 10:46:10 AM   
miticantenslaved


Posts: 195
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

laterz
OFFLINE


grins at OFFLINE...miti understands what You are saying, but.....most do not seem to be as polite as You, and can be as persistent as a pug.

Bless Your good manners!

~miti

_____________________________

~If that which you seek you do not find within, you will not find, without *D. Valiente*~


(in reply to samvega)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 11:21:16 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066



Thanks for the warning. Just seems like a general, direct warning to me. (and I do direct. Thank you. Vagueness tends to fly right over my head, and I tend to be too direct anyway)

For those thinking this seemed to apply to everyone, it really is a warning for the people who would fall into these categories, cause although seemingly few and far between, they are still there. Ive yet to meet any thankfully, and I hope I am not one of them. (Nah, always up to meet new friends)

(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 11:21:40 AM   
MrBiguun51


Posts: 69
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		some people just do not read

(in reply to miticantenslaved)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 11:41:59 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Funny how people think the OP's words were so harsh yet wise - all it turns out to be is whining about other people's whining. KISS, just stop whining altogether!

One person's truth is another person's whine...ho hum.


THANK YOU, Chaingang! I read this OP as a possible rejection rant...a really well written one, but still....

Then I thought maybe I'm just in a cynical mood today. I just don't like broad brushes.

Bob

(in reply to Chaingang)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 11:50:18 AM   
la90066


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Funny how people think the OP's words were so harsh yet wise - all it turns out to be is whining about other people's whining. KISS, just stop whining altogether!

One person's truth is another person's whine...ho hum.


THANK YOU, Chaingang! I read this OP as a possible rejection rant...a really well written one, but still....



Well, then you'd be WRONG too...




(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 12:13:06 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chaingang

Funny how people think the OP's words were so harsh yet wise - all it turns out to be is whining about other people's whining. KISS, just stop whining altogether!

One person's truth is another person's whine...ho hum.


THANK YOU, Chaingang! I read this OP as a possible rejection rant...a really well written one, but still....



Well, then you'd be WRONG too...



Well, ever the scientist, I did say possible rejection rant. I'm still thanking Chaingang (and a few others) for injecting a little balance into the bulk of kudos. I admit that your rant contains many valid statements. It's just the scope that puts me off.

Bob

(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 12:14:54 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Lots of people seem to have found much to admire in this post, and I guess it's an interesting post ... so, well done ... I guess!

As of late, I've become so into the "live and let live" thing, I just have a hard time making a connection with rants, posts about HGN's, people bitching about online people, etc ... etc ... etc ...

So, I'll just play school teacher.

Subject Matter Selection - 2.5
Expressing Thoughts - 3.75
Promoting Controversy - 2.5 (would have been higher, but you failed to get flamed)
Connection with Readers - 3.9
Communication Skill - 1.0 (far too pedantic to be useful to those that need the advice)

Overall Grade - 2.73

Passing grade, but don't see "message board graduate school" in your future.

(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: STUPID Subs... - 1/6/2006 12:28:48 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: la90066

... And DICKHEAD Doms!!!


Having been involved in D/s for many years and read many posts/profiles here (as well as on other kink sites) by both Tops and bottoms (or whatever title you prefer), it never ceases to amaze me how absolutely stupid 90% of kinksters are -- here's why...




Wow, thanks for calling most people on here dumb, let me guess... The people that dont agree with your senseless rant is dumb and people that agree are the 10% of the intelligent people??

The thread should of been edited for offensive things. I dearly reject being perhaps one of the 10% by a person on an idiotic rant.

< Message edited by imtempting -- 1/6/2006 12:36:03 PM >

(in reply to la90066)
Profile   Post #: 60
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