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Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 10:38:00 AM

bamagirl4u

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How important is physical attraction to you? If you found someone that enjoyed the same activities would it matter if they were different from what you normally find attractive? On the net, especially on here, I don't post a picture, but if I like someone I will send a photo so they know who they are speaking with. I ask for the same. If they don't send one, I don't talk to them anymore. I don't usually base my feelings on what a person looks like~~more what is inside. But, with that said, if I don't find someone attractive sexually, I don't see it going any further than friendship. My last Dom was 6 ft, bald, and had a habit of laughing loudly at the wrong time, but I loved Him with all my heart and soul. If He had been honest with me from the beginning, I would have married Him as we planned. So, it is just not that I want a perfect man/Dom, I am physically attracted to all sorts of men. I also am far from perfect! I need to lose some pounds that seem to want to stay no matter what I do, I am sometimes moody, and can be down right bratty. I have often wondered though if attraction in this lifestyle is based more on mutual attractions (play sessions) and such, or if it starts that way and leads to physical attraction for most, or, do you have to be physically attracted before you would think of being with a person for a session?

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Post #: 1

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 10:50:22 AM

Evility

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bamagirl4u
How important is physical attraction to you? I am physically attracted to all sorts of men.

Same here. Physical attraction is important to me but there is no physical common denominator among the women I have been involved with.

I will add this. There has been a few times when I have met a woman who initially did not interest me physically who I later developed an attraction to after getting to know them. I've also met women who I was incredibly attracted to who totally turned me off after I got to know them. It's gone both ways in that regard.

Generally speaking they must clear the physical attraction hurdle to get to the next level in the process.

(in reply to bamagirl4u)

Post #: 2

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 10:57:01 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

If you found someone that enjoyed the same activities would it matter if they were different from what you normally find attractive?

Yes, it would matter.

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Post #: 3

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 11:03:48 AM

oceanwynds

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Physical attraction is important to me, however there is another factor that plays in this. I might find many men attractive, but if there isn't a certain energy zinging between us, then it wouldn't really work. That seldom happens with me.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 4

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 11:04:14 AM

parakeet89

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I had issues with this when I had an almost-dom. I hadn't seen his picture, but I thought I liked him well enough that it wouldn't matter. When I saw his picture, I realized it mattered. I don't have high standards nor do I only like brunette men, but I was not physically attracted to him in the slightest (and it was a good, clear picture and all that too). When I imagined meeting him and having sex I got really grossed out. There was just something that threw me off. I felt absolutely horrible about it.

So it is important to a degree for me. But they do not have to be perfect-looking or fit into my "ideal" in any way -- there just has to be something, and I can't explain what it is exactly. I also agree with Evility when they say that sometimes physical attraction develops because of their personality. I've experienced that too.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 5

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 11:05:16 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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All physical attraction means to me is that my tallywacker wants to play electricians with her and plug itself in to her.. I require far more than just physical attraction for me to want to get too close.

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(in reply to IrishMist)

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 11:25:41 AM

Carnae7

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For me, there needs to be some sort of attraction to a person's physical appearance, but who they are as a person is a very big factor on whether the attraction will go any further. If these things are definitely pulling me in, then the final clincher is that there needs to be that spark of chemistry when we first meet. Meaning our pheromones must jive and want to dance together.

As for physical appearance, I can appreciate most things, except toooooo skinny, or waaaaay tooo fat. I know that may be rude, considering I'm rather heavy myself, but that's just something that makes a difference for me. ~blush~ I also prefer a man to have a bald head, or at least rapidly thinning hair. Another little quirk of mine.

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 11:38:58 AM

thefallenfruit

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It is important. It's not the sole deciding factor, but it does play an important role. I have dated men that I may not have been attracted to initially, but then became attracted to. Case and point, my mini me's dad. He wasn't ugly, he just wasn't my type...and then a few months later, I ended up pregnant. *lmao* In the end he turned out to be an idiot...but...

The man I'm with now...is...beautiful. That's the only way I can think to describe him. He's not very tall, maybe about 5'7 and he has a slim build, and though he's African American like myself, he has very light skin and blue eyes. When we first met in 2006...I was amazed by his eyes. Even now I find myself staring at him *lol*...but what sealed the deal was the fact that we have ALOT in common. He's a huge nerd like I am. Both of us almost always have our noses in books. But he's a nerd times 100 because he reads dictionaries...and I mean the unabridged dictonaries with etemology of the words...for fun. He's very quiet, very intelligent...and intense...and he loves me very much.

I myself, I'm a full figured girl. Not everyone likes that, and I'm alright with it. I know I'm pretty attractive...and I've dated men who usually prefer girls with a thin build. I'm way more attracted to someone when we have a connection...a deep one. Then you can be the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Or physically you can be beautiful and be as 'deep' as a puddle of rainwater...and that ends up being a HUGE turn off.

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 1:17:18 PM

lateralist1

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Yes physical attraction is very important but so is mind and personality attraction.
Photographs don't help much at all, I have to meet someone, then I have to feel their submission. Hasn't happened for ages.

(in reply to thefallenfruit)

Post #: 9

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 1:29:06 PM

JustDarkness

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I always must like the person....looks, personality..etc....they are bonded.
Although...I can fall in "love" with a persons personallity only....but it is not enough to be her partner.

edit:
found better words/nicer way to put it

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/12/2009 1:30:29 PM >

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 10

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 1:32:17 PM

BondageBarbieX

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Physical attraction is number one with me..if I am not attracted to someone there is not going to be a relationship.

(in reply to bamagirl4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 1:38:17 PM

HalloweenWhite

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I think looks are important to a lot of people, including me which makes Me one heck of a hypcrite lol, I'm nowhere near you "typical" Dom. . I doubt I'm even average, but I'm definately more attracted to a particular type of submissive.

I don't think you can pin down a reason for being more or less attracted to someone, but I think maybe it's because we percieve a person we may or may not be attracted to to have cirtain qualities we're looking for in a potential partner.

(in reply to bamagirl4u)

Post #: 12

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 2:35:30 PM

trealeon

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Physical attraction is important to me but I have a wide range that I am attracted to. Also I've been in a situation more than once where I really was attracted to someone who was very far from what I am normally attracted to physically but I was still attracted to them because I loved everything else about them. So I've found that, at least for me, that someone can be attractive to me because they are just such a good fit and therefore to me they are physically attractive. Or in short, beauty on the inside actually does equal beauty on the outside. The converse has also been true for me in multiple situations, I can name a few girls who I would normally find very physically attractive, but I just was repulsed by them because they had crappy personalities that I couldn't stand.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

Post #: 13

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 3:01:35 PM

littlewonder

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Physical attraction is just as equally important to me as mutual attraction. If I'm not physically attracted to a perosn it doesn't matter what else we have in common. It just isn't going to work for me. I won't feel anything for that person. They may stay a friend but that's about as far as it goes.

(in reply to trealeon)

Post #: 14

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 3:04:07 PM

IrishMist

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I am going to make a huge point here. For me, physical attraction has nothing to do with HOW A PERSON LOOKS. It has to do with his personality. I am attracted to men who have a strong aura of violence about them...to me, that is what is attractive...not what he looks like.

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 8:00:42 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I'm not going to get involved with someone I'm not attracted to. And some physical things are very attractive to me. A man shorter than 5'11" just doesn't turn me on. I may like him a lot, think he's a great guy but I don't want to have sex with him. Same for skinny guys, if they aren't heavily muscled I just don't view them as sexual partners.

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 8:20:55 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

I am going to make a huge point here. For me, physical attraction has nothing to do with HOW A PERSON LOOKS. It has to do with his personality. I am attracted to men who have a strong aura of violence about them...to me, that is what is attractive...not what he looks like.

Are you attraced to the Violence or the Power?

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 17

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 8:24:14 PM

DavanKael

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I don't have any interest in play sessions or other transitory activities, so I that aspect of interrelating is not relevant to me.
In terms of partners, I tend to have physical traits that I find most attractive. Have I deviated from these on occasion, sure. I think there's a continuum, though, beyond which it would be exceedingly unlikely to deviate. An example of one trait: I like tall men. Taller than average. I've only been in relationships with 1 male who was shorter than average and 1 who was of average height, all others I have been in relationships with are taller than average (Not that I have had a massive amount of relationships as I don't, though, as you can see, the numbers are quite small of shorter men). Sometimes, I think that traits that appeal to us are inherent or some sort of akashic imprint. Sometimes, I can see reasons for them. Sometimes, there appears to be a mix. Again, returning to my height example: I associate physical formadibility with ability to provide safety and protection, traits I value highly. I acknowledge that hindbrain association with males. Thus, men who are slight in appearance or are of a smaller stature would be at a disadvantage in my appraisal of them, and that is rather automatic far more than something thought-out.
Overall attractiveness, for me, resides much on the same continuum. I have preferences of how pleasing the amalgamation of a person's physical traits are along with individualized preferences and have rarely deviated from that perceived level of aesthetic, though individual traits may vary.
Have I come to find someone more attractive uppon getting to know them? Yes. Of course, most definitely. I think that as one becomes more dear to us, their physical traits do generally become more appealing.
I think, however, that discounting physical appearance entirely is not something that I, or most people, would easily do.
Davan

< Message edited by DavanKael -- 1/12/2009 8:27:52 PM >

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RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 8:36:13 PM

Huntertn

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What attracts me is her eyes, and her legs...what Hold me is her ability to be herself...To know she has what it takes to hold her Man..and no its not just her body..it matters not if she is tall or small, thin ,thick, or huge even....its all inside..and I can see it..hell I revel in it..lololol

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 19

RE: Physical attraction vs. mutual attraction - 1/12/2009 8:57:40 PM

ExKat

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Attraction is definitely important. As a couple, it's hard for us to find a common ground about what turns us on, but unless both of us are on board, a potential sub gets vetoed. That's not to say that many would be turned away: there are many varieties of beautiful, and if someone is outside of them for us, it's typically because they don't take care of themselves to an insane and medically dangerous degree. Although you can feel like an asshole if you have to turn an otherwise great person away, if the chemistry isn't there, there could never really be a relationship.

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Post #: 20

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