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Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 6:31:58 PM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline 		And why? Do you think the Dominant party making the first move could, at least in theory, throw the power-play aspect out of order from the onset?

I won't write a heavyhanded prompt. Just answer with your past experiences and why you feel a particular party should be the one who makes the first move.
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 6:50:32 PM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		 
    I don't think there are any fixed rules regarding this . 
 
    Whoever feels most comfortable , or most compelled will likely act on their feelings .  Each person is different - no mattter their orientation.  And each profile they react to may produce differing levels of longing/attraction , or fear , or even  intimidation . 
 
    I know I've received more than one note saying that it took awhile - and several viewings of my profile ,  for them to decide what to write , as they were concerned about making a good impression .   And sometimes I will write to someone spontaneously - just because I have something to say to them  !  Compliment , comment , whatever .
 
         It's all good .

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 6:52:29 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is no power play or dynamic's to be brought out of order during a first contact or move.

Either can make a first move.

Just the way I see it.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 6:54:51 PM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		On CM... sub males pretty much have to make the first move.  The FemDoms are normally to busy to go 'shopping' for subs.  At least I am.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 7:09:08 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

On CM... sub males pretty much have to make the first move.  The FemDoms are normally to busy to go 'shopping' for subs.  At least I am.


That definitely applies to me, too.  That being said, I have on several occasions sent the first email simply to make an observation about a profile or photo.  This has been with no expectation that the correspondence would go any further.  Sometimes it has, though, and sometimes it hasn't.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 7:11:49 PM   
GimpinDenial


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/20/2008
Status: offline 		Okay, I have agreed with all of the replies so far...
If you are a sub, you see a dom that is looking for a sub with your qualities, make the first move.....
If you are a dom, and see a potential candidate, make the first move....
Simple as that.


Seriously.....those who wait for the other to make the first move....it will likely never happen and you'll end up waiting a LOOOONG time.....


< Message edited by GimpinDenial -- 1/12/2009 7:12:45 PM >

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I can only hope that in death, the sins of my life will be forgiven.

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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 7:30:35 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GimpinDenial

Okay, I have agreed with all of the replies so far...
If you are a sub, you see a dom that is looking for a sub with your qualities, make the first move.....
If you are a dom, and see a potential candidate, make the first move....
Simple as that.


Seriously.....those who wait for the other to make the first move....it will likely never happen and you'll end up waiting a LOOOONG time.....



Erm . . . yes . . . basically, that pretty much sums it up.

(in reply to GimpinDenial)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 7:35:42 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Ideally it should be the one who is moved to say something by the others picture, profile, comment, etc...  If only it were that way

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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 7:58:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've written this on the boards before.  I don't often make introductory contact.  It has nothing to do with being Dominant or them being submissive.  It has more to do with the fact that I'm poly and not everyone is suited for that.

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 8:14:28 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		anyone who is reluctant to make a first move, be it from shyness, be it from self righteousness, or be it for any other reason, have no one to blame but themselves if they're not satisfied with choices they have.

it's like a game, sometimes you're in the best position to move, sometimes they are, but anyone of us can put a move into play.

i recommend to anyone to leave the 'dominants should be the one hunting' and 'submissives should be the one approaching' mindsets at the door if they wish to better their chances and hasten their searches. 

if the shyest of people can find a way to overcome their limitations, surely so can the proud.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 1/12/2009 8:16:43 PM >

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great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 8:15:17 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am pretty bold, if I like someone, I write to them.  Even so, I make my initial approach as one of friendship, if anything else happens, fine.  I would never have any company if I sat around waiting for the men!

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[page 23 girl]



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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 8:37:00 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I never make the first move an never contact any Dominant,that is something I have never needed to do or would think of doing.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/12/2009 9:09:12 PM   
DominaSusan


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I can be damm clueless so if someone finds me interesting they had better say so. I've been known to pass up some pretty good chaps before. If someone would like to play with me (no sex) I'm usually excited to do so. My slave comes first, that's is the only requirement.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 4:08:42 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am pretty bold, if I like someone, I write to them.  Even so, I make my initial approach as one of friendship, if anything else happens, fine. 


Isn't that the way it logically should be done though; a friendly approach with no expectations for more than that?  I've made many great friends here on CM where its gone no further than that.  There are others where we've attempted to go beyond that for at least some period of time.  I've at least learned something from each of those experiences.

quote:


I would never have any company if I sat around waiting for the men!


Yeah, well some of us are a bit dense and can't always recognize a woman with many wonderful qualities, even when she's standing right in front of us or has us bent over turning our cheeks rosy red!
 
 - pixel 
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 5:43:06 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		I see it mostly like in RT. With only a few exceptions, the men usually make the first move. Orientation doesn't seem to over-rule nature..lol.

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 8:43:57 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282
And why? Do you think the Dominant party making the first move could, at least in theory, throw the power-play aspect out of order from the onset?


I tend to make the first move because I think it betters my odds of establishing contact with a person I want to contact.

I think your point has basis and whether or not it holds depends on how the first move is made. I think the point is not so much that whether it is the dominant who makes the first move, but whether it is done in a way that hands power to the submissive. As I reflect on past experiences, I found more effective the first approach of dominants who somehow got my attention with some indication of interest but left it to me to pursue.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to Untouched1282)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 8:46:58 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
I'm a girly. I just drop my hankie and wait for my intended to return it to me.

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 8:59:12 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Why are so many in here think that Dominants are big bad wolves/wolverines?

Aren’t we all similar deep down with same fears, dreams, expectations, desires and hopes? Just approach them like any other human being.

_____________________________

Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 9:11:19 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamysubmale

Why are so many in here think that Dominants are big bad wolves/wolverines?

Aren’t we all similar deep down with same fears, dreams, expectations, desires and hopes? Just approach them like any other human being.


BRAVO... thank you!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Who should make the first move? - 1/13/2009 10:12:08 PM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline
BRAVO... thank you!

[/quote]
You are most welcome, and thank you 

_____________________________

Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but the echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses... Democritus

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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