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On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:37:49 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		After reading a thread on another site which touched on the fact that a lot of profiles contain a lot of * I don't want this and I don't want that*...The question isn't to do with profiles though, but a general curiosity.

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?

I'll start by saying that I am more certain of things that I do NOT want or like.

agirl


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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:39:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on the the thing :) 

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:43:27 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		lol....... Yes..well.......wanna expand?

agirl

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:46:42 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline 		I'm more certain about the things I do want.  The things I *really* like in play, the qualities I *really* need in a partner. 

I don't really know what I *don't* want.  Well, I probably do, but not off hand, and I think it's mostly "I don't want X, which is the opposite of what I do want"  So, I want poly, therefore I do not want mono.  I want at least slightly bi, so I don't want completely straight.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:49:31 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I am quite certain and comfortable about the lists on both sides of the deciding line.

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:53:47 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

After reading a thread on another site which touched on the fact that a lot of profiles contain a lot of * I don't want this and I don't want that*...The question isn't to do with profiles though, but a general curiosity.

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?

I'll start by saying that I am more certain of things that I do NOT want or like.

agirl




Even though I am not looking for a relationship...

I am extremely certain and firm on what I DO want in a relationship.

I am also extremely certain and firm about what I do NOT want in a relationship.

I can only thrive in a certain kind of relationship; that's not something that is negotiable...it just is the way it is. I accept that and am perfectly ok with it.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 1:58:47 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		I feel I am pretty well equally certain of both, but probably clearer on what I DO want/need.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:18:17 PM   
jakelogan01


Posts: 71
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		i think there are things we are certain about, and things we have no clue about, and things we are not sure whether we are certain...and then there are different ways to express it. or sometimes there are things we want and dare not say. or things we don't want but feel it may seem offensive to some. so, i guess, in summary...sure

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:20:55 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi agirl

Like you I would say I’m sure of what I don’t like…BUT…Often when passion is upon me the distinction between likes and dislikes becomes vague. At that time I may say or do things I normally wouldn’t.

Butch

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:34:29 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		For me, I tend to be very curious to the point of experimental. If I don't like it, then its up to me to say so. I base my likes and dislikes upon having experienced something at least once out of curiosity.
Then of course there those things that I have no intention of experiencing because it either calls into question my own morality or simply a lack of interest.
Lacking interest in something, you really should not be forced to alter their thought or belief or even compromise their own beliefs. If the individual is not into it, then it really becomes a punishment and quite possibly hurtful.
Eg: if someone is claustrophobic, not sure it would be a good idea to stick them in a SDT, unless the purpose is to cause the individual to have a panic attack which can lead to disastrous consequences.  Is it really worth it?



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To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:40:05 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		There are a few things on both sides of the equasion I am pretty absolute about. The rest, I am open to seeing where that specific dynamic leads.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:40:19 PM   
trealeon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think I'm more or less certain on either. I think for the most part I'm flexible and there are definite deal breakers that fall into either category ("do want" or "do not want") but those things are small in number.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:43:04 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		I think that our society just gears us to think of our negative lists quicker then our possitive ones.  People can write a blog bitching about the terrible day that they've had but they are hard pressed to be able to come up with 5 good things for the day.  We remember exactly what we didn't like in our exes but often have trouble remembering why we were with them for so long.  MadRabbit came up with a wonderful idea on the submissive board for the girl who found out she had a virus, she's dwelling so much on it that she can't remember what is good about herself.

So I think that we know what we like but we are conditioned to list what we don't.

On the other hand, I know there are things that I don't like or won't work in a relationship that I am a part of, but sometimes there are unknowns that pleasently surprise me and I certianly wouldn't have looked for something that I didn't know existed.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 2:43:07 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I have to say that it's not a very well thought out question......apologies for that. Unfinished thoughts and all that.

The things I am certain about  are few.....and lay on the *do not want* side. I do not want any more children., I do not like being cold-caned severely, for example...I don't have the same level of certainty about the things I like. This isn;t to say that I'm not certain about what I like or would like etc......but on first examination the few *do not want or like* things seem awfully set in stone. Certain. Absolutely sure.

Interesting to read how other's think.

agirl

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:10:23 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I' m extremely certain and sure on both points.

Balance is my life motto.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:18:12 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I know there are things i like, and there are things i don't like. But there are many more things i don't know about and honestly have been known to find things i thought i wouldn't like to be something i loved. And also found something i thought was an absolute NO way, hard limit to be something i later treasured. Life has taught me to never say never. I mean honestly i have no intention of ever killing anyone, but if i was doing it to save someone else, i wouldn't even hesitate, and bdsm is not nearly as black and white as that.

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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:26:03 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Do you think you are more certain about the things you DO want or about the things you don't?


I'm very sure about both.  There are some things I absolutely will not do or tolerate.  And then there are things that I absolutely need and I will not settle for less.  Between those points is a very wide range of things I'd reeeeealy like to have or don't really want to do but might consider if the person is otherwise fabulous.
 
Unfortunately, it's the things I won't compromise on like complete honesty and treating a relationship like it's more than temporary that mean I am never going to find the rest of the stuff I'd like to have. 
 
*shrug*  C'est la vie.

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Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
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"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:30:18 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I know of what I prefer (not want), and know of what I definately dislike, I would say equally.  Wanting qualifies as a non-necessity, a non-need.  The things I need in order to be fulfilled in a relationship way outweigh any wants.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:33:31 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
~ Fast Reply ~
 
Maybe it goes back to my NYC days when I used to read the tabloid papers back-wards from the 'Sports' section, but the first thing I look at on any profile is the 'hard limits' section. It is the easiest source of disqualification. A 'hard limit' regarding something I like to do would prohibit me from making contact regardless of anything else on the page.

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RE: On balance... - 1/13/2009 3:40:43 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I’m sure about most activities I like to engage in, but some wants or needs are more difficult to define and articulate.  I think the ‘don’t wants’ are listed more often because they are finite, where ‘do wants’ are more open to interpretation and expansion. 

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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