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When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:21:48 PM

MissMorrigan

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You love your Dominant dearly, they have, until now, never given you a reason to mistrust them. They know your fears and have been respectful of them. They want to try and get you over some of those fears - perhaps a fear of being cut, for instance. With a lot of reassurance you finally agree to allowing your dominant to cut you in a specific area, one which has fewer nerve endings so you know the pain will be minimal, but once tied up, helpless and gagged, your dominant changes that agreement by selecting another part of your anatomy, one that's highly sensitive. You freak out, the pain is excrutiating. You become hysterical and eventually your dominant stops. With very little aftercare, they allow you home - and accompanying you is shame and humiliation, a sense of horror that you hadn't anticipated.

A week later you still have not been able to speak or face your dominant. You retreat and blame yourself. You feel a failure.

How does a person process so many emotions when something of this nature has such a dramatic effect?

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:37:58 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

How does a person process so many emotions when something of this nature has such a dramatic effect?

Not very helpful, but...

Like anything else in life that is emotionally overwhelming, you just do the best you can. Decisions you make based on your emotions are what they are... right or wrong. You deal with the consequences. Drama or not, life continues.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:45:52 PM

Aileen1968

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I'd have no problem immediately confronting him with it and letting him know exactly how his actions affected me physically and mentally.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:49:42 PM

MissMorrigan

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People react differently to situations. Theirs was to feel mortified and take off with their 'shame'. I know how I feel about the entire situation but that isn't helping my friend deal with their situation. I can only lend support at this juncture and be there for whenever they need to talk. I wondered if anyone with any experience in this situation could offer practical advice.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:51:24 PM

rawkmehard

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this type of thing would freak me out so much, i never would have made it out of the door before talking. i can't hold anything in-i'm emotionally transparent, even when i don't want to be.

you have to decide how you want to work through this, but you can't let it go; it'll drive you to mistrust him at every turn.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:54:21 PM

akisha

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Wow, I'd be telling him immediately after i was untied and ungagged that he completely and totally disrepected me and broke any trust I had in him. That's if i could restrain myself from kicking him square in the nads first.

There is a chance that you can work through it and rebuild the trust over time. That's up to the two of you to decde not for strangers on a website.

For me, anyone goes past what was negotiated they find themselves never welcome in my presense again.

I played with one guy and I said straight out, "absolutely no slapping me in the face" he felt he knew better and he ended up slammed into a wall with my hand firmly around his throat, and soon after he was exiting my house.

Not sure why you feel ashamed that someone else took advantage of you when you were literally tied up and unable to defend yourself, but I'd stop blaming yourself and make the choice to lay blame where it belongs.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:55:20 PM

MissMorrigan

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I'm the kind of person that if someone upsets me in any way they're hearing about it immediately, I'm not passive and have no problem in voicing my concerns. My friend, however, is the complete opposite, they had implicit trust in their dominant and their first reaction was to run off... I guess they were in shock. I'm a very close friend and this is the first I have heard about it - just over a week later, so that goes to show the devastating effect it's had on them. It just breaks my heart.

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A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:55:48 PM

Aileen1968

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I have had something happen personally. I confronted him because I felt foolish with the situation. He explained himself and why things occured the way they did. It was logical to me. We discussed it and then we moved on. Had I let it fester it would have become a huge issue that would have become distorted in my mind instead of something that was easily solved with no hard feelings at all.

edited to add....I have complete trust in him and total respect for him.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 1/16/2009 1:57:53 PM >

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 1:59:52 PM

MissMorrigan

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I am sure they understand that they cannot continue running from this and they need to discuss this with their dominant if they are to achieve any kind of resolution. It's hard for them to trust anyone for reasons I cannot go into so this has come as a huge blow to their esteem, and also of the fears of what it spells for their relationship. It's a sad situation to be in and I am so angry about this that I'd dearly love to kick the snot out of him - I know that wouldn't help the situation but it'd make me feel better!

< Message edited by MissMorrigan -- 1/16/2009 2:01:19 PM >

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A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 2:02:08 PM

BondageBarbieX

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I would not put up with such disrespect and would put this "Dominant' on notice.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 2:11:26 PM

angelikaJ

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They had a negotiated scene; he deviated from it.
It became assault.

Be there for her.

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Post #: 11

RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 2:14:20 PM

MissMorrigan

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Thanks Angelika, I am and will continue to be.

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A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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Post #: 12

RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 2:34:29 PM

CatdeMedici

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I would not, that behavior IMHO is arrogant, domineering and unacceptable.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 2:48:11 PM

MissMorrigan

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You have no idea what you're talking about. People aren't robots, we're individuals that deal with situations according to our life's experiences. I haven't described a scene where a submissive is reacting poorly because they didn't like something their dominant has done and is therefore using their absence as a punishment. I have described a person with profound trust issues whose trust has been abused and they do not know how to process their emotions into a more tangible form at present in order that they CAN bring themselves to discuss it openly - emotionally, they have regressed to an almost childlike status, blaming themselves for this and feeling as if they aren't fit to be around their dominant. Perhaps you can approach every situation you encounter in such a methodical manner - my experience is that when a person is like that they tend to get hit the hardest when really challenged in life.

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A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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Post #: 14

RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:13:20 PM

Viridana

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double post sorry....

< Message edited by Viridana -- 1/16/2009 3:16:46 PM >

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:15:46 PM

Viridana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

They had a negotiated scene; he deviated from it.
It became assault.

Be there for her.

Agreed!

And I'd like to add that if I were you I would encourage her to sever all ties with that guy. If he so crudely steps out of line once, who knows what he'd find himself entitled to do as well. A blatant assault like that doesn't deserve negotiations or resolutions in my mind. It's time to start the process of healing.

< Message edited by Viridana -- 1/16/2009 3:16:25 PM >

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:20:08 PM

lobodomslavery

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be there to support him/her. i wish you well, its a tough struggle Miss Morrigan. support him/her as best you can and get further help if required, above all look after your own health
kevin

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:23:16 PM

sirsholly

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Personally, i would be madder than hell!!!

I cannot help but wonder about her background. I realize she had/has trust issues, but what is causing the level of shame she is feeling?
Is it possible the shame is a smoke screen for the anger that she is not allowing herself to feel?

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:32:08 PM

DominaSmartass

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Sorry to hear this happened to your friend, or to anyone.

I think the dominant definitely betrayed the trust given to him but on the other hand, everyone makes mistakes or gets overzealous sometimes. I think it depends on whether or not he's shown/showing any remorse or offers an apology. It was a terrible thing to do and I think the sub would be justified in dumping him and even not speaking to him again, but in the end that doesn't help anyone deal with the issue of what went on.

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RE: When Trust Is Broken - 1/16/2009 3:36:23 PM

littlewonder

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I would tell him right then and there just what I'm feeling which would be anger and hatred towards him. If at that point he could not accept what I was saying and we could not talk it out then I would simply turn my back on him and never return.

If you feel you've been traumatized then I would suggest you seek counseling.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/16/2009 3:38:06 PM >

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