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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 1:21:08 AM

BondageBarbieX

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I do not get it and would not do it at this point in my life.I have played with some Dom's online phone,cam etc... but never,ever would consider it more than shits and giggles and would not accept a collar from an online Dom.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 6:02:52 AM

windchymes

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Hmmm....based on the posts in this thread, fear and awe are alive and well online.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 6:22:02 AM

OttersSwim

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There is a pretty large subset of the population out there that for whatever reason cannot or will not take BDSM into real life, or limit it to online contact. Most, IMO, are "hiding out" and this sort of thing gives them a little thrill in an otherwise vanilla life.

I don't think it is about control, I think it is about titilation.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 6:53:43 AM

YoursMistress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I don't think it is about control, I think it is about titillation.

Yes, but it's the release of control, even if only briefly, that provides the titillation, too. It's a very safe way to experiment, (giving some the benefit of the doubt) or to sneak. This can be an uncomfortable thing to talk about for some men with either their spouses/SO's or their friends.

yours

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 7:37:22 AM

OttersSwim

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Yea, I see this as one outlet that enables the whole subculture of men "sneaking, cheating, and hiding" and betraying their lives, their wives, and their honor....not to mention themselves...

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 8:14:00 AM

kiwisub12

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that was a bit cold, Otter.

I think maybe males are better at compartmentalizing their lives. It may be that they find it easier to be fufilled by email just because when they aren't online, they aren't thinking about bdsm.
I read somewhere that women are better at multitasking than men - which would imply that men, when concentrating on something, are more focused than women, so perhaps the very intensity of their focus make it more fufilling to them - for that period of time. And after that they don't feel the need to think about it any more - until the next time.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 8:49:23 AM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loliita

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

Two words: Wank Fodder. Didn't we cover this in another thread already? ;)

I don't care if they jack or wank. I'm sure my real life boyfriends do the same when they go home after spending time with me. What I want to know is what makes a submissive obey a master through the internet? How does the dominant power move through email.

btw, Do you answer every op with the response ...."wank fodder" ?

No, only the ones where it's the real answer.

You're asking what these guys get out of online domination*** and I'm answering you truthfully that it is like having a personalized porno to jerk off to. Did you ever read those "choose your own adventure books" as a kid? The type where the ending would be different based on which choices you made and what page it told you to turn to? It's kind of like that except there is no limit to the number of endings they can get if a woman (or someone they believe is a woman) engages in the email writing fantasy. For these guys, they most likely never will get offline and do anything bdsm related in real life (due to fear, shame, vanilla marriages, etc.) but if they can find someone to "dominate" them through email, it's like having an active participant in their fantasies. It's the same reason people can "play" in a chatroom...you know the ones where all submissive must "enter on their hands and knees, crawling like a worm to the submissive pit of despair to await being chosen for use and abuse by any dominant who may pick them." It's all pure fantasy and at the end of it there are two types who participate: the ones who will be all gung ho as long as they're horny but walk away from it satisfied with a good orgasm and not come back until the next time they need a fix - and the type who want it so badly in real life that they believe their online role playing is real and develop D/s relationships that last longterm with people they've never met or spoken to other than online.

But why say all that when I can sum it up with 2 words?

***ETA: Of course, you're right, this isn't answering your OP. Unless any more sub men who play online want to come offer their side, this is about the best we can do.

< Message edited by DominaSmartass -- 1/17/2009 8:59:20 AM >

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 9:26:31 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
They want someone to tell them what to do; you tell them what to do and their fantasy is fulfilled.

It really does seem this simple.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 11:18:33 AM

SteelofUtah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Loliita

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Perhaps I should have said that the first part was serious and the other part was a Parody of what you are confused about.

There really isn't much to get about it. Some people do what we do in the Physical world and some perfer it only in thier mind and so the E-mail gives them a faceless act that they don't have to be ashamed of because it was all just in thier head.

Maybe, lighten up a bit, have fun, Life is Life and remember no one gets out alive.

Steel

You're making up your own op question and answering it. I didn't ask what the men get out of it because I already know that. I asked ....
quote:

Guys, can a woman really control you through email?

I want to know how a man is controlled by a dominant through email when the man has nothing to fear from the lady and doesn't even have her presence to be in awe of.
You're not a sub so maybe you don't know the answer to the real op question.

Oh, your statement about no one getting out of life alive....has not been proven in my case as of yet. :-P

Okay Now I see your Problem. You have fun with this.

Steel

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 11:35:20 AM

AAkasha

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Real life S&M is my main outlet. I don't think anything online, webcam or on the phone can "replace" in-the-flesh S&M. However, I find that with the right person, S&M and power exchange can be explored in words and visuals provided both people are honest about it. But, I love words, I love writing and I love soul-sharing - to that end, if a man can move me with his words, he can connect to my dominant side. But it's not that easy.

Tons of men crave online direction, tasks, and humiliation. The harder part is making it rewarding, fun and interesting for the femdom. For me, like I said, if I can read words from a man that show his surrender, desperation, fear, etc. then it *can* touch my femdom side. Is it fulfilling? Not completely -it's more like *foreplay* and I can take that arsoual with me to do as I please - masturbate, play with my partner, or weave an idea in my mind for my next real life encounter.

Most men on the Internet though want all the direction and suck at the reporting and feedback, because it's HARD WORK. And some are not capable of it. It takes a level of skill to write in a way that conveys this kind of honest vulnerability. And there has to be a level of believability. Now with digital cameras and webcams, though, you can require proof. It makes it a bit of a brand new ball game.

When I was in high school, I used to pass notes back and forth with "boys" I was flirting with (we were the same age). Before texting existed. And in those notes, I'd ask questions about what he'd do it if was kidnapped, if he had been tied up before, would he close his eyes in class at precisely 10:49am for 4 minutes while I watched him from across the room. Just silly games. But it was the way I flirted - it was incredibly intoxicating to me. I also remember "forcing" men to write me stories (pen on paper) and hand them to me the next day so I could read them. I would just give them a scenario and tell them they had to write about it and excite me with their words. They learned, over time, that the ability convey and clearly demonstrate helplessness and fear would push my buttons. This was all merely a back and forth of "words." Was this a replacement for necking in the backseat of the car and tying his wrists together, pulling his hair and slapping him and making him beg? No - but it was good groundwork. And if he couldn't get me going with his words and insight I might lose interest.

I found that the men that grasped this part ultimately were better physical partners. The ability to connect the mind to the situation is important and translates into a very sensual, aware and empathic sub. So to that end - I do desire men that "grasp" the ability to engage, arouse and excite just with text - but more so, with voices (phone) and visuals (pictures and cam). On the "satisfaction scale" though I consider "real life" S&M to be about 5 to 10 times better and will never, ever replace that with anything less. However, I can say that I have played with a few men in the flesh who were so emotionally flat and unresponsive and/or in their own head that some of my email/"online" partners could run circles around them as far as their grasp of the femdom mind goes.

Akasha

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 3:37:56 PM

oceanwynds

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On-line relationships do not thrill me, nor interest me. I though am grateful though that the world is not my clone. Some people enjoy the on-line relationship for whatever reasons they find valid to themselves, so this can be a good thing for them. Most likely they get something from it, and they=both parties. Those who do not find this a way to experience would not pursue it. On-line actually is a microscope of real time if you think about. You get people judging others here or in r/t. You get people who slam others for their ways of doing things, instead of encouraging them. You get threads started in attacking others for what they enjoy, but call themselves the 'real' thing. You can find that in r/t as well. Usually my take on all this is people don't have enough to do so they start threads in putting down other people. One day I just might start a thread in asking why people do this.
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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 4:50:56 PM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Dead serious Answer.

Because to many what we do is a fucking game and something that they Play around with because actually doing it would be unacceptable to thier idea of socially acceptable and to question what is acceptable or not is just to difficult for them so that play at it with words and then only experince what it is that we do in the privacy and control of thier own minds.

Now Paint your Toe Nails each a different collor and Masturbate with a Spatula and then e-mail what you were thinking about while you were subitting to my commands and uber Domliness.

Signed

SuperGrandMasterDom4U2Bslave2

Aka Steel

Dear SuperGrandMasterDom4U2Bslave2,
I thought they also had to take a pic to (wank) prove their submission.

Best Wishes,
GrandMasterPongoRulerofHouseDeVille

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 4:59:31 PM

OnlyMels

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Daddy and I got a guy asking multiple times to join us and after a couple times we decided to start messing with him. daddy wrote him and email telling him to go cut his neighbors lawn. He sends the same message everytime but he sent us a message again so we asked if he cut his neighbors lawn and he said yes. Now we have no proof that he did this or even remembered if we even told him to do that. We finally just blocked him. But you can email people and order them t do things but unless you get a picture there's no proof that the person is even following orders.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 5:30:16 PM

IrishMist

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Miss Domina is right. It's wank fodder. And if you don't care if that's what it is or not....why you so 'confused' as to how it works?

Need someone to 'explain' it to you?

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 5:34:05 PM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Miss Domina is right.

No need to be polite, please, just call me "that smartass over there" ;)

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 7:40:13 PM

Jaded2005

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Yeah, and here's a copy of the home game, now go the hell home....

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/17/2009 8:08:59 PM

bamagirl4u

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I don't get domination via the internet either. Now if your in front of me, that is a different story...I am much more likely to obey...Maybe they do it because they think they can...I know I get some pretty wierd emails...

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/18/2009 12:38:35 AM

Loliita

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Thank you to the few people above that gave some long and well thought out answers. I was expecting submissive men to answer but I think the answers I received from the women on this page are what I was looking for. Things are a little more clear to me now and I better understand how men are "controlled" through email now.

Thx

edit...
yes, I took down my written profile and picture temporarily to stop the large influx of mail. I'll put them back up when I'm off the new list. I didn't hide the profile because I didn't want people to think I left.

< Message edited by Loliita -- 1/18/2009 12:40:26 AM >

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/18/2009 3:26:57 AM

colouredin

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Hmm right well im late to the party but after pages of wank fodder comments I thought I would add my part. Yes you can have an email based D/s relationship. You see what I always find funny is when asked what D/s means to people they all wax lyrical that its not just about the bedroom yadda yadda but then find it nigh on impossible to imagine a fullfilling relationship across email.

I have in the past had fantastic relationships that started very email based and then became IM with emails still a prominant part. Ironically whenever I meet these people there is an anti-climax I feel more submissive to the online character. I think both relationships have a place.

If you need to instill awe and fear to be able to 'control' or 'dominante' someone thats the way it works for you. Personally I get off on brains and creativity. Differant strokes for differant folks and all that.

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RE: Guys...I don't "get" email domination. - 1/18/2009 7:53:14 AM

hardbodysub

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I'm not into it. I can see how it would work if a real in-person relationship is continued using email while the parties are apart, but a purely online situation doesn't appeal to me. Sometimes it's used as a prelude to meeting. Again, it might work for me a little in that case, as long as I know it's leading to something in person.

If you're into WOW, SL, or any of the other web-based roleplay games, it should be easy to understand online domination. I'm not really into any of that.

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