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Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 6:18:53 PM

chicagoswitch

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I was just curious. Do Doms get nervous when they are with a new (and less experienced) submissive partner?

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 6:23:02 PM

xDino

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Sorry....but......duh. We're all still human and go through a range of emotions. Being dom/sub/christian/democratic/whatever doesn't mean you're suddenly exempt from regular human emotions.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 6:45:26 PM

chicagoswitch

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Ok, now that I have been "duhed", what is it Doms or men in general worry about? The air of confidence is a very good cover.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 7:18:03 PM

IronBear

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Probably worried about making a right cock up andbeing dseen as an inept fool?..............................
Is my fly done up?
Are my pants on front facing the back?
Did I forget my underpants?
Do I have matching socks?
Is my hair ok?

So many things for some Domly types to worry about which is why they go grey early.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 8:23:43 PM

DrSysAdmin

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IronBear - you had me rolling mate!

Seriously though - of course we do. Its the everyday stuff - to the nervousness of something unknown. What ifs - its not like you can plan for every response. Hell, what if I read her wrong since I am just starting to learn her, push too hard and cause damage, freak her out by going a direction that, unknown to me, is one that has some hidden pitfall for this pet. Its all the normal stuff, plus the fact that we have purpose and we can screw it up if we are not vigilant.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 8:31:32 PM

Huntertn

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hhmm does a blackbear sh** in the woods..lol..we just have learned to get past it without making all that fuss

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/17/2009 8:50:38 PM

Musicmystery

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoswitch

I was just curious. Do Doms get nervous when they are with a new (and less experienced) submissive partner?

No. Usually when this happens, I'm just going slow and waiting for her to sort out whether what was an exciting fantasy in her head is truly something she wants and can handle in real life. Often, she enjoys the experience, but it's not for her regularly.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 1:46:06 AM

IronBear

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Y'know, nervousness as has been discussed also includes shyness. Doms are never shy! Yeah right! We are all human and nobody ever said that all Dominants are not shy folk. We often learn to mask it better than most. I am chronically shy but I'll bet you a clap of thunder to a goose’s fart that you will not pick it. I can deal with public speaking, dealing with authorities, attending State Functions, all with out turning a hair. However, ask me to mingle socially with a group of people at a BDSM function and I'm the one who ghosts about watching and listening and not often joining in unless invited. I would rather be back in a red sector combat zone than do the social thingie.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 2:25:43 AM

dreamerdreaming

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No. Never.

Neverevereverever. Nope. Unh-uh. Nyyope. No way.

Not me. I never did.

*giggles... kicks dirt... bats eyelashes demurely...*

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 3:48:08 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Y'know, nervousness as has been discussed also includes shyness. Doms are never shy! Yeah right! We are all human and nobody ever said that all Dominants are not shy folk. We often learn to mask it better than most. I am chronically shy but I'll bet you a clap of thunder to a goose’s fart that you will not pick it. I can deal with public speaking, dealing with authorities, attending State Functions, all with out turning a hair. However, ask me to mingle socially with a group of people at a BDSM function and I'm the one who ghosts about watching and listening and not often joining in unless invited. I would rather be back in a red sector combat zone than do the social thingie.

This made me smile, only because I can relate to alot of it. I know how to handle situations that terrify most people but a social gathering is pure hell. The only indicator is that I get more withdrawn which is seen as snooty and aloof. Which I suppose fits a bit also, just not for the reasons most people assume.

All in all I would rather face a 100# growling, snarling rotty or a 1200# freaking out, kicking, biting horse. I understand them. People, not so much so.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 6:42:46 AM

VeryNastyDom

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It is like any situation where you are involved with somebody who has a different experience level that you, be it D/s, golf, or some academic pursuit. The Dom naturally wants to play at their level, but if they do they risk scaring the hell out of the less experienced sub. So yes, there is a certain apprehension, not exactly fear, that you will push too far and too fast. Patience comes with more exerience and the apprehension subsides considerable.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 8:15:54 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoswitch

I was just curious. Do Doms get nervous when they are with a new (and less experienced) submissive partner?

I suppose some do.... I never been one to be nervous... but I was very excited when a nervous Kyra stepped into my dungeon that first time.... mmmm her nervousness fed my excitement!

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 11:04:10 AM

NCNutCase

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I'm much like the other's who have responded...

When I am meeting someone new that I want to make a good impression on, I (to varying degrees) can become self conscious about how I am being taken...

Even in areas where I am extremely confident in my skills/abilities, I become concerned that my confidence comes across as arrogance...

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 11:09:07 AM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chicagoswitch

I was just curious. Do Doms get nervous when they are with a new (and less experienced) submissive partner?

Maybe a little bit.
But excitement when things are new tends to counterbalance that.

I'm a "I have to see it to believe it" type, so while I may proceed with enthusiasm in some areas, I may tend to be overly cautious in others.

The nervousness is usually related to vague feelings of possibly being too much of a freak, and does she realize that, are we on the same page, yadda, yadda, etc.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 2:15:03 PM

ThundersCry

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*Lord have mercy on the man who doubts what he`s so sure....of*

Not my quote however...I liked it when I heard...it.

Anyways...

If its just going to be a casual meet and beat...not really...

If its a deeper kind of relationship...

Of course I do, not only in the beginning but as time goes on I have submitted to those *fears* in the past...not a good space to be in.

Having an understanding partner helps during those times...

So hard being...human at times...

Go Cards...

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 9:44:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

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I can get nervous about any number of things, newness and experience aside.

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 9:53:49 PM

lunadancer

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"looks around to see where all the masters are"...............so what happens if both Master and sub are nervous? is it wrong for the sub to try to help sir relax or is that the wrong thing to do?

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/18/2009 9:57:43 PM

SteelofUtah

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The first time I touch a new body I am nervous. Much like the little boy with the present. I am nervous about what is inside, What I am doing, Where this will go. I am Confident in my Actions but Nervous about the future.

Perhaps Nervous isn't the best word. I think I am in Suspense.

I am in an early state of suspence. Will this really be for her, will she like what I do, will she want me to do it again. Will I unlock something she's hid away, will she be prepared to deal with that, will she want my advice of such things?

I am in Suspense of what could be and know that I am Powerless of what will unfold that very first time.

Firsts are very unsure times and knowing that I am dealing with someone who is less experineced I try to keep those things in mind. I try to listen to what they are saying which isn't always listening to what they have said. There are times what someone is asking for is not what they have requested and there are timed I am in suspense over how they will take it.

I am Human and as such I do not pertend to have all the answers and althought I am confident in my abilities I do not pretend to be confident in thiers especially if they are less experienced and I take my choices to heart when dealing with someone new be it to the lifestyle or just to me.

Beginnings are interesting times and as such I often try to make them last as long as possible.

Steel

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/19/2009 12:24:24 AM

King0fHearts

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Hey, I get nervous sometimes with my sub... I don't always but occasionally I do just because I want to make sure I do the best I can. When I am not at my best I don't feel like I have done enough for either of us.

< Message edited by King0fHearts -- 1/19/2009 12:55:04 AM >

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RE: Do Doms get nervous? - 1/19/2009 5:33:11 AM

chamberqueen

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The reasons for being nervous are almost identical to those that would make any vanilla person nervous; trying something out for the first time, being put in charge of someone else when you are not used to it, wanting to make a good impression, concerns with your own physical looks, etc. Some of these are much easier for some people to handle than others. All of us start out as beginners, and it is only natural that there would be some nervousness involved. However, it has been rare that I have seen a case that the nervousness is because the sub is inexperienced. That's typically a bonus because then they won't be expecting as much from the Dom.

lunadancer - If a sub knows that their Dom is nervous she can certainly help to ally his fears. Being patient is a huge plus in this. Well placed compliments are also helpful. Don't bring up the fact that you can see that they are nervous, but be ready with plenty of smiles and words of encouragement.

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