Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

The One that got away, thank heavens


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> The One that got away, thank heavens Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 5:08:37 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		(We often talk here about the warnings signs for flaky submissives, what one looks for, what one experiences, Other than females asking for tributes and emails from Ghana-- I thought it might be good to get some perspectives on the following):
 
                       <we are not here to mention names, only incidents>
 
What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?
 
In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills?
 
Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it?
 
Did you have what you call a "close call"?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 5:52:53 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

(We often talk here about the warnings signs for flaky submissives, what one looks for, what one experiences, Other than females asking for tributes and emails from Ghana-- I thought it might be good to get some perspectives on the following):
 
                       <we are not here to mention names, only incidents>
 
What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?
 
In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills?
 
Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it?
 
Did you have what you call a "close call"?


I met a guy a couple of times for a meal. The first time there was clearly a warning bell and I spoke to him about it but was talked round and reassured. On the third meeting I allowed him into my home. Stupid perhaps but by then I really believed I wanted to go there.
It ended up with me running from my own house with my cat in my arms (because he had threatened to kill my cat), driving round to a friends who immediately drove the guy away.
I got out before I was seriously hurt. I did fear for my life and I remained incredibly calm in this particular situation. I believe it gave me all the right warning bells for an unconsensual sadist and it taught me a good lesson in always listen to your gut instinct

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 8:44:01 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I passed on the guy who was a martial artist, admitted he had anger issues and was obsessed with my neck and strangling me...

_____________________________



(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 8:51:33 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		"I just can't wait to introduce you to my pet 'Sid'...he's actually a 50 gallon drum of acid...but body, I mean 'boy' do we have such good times together!  Hey?  Hey, where are you going?  Come back!  Come back!  Sid will like you, I promise!" 

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 9:21:06 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		Long delays before meeting are a definite warning sign to me. I do understand that a Dominant will want to determine that a sub is genuine, interesting, responsible and not a jerk and that it may take a certain number of e-mails and/or conversations to determine this. However, the only way you (and he or she) is going to determine if there is an attraction and personal chemistry is meeting. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. If she's not willing to expose who she is and find out you are, fairly soon , that is a big warning flag to me.

Note: I do not meet meeting to play

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 9:35:00 AM   
Carnae7


Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

It ended up with me running from my own house with my cat in my arms (because he had threatened to kill my cat), driving round to a friends who immediately drove the guy away.
Holy Crap!!!  That sounds very intense!!   I'm sure you glad you got away with your skin and your cat intact!   ~smiles~

For me, some early warning signs are when Doms talk to me in a patronizing, very phoney, unrealistic way.  I often think, "Wow!! I am submissive, NOT stupid!"  In fact, I am an intelligent woman with a mind of my own, and I function well in the outside, vanilla world.  I CHOOSE this lifestyle, and I CHOOSE to submit, because it fits for me, and meets needs and desires deep within me. 
Another warning sign is when a Dom starts giving me orders right away, without knowing the slightest bit about me, and then really expects me to follow those orders!  Puh-leeze!!  Get the hell over yourself, you pompous Ass!  Before any Dom gets the gift of my submission, He must first of all be respectful to me and others. Even then, my level of submission is in direct relation to the level of contact we have established.  If W/we are in an appropriate venue, and the custom is for me to show Him respect in a public forum, then I follow the rules and comply.  But only to a certain level.
 
One last warning sign I’d like to mention, is if they are EXTREMELY private, will not tell me ANYTHING about themselves, (almost to the point of paranoia) yet demand total openness and honesty from me.  Say what??  I understand the need for discretion and wanting to be sure about someone before opening ourselves up, and taking a risk with some of the information we share.  But it really is a two-way street guys!  I also have a life, want a certain degree of discretion, and also have a lot to lose if it were widely/easily known that I am in this lifestyle and on this type of site.
 
For anything more than limited, general submission, first, and most importantly, He needs to be MY Dom.  Then, when I do submit, it is with all my heart and capabilities, quickly, willingly, with total abandon and trust, and with nothing held back.
 
How far is Heaven?  Only as far away as my Master.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 9:47:23 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?

Well let's see. My warning system always goes into overdrive when a Dominant posts on the boards asking what the warning signs are that make them flaky.


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 9:58:25 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?

I do not regard the orientation of a person, just people.  People that ask - what I deem to be - silly questions and asking for subjective warning signs is one of those questions.

quote:

In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills?
 
I don't have anyone dictate where I go to, let alone run. I either never arrived at that stage to have to do that, am extremely fortunate or I just have good judgement.  I tend to believe it's my judgement.  YMMV.

quote:

 Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it?


No.
 
quote:

Did you have what you call a "close call"?

 
And no.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/19/2009 9:59:46 AM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 10:36:01 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I passed on the guy who was a martial artist, admitted he had anger issues and was obsessed with my neck and strangling me...


ok --I'm sorry that made me spew water.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 10:38:09 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

My warning system always goes into overdrive when a Dominant posts on the boards asking what the warning signs are that make them flaky.


LOL


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 2:02:22 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I passed on the guy who thought I should turn over all my money and assets to him.  

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 2:38:58 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		My most negative experiences were not with dominants at all, rather with non-D/s folks. 

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 6:19:20 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The fella who wanted me to wear 5" heels and "dress-up" clothes      -    and give his slave a blow job in a public place!

Talk about fantasy!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 7:58:03 PM   
briarrosethorne


Posts: 50
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		A lot of my warning signs revolve around being treated like I'm stupid. I do not care to be humiliated or
chastised for being female and submissive. I have yet to (thankfully) have a close call, although I have met
a few people who were very much stuck in a fantasy world. I recall a meeting with a guy at a party who
was just not only living in a fantasy world but not very intelligent on top of it and I just about ran screaming :)
hehe.... but thats about the worst I have come across in my travels.

~Briar~


_____________________________

Is on her own once again

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 8:44:41 PM   
subgirl2009


Posts: 13
Joined: 1/12/2009
Status: offline 		Big red flag warning signs:

- He didn't want me to email or talk to anyone else on CM or other chat sites after 2 days of talking with him
- He wanted to meet for full physical interaction in less than 2 weeks from our first online chat
- He was married and OK with the fact that he'd never told him wife he's been living this lifestyle for YEARS
- He talked intensely about taking by force in the first 2 days
- He couldn't handle even verbal questioning or confrontation on my limits.

Head for the hills time!!

(in reply to briarrosethorne)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 10:49:28 PM   
ALAstella


Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?
 



You know to be honest I can't remember. Prior to Ala I had served around 9 dommes since the age of 17, some fo them still have friendly contact with me, and when I think back and especially now, all I can remember is all the things they taught me, showed me, and the many things they did for me. All I can remember is that we laughed together, cried together, share so many intimate feelings and problems, and stuck by each other through thick and thin.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills?
 



Even when I jump in both feet into a relationship it's a calculated risk and I operate on the principle that I never ever get myself into a situation which I cannot get myself out of independently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it?



I approach all my friendships and relationships the same way, by being open, honest and pretty much emotionally transparent. You don't find yourself in friendships and relationships without giving people chances. Yes I did get the 'warning bells' go off sometimes, and sometimes I sat it out just to see what would happen next, and quite often I'm glad to say I was proved wrong. Usually when my intuition was right I was still online with someone, but you know, no harm no foul.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
 
Did you have what you call a "close call"?




Yes I did, during my 'asshole phase' in Warsaw in 2003 and 2004 when I screwed up on a few good relationships and even let one or two dommes down. Not quite 'close call' I guess but more 'almost succeeded but screwed up' would be more accurate here.

For the 500 or more attempts online which never came to anything there might have been more than a few close calls, but then again, what you don't know about cannot harm you.

_____________________________

The Resident Artistes (by GT)

New Year's Day 2009.
When you don't understand the reason why, that's love.

http://www.simply-q.org
http://www.q-fringe.org

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/19/2009 11:31:15 PM   
Aszhrae


Posts: 1030
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for your post Carnae7, its exactly how I have been feeling about dommes I have spoken to as well. Generally how I feel towards most dommes and their profiles.

Another warning sign is common courtesy. Not met yet but if they are not even going to display rudimentary  courtesies then its time to say 'bye-bye'.


_____________________________

To my own self, I be true.

Goddess bless and keep you and yours safe

Ricah-Azzh

(in reply to Carnae7)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 12:43:31 AM   
Sexycelticlady


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		My first meeting with a so called Dom went badly and I am glad it didn't end up being a lot worse. I was lucky enough to encounter some really nice people involved in the lifestyle afterwards and quickly realised what warning bells I should have seen but didn't know any better. Warning bells such as not answering my questions about exactly what we would be doing ("it would spoil the surprise, after all he was supposed to be the one in contro"), not discussing limits, even though I had tried to raise the subject, using "mercy" as a safeword, one that he didn't respect the 7 times I had to use it I might add. I was silly and naive, had a bad, painful and frightening experience, which ended with me begging him to let me leave after a 5 hour scene that involved way too much for a newbie. The guy actually followed me to another website as well, by that time I had friends on the site and they alerted the local community to his activities.

(in reply to Aszhrae)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 4:36:35 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.


_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 5:12:09 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		The worst experience I ever had, was with a guy who gave off absolutely no red flags.  On the surface, he was damn near perfect.  I met him at a munch, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone, went out several times and got to know each other.  There were no red flags to warn me of the nightmare experience I was to face once tied up and helpless in his home. 

The really dangerus ones, aren't the bviously flakey, red flag waving spooks. 

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> The One that got away, thank heavens Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.092