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RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 6:01:17 AM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		possessive without possessing.

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great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

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RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 6:52:49 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The really dangerus ones, aren't the bviously flakey, red flag waving spooks. 

Bingo

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 7:49:05 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I've had a large number of red flags waved at me, but have been cautious and picky enough to have avoided a close call.

I had a guy who told me he went to the gym 3 days a week and had brown hair. He was 300lbs and bald. After our first meeting, he called me up and asked, "So, are we going to have sex or what?" When I told him that we were not going to have sex he said, "Well, if you don't come over with every sex toy own right now....I'll never call you again."  "Okay" {click}

I've been told that he was tall, dark and handsome. He was 5'6".

I've been told that he was 40, he was almost 60 and had had a face lift that he thought made him look 40.

I had one tell me that he was divorced while he told my best friend that he was married and the relationship was open. He didn't realize that he was talking to both of us at the same time.

My view is that if you're willing to start off the relationship with a lie....it probably will just continue.

Southern California used to have a chat room on AOL where most of us knew each other in real life. So chances were you could see the very same people in the chat room at the next social. I never flirted or played in the room. I was in a relationship and was very up front about it. I had two from that chat room that wouldn't take "no" for an answer and made asses of themselves at the social. One literally had to have his hand removed from my arm.

That was my closest call and it was easily rectified by having a large group of friends in the community.


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(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 9:18:08 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have met many from this site. I have only one which I backed off of . She was great on line. When I met her I saw that she was a major nut case.  

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 10:53:58 AM   
bamagirl4u


Posts: 151
Joined: 12/25/2008
Status: offline 		About 2 years ago I met who I thought was a perfect man/Dom.  He showered me with affection and even though he lived a long way from me, he would visit and make me feel like the most special woman in the world.  I fell deeply in love with him and we talked about getting married.  He would relocate here and we would be blissfully happy.  One day, he disappeared, no text, no email, no letter or phonecall.  For months I searched for him, literally.  I contacted family via mail, made hundreds of long distance phone calls to places he said he had been to.  Nothing.  About the time I was finally getting on with my life, he reappeared.  He had told me was in jail, I won't go into the details, but it was not a major crime.  Anyway, in my ignorance I forgave him.  We tried to pick up where we left off, but I found I was questioning everything he did.  I never quite believed him 100%.  If I have no trust, I have no respect.  I guess he got the vibes that everything wasn't kosher anymore, he disappeared again.  I haven't heard from him since.  I was ready to change my entire life to be with him no matter what.  Now, looking back, he did me a favor.  I am a little wiser, maybe a little more jaded, but all in all...a whole lot happier.  He burdened my soul much more than I realized.  There are good men/Doms out there, but sometimes it takes awhile to find the one that is meant for you.  And I do thank heavens now, he got away.  Thanks for letting me share. 

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(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 11:00:32 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.



I really wish they'd stop manufacturing Insta-Stalker. It's worse than Vista!

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 11:05:12 AM   
jen182


Posts: 495
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

Long delays before meeting are a definite warning sign to me. I do understand that a Dominant will want to determine that a sub is genuine, interesting, responsible and not a jerk and that it may take a certain number of e-mails and/or conversations to determine this. However, the only way you (and he or she) is going to determine if there is an attraction and personal chemistry is meeting. Might as well find out sooner rather than later. If she's not willing to expose who she is and find out you are, fairly soon , that is a big warning flag to me.

Note: I do not meet meeting to play


i agree with this, long delays before meeting is a red flag, however i also feel wanting to meet right away (like a few hours or within the first day of chatting online) is a warning sign as well

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 11:17:29 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Id say the bigger red flag is someone wanting you to commit to them, and cut off contacts with everyone else, before meeting face to face. That always worries me. Why would they care who else you were talking to if you were meeting them for the first time? You arent taking the others with you and meeting in a group.

Another flag I see, which indicates a flake to me most of the time, are the ones who thump their chests and insist on telling you about how much experience they have and how many slaves they have owned and all that.  The more you feel it necessary to convince someone before you meet that you are experienced, the less likely it is that had they met you they'd have thought you were.

Unfortunately, though, the dangerous ones usually are the ones who do not show the flags.  My close cal was with a sub male, not a dom. He was sweet and wonderful, a perfect gentleman when we went out. He was very attentive and cuddly when we were at home. After a few weeks of being together, we started to get intimate, and he decided it was a good time to *try* and pin me to the bed and see if I could wrestle him off or if he was going to be able to take me by force. He said (moments before he hit the floor) that taking a dominant woman by force was far more exciting to him when they didnt see it coming. He also found out that it can be quite exciting running from an apartment in broad daylight, wearing nothing but your boxers and screaming for help because the woman you tried to assault pulled a sword on you.

I dont assume everyone will be an idiot, but I also dont assume they wont be. I can protect myself quite well, as he found out, but there were no flags at all on this one.  Granted I got a lot more cautious about where I kept my sword after that.

DV


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10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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(in reply to jen182)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 12:40:00 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Before i met my Master i met a Dom he seemed very nice even wrote me a nice poem.  I thought it was all very nice and sweet.  I found out he was not nice and sweet when we met.  I never lpay on a first meet but he did show me his toy bag.  he had floggers a single tail canes and the such.  Now i am not into pain and my profile said that.  If i had not been so catusious it could have been a bad scene.   I told him this is not for me and it wil not work.  He almost had me fooled.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/20/2009 4:51:08 PM   
Catgirl711


Posts: 41
Joined: 11/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampiresLair

He also found out that it can be quite exciting running from an apartment in broad daylight, wearing nothing but your boxers and screaming for help because the woman you tried to assault pulled a sword on you.



LOL... 

I thought I was the only one!!

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 11:43:08 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.



I really wish they'd stop manufacturing Insta-Stalker. It's worse than Vista!



I know! Stoopid MicroSoft. Except for Excel because it's pretty good for BDSM:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1537614/mpage_1/tm.htm

~bumpertee

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to WestBaySlave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 12:21:54 PM   
GoodFeathers


Posts: 202
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.



Currently trying to shake off one of those.  He's not weird or asking me to do absurd things, just being pushy as all get out.  Honestly, isn't no response a response?  He calls me like three or four times a day...and I really don't want to have to change my number!


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(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 12:24:09 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry about that, it sucks. In my experience no response is the best thing to do. It seemed if I engaged with him at all--no matter what I said or did, including involving the police--he was encouraged to keep it up. Make sure you're safe.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 12:26:09 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.



Those are annoying. Especially when they keep popping up under new names with different attempts at getting the same information.

aka........the latest incarnation of daviddumbfucker


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 2:53:21 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I tend to be the person who hestiates so long in meeting up that I'm dismissed as a flake so... no real problems with dominants/submissives. Been cussed out by a vanilla ex-boyfriend but *shrugs*

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/21/2009 3:10:37 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

The "Insta-stalker"...just add a drop of interest, such as a non-rude response to an initial, seemingly innocuous email. The Insta-stalker will develop immediate ownership tendencies and exhibit uberdomliness through increasingly hostile and absurd orders (i.e., get on a web cam naked and have a whisk and zucchini "handy"), culminating in wow-filled psychotic threats and expressions of adoration.

*Results may vary. Legal intervention may be required. The Insta-stalker is not recommended for those possessing self esteem or an interest in self preservation.



Those are annoying. Especially when they keep popping up under new names with different attempts at getting the same information.

aka........the latest incarnation of daviddumbfucker




Ohhh I had one of those on here!!!

totally seemed normal till it came time to meet in person, so i finally agreed to turn on my webcam so we to see each other before trying to find each other in a restaurant. Ya right, his was pointed at his very naked crotch. *sighs* so I cancelled lunch for the next day. He threatened me that if I didn't meet him somewhere alone and secluded he'd come to my office and embarras me. (no he didn't know exactly who i worked for but he knew the type of business and general area (small city)
I laffed and invited him down. I work with all rig men and had 20 in the shop that week and they are all a tad protective of me

After that he'd email me here on CM or my hotmail and every time i blocked him about a week later he'd email again under a different name. Thankfully his profile read exactly the same so I could start checking profiles and not actually open the message. Once I finally quit even opening anything from him they stopped. took over a year tho.

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/22/2009 9:40:00 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

What were some of the warning signs that indicated a flaky Dominant?
Pretty much the same signs of a bad mate.  Unreliable, liar, secretive.. ect.
 
In the early stages what are some behaviors that send you to the hills?
How they speak of their parents, siblings, ex's ect.  If everything is wrong about their so called loves and loved ones past or present there is only one common denominator, them

Did you start down a road and then the warning bell went off? How did you handle it?
I never allow myself to get attached, close or let men think I am theirs, until I am theirs.  So there has never been an issue with calling it quits.
 
Did you have what you call a "close call"?
LOL yes.. but it was deliberate.  I used to (and sometimes still am, only I try to control that) be reckless.  When I was feeling very maso I would seek out dangerous situations and dangerous men. 
Once I ended up shackled to a hotel bed for 2 weeks by a guy that was not ... civilized.  Sexually it was great.  He was sadistic, but controlled and knew how to flip my fear into sensuality.  We even started to talk like people, couple stuff.. the sex was so great it was like we could have a regular relationship.  Then I found out he was an ex con, still had drug contacts, and was only going to teach someone how to make.. Umm.. yeah.. I was sooo out of there!   I can be reckless, but I am absolutely a law and order girl.  I told him I didn't think this would work out less than a month into regular dating.
Kyst

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The One that got away, thank heavens - 1/22/2009 4:38:42 PM   
HisSub1213


Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I had one ask me in his second email to get together the money for a plane ticket to fly him cross country to be with me.  My response was... "In a word...NO".


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HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 38
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