At what point does the D/s relationship begin?

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At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 4:26:06 PM

DominaSmartass

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From: This month? Maryland
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I'm curious to hear different ideas from both the D and s side.

At what point do you call someone your dom? At what point do you call someone your sub? Is it a formal thing, like upon signing a contract or accepting a collar? Or does it evolve slowly and organically until one day you just realize it's there?

Additionally, when starting a new relationship, do you lay out the groundrules from the start and expect the D/s to flow from day one or do you take things slow and gradual?

Curious for no other reason than I am interested in hearing what others do. I tend to build things over time but have been thinking lately about how nice it would be to just give my list of rules, protocols, and guidelines to someone, have them agree to abide by them, and begin without all the slow and easy buildup.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 4:47:10 PM

femmetasia

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For me D/s started in the bedroom and was merely a game. Then one day I was astounded by the realisation that I felt a strong desire to kneel by his feet (literally) in a non-sexual, non-play way. It was then I realised the fantasy had bled into reality and this is where the D/s relationship started in my heart.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 5:07:15 PM

rednicky

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I thought it was when the two people became exclusive. That is, have the understanding that each person is loyal to the other. At least that's what I thought.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 5:35:43 PM

feydeplume

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when the new smell is off the cuffs?

< Message edited by feydeplume -- 1/19/2009 5:36:43 PM >

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 5:41:43 PM

YourhandMyAss

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From: Sacramento
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Nope for me while we may be exclusive, we won't necessarily be beginning our Dynamic. Our dynamic begins after we have known each other several months and knows much more than the basics, and have spent a significant amount of time in each others presence and home.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

I thought it was when the two people became exclusive. That is, have the understanding that each person is loyal to the other. At least that's what I thought.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 5:53:13 PM

whiteslavebitch

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For MasterK and I, it happened gradually. We lived on opposite coasts, and I didn't want a LDR, but we kept in contact with each other. Pretty soon he had me convinced to give it a try.

We talked, we got to know each other, he gave me assignments, and pretty soon it was obvious that he was my dominant. It took me much longer to make the jump from submissive to slave.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 5:56:28 PM

NCNutCase

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Play is play and nothing should be assumed... SM play monogomy is established via communication with someone I am playing with...

Dating is dating and nothing more should be assumed... Sexual monogomy is established via communication with someone I am dating...

In my eyes, open honest communication is the key to ensure feelings do not get hurt or expectations are not met... Every relationship evolves in it's own way and we need to learn to read the relationship and discuss such points in an appropriate time frame... Never hesitate to communicate...

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 6:03:16 PM

littlewonder

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for us the D/s started the second our eyes met. We both just felt that draw to each other.

As for when we both started calling each other our Dom/sub..it happened naturally through time. I was always submissive to him the very moment we met but I wasn't his sub till further down the road. I can't tell you exactly when that happened. Just one day I was his slave and he was my Master. It wasn't planned that way. It just felt right for us both.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 6:34:44 PM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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When I first started chatting with my Master he started calling himself my Daddy. I hadn't yet decided if I wanted to be more than friends but saw that as quite a compliment and it got me thinking. When we met in person it still took me about a month before I felt sure about the relationship. Before that it was more of an "experiment" in my mind.

Exclusivity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it, especially if the Dom is poly. When both of you feel that you are both being fulfilled by the relationship that's when it really starts - whether that is online or in person.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 6:42:57 PM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I started this relationship like I did the previous ones. I figured it would remain casual and fairly anonymous. First name basis only. Then he had to go and fuck it up by being so compatible with me on just about every single level. Plus he's really likeable and perfect. So the relationship gradually morphed from one of anonymity to one of obsession and ownership as we became comfortable with each other and realized what a good thing we had going with each other.
We don't have rules other than I do what he requests. We figure things out as we go along and we enjoy every single second.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 6:59:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass
At what point do you call someone your dom? At what point do you call someone your sub? Is it a formal thing, like upon signing a contract or accepting a collar? Or does it evolve slowly and organically until one day you just realize it's there?

I've never been into formal stuff so far, it's always been a "Oh, it's here"

quote:

Additionally, when starting a new relationship, do you lay out the groundrules from the start and expect the D/s to flow from day one or do you take things slow and gradual?

It really depends. I got involved with my partner clearly with me as the D and he as the s. One day that totally shifted, neither of us expected it.

So I'd say I get into relationships as a particular dynamic (even if that happens to be no dynamic at all) but am open to change over time.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 7:33:18 PM

kristileigh

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It happened on the second meeting. Wasn't planning since W/we lived 5 hours apart. After that second 2 day meeting i knew He was going to be my Master.
W/we talked about O/our goals and limits.
The rest is history........i am still His slave and He is my Master...........but next month Husband and wife also!

slave kristi

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 9:19:16 PM

cagliostro

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Joined: 12/29/2007
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1. Friends.
2. Dating.
3. Lengthy discussion.
4. Play.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 9:20:48 PM

DominaSmartass

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From: This month? Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cagliostro

1. Friends.
2. Dating.
3. Lengthy discussion.
4. Play.

Ok, but where does the D/s relationship begin? I can do any and all of those things without a D/s relationship.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/19/2009 9:53:16 PM

NCNutCase

Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
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It's really hard to say... as relationships are both dynamic and unique...

I've met girls one day and by the end of the weekend we've been monogomous dating/playing... and I've had friends for extended times where play came and went and after more than a year we've decided to try a "relationship"...

All I can offer is be open and honest and encourage/support/offer communication...

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/20/2009 1:28:40 AM

chezzy71

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Joined: 4/19/2008
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my relationship with Mistress took many turns.through a series of events not in our control,we basically were just friends first.we have been best friends for quite some time.this of course led to many many discussions.we still talk on almost a daily basis as we have a lomg distance relayionship at the moment with myself having the honor of wearing her training collar.next up is our first face to face meeting.all what we have done up to this point has taken its natural course.i must say the ride has been and will continue to be beautiful.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/20/2009 4:12:59 AM

angelslave77

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Joined: 5/14/2007
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For us it was always he was a Dom I was a sub we met here on CM BUT he wasnt MY Dom at first just a Dom. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other (we were long distance) and for a good while the talk was very vanilla getting to know you stuff. Even on his first visit , while the dynamic was there and we played I still would not say D/s was established.

I think in fairness it is something that is continually growing and evolving in our relationship. Although once we moved in together it certainly made it a whole lot deeper and more meaningful very quickly.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/20/2009 4:16:30 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
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From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelslave77

For us it was always he was a Dom I was a sub we met here on CM BUT he wasnt MY Dom at first just a Dom. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other (we were long distance) and for a good while the talk was very vanilla getting to know you stuff. Even on his first visit , while the dynamic was there and we played I still would not say D/s was established.

While we were not a long distance relationship, this pretty much sums it up for us as well.

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/20/2009 4:21:36 AM

nafakcha

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From: Melbourne, FL
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We started our relationship with Him as the D and me as the s. The initial dynamic and connection was quite good and establishing the D/s relationship/dynamic between us wasn't hard at all. (I've had it take a lot longer and much more gradually.) I would say we really became Dom and sub when we started having protocols and deciding that He had control over the poly aspects of our relationship. That was the first major piece of control given up and the rest followed quite easily. Everything past that has been a gradual progression and one day you realize you aren't sure when it happened but you belong to the other.

Keiko

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RE: At what point does the D/s relationship begin? - 1/20/2009 7:46:01 AM

CreativeDominant

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It's been interesting. I've had...and have had...contact with people that I was getting to know and there was just what there was; I was dominant and they were submissive but not "belonging to each other". That didn't stop their submissive nature from striking my dominant chord nor did it stop my dominant nature from striking their submissive chord. It just meant that we were responding to each other in a fashion that could enhance the construction of a D/s-centered relationship.

I talk with several submissive women...some of them are long-time friends and though we've played in the past, it never went into an ongoing relationship and will not in the future. They like me and respect me and recognize me as a dominant person in their lives but not as THEIR dominant. There are two who I HAVE had a long-term relationship with that I still speak with...one of them fairly often and one not so much. Some of them have been submissives I have been interested in getting to know further but I was not their property nor were they mine...a couple were maintaining other D/s relationships of a sort while getting to know me and I was maintaining D/s relationships of a sort while getting to know them. Exclusivity had not been discussed or if it had, it had not been agreed-upon and entered into.

The delicate balance for me...and for some of the submissives/dominants I have spoken with...is knowing when you can/should "expect" (God, please don't flame me for use of that word...I hope you all can understand the word I am looking for and cannot grasp at the moment) a submissive nature towards you and when to display your dominant nature to them.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 1/20/2009 7:50:13 AM >

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