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A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:19:09 PM

rednicky

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How do you use it if your mouth is full during play? Especially during (painful) play where resistance is anticipated.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:20:21 PM

CalifChick

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You hold something in your hand that will make noise when you drop it. A cat toy with a bell inside (a ball with a bell, so it will bounce and jingle), a set of car keys, something like that.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:25:19 PM

GreedyTop

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or maybe one of those clicker things people use to train animals with (theyre pretty cheap at petsmart)

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:26:34 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rednicky

How do you use it if your mouth is full during play? Especially during (painful) play where resistance is anticipated.

For myself...I don't believe in or use safewords....so, having my mouth full

would not be a hinderance.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:39:46 PM

DominaSmartass

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I've seen people use the hand-squeezing method. The top squeezes the bottom's hand and one squeeze in return means all is good, two squeezes in return means something is wrong. I guess that only helps if the dom constantly checks in though.

Otherwise, hand signals, or as others have mentioned dropping something (anything from a scarf, hanky, or ball.) If you're a viscous bottom you could throw the ball at the dom's head if they're not getting your point.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 5:45:21 PM

CatdeMedici

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My boy likes gags so safe--words are not an issue, but he will have something he can drop.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:05:00 PM

NCNutCase

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I personally do not like the use of safe words, stop means stop, ouch means ouch... I stop for stop but ignore ouches... yet naturally I step in for a soft carress of her cheek often to ensure everything is good... The more I play with someone the better I read their body language and the less I need conscious communication. In newer play relationships I ask her to wiggle her fingers if she needs me to check in with her...

I've tried holding/dropping an item, but while doing this more than once I've had the girl drop the item accidentally...

In public bondage shows I ask the girl to wiggle her fingers if she wants/needs my attention for anything, and I see it as one of my responsibilities to pay attention to her hands. Clubs are far to loud for verbal signals.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:05:41 PM

littlewonder

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When I first met Master he would have me hold something and if I dropped it then that was a sign I was too far gone or having problems.

At this point though I don't have any kind of safeword or signal and I think he knows my body language well enough now to know when I'm in distress.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:16:38 PM

rednicky

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Oh ok.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:29:27 PM

chamberqueen

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One of my tasks is to train a novice Dom. He had me in a hogtie position the other night and asked me how I could use a safe word if I were gagged. I explained that it is agreed upon in advance - it might be a certain verbal noise, the snapping of the fingers, or something else noticeable. If it is reviewed beforehand then the Dom should be watching for it even if they are brand new.

While some have chosen not to have safe words this is typically after a good amount of trust has been built. You have the right to them even if you never use them. You are not a weak person if you decide that you want to keep that safety in place and if you ever need to use it.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:30:53 PM

aravain

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knocking Morse code on the wall/floor/whatever surface you can reach, or even just a random motion that's completely weird and out of place (like slamming one leg up and down, or sideways)

Personally if I had to hold onto something I'd likely drop it on accident

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 6:38:18 PM

jcsymmes

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I agree with the knock method-just make sure a hand or something can reach something you can hear when you knock. Something that you can kick or stamps works the same. You can be suprised how easy it is to drop something especially with restraints around the wrist. A good safeword shouldn't be something you have to actively think not to do.

However the morse code sounds overly complex. Anything more then two or so taps sounds overly complex.

Scott

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 7:40:30 PM

kristileigh

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Holding something in my hand doesn't work because when i am overly excited i tend to clench and unclench my fists.
Snapping my fingers work......also if Master is very close during a session and i am gagged or mouth otherwise busy i may tap Him several times in quick sucsession.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/19/2009 7:46:39 PM

SunNMoon

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I personally go with the check-in method. I pause in play to ask if they are ok, especially if they look like they are in distress. It allows everyone to know the status, I can ask a question and get a head shake or some sound from them that everything is ok or not.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 6:05:45 AM

Petruchio

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I agree with checking in. Verdant (if she's still around) emphasized checking in and safe words in seminars. I learned the hard way how important checking in is– I hadn't realized my sub was in such a dark place she was incapable of articulating a safe word and the play at that point was so mild, I wasn't expecting one.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 7:12:44 AM

BeIgnited

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We use a ball gag and usually keep it just loose enough that I can pop it out of my mouth in the event that something goes wrong.

Also helpful if I get put in a position that makes breathing difficult.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 7:16:37 AM

NuevaVida

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My experiences have been with ball gags and penis gags and I've always found a way to communicate around them. Vocal chords still work, and lips can be curled around the gag (sometimes I could even pop them out) enough to shriek out a muffled distress sound. Then again, I wasn't often in distress, but when I was, I almost always found a way to communicate it (I didn't have a safe word). Only once I was unable to, and that was in a very unusual circumstance.

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 8:17:20 AM

pompeii

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A bit OT, but, I have no problem with gagged women 'cuz I've never needed one to utter a safe word. I guess that makes me a Top more than a Dom, but, in my bedroom, her orgasm is my first priority ... and there's never a need for a safe word from that!

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 8:20:21 AM

CalifChick

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The OP is new. I certainly would not encourage her to play without a safeword, particularly with someone new to her, if that's what she feels she needs.

Cali

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RE: A quick question about safewords - 1/20/2009 8:34:31 AM

pompeii

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
The OP is new. I certainly would not encourage her to play without a safeword, particularly with someone new to her, if that's what she feels she needs.

I understand. A safe word or safe process is customary. Especially for new relationships. I did say it was OT so I really shouldn't ramble but I find the safe word concept a bit unnecessary - even while gagged - even while doing anal - even while doing forceful anal. Shouldn't the Do'er constantly be gauging the reaction of the do'ee such that a safe word isn't eminantly necessary?

Of course, it's easy enough to have a safe-process, so, why not ... but, as I said, (it's a bit OT), personally, I've never needed safe-stuff and never really understood why others needed it. The difference, the important difference I guess, is I'm the one actually doing the tying, spanking, slapping, thrusting, etc.And, a key difference is I'm a soft bedroom Top (I learned that here ... on CM ... BTW)... so, even if she couldn't utter a sound or move a muscle, she'd still be perfectly safe with me.

To be sure, in the past, when I was young, I used to provide obligatory yellow/red safewords but nobody ever uttered them. So, I no longer even bother discussing safe words. When I'm with someone new and inexperienced, I just tell 'em to let me know, any way they can, if they don't like something. And, guess what. They let me know. Bound or gagged, upside down or rightside up, they let me know. It isn't all that hard - we do it every single day in every relationship we have. I used to wrestle, and, well, you could just predict the next move just by feeling the opponent's muscles twitch a certain way or that twist of his neck.

Like it was said before, her vocal cords still work, even while gagged. Likewise with her muscles. And her groans. And yelps. In my case, mostly her body will tell me, e.g., a nipple clamp a bit too tight and she'll cringe and push one shoulder to the side, or anal a bit too deep and she'll crawl away further, or gagging cock sucking a bit too fast and she'll pull out quickly, or cuffs a bit too tight and she'll moan and motion with her bound arms, etc. I'm constantly adjusting my technique, changing the pace, watching her reaction, tweaking the position, gauging her reaction, smacking here or there on a delicate spot, enjoying her reaction, etc.

Of course, I do agree with you ... for the OP, a safe-word procedure is most likely de rigeur. I was just stating a slightly OT opinion that, some of us prefer our partners, gagged or not, to just let us know how they feel, constantly, with their body, so we don't find a safeword/safething a useful tool at all. Lubrication during gagged anal sex is more useful than a safeword/safeprocess for people like me.

As always, her YMMV.

< Message edited by pompeii -- 1/20/2009 8:41:08 AM >

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