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Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:12:08 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		My Dom and i were talking earlier today about being forced to do things, mainly kissing, and whether or not a sub should have a choice to be forced to do something that they don't want to, or taking a punishment instead. Example: Say if a submissive does not like to kiss, do you think the Dom should force her to kiss, or give her a a punishment. Not a harsh punishment, but something to remind her that she needs to listen to her Dom?
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:14:00 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		How is not obeying your dom made right by getting a punishment?  Especially if the punishment is mild.

(in reply to panthersub)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:23:25 PM   
feydeplume


Posts: 935
Joined: 12/24/2008
Status: offline 		how about a 5 thousand word essay, hand written, about the sub will and will not put in, on, or around the mouth and why?

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:24:07 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		If it's within your agreed upon limits then you need to do as you are instructed or deal with the outcome of that. I also don't think that a 'light' punishment is a punishment it just sounds a little too cute and it's more like you are playing at this and not taking it serious.

Mike

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:35:47 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well, there are some D-types who, once they find out you don't like something, will make you do it till the cows come home.

Moo.

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 6:52:07 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Every relationship is different.

In our relationship I do as I'm told..period. If I don't do it usually there's a consequence to pay for not doing it PLUS it's forced...one way or another it will get done whether I like it or not.

My choice with him is either I obey or I leave.

In the end though this is something that is worked out in a relationship before you both get started so that everything is clear and concise and you know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:10:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well if we're talking force play and funishment dynamics, then hey, just do what makes you feel good.

If you're talking about actual force, I think the dom should be thinking more "Why doesn't she want to obey?" before leaping to the candy jar full of punishments.

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:28:56 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

My Dom and i were talking earlier today about being forced to do things, mainly kissing, and whether or not a sub should have a choice to be forced to do something that they don't want to, or taking a punishment instead. Example: Say if a submissive does not like to kiss, do you think the Dom should force her to kiss, or give her a a punishment. Not a harsh punishment, but something to remind her that she needs to listen to her Dom?


This doesn't sound like Dominant/submissive situation to me, sounds more like a game of truth or dare....lol

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:31:07 PM   
femmetasia


Posts: 40
Joined: 11/18/2008
Status: offline 		"funishment" what a brilliant word!  Sorry to pipe in here, nothing constructive to add.

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:40:12 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Wouldn't it make more sense to explore why you have an aversion to kissing?

Otherwise it is likely to become an unconstructive power struggle which very likely will not lead to an outcome that anybody will be happy with.

(in reply to femmetasia)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:49:04 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, then what if the punishment was a very harsh spanking. Would this make any difference as to whether or not the sub should have a choice in either accepting the punishment or being forced to do what the sub does not want to do?

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:51:34 PM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline 		What do you think would be a good punishment for a sub who does not want to be forced to do something? Or is it more of a my way or the highway mindset? i'm not trying to rag on you, just looking for your opinion in something like this if it came up.
thank you

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 7:53:15 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I would say that it's Dom's choice not yours and what he see fit. Your job is to accept it or move on.

(in reply to panthersub)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 8:19:39 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

My Dom and i were talking earlier today about being forced to do things, mainly kissing, and whether or not a sub should have a choice to be forced to do something that they don't want to, or taking a punishment instead. Example: Say if a submissive does not like to kiss, do you think the Dom should force her to kiss, or give her a a punishment. Not a harsh punishment, but something to remind her that she needs to listen to her Dom?


Bartering was not allowed in my relationship.  I did what he wanted, with pleasure, or I endured it.  If he wanted and enjoyed something I didn't particularly like, I would find pleasure in giving him what he wanted.  I didn't exchange disobedience for punishments - if I disobeyed I felt like hell for letting him down and received any consequence he chose without issue.  What you describe may work for some, but it is not within the scope of my own mindset.


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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 9:34:11 PM   
fukofbch


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/16/2008
Status: offline 		I would venture to ask if the sub in question is a sass, causing an event in order to achieve a goal that of being punished or humiliated in some manner to insure he is aware.

First off one who is truly what one is, which is awareness, then how can she/he decide to give up without knowing or feeling that this is the right thing to do.  If it does not work out you move on, learn and evolve.

Sometimes a good fuck is not a physical one but one which will inspire, enlighten and engage your mind to thinking.

Later!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/19/2009 10:29:03 PM   
ALAstella


Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline 		Force and punishment isn't part of our dynamic, but integrity, honour and dignity. Ala is Polish and therefore our dynamic is as is in Eastern Europe. What Ala wants, needs and deisres is what Ala gets, irrespective of how I'm feeling, what my opinion is, whether something arouses fear, anger, disgust or anxiety, no matter if it causes me pain and suffering. I carry a veto and when I'm acting on behalf of Ala my words and actions carry the same authority as her words and actions if she were independent of me. At all times I am an instrument of her will, and my veto is never used to oppose her unreasonably or create conflict within the dynamic. By the same token Ala is always in tune with me and my submission. My submission forms the basis of our relationship and way of life, it is not a game, or even a kinky addition to a vanilla relationship.

stella

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(in reply to panthersub)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 7:09:04 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Ok, (A) My sub has NO choice in whether to accept punishment for something--he has one choice:
 
To be with Me, after he chooses that, he has no choices.
 
I say like Merc said in another post--maybe it isn't the act, maybe the players are wrong.

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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 7:30:41 AM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		i am so glad my dom is sooooooooo well train to understand that some days are not his days. he knows to force me to do some will cause it to not be done  

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 7:37:48 AM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		As a rule of thumb, I think an s-type should follow their D-type's instructions.  If they choose not to, consequences seem reasonable. 
  Davan

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(in reply to Carmeldelight)
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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 7:44:12 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ALAstella

Force and punishment isn't part of our dynamic, but integrity, honour and dignity. Ala is Polish and therefore our dynamic is as is in Eastern Europe. What Ala wants, needs and deisres is what Ala gets, irrespective of how I'm feeling, what my opinion is, whether something arouses fear, anger, disgust or anxiety, no matter if it causes me pain and suffering. I carry a veto and when I'm acting on behalf of Ala my words and actions carry the same authority as her words and actions if she were independent of me. At all times I am an instrument of her will, and my veto is never used to oppose her unreasonably or create conflict within the dynamic. By the same token Ala is always in tune with me and my submission. My submission forms the basis of our relationship and way of life, it is not a game, or even a kinky addition to a vanilla relationship.

stella


I adore this explanation.

As someone else said......there is no maybe. If I say it, it had better be done. However, it is also my responsibility to know whether or not she really can do it. Why set someone up to fail regardless of what the issue is?


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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