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RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 7:49:50 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		i love spankings so i'm spanked only if i'm a good girl. to be punished means i have failed my Master. and this knowledge is worse than any physical punishment. luckily this has not happen often.


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weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 8:17:52 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		There's no *should* about any of it.

If there's no REAL or worthwhile  reason for me not to do something apart from * I don't like it* then it's a non issue. It'd simply be me resisting, something for which he has ample methods to alter.

He can change the *don't like* to a *do like*...or change it to a *do like compared to the alternative*.

Now, he isn't particularly interested in making me do things that I really don't like much of the time unless he's making a point but *don't like* just isn't a good enough reason to opt out.

agirl





< Message edited by agirl -- 1/20/2009 8:18:27 AM >

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 8:33:50 AM   
Crackers


Posts: 2
Joined: 1/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

My Dom and i were talking earlier today about being forced to do things, mainly kissing, and whether or not a sub should have a choice to be forced to do something that they don't want to, or taking a punishment instead. Example: Say if a submissive does not like to kiss, do you think the Dom should force her to kiss, or give her a a punishment. Not a harsh punishment, but something to remind her that she needs to listen to her Dom?


Well I think it's a bit skewed and disrespectful to even entertain the thought of taking anything other than a harsh punishment for disobedience. Especially if you have a Dom that would give you the privilege of their lips.....O_o

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 9:05:40 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

i am so glad my dom is sooooooooo well train to understand that some days are not his days. he knows to force me to do some will cause it to not be done  


then who is in control of your relationship?

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 9:08:51 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

i am so glad my dom is sooooooooo well train to understand that some days are not his days. he knows to force me to do some will cause it to not be done  

i personally would not be bragging if that were the case with Hubby and i


< Message edited by sirsholly -- 1/20/2009 9:13:24 AM >

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(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 9:18:06 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Master isn't into forcing...He prefers obedience.
this slave is totally into doing things she dosn't particularly fancy all on her own...wholly for HIS pleasure.
 
therefore, it isn't an issue for us.
 
as for the hypothetical "should" or "shouldn't" be, it is this slave's opinion that it is completely up to the folks involved who have crafted the relationship to decide that for themselves.

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 9:19:37 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

i am so glad my dom is sooooooooo well train to understand that some days are not his days. he knows to force me to do some will cause it to not be done  
i saw the post pop up in the as the d ring turns and just had to check it out. if i ever were to use the words trained to describe Him..... omfg!!!!!
of course He would probably have me comitted since it could only mean i've gone crazy and there's no coming back.


_____________________________

weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 10:00:09 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		My Master does not belieing in forcng me to do anything.  I do things i don't like because i was told to do them.  I love him ,but i don't always love everything he tells me to do.  It make us both happy when i am obedient.  If i act up or out i will get punished.

As for the kissing i would think the Dom would ask why she has an averision to it and wok past it.  I have an bad experience with something that Master likes( not kissing) Master talked with me about went slow and we worked past it.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to favesclava)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 10:34:41 AM   
panthersub


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

My Master does not belieing in forcng me to do anything.  I do things i don't like because i was told to do them.  I love him ,but i don't always love everything he tells me to do.  It make us both happy when i am obedient.  If i act up or out i will get punished.

As for the kissing i would think the Dom would ask why she has an averision to it and wok past it.  I have an bad experience with something that Master likes( not kissing) Master talked with me about went slow and we worked past it.


Matt's littleone

We both know why i have an aversion to it, but he thinks that if he forces me to kiss him, then it will be better down the road. i say the opposite is true. But anyways, i would rather, personally, take a punishment than be forced to do something that he knows i will freak out over. i know it probably sounds really inpractical.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 10:45:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Not impractical so much as counter-productive.

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(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 10:47:03 AM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		My dom knows that, I do not have a “Hoe Mentality.”  He knows what I will accept and what I will not accept. My Don is the one in charged of the relationship (which I allow him to feel), if you ask for a request and I feel it is not me, the request is not done.

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 11:51:43 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		You allow him to feel in charge?!?!

I suppose some may have the "chicken/egg" argument but I am still reading it like you think you are the one really in charge and just pandering to him to get your way. Doing what he wants, as long as you want to do it.

Granted, I suppose that is the case with many......


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 12:08:55 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Carmeldelight

My dom knows that, I do not have a “Hoe Mentality.”  He knows what I will accept and what I will not accept. My Don is the one in charged of the relationship (which I allow him to feel), if you ask for a request and I feel it is not me, the request is not done.


This is the very definition of you being in charge, why even call him a Dom or yourself a submissive, your attitude and the description that you give of your relationship clearly shows that it is not D/s with him in charge, but rather D/s with you as the dominant one.

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Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

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(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 12:35:33 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...I suppose some may have the "chicken/egg" argument but I am still reading it like you think you are the one really in charge and just pandering to him to get your way. Doing what he wants, as long as you want to do it...

 
LaTigresse,
 
maybe it isn't quite chicken/egg, but merely a matter of perception.
 
unless we are talking about folks who are participating in non-consensual D/s relationships, BOTH parties have agreed to allow the other to live out their desire on the side of the slash they prefer...or is this slave missing something?
 
otherwise, choice is left out of the equation...and we ALL choose who we submit to or dominate, regardless of if it is a one time deal, with no limits on future circumstances, or on an ongoing daily basis depending on mood, circumstances, negotiated limits or feelings...don't we?
 
agreed, Carmeldelight posts in a rather shocking manner, but the bottom line of what she expresses isn't all that rare...at least from this slave's perspective.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 12:36:30 PM   
Carmeldelight


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		He is the dom and I am the subbie, I just don't have the HOE mentality. It is not what every my don say, because we know that dom and mistress can be assholes. 

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 12:44:20 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...I just don't have the HOE mentality...


just curious, but could you please explain "the HOE mentality" that you speak of with such disdain?

(in reply to Carmeldelight)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 12:59:57 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Beth, thank you. I think you've hit on what I was struggling with. Not so much the context, but perception of tone.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 1:18:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Beth, thank you. I think you've hit on what I was struggling with. Not so much the context, but perception of tone.


you are most welcome!
 
Master has joked (more than once) in the middle of a change of collars...
Merc:  There you go, you are released...
slave:  NO!!!!  this slave refuses to be released!!!
Merc (eyebrow raised):  NO?
 
seriously, though, this slave is grateful for any opportunity to facilitate His desires...for her, it is fulfilling, especially when this slave's personal preferences are completely aside.  it being ALL about Him is incredibly HOT for this slave.
 
it is only fair to mention that there are plenty of Doms out there who aren't interested in someone who will put whatever personal preferences they have aside and do whatever it is the Dom wants...they are often referred to derogatorily as "doormat" or "desperate" and the like.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 1:45:15 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think you should sit down and talk about what's going on. And if you never enjoy kissing, then you should have said that upfront so he knew that his favorite activity was a no-go.

But forcing someone can leave them angry and resentful. Punishment won't change their feelings. Communication is needed if the relationship is going to last.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Being forced vs punishment choice - 1/20/2009 1:47:27 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

My Dom and i were talking earlier today about being forced to do things, mainly kissing, and whether or not a sub should have a choice to be forced to do something that they don't want to, or taking a punishment instead. Example: Say if a submissive does not like to kiss, do you think the Dom should force her to kiss, or give her a a punishment. Not a harsh punishment, but something to remind her that she needs to listen to her Dom?


Hello panthersub. A sub always has the choice to obey or not. Disobedience is not negotiable in a Ds dynamic. Negotiating punishment to ''legalise'' non compliance is not power exchange, it is bull shit.

Either you have a limit or you don't. RL.

(in reply to panthersub)
Profile   Post #: 40
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